Help/Advice for a sad new cam user

[Wakualla]

Help, do you have any insight/advice? I'm brand new to cam sites, I’ve only been there a few days.

The big rooms with lots of viewers and dramatic stuff don't appeal to me, but private chat did.

I found a model I liked and asked her what she does in private chat, and if she'd be comfortable doing a little strip tease and masturbation.

I thought we'd agreed on terms, but when I got in the room, she said she charges more for masturbation. Not wanting to seem cheap or difficult, I agreed and paid.

Everything was going fine, but very slowly. I was fine with that because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and I was shy. She never took off her clothes, but made small talk. I figured I'd just get another private chat if we ran out of time.

All of a sudden, she banned me without warning or explanation.

What bothers me the most is just that I don't even know why.

If I did anything to offend her, I'd like to know, because I would feel terrible. And also to learn from it so I never make anyone uncomfortable again.

But there's nothing I can think of at all. I tried to establish clear expectations, I told her I didn't want her to do anything she'd be uncomfortable with, and I didn't pressure her to do anything at all. I think the last thing I said was something like, "would you be comfortable showing me more of yourself?" (She was fully clothed, not even in underwear or lingerie.)

Even if she was just scamming me, I wish I knew that- because at least then I'd know I didn't do anything wrong. I don’t care about the money.

Is there any chance she was just trying to end the chat and move on, but pressed the wrong button? That seems unlikely, but I do think it may have run over on time.

I realize a lot of posts like this are self-serving and omit important information or try to present things in a favorable way. If there's anything I'm leaving out that seems important, please let me know!

I'm really afraid to try again because it was such a negative experience. Certainly for me, but unless she’s being disingenuous, for her too.

 

[stormythunder]

I'm not sure if this was a newer model you were visiting, but I know when I was getting used to privates they used to really scare me. I'd never done cam to cam with anyone besides boyfriends on Skype. Maybe she just had a moment of social anxiety and knew she couldn't perform what you were wanting but didn't feel up to explaining that. Being ghosted in the middle of a private show sucks but I don't think it sounds scammy. Maybe someone else will see scam vibes but that's just my take. When I was that worried about doing well in a private I did keep my rates lower so hopefully the rate per minute was at least affordable for you.

 

[Southernbarbii]

Help, do you have any insight/advice? I'm brand new to cam sites, I’ve only been there a few days.

The big rooms with lots of viewers and dramatic stuff don't appeal to me, but private chat did.

I found a model I liked and asked her what she does in private chat, and if she'd be comfortable doing a little strip tease and masturbation.

I thought we'd agreed on terms, but when I got in the room, she said she charges more for masturbation. Not wanting to seem cheap or difficult, I agreed and paid.

Everything was going fine, but very slowly. I was fine with that because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and I was shy. She never took off her clothes, but made small talk. I figured I'd just get another private chat if we ran out of time.

All of a sudden, she banned me without warning or explanation.

What bothers me the most is just that I don't even know why.

If I did anything to offend her, I'd like to know, because I would feel terrible. And also to learn from it so I never make anyone uncomfortable again.

But there's nothing I can think of at all. I tried to establish clear expectations, I told her I didn't want her to do anything she'd be uncomfortable with, and I didn't pressure her to do anything at all. I think the last thing I said was something like, "would you be comfortable showing me more of yourself?" (She was fully clothed, not even in underwear or lingerie.)

Even if she was just scamming me, I wish I knew that- because at least then I'd know I didn't do anything wrong. I don’t care about the money.

Is there any chance she was just trying to end the chat and move on, but pressed the wrong button? That seems unlikely, but I do think it may have run over on time.

I realize a lot of posts like this are self-serving and omit important information or try to present things in a favorable way. If there's anything I'm leaving out that seems important, please let me know!

I'm really afraid to try again because it was such a negative experience. Certainly for me, but unless she’s being disingenuous, for her too.

No baby, she didn’t accidentally ban you. It takes a couple of clicks to ban, whereas to end the show it’s just a button on the screen. More than likely with her being new, she was just really intimidated and private shows are pretty scary when t you’re the new kid on the block.

Aside from that, she had to know what she was signing up for when she opened the account. Most men aren’t there for small talk, and even less of them are willing to take it slow and be patient new models learn the ropes. I give you kudos for that. As a 5 year veteran, it’s rare.

Try not to beat yourself up over it. I think she just got a case of nerves.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

This read like a scam to me .. not a shy newbie. Springing extra charges, stalling for time then banning - this was a scam

 

[MarieElise]

Idk, I could see it being both, really. Scam vibes, but also someone who just wasn't comfy is a possibility too.

Either way OP, from the info you've presented here, you didn't do anything wrong. I would just, in general, try not to get over attached or over invested in one model. And if you want to build a more personal connection, try to hold back attachment until you've gotten to know them better. Either way, if I were you, I wouldn't let it trouble me or sour me; I'd just brush it off and move on to the next.

I get it you have feelings, and they're valid to you. Thus, they are valid.
At the same time, it really isn't that deep.
So if you feel you're going to be affected at this level every time, I wouldn't get involved in cam sites. I'd stop now.
Because you likely will come across scammers, have interactions that didn't go the way you wanted, and also be misunderstood.
That happens a ton on the internet, especially when communicating through text only, at the beginning.

If you aren't someone that can brush these things off easily, you may need to be careful/ very cautious on cam sites. It's supposed to be fun for you.
Other than that, I recommend finding models you like and reading through their reviews thoroughly. Not just the last 2. Please scroll down and see how many reviews they have. Is it 2 or 3, or are there like 20 plus. This isn't your fault, at all, that this happened. You probably do want to minimize this kind of stuff going forward, though.

ETA; Another thing; look at the type of shows and fetishes she may or may not cater too.
Too many guys don't do their research then get attached to a model who isn't even very interested in their sexuality/ fetishes at all. They already have a wife that's not interested in them, that's why they came to the site in the first place LOL. Don't let your brain trick you on the visuals (ie nice titties, nice ass, pretty face). Pace yourself, try to stay in your logical, rational part of your brain, and weigh things up properly before jumping in again.

 

[KingMarti]

This read like a scam to me .. not a shy newbie. Springing extra charges, stalling for time then banning - this was a scam

I agree.

OP if you prefer pvt interactions I would recommend stream mate (a site designed around private shows) over token based sites, you might find you have a better experience that way if it matches the type of interaction you prefer.

Also going to add, remember anything that is said or done on a camsite is fantasy, there is something about your post that makes me think you would be a good mark for a romance scam so just something to keep in mind.

 

[MarieElise]

sorry edit window over, I meant thoroughly* not properly (last sentence in my post).

 

[yummybrownfox]

I think the last thing I said was something like, "would you be comfortable showing me more of yourself?" (She was fully clothed, not even in underwear or lingerie.)

You didn’t ask this question just seconds after the private show started, right? Because it’s common for cam models to not get naked right away, and to build up to it. Too many guys go private…immediately ask to see tits/pussy/ass/toy play …and then bounce because that brief moment of nudity was all they needed to bust that nut…..

You don’t seem like that type of guy though.

 

[Vixxen81]

She probably wanted tips to do anything other than sit there for her per minute rate.

I do very little "extra" for anyone who isn't throwing tokens on top.

The price of my private rate is what it takes to get me off public and into private. It does not include flashes, madturbation or a "show."

But that's just me and since I don't know the model in question, the only advice I can give is really really watch a room before interacting or asking for privates.

If she's not honoring room goals or action tips, that's not the model to spend your money on.

 

[Vixxen81]

Lmao this stupid ass phone and its need to typo demon me into oblivion.

Masturbation*

 

[cbhours]

Just to clarify, the model banned you before the private ended? What were you saying just before the ban?

 

[Southernbarbii]

You didn’t ask this question just seconds after the private show started, right? Because it’s common for cam models to not get naked right away, and to build up to it. Too many guys go private…immediately ask to see tits/pussy/ass/toy play …and then bounce because that brief moment of nudity was all they needed to bust that nut…..

You don’t seem like that type of guy though.

That’s why i have a 10 minute minimum. U try to bust that nut quick then i get 9 minutes to myself

 

[yummybrownfox]

That’s why i have a 10 minute minimum.

Yup, I’d really loved that about Stripchat.

 

[Southernbarbii]

Yup, I’d really loved that about Stripchat.

I really hate streammate for this reason. I just signed up yesterday and I’m noticing they can take you private without asking first and are pretty fucking demanding the entire time. It’s stressing me the fuck out.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I really hate streammate for this reason. I just signed up yesterday and I’m noticing they can take you private without asking first and are pretty fucking demanding the entire time. It’s stressing me the fuck out.

Oh, yes! When I was on Streamate, I hated that too. I could be in the middle of talking to my favorite regular, and then BAM...out of nowhere I'm forced into a private show (It was called "premium" at the time) with some fuckwad talking about "Show me dat ass ma."

I'd really preferred one-on-one exclusive shows anyway, and I remember the ladies on StripperWeb Forum (R.I.P. to that amazing forum) suggesting I set my exclusive rate lower than premium...and jack up my premium rate, to try to encourage guys to take me exclusive rather than premium. I think I changed it to $5.99 for exclusive, and $9.99 for premium. And I'd get shitty men who'd be like "$9.99 a minute?! Are you fucking crazy?!" Lmao. I mean, if they'd bothered to fucking read, they'd see that they could've gone with the $5.99/minute rate. Guys on MyFreeCams pay pretty much that same per minute rate for private shows, and they don't throw temper tantrums about it (Private show rates on MFC are already set)...

You can tell when some of these guys are just room-hopping to window shop for which model is "the cheapest." Because they immediately enter your chat, and start talking shit about your prices.

I've had a guy on Streamate get pissed about my $5.99/minute rate too, saying "Do you really think you can get away with charging what these other girls charge???" Not sure if he was implying that me being a Black woman means I'm "less than," but regardless...guys like that can kiss my Black stretch-marked ass.

One of the nastier comments I've gotten from a member (who was pissed that I had a White dildo back in the day) was "I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY ALL THAT WHITE DICK YOU WORSHIP." And this was on Streamate.

 

[Southernbarbii]

Oh, yes! When I was on Streamate, I hated that too. I could be in the middle of talking to my favorite regular, and then BAM...out of nowhere I'm forced into a private show (It was called "premium" at the time) with some fuckwad talking about "Show me dat ass ma."

I'd really preferred one-on-one exclusive shows anyway, and I remember the ladies on StripperWeb Forum (R.I.P. to that amazing forum) suggesting I set my exclusive rate lower than premium...and jack up my premium rate, to try to encourage guys to take me exclusive rather than premium. I think I changed it to $5.99 for exclusive, and $9.99 for premium. And I'd get shitty men who'd be like "$9.99 a minute?! Are you fucking crazy?!" Lmao. I mean, if they'd bothered to fucking read, they'd see that they could've gone with the $5.99/minute rate. Guys on MyFreeCams pay pretty much that same per minute rate for private shows, and they don't throw temper tantrums about it (Private show rates on MFC are already set)...

You can tell when some of these guys are just room-hopping to window shop for which model is "the cheapest." Because they immediately enter your chat, and start talking shit about your prices.

I've had a guy on Streamate get pissed about my $5.99/minute rate too, saying "Do you really think you can get away with charging what these other girls charge???" Not sure if he was implying that me being a Black woman means I'm "less than," but regardless...guys like that can kiss my Black stretch-marked ass.

One of the nastier comments I've gotten from a member (who was pissed that I had a White dildo back in the day) was "I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY ALL THAT WHITE DICK YOU WORSHIP." And this was on Streamate.

Oh FUCK THAT i don’t deal with fuckers like that. Period. But you know that they’ll say anything to try to get a rise out of you when they don’t get their way. I had one tell me “your hair makes your face look more attractive than it actually is” and boy did that piss me off. but at the end of the day we are the winners here. We’re the ones taking the money to the bank. What I do like about streammate is that the tokens are in dollars and not nickels so they seem to add up faster. I’ve made quite a bit in the 5 hours I’ve cammed since yesterday and I’ve not really had to do much whereas on chatubate and strip chat i feel like I’m working hard for Pennies. You are not less than because you’re a black woman. Do not ever think that or believe one fucking word out of these fucks. Fuck them. I’m sorry you have to deal with that honey.

 

[MarieElise]

I really hate streammate for this reason. I just signed up yesterday and I’m noticing they can take you private without asking first and are pretty fucking demanding the entire time. It’s stressing me the fuck out.

I don't agree with that feature either, and none of the SM models have ever liked it. Remember though you can also end it right away too, although I know that's not the ideal solution. I make it very clear that for privates, my menu is minimal on SM, and if they want extras, they need to stop the show and get exclusive instead. Many of them actually do take that route when I explain it matter-of-factly to them. They are fairly easy to upsell. For example, I don't offer anything fetish, anything personalized, or music off, or C2C for private. I actually think even having c2c as an option for private is unethical, because guys jumping in are not aware that that could be going on. Private is what I feel like, at the speed I've chosen. For real buyers, there are cool about that and deal. The guys who give you grief for that, need to be on your block list; that's the rapey scum.

Also, if you straight up don't want privates, then jack your private rate up to max.

ETA; Just reading Yummy's post, looks like she already told you that last part. Sorry. Yes, I can see that happening on SM (the racist abuse Yummy unfortunately encountered, I get the same for having brown and black dildos). For all the good clients there, there are also a lot of pure scum. When I get on there, I see it kind of the same as a first person combat game. I'm trying to make my bag, but I'm also trying to get my block list as big as possible at the same time, to make my future streams easier. The more you ban hammer and build your block list, the easier life is on that site. I imagine models who are hesitant banners, as probably having terrible shifts there, because a giant part of the work as a new model there, is to get the scum where they belong. On your block list. It's a sad but true reality there. If you don't approach it that way and feel guuilty for blocking, it's a site that can burn you out extremely fast. My block list is 1000s of members long, and many of them are payers, but they are low paying time wasting, neggy type people. They gots to go too.

Sorry if too much unsolicited advice, I just don't like to see the scum win, and put off models that could;d have been great long-term models for the site.
It's definitely a site where the earnings build over time.

And when so many of them cum in less than 3 minutes they can fuck off with the "waaaaa $5.99 is too expensive". Go do better in your career then. Get off your ass watching sports games, and get a side hustle. Then you'll actually be datable (that's my response on that hehe).

 

[SuperPookie]

I'm sorry this happened OP. Honestly as others have said I think private based sites like Streamate would be a better fit for you.
Actually an Indie would probably be best if you have another way to c2c ( indie sites use secondary streaming options like Discord). Of those LiveCamModelShows is probably your best bet.

 

[Southernbarbii]

sounds like streammate is alot like

I don't agree with that feature either, and none of the SM models have ever liked it. Remember though you can also end it right away too, although I know that's not the ideal solution. I make it very clear that for privates, my menu is minimal on SM, and if they want extras, they need to stop the show and get exclusive instead. Many of them actually do take that route when I explain it matter-of-factly to them. They are fairly easy to upsell. For example, I don't offer anything fetish, anything personalized, or music off, or C2C for private. I actually think even having c2c as an option for private is unethical, because guys jumping in are not aware that that could be going on. Private is what I feel like, at the speed I've chosen. For real buyers, there are cool about that and deal. The guys who give you grief for that, need to be on your block list; that's the rapey scum.

Also, if you straight up don't want privates, then jack your private rate up to max.

ETA; Just reading Yummy's post, looks like she already told you that last part. Sorry. Yes, I can see that happening on SM (the racist abuse Yummy unfortunately encountered, I get the same for having brown and black dildos). For all the good clients there, there are also a lot of pure scum. When I get on there, I see it kind of the same as a first person combat game. I'm trying to make my bag, but I'm also trying to get my block list as big as possible at the same time, to make my future streams easier. The more you ban hammer and build your block list, the easier life is on that site. I imagine models who are hesitant banners, as probably having terrible shifts there, because a giant part of the work as a new model there, is to get the scum where they belong. On your block list. It's a sad but true reality there. If you don't approach it that way and feel guuilty for blocking, it's a site that can burn you out extremely fast. My block list is 1000s of members long, and many of them are payers, but they are low paying time wasting, neggy type people. They gots to go too.

Sorry if too much unsolicited advice, I just don't like to see the scum win, and put off models that could;d have been great long-term models for the site.
It's definitely a site where the earnings build over time.

And when so many of them cum in less than 3 minutes they can fuck off with the "waaaaa $5.99 is too expensive". Go do better in your career then. Get off your ass watching sports games, and get a side hustle. Then you'll actually be datable (that's my response on that hehe).

ill take all the advice i can get for it so thank you. It’s a little daunting since I’m so use to CB and stripchat. I do have a question about payment though. Im
Noticing the week ends on Saturday for stream mate. So is the pay generated every Saturday depending on if you meet the minimum payout requirement?
L

 

[Schnauzevoll]

sounds like streammate is alot like

ill take all the advice i can get for it so thank you. It’s a little daunting since I’m so use to CB and stripchat. I do have a question about payment though. Im
Noticing the week ends on Saturday for stream mate. So is the pay generated every Saturday depending on if you meet the minimum payout requirement?
L

sm cutoff is 24 hours before stripchat (thought id say it that way since you said you use stripchat and timezones are timezones lol)

 

[MarieElise]

sounds like streammate is alot like

ill take all the advice i can get for it so thank you. It’s a little daunting since I’m so use to CB and stripchat. I do have a question about payment though. Im
Noticing the week ends on Saturday for stream mate. So is the pay generated every Saturday depending on if you meet the minimum payout requirement?
L

I believe so. I'm not 100% sure, though. I'm on daily pay there, but if I remember correctly (not the super best memory here) the period closes on Saturday, but payout generates and gets sent the following Tuesday or Wed. When I did weekly and had checks maile,d they usually arrived Thurs ir Fri of the week after the Saturday close out. ACH was about 24 hours faster. I could see it in my account anywhere from Wednesday morning to Thurs night. I'm almost sure about all that.

Yes cutoff is 12am GMT Sunday morning. I'm on the West Coast, so my cut off is 5 pm Sat (for the week). The cut offs are the same time for daily, it's just 5 pm every day for me, instead. They run on Greenwich mean time, and they are where all the mean girls hang out lol (that last part was just a domme joke/ pun there )