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How often do customers turn into friends?

Discussion in 'Ask-a-Model!' started by LowMaintenceSmokee, Sep 25, 2018.

  1. LowMaintenceSmokee

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    i met my best friend from the SM about 5 years ago and I was her best customer. Over the years we hung out irl and we sort of stopped seeing each other as client and customer but as friends and more. Still do a show now and then but we mostly talk outside of the site.
    So I’m wondering how often do customers for cam models stop viewing them as customers but as friends, best friends or the super rare occasion that it develops into a actual romantic relationship. If not I’m curious to know how many have a no contact outside of work policy.
     
  2. SNATCH

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2010
    Messages:
    1,106
    Back when I vanilla cammed, I made the stupidest mistake of considering all my close regulars friends.

    This was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life, & tbh, it only served to make my life miserable.

    Since I considered them “friends”, they didn’t think they had to pay anymore, or they thought they were special, & would try to ask me for free shit, etc. They’d ask for access for Snapchat, etc & try to pay later. Which led to me chasing idiots down for payments.

    Mostly, they all thought they were special & that certain rules didn’t apply to them, even after I explained many times, that it doesn’t mean they get special privileges, etc.

    What really happened, is several of them started stalking me in real fucking life. Trying to find my real name, my address, trying to fly/drive to come meet me.... It was a fucking shitstorm. & that was in 2013/2014/2015, & I am STILL dealing with it.

    My advice, is to create hard limit boundaries. But sometimes, no matter how honest, & clear you are about boundaries, some men will try to break them no matter what.

    Don’t ever let them. Cut them off as soon as they pull that kind of shit.

    Everyone that I talk too offsite, pays handsomely for the privilege. I charge $100 a month for My Snapchat now. No matter what platform, I made sure I will get $100 after the site cut for My Snapchat. They pay immediately, or they don’t get access. Idgaf who they are, or how much they’ve spent.

    Everything I’ve mentioned, or suggested here, is based on My own personal experiences. ❤️
     
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  3. THE MOLLIE MARIE

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2013
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    Friends? Rare. Best friends? More rare. Romantic relationship partners? Most rare. For me personally, I have an across the board rule against all of it. I'm not interested. It's just business. Keeps things easy for everyone, I think.
     
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  4. JyJy

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    88
    For me:
    Customers = people who pay me
    Customers ≠ friends (never ever ever)
     
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  5. ForceTen

    Joined:
    May 11, 2017
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    For you and others who are on SM, or more exclusive clip makers, that might also help keep the boundaries set wouldn't it?
     
  6. AudriTwo

    Cam Model

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    I consider myself best friends with a member once they get my name tattooed on their back in big bold font.
     
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  7. ForceTen

    Joined:
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    So, about that tramp stamp I got with your name... ;)
     
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  8. Mila_

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
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    I consider many of my "regulars" friends. We exchange emails off site, I care about their lives and their wellbeing, they care about me, and I get genuinely happy when they visit me (I hope they do too). But we all understand that this is not your garden variety friendship and I don't think any of us wants it to become one of those. I personally like it better this way because I feel like the sexual tension is out in the open, there is a price tag attached to it so we can put that to the side and enjoy each other's company for who we are beyond the sexual sphere, if it makes any sense. Like letting the sexual tension crystalize frees you from the very thing that spoils vanilla friendships between men and women. And since we all get something out of it there is never a feeling of being taken for granted or fooled. My guys don't feel they are in the "friend zone" and I dont feel like the friendship is just an excuse to pounce on me when the first opportunity arises. We all know why we are there and what the limits to the friendship are.
     
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  9. THE MOLLIE MARIE

    Cam Model

    Joined:
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    Yeah there's definitely less pressure to maintain a more social relationship with members or clients than on, say, MFC or CB. For which, I am absolutely grateful. It works nicely with the way I prefer to run my business. It's a good thing to have options when you are choosing a part of the industry "culture" to work within.
     
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  10. Lintilla

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2012
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    Personally, I started out camming for funsies. In that context, I considered almost everyone a friend, because that was the motive to begin with. I met many of those people IRL. I'm still close with a ton of them! I rarely (but not never!) cam that way anymore. Now it's a job. People in my room are clients or potential clients. I don't approach it with the same attitude at all. I'm "friendly" with many members I've met, and chat off-site with quite a few, but I have made approximately zero actual "friends" while working. There's a huge distinction there. I'm an open book, generally. Excessively, sometimes. Yet while camming, I'm very careful to keep people at arm's length. @ForceTen, yes I have personally switched to private based sites and clips intentionally because it does help to create that boundary. I don't have the energy for social sites anymore. I can't say I'd never become close personal friends with someone I might meet while working, but I really do go out of my way to avoid it coming up.

    The opposite situation happens often enough, as well. I'll get to know someone outside of camming, and since I'm open about what I do, of course there can sometimes be a lot of interest in trying to find my content. In that case I'll say to someone--I'm not really bothered, if you can find me go ahead and buy a clip, whatever. Just don't tell me about it. If you don't make things weird, not a problem. Or I can send you a link directly, but that's going to fundamentally change how I view you, and we're not going to be friends, because you're not letting things progress naturally.
     
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  11. ForceTen

    Joined:
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    I could never understand the philosophy that people have of mixed gender friendships and wanting to sleep with them. IMO, they're friends, and I treat them that way in a platonic friendship. If it's a sexual relationship, it'd either be strictly sex, FWB, or an actual relationship. I have many beautiful, single, women friends (non-model) friends and I have no desire to sleep with them because we are just friends.

    The model friends I have, are similar as well. In fact, most I'd feel very awkward if something were to happen just because of how I view them. Though, I will admit that while I don't/wouldn't actively pursue anything beyond the friendship I have with a couple of models, if something were to naturally happen I'd probably not feel odd about it. Nor would I ever consider it a trophy event like some might. For me, if ever the opportunity came about that I was lucky enough to meet with a model friend, it'd be just like meeting people I've met from other forums; Old friends who haven't seen each other in a very long time.

    I was thinking more along the lines of the rules which generally prevent sharing of external info/contact info. Or, at least the understanding I have of it. But, yes, options are good to have so one can run their business they way they want. :)
     
  12. MDouble00

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2015
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    I relate to this.
     
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  13. THE MOLLIE MARIE

    Cam Model

    Joined:
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    Oh. Well it certainly doesn't stop members from asking at all. I have the same stance on any platform, regardless of their rules.
     
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  14. AudriTwo

    Cam Model

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    bff!!
     
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  15. JoleneBrody

    JoleneBrody AdultIndieProductions.com
    Cam Model V.I.P. AmberLander Industry Representative

    Joined:
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    This.

    I cherish the cam friendships I have. It’s a very unique type of friendship but still is friendship to me. But I’m very social and spend only maybe 20% of my time on cam being sexual.
     
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  16. AmberCutie

    AmberCutie ACF Owner & Admin. (I don't work for CB.)
    Staff Member Cam Model

    Joined:
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    Along with @JoleneBrody I'm going to quote and agree with this.

    I hope that my friends from MFC feel and know that I care about them beyond just getting tokens from them. And I feel cared about from them more than just wanting flirting and sexy stuff from me.

    Are there times that I and they both are elated to get those things from each other? YEP! But it isn't 100% of the "relationship".
     
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  17. ForceTen

    Joined:
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    From a member perspective, this is how I am as well. More about the unique friendships than about being purely sexual.
     
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  18. Lore_Shane

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2018
    Messages:
    20
    Since my show isn't about sitting in silence I cannot avoid getting to know my regulars closer. I remember names of their pets, birthdays of their children, care about their mood and that happens naturally, just because I cannot have my shows in a different way.
    At the same time I make it clear that my off cam time is the time for my other occupations and I appreciate it to be not overloaded with people around. I am also very strict about meeting IRL, I don't do it and have my working joke about it: "Who would ever fly to nowhere of Russia? Even Russians don't want to live here!".
    I honestly consider my regulars to be friends, but I also understand that we are virtual friends, they cannot see the whole me. I am their fantasy, a girl who always smiles and gives them a relax after a hard day, in my room they can chat to someone who understands their "pervy" ideas and doesn't judge them. I just don't think they need to know about my illnesses, bad days, problems and failures, because they have their own ones.

    I prefer to stay a fantasy.
     
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  19. Lunasha

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2018
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    387
    I like the way you put it. I think there is a difference between being ''friendly'' and being friends. It's like with coworkers. Sometimes you might be super friendly with them and have lunch with them *at work*, but you wouldn't necessarily invite them to a party or a bar. Still it's possible you will share some personal stories with them, but in your book, they are still more 'acquaintances' than real friends. I can count my true friends on the fingers of one hand!

    The thing is, how much does it have to be emphasized with the members? If they tell you things like ''I really see you as I see my close friends'' but you don't, will you break their fantasy or until it creates real trouble you won't? How to know if what is going on in their mind is becoming unhealthy? Or is it ok that the relationship is not based on similar feelings anyway, as long as no one has their boundaries stepped on?

    Just thinking out loud here but feel free to give your thoughts! :p
     
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  20. ForceTen

    Joined:
    May 11, 2017
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    I think that describes the vast majority of people and how they interact with one another. "Friendly" is probably the best way to describe what most of the people are to one another. Or, at least cordial. Everyone has a lot of "friends". But, everyone also has far fewer "close friends". Now days, you have many levels of friends from different areas. Those friends whom are online, are really no different than 50 years ago when people became "penpal friends". Just updated for the times.
     
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  21. Dan Epstein

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2016
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    I say, take the kindness and generosity your favorite model taught you online, and apply it in real life. No need to become off site friends in order to do that.
     
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  22. Sillykitty

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    I'm crazy protective over my privacy. I let 2 members have my personal kik (not related to my real name at all, just kept on my personal phone over my work phone). I have very clear boundaries, kik was only used to make small talk and set up shows. One person pushed passed my boundaries right away, and was blocked after saying some creepy things. The other lasted about a year, before telling me they wanted to come to where I am (they only vaguely know what part of the country) and marry me. I basically told him, sorry if I'm breaking some fantasy, but for my peace of mind I need to let you know that will never happen/I never lead you on/etc. He said it was a joke, then did it again a week later and I blocked him. I felt really bad at first, but at the end of the day, I dont want someone to feel like I lead them on just because I'm nice and listen and act like a decent human.

    For me, guys are cool until they arent. I had this happen when I was bartending a lot; had guys try to follow me home, get personal details out of me that I wasnt willing to give, push boundaries because they thought we were "friends". In my experience, friends dont push passed boundaries for selfish reasons or act like creeps because they dont get their way. I only cam on private show based sites now. I tried mfc, but the mental and emotional labor that went with it being so social and so friendly really put me on guard and I wasnt able to have fun.
     
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  23. JyJy

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    88
    Why do they have to complicate things so much?
    You pay and I show you my body, then do naughty things. Stop. Nothing more and nothing less.
     
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  24. Miss_Lollipop

    Miss_Lollipop CammodelExpress.com
    Cam Model Industry Representative

    Joined:
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    If that was how cams were I would have quit years ago.

    The variety and depth of relationships available through camming is what makes it a lucrative and stable(ish) industry.

    I meet plenty of dudes that are into the transactional kind of experience you describe and they get bored of me pretty quick. And I'm sure the guys looking for more depth will move on from a model who just wants a simple transaction.

    My experience mirrors jolene and amber with a few exceptions. I've developed a rare few very close relationships that crossed boundaries of customer friendly friendship and became life long friends.

    Getting to know people is one of the things that makes me love canming.
     
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  25. JickyJuly

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2011
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    I have a safety bubble with friends anyway. So, I'd say the people I consider friends from camming or here or my camming Twitter, I'd call friends without any qualifiers. What does it take to be real friend level? Would a drink a beer with? Would give money to if they needed? Would pick up from the airport at 4am? I'd rather not get up very early for anyone. Would bake treats for? Would be sad to lose for not self involved reasons? Such a heavy question really.
     
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  26. mutantdonut

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2013
    Messages:
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    This was sort of the layer i was thinking of when the OP asked the question.

    I understand many models who consider certain regulars as "friends" yet keep the friendship restricted to the internet for obvious reasons (excluding brief meetups at conventions). So i hafta ask this.... If a model retires from camming, where does that leave the friendships?
     
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  27. EspiKvlt

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,706
    I haven't cammed in a while. I don't keep up with any of my old regulars anymore that I once considered friends. One of them still buys content from me, but we don't really talk anymore like we used to do. Maybe an occasional like of a tweet or whatever, but not much depth beyond that.

    I also had the experience of getting so close to people that they felt they shouldn't have to pay anymore. I had to ban them because I couldn't take the entitlement anymore.

    For me, a camming friendship is a very, very different kind of friendship. I never let it interject into my personal life, so when I stopped camming because I started a vanilla job, those people just faded away. Which was fine with me.
     
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  28. JickyJuly

    Cam Model

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2011
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    5,244
    I guess if the bar is set at "if you aren't your camming self anymore, are we still in contact?", then I have 2 member friends. One who is my Facebook friend already and one who I play fantasy football with every year just as me. I think we're real friends anyway. lol. That sort of goes both ways.
     
  29. LowMaintenceSmokee

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    I wanna give more of a backstory to my story. I met my best friend actually 5 years ago this month (can’t remember the day). Thought she was the cutest girl on SM and she was one of the top earners from her studio. Started off rough (saying ass over again isn’t great lol), but overtime we discovered we had same music taste and loved anime and had personal conversations. I would even check on her if private went on too long to see if she was okay.
    There was a customer during that time actually stalked his way into finding her Facebook and it scared her off from trusting anyone from the site. Bit over time I earned her trust by getting her Snapchat (won it in a gold show lol but she said if I asked I would e gotten it regardless) then her phone number and a year later her Facebook. She was in a down slump so I took her to shows so she would make end meet to support her daughter. But she ended up quitting camming after 2-3 years. We still talked during her 1st retirement lol I did help her with like 20 bucks every other month for bus rides and she even sent pics in return. She came back half a year later to camming and she still struggled. So I decided upon myself to help (cammodel 60% income is a blessing lol) during that time we got really close and decided we would meet irl. And early 2017 we finally met and we had a blast (we didn’t fuck but had fun hanging out and eating pizza) we still did shows but she ended up quitting again and because of personal reasons we didn’t talk to each other thinking it would be the best, but she came back into my life not even 2 weeks after she quit. We maintained a friendship and possibly going into a relationship (it probably won’t go there but recent events makes me question that)
    We hung out again later that year to see her favorite band Glassjaw and the Used. Ate pizza, hung out smoked some weed and I even went with her on the bus to her daily routine just as if I was part of her life. As of recently she told she feels bad that I spend money on her and it should stop. I do spoil her every now and then with flowers and something for her daughter. She has given me gifts too. Not just pics or videos.
    IMO if you can spend an entire weekend together you are real friends outside of camming. Planning to see her again before the year is over. Especially after she told me that “you’re a friend but more than a friend. You’re a best friend but more than a best friend”. I honestly can say I found something special from the camming world.
     
  30. oowapp

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2018
    Messages:
    17
    As a member, I couldn't agree more. I have friends (models) from MFC that I've known for years, who I've shared things with, who share things with me. The sexual tension is there of course, but as you said, it's paid for when wanted and the rest is just fun and easygoing.
     

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