I need a bit of advice - Maybe a tiny bit of venting

[Violet Dawn]

Not sure how to start this, as this is my first post on here. Or if this is even the right forum to post this in. But I need some advice on a regular. I'm not sure if this person being close to me is in my best interest.

I'll be honest, even if I do see camming as a job I get pretty close with some people, because in real life I have no actual friends. And every time I do, I choose the wrong person. But as for this current person I'm not sure. He's nice, and he has helped me out A LOT. (not financially but with advice) But at the same time, he's really off putting. He has told me multiple times what he thinks is best for me, regarding my personal life and my cam life in aspects that contradict the reality of the situation. Like, he says I'm way too paranoid when it comes to hiding my identity and not trusting new cam sites. But also has told me I am really smart in regards to these things. He also thinks I'm too critical of myself when I wanna lose weight or get my hair done a certain color. And he accuses me of trying to be like all the "fake" cam girls when I want nice furniture or a pretty background and want to look my best on cam instead of like what he thinks I should look like. (no wig, minimal make up, supposedly a "real" girl)

He has told me that he finds me to be a genuinely interesting and amazing person, but I feel like he's just taking what he wants from my person, and only paying attention to that bit, thinking that is all there is to me. A huge, I feel, red flag is whenever I bring up the advice I get from these forums he basically tells me that these forums are BS, and makes me feel guilty for not having the same opinions on my own life and style.

I just feel like I'm being taken the wrong way and having who I am being insulted because it's very stereotypical. I normally would say "fuck this" and leave but I'm starting to wonder if maybe what he is saying is true. Maybe his advice is right and I'm just presenting myself poorly. Or I'm taking these things out of proportion. I don't know what to do!

 

[Esther_Fae]

First I recommend getting verified model status if you can. Cause the models only section is full of helpful info and support.
https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/how-to-get-verified-cam-girl-status.1696/
Now onto the actual topic:
The fact that you are already questioning whether or not him being around is a good thing should speak volumes on it's own.
From what you've said above the dude sounds like an ass hat and someone I would not allow to ever talk to me again let alone be back in my cam room.
A big thing about doing camming is learning that you should only do what you feel comfortable doing. And to not let anyone influence you. If you are already doing what you enjoy doing then ignore him and keep doing that.
(Also all sex workers need to be very fucking careful with our real life info....it could be very dangerous if our actual names are found out)
(But yeah...if any member makes you feel crappy in any way it's generally a good idea to give them the boot....)
(And what the fuck is with him hating on other cam models! That's another huge red flag!)

 

[dilligaf0]

I just feel like I'm being taken the wrong way and having who I am being insulted because it's very stereotypical. I normally would say "fuck this" and leave but I'm starting to wonder if maybe what he is saying is true. Maybe his advice is right and I'm just presenting myself poorly. Or I'm taking these things out of proportion. I don't know what to do!

You need to do what you feel is the best for you. Nobody else's opinion on that matters.
Be yourself and anyone that can't handle that is a manipulative asshole.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Absolute bluntness is about to follow. I don't know you, take it for what you will.

He's nice, and he has helped me out A LOT. (not financially but with advice) But at the same time, he's really off putting. He has told me multiple times what he thinks is best for me, regarding my personal life and my cam life in aspects that contradict the reality of the situation.

No, actually he's not being nice to you. He's being selfish. He's on a power trip to mold you into what he wants.

Like, he says I'm way too paranoid when it comes to hiding my identity and not trusting new cam sites.

There is no such thing as too paranoid when it comes to hiding your true identity in this job. Any member who tells you otherwise should be banned for life. He's a creepy dumb ass. Paranoid is good. Be more so especially with anyone telling you otherwise.

He also thinks I'm too critical of myself when I wanna lose weight or get my hair done a certain color. And he accuses me of trying to be like all the "fake" cam girls when I want nice furniture or a pretty background and want to look my best on cam instead of like what he thinks I should look like. (no wig, minimal make up, supposedly a "real" girl)

Again with the molding of you into his desires. Do what you feel is right for you, screw him. If it will make you feel better about yourself or you think it will help in your job, do it. Anyone who would be against those things does not have your interests at heart, as he's shown.

A huge, I feel, red flag is whenever I bring up the advice I get from these forums he basically tells me that these forums are BS, and makes me feel guilty for not having the same opinions on my own life and style.

Here's the thing. Ever heard of the term Gaslight? It comes from the movies originally. The best version is from 1944 starring Ingrid Bergman. You should watch it. The new husband alienates his wife from friends, then slowly convinces her she's insane for his own purposes.

He's basically attempting to do that to you. You yourself have used the terms:
"He has told me multiple times what he thinks is best for me"
"he says I'm way too paranoid"
"A huge, I feel, red flag"
"makes me feel guilty"

Listen to your own words and ban him. You'll be better off for it.

 

[Violet Dawn]

Thank you everyone. I guess it's not just me after all. Such a huge relief.

 

[Azhrarn]

Not sure how to start this, as this is my first post on here. Or if this is even the right forum to post this in. But I need some advice on a regular. I'm not sure if this person being close to me is in my best interest'''

Love the pop psychology at work in this thread. What is the first thing every girl does when she gets into a new relationship? Gives her guy unneeded advice and tries to change him. As for only taking what he wants from you and only paying attention to that bit, wow, so he’s pretty much like every other person on this planet? And generally speaking, who are the worst critics of cam girls? In my experience other cam girls. And oh yeah, no one else’s opinion on anything matters at all, only yours. Now hurry up and get verified so you can read up on everyone else’s opinions!

Banning someone because you don’t like their opinions is not only fucking juvenile, not only an abuse of the ban feature, it’s also completely ineffective. Ban him and you’ll only attract another guy just like him, either online or in real life. So good luck with that. The better approach would be to learn to speak up for yourself, learn to set appropriate boundaries, and after you’ve done that this person either won’t be a problem anymore or he’ll ban himself.

I don’t understand your statement about not trusting new cam sites, so I can’t really comment on that. But if you’re referring to the verification process, the reality is that anything online can be hacked. So yeah, you have to go through with it if you want to work, but at the same time, its just common sense to accept the possibility that somehow someway people you know will find out about your sexy online job. If you’re not prepared for that possibility, then you’re in the wrong line of work.

As for your isolation, that to me is a big red flag. It’s going to be hard for you to cope with having a sexy online job if you have no real world support system. Human beings are not mean to live in isolation; and the fact that you are so isolated only makes you more vulnerable to people you meet online. Anyone who tries to tell you that you can go it alone, that you should just do what you think is right and ignore everyone else, is a fucking moron. Use some of your earnings to find a decent therapist and then join the human race. It’ll be the best investment you ever made.

 

[AnneDVille]

But as for this current person I'm not sure. He's nice, and he has helped me out A LOT. (not financially but with advice)

So let me get this straight: Did he ever like actually tip you at all?

From where I am standing, he is getting the attention he craves off a new model and you are working for free.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

A huge, I feel, red flag is whenever I bring up the advice I get from these forums he basically tells me that these forums are BS, and makes me feel guilty for not having the same opinions on my own life and style.

I think I know the reason he tried to turn you off visiting this forum. He knew exactly what we would tell you, to ban him. He knew this because he's already a member here, has heard it many times before, and didn't want to be banned as a result of our advice. See below for his continuing attempt.

Banning someone because you don’t like their opinions is not only fucking juvenile, not only an abuse of the ban feature, it’s also completely ineffective. Ban him and you’ll only attract another guy just like him, either online or in real life. So good luck with that. The better approach would be to learn to speak up for yourself, learn to set appropriate boundaries, and after you’ve done that this person either won’t be a problem anymore or he’ll ban himself.

@LunaTuna for the record banning someone is not an abuse of the ban feature. You can use it for absolutely any reason you wish at any time and as much as you want. It clearly states that right in MFC rules page. So abusing it is not only an incredibly stupid, and laughable, concept to assert, it's impossible. Ban away to your hearts desire.

 

[Azhrarn]

I think I know the reason he tried to turn you off visiting this forum. He knew exactly what we would tell you, to ban him. He knew this because he's already a member here, has heard it many times before, and didn't want to be banned as a result of our advice. See below for his continuing attempt.

@LunaTuna for the record banning someone is not an abuse of the ban feature. You can use it for absolutely any reason you wish at any time and as much as you want. It clearly states that right in MFC rules page. So abusing it is not only an incredibly stupid, and laughable, concept to assert, it's impossible. Ban away to your hearts desire.

Cool story, bro. Or is it sis? So hard to tell. Anyway, just because MFC gives you permission to do something idiotic doesn't change the fact that it's idiotic.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Cool story, bro. Or is it sis? So hard to tell. Anyway, just because MFC gives you permission to do something idiotic doesn't change the fact that it's idiotic.

I'll let the agrees on my post above and the disagrees and facepalms on yours stand in as my response.

 

[Azhrarn]

I'll let the agrees on my post above and the disagrees and facepalms on yours stand in as my response.

Be my guest. As I've stated elsewhere, I'm not a follower. I do my own thinking, and unfortunately for you, intelligence is not and never has been up for democratic vote. Try doing some research into the bell curve sometime, and maybe then you'll understand why i'm more than happy to receive disagrees and face palms from those in the lower percentiles.

 

[Poison_Ivy21]

It's totally impossible to abuse the ban feature. Ban anyone you want for whatever reason you want. It's your room and if someone makes you at all uncomfortable, you have every right to kick em to the curb and never deal with them again.

Caming is a job. If a member makes it hard/impossible for you to properly do your job, they have no business being in your room at all. Never feel obligated to deal with someone's bullshit.

There are tons of members who do this same grossly invasive shit to new models all the time. He's getting off on telling you what to do, and getting your attention for free. He thinks he's some special little snowflake who knows everything about being a successful cam model. This forum is an absolute Godsend. Members like him are only interested in wasting your time and stroking their egos.

Lastly, ANYONE who tells you you're being too careful with your identity, does not have your best interests in mind at all. You can never be too careful! Best of luck, darling. I hope you get verified and we see you in Model's Only soon.

 

[Nordling]

Wow. I really want to know how banning someone online will "attract someone in real life just like them." That has to be the silliest assertion I've ever heard.

 

[fandango]

I'm confused is Azharn your crazy ass controlling member? or just a nutjob with some sort of superiority complex

Either way the faster you can get rid of this guy the better off you will be. I dont know if he's telling you all this stuff in public chat but most likely hes probably already driven away a lot of paying members with his BS.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

Be my guest. As I've stated elsewhere, I'm not a follower. I do my own thinking, and unfortunately for you, intelligence is not and never has been up for democratic vote. Try doing some research into the bell curve sometime, and maybe then you'll understand why i'm more than happy to receive disagrees and face palms from those in the lower percentiles.

With your ego, I am amazed you can fit in a model's room.

 

[Azhrarn]

Wow. I really want to know how banning someone online will "attract someone in real life just like them." That has to be the silliest assertion I've ever heard.

Yeah, when you don't understand anything about psychology I imagine lots of things seem silly/confusing.

 

[Nordling]

Yeah, when you don't understand anything about psychology I imagine lots of things seem silly/confusing.

A neat term you should probably study in some depth... "misogyny."

 

[Azhrarn]

I'm confused is Azharn your crazy ass controlling member?

Oh of course I’m TunaLuna’s “crazy ass controlling member.” JerryBoBerry said it so it must be true. These are the AmberCutie forums after all. If someone were to deliberately and knowingly make a false accusation, or just make up shit and pull stuff out of their ass, or call someone a troll just because they were too arrogant to recognize their own ignorance, they would be banned don’t you know? These forums are run professionally, yo!

 

[Azhrarn]

A neat term you should probably study in some depth... "misogyny."

"... or call someone a troll just because they were too arrogant to recognize their own ignorance..."

Oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something? Sure, I'll study misogyny right away, right after you get a BA in Psychology. Here's a hint: focus on "repetitive compulsion."

 

[Nordling]

Apology accepted.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

"... or call someone a troll just because they were too arrogant to recognize their own ignorance..."

Oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something? Sure, I'll study misogyny right away, right after you get a BA in Psychology. Here's a hint: focus on "repetitive compulsion."

You've always been a bit of a whackadoodle on this forum, but I must say I am really enjoying watching you go off the deep end in this thread.

 

[fandango]

@Azharn my amateur degree in psychobabble is telling me that you suffer from small man syndrome.

 

[Azhrarn]

You've always been a bit of a whackadoodle on this forum, but I must say I am really enjoying watching you go off the deep end in this thread.

Says the whackadoodle making false accusations...

 

[Ambers Troll]

LunaTuna, this is a pretty common concern for many models, especially as they learn to find their own way as a model. When it comes to people you meet, you must trust your instinct, it is usually right.

For this particular member, I would first take a look at their habits on site. Is this member someone who genuinely likes and enjoys you, or someone just enjoying the attention of directing you. Regulars support their favourite/ favourites in a variety of ways, friendship has some depth to it. Those who only want to protect/ advise/ guide always feel like they are not getting much pleasure in their object of attention.
Assuming you find this member genuine, someone who really likes you as they claim, you should not be relying on them too much anyway (This means for you, no encouraging the member for help when you can find the answers yourself). It is not right to them or to you. A little advise is fine between friends, but always make your own path, this will also include saying no to their suggestions on occasion (i.e. 'well I like my hair like this' ).

 

[yummybrownfox]

Not sure how to start this, as this is my first post on here. Or if this is even the right forum to post this in. But I need some advice on a regular. I'm not sure if this person being close to me is in my best interest.

I'll be honest, even if I do see camming as a job I get pretty close with some people, because in real life I have no actual friends. And every time I do, I choose the wrong person. But as for this current person I'm not sure. He's nice, and he has helped me out A LOT. (not financially but with advice) But at the same time, he's really off putting. He has told me multiple times what he thinks is best for me, regarding my personal life and my cam life in aspects that contradict the reality of the situation. Like, he says I'm way too paranoid when it comes to hiding my identity and not trusting new cam sites. But also has told me I am really smart in regards to these things. He also thinks I'm too critical of myself when I wanna lose weight or get my hair done a certain color. And he accuses me of trying to be like all the "fake" cam girls when I want nice furniture or a pretty background and want to look my best on cam instead of like what he thinks I should look like. (no wig, minimal make up, supposedly a "real" girl)

He has told me that he finds me to be a genuinely interesting and amazing person, but I feel like he's just taking what he wants from my person, and only paying attention to that bit, thinking that is all there is to me. A huge, I feel, red flag is whenever I bring up the advice I get from these forums he basically tells me that these forums are BS, and makes me feel guilty for not having the same opinions on my own life and style.

I just feel like I'm being taken the wrong way and having who I am being insulted because it's very stereotypical. I normally would say "fuck this" and leave but I'm starting to wonder if maybe what he is saying is true. Maybe his advice is right and I'm just presenting myself poorly. Or I'm taking these things out of proportion. I don't know what to do!

Wow, I wouldn't want anything else to do with this guy...whether he's a big spender or not. Your public chat screen is probably mostly him telling you (and others) what to do, and acting like a controlling, jealous boyfriend. He probably even intimidates and scares off some of the other guys in the room. Sounds like he's giving you advice that only benefits him, and couldn't care less about what's best for you. Calling you "paranoid" just because you're being wise about protecting your identity? Lol. Oh, I've heard that one before. I was once called "paranoid" by a member who was all salty over the fact that I didn't give out my phone number to big tippers (some members have this idea in their heads that they're entitled to your phone number if they've tipped you a lot).

 

[JickyJuly]

Luna BB, you're going to have to find your voice and make sure you are able to be assertive with men as necessary. This thread has perfectly illustrated that no matter how some people are spoken to, they will go off the deep end. Camming requires learning how to say "no" so that it is not a question, and knowing when to say "no" without questioning yourself. Nothing bad will happen if you ban someone. You could ban the pope, and keep on trucking. Do not open yourself up to that level of criticism from anyone. You are in charge. You need to be in charge for your safety, sanity and heck, even your bank account. If you find you are unable to protect yourself, camming might not be the best place for you at this point in your life.

Edit to add: How many Azhrarns do we need to collect and turn in before we can have Punk back?

 

[Azhrarn]

Luna BB, you're going to have to find your voice and make sure you are able to be assertive with men as necessary. This thread has perfectly illustrated that no matter how some people are spoken to, they will go off the deep end. Camming requires learning how to say "no" so that it is not a question, and knowing when to say "no" without questioning yourself. Nothing bad will happen if you ban someone. You could ban the pope, and keep on trucking. Do not open yourself up to that level of criticism from anyone. You are in charge. You need to be in charge for your safety, sanity and heck, even your bank account. If you find you are unable to protect yourself, camming might not be the best place for you at this point in your life.

Edit to add: How many Azhrarns do we need to collect and turn in before we can have Punk back?

On the one hand I'm glad to see people finally remembering that I'm not the subject of this thread. On the other hand, I once again find it interesting how several people (including yourself) have suddenly started parroting my advice that the OP needs to become more assertive, while of course not giving me any credit for saying it first. The prejudice and bias on this forum is breathtaking.

 

[JickyJuly]

I'm pretty sure telling women they need to be more assertive is not new advice. Hehehe. It's the answer to like 95% of problems women have with men.

 

[Azhrarn]

I'm pretty sure telling women they need to be more assertive is not new advice. Hehehe. It's the answer to like 95% of problems women have with men.

And yet you not only felt the need to provide this "not new advice" to the OP, you felt the need to do so after I had already done so. And fyi, I never said the OP needed to become more assertive with men. That was your snarky spin on things. From reading the OP I think it's pretty clear that she needs to become more assertive across the board, with women as well as men.

 

[Violet Dawn]

You're all really right. I need to really start speaking my mind and taking no shit. I've always had the bad habit of not wanting to disappoint people, especially that have been nice to me. The worst habit ever! I really wish I came to this forum from the very beginning.