in private a guy talked about killing himself

[Naughtyginger]

I was doing a private Skype show and after the show we were just talking and wasting time and he said he has been thinking of suicide. How do you approach that? I just told him about my family member killing himself and told him not to be ashamed to ask for help.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

I would ask him to call a suicide help line, and stress that though I hope he gets help there, that I don't feel trained enough to handle the situation.

 

[Sevrin]

Keep in the back of your mind that some members like to play mind games with models, but by all means suggest that he seek counseling. Don't let yourself get sucked into whatever it is he has going on.

 

[Gen]

I'm not sure how common this is for other girls but I have had it happen to me unfortunately a lot. My reaction is drastically different if the guy is a regular or someone I know, but in general it's always been strangers to me.

SO I give them a list of hotlines as well as link them to places like 7 Cups of Tea where they can talk for free to someone who's there specifically to listen. I tell them if they feel absolutely hopeless, to go to the hospital. And I tell them I'm sorry, but I'm not equipped or able to help them. Which is true, and honest. Invariably they try to push it, because I believe most of these people (on cam sites, obviously, not suicidal people in general!) are just trying to get attention, and I just repeat that I can't help and I'm sorry they're struggling but here are some resources. I say all of this nicely & try to be supportive without encouraging the dialogue.

It's really, really hard, I think for anyone, to say "sorry, I can't help", and as someone who's both quite empathetic and pursuing a career in helping, it's difficult. But the vast majority of us truly aren't equipped to help, and it is often a power play on the guys behalf to try and control your time or emotionally manipulate you. I wish I wasn't so jaded as to think that, but welcome to the internet I guess, lol. Again this presumes he is a relative stranger to you.

Anyways I think sending along resources is the best thing you can do for his mental health and your own.

(Also if you get a message from him saying he's killed himself and this is his friend/cousin/wife/etc telling you, don't stress out - people do this a lot online and it's cruel and fucked up but likely not true.)

 

[Ann_Sulu]

7 Cups of Tea

This is such a great site for anyone just needing to talk anonymously to someone about what's going on in their lives. Another good place is https://www.imalive.org/

 

[Naughtyginger]

I really appreciate all the replies. I didn't know how to take that. After I talked to him on Skype he gave me a 200 dollar gift card on amazon for listening I guess I did good. Have a great day yall.

 

[TacoBelle]

I really appreciate all the replies. I didn't know how to take that. After I talked to him on Skype he gave me a 200 dollar gift card on amazon for listening I guess I did good. Have a great day yall.

I'm not being sarcastic, but I wonder if there's an actual fetish for people who like the sympathy from suicide warnings. I'll agree with Gen that most of the ones on MFC tend to do it for the attention (definitely not all suicidal people in general!!!), and him tipping you $200 after the fact just reiterates my thoughts that it's almost like a needy sympathy fetish.

 

[Naughtyginger]

I'm not being sarcastic, but I wonder if there's an actual fetish for people who like the sympathy from suicide warnings. I'll agree with Gen that most of the ones on MFC tend to do it for the attention (definitely not all suicidal people in general!!!), and him tipping you $200 after the fact just reiterates my thoughts that it's almost like a needy sympathy fetish.

Yeah, it's definitely a possiblity. I was cautious from the start because I knew it could easily be a mind game/plot for attention. I sent him the link to 7cups anyway.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

it depends on the situation how i handle this.

If it seems to be a ploy to get more attention from me - I refer them quickly, and kindly to a suicide hotline. I repeat that i feel for their situation, but im not trained to deal with situations like this. Often times these guys will try to draw you into conversations with guilt trips etc, I often repeat the same thing over and over until they move onto another subject or leave. If im not being paid for my time, i will only respond with the suicide hotline info and a kind word once or twice.

If its coming from a regular, or someone who i feel is being genuine I will listen if I feel like im able to take on that burden. I start out a conversation about it by making sure they're not in danger right at that moment, and by making sure they know where to go for help. After that I will just use reflective listening. I will often try to make sure I get some personal info from the person with their consent so that if I ever did feel their life was in danger, I was able to send help. I've had a situation online where i was on msn messenger chatting with a guy i went to school with. I barely knew hime anymore but I messaged him that day just wondering how he was, i was bored - my grandparents were asleep and i was staying with them on a visit home to NZ. When he started talking back he told me his girlfriend had left him and he'd just drank pool chemicals. He THOUGHT i was in the USA at the time. He only gave his location because he thought I would not be able to get there, in reality i was a 2 minute drive from his parents home, id been there a few times as he was my school principals son. I beat the ambulance there, my grandma about killed us driving up the hill on the windy road.

Point being, i learned the seriously lifesaving reality of having the info you need to get emergency services to someone in need.

He made it, and is now happily married and seems to be doing really well.