Is it socially acceptable to say "rape" casually?

[DudeExtreme]

I also wanted to add that I try my best to be sensitive to friends. Like when things are bad I always say, "fuck, I want to shoot myself in the head!!!" Well, my close friends father shot himself in the head, so I try my best not to say that around her. If I knew a friend was raped, I might try to refrain. But I think it's the same as saying, " that's so gay." " you are retarded." For me, it's not a big deal.

Just as long you don't tell me that you are going to treat me as a red haired step child, we are good. :-D :dance:
I don't know how many times I have put my foot in my mouth for not reading people.

 

[DudeExtreme]

Random story that I think is slightly relevant...maybe not? Ha
So I had this heavier friend. She was having a bad day. When I have a bad day, I eat ice cream. So I said, "Fuck them. Let's go eat ice cream all day." She started bawling and thought I was calling her fat? :shock:
I just can't deal with people like that. It's all about intentions.
Sorry for all the replies, I'm on a caffeine high.

I can't deal with people like that either. If you offered to go to eat ice cream with me, I would do it in a heartbeat. Of course, I may get a smaller portion to protect my perfect figure. :-D Some people are just too sensitive.

 

[JoleneBrody]

I also wanted to add that I try my best to be sensitive to friends. Like when things are bad I always say, "fuck, I want to shoot myself in the head!!!" Well, my close friends father shot himself in the head, so I try my best not to say that around her. If I knew a friend was raped, I might try to refrain. But I think it's the same as saying, " that's so gay." " you are retarded." For me, it's not a big deal.

Just as long you don't tell me that you are going to treat me as a red haired step child, we are good. :-D :dance:
I don't know how many times I have put my foot in my mouth for not reading people.

WHAT YOU GOT AGAINST REDHAIRED STEP CHILDREN???? HMMMMM???? :angry4:




I'm just messing wif ya... shhhhh.

 

[SweepTheLeg]

I say rape on average about 20 times a day. One of my biggest inside jokes with my womans is "..And then he raped her" it doesn't change my stance on those who actually rape someone. "Before I would have hated your guts, but since I use the word casually now I guess you're not so bad."

 

[IsabellaSnow]

When I fantasise about stuff (not when I'm having sex or on cam but alone time) I often think of the ugliest dirtiest man I saw in a pub, someone who at the time made me want to throw up. I'm apparently not alone on this haha. Some of the things I imagine are very close to rape/abuse. Not really being jumped on and raped, but more the abuse side of it. I wouldn't ever want it to happen in real life, and would never encourage it on cam either, but there we go. If I were a man imagining doing these things to a girl, then yes, that would be wrong, but as I'm the victim and wouldn't enjoy seeing it happen to another person then no I don't see it as wrong as all, but then I also don't see anything wrong with casually using the word rape, unless you are in fact meaning rape itself and using it casually, that is wrong. But the same word can mean many different things.

As for the double standards on if a girl told you she was going to rape you, not really a double standard, men work differently to women, and they are very different, for one, a woman pretty much cannot rape a man, we could pressure a man into sex, maybe abuse him, but rape? hmmm no.
Also unless this girl is several inches taller than you and considerably stronger than you her saying she's going to rape you when you get home is hardly threatening. If a man who chances are will be a fair amount taller and stronger than you, and has a penis meaning he can rape you says he's going to rape you when you get home it implies he's going to use all his force meaning it'll hurt/not be pleasant. If a girl uses all her force, well, I'm strong for a girl, but let's face it, in bed it's like putting a kitten against an adult cat, me pinning a guy down is hardly threatening.
Another thing is a man would probably be a lot more interested to hear a woman is going to pounce on him and fuck his brains out than a woman would be the other way around. It's not double standards, just means totally different things!

Random story that I think is slightly relevant...maybe not? Ha
So I had this heavier friend. She was having a bad day. When I have a bad day, I eat ice cream. So I said, "Fuck them. Let's go eat ice cream all day." She started bawling and thought I was calling her fat? :shock:
I just can't deal with people like that. It's all about intentions.
Sorry for all the replies, I'm on a caffeine high.

Well, if I were sad and you offered ice cream I would be very happy about it! You're far far slimmer than me and I wouldn't find it insulting, but then if she's depressed about eating/about her body then eating more can make it worse. My best friend barely eats anything and is really slim, whenever she's down my first impulse is to bring round treats and then comforting. She never eats any of it so I sit there and eat my box of cookies while she has a rant! Haha her emotional crisis's are not good for my weight! I usually just feel like a fatso when everyone's skinnier than me and don't eat either, if they're stuffing their faces too it's all cool!

Like Megan said though, it is about intentions. There are also certain people it's acceptable to use certain words with. I mean it's like there are some friends who make racist jokes, if you're in a small group and don't actually mean them then it's alright, but if they start saying them to random strangers, now that's not cool because they don't get that it's a joke! But if it's very obvious your meaning of the word is barely related to the offensive then I don't see the problem.

I mean retard/retarded comes from the french word for slow/late, well, you don't have to have a learning disorder to be slow.

 

[SweepTheLeg]

rape is about control, are you saying women can't control men? I will highly disagree with you there.

 

[Shaun__]

As for the double standards on if a girl told you she was going to rape you, not really a double standard, men work differently to women, and they are very different, for one, a woman pretty much cannot rape a man, we could pressure a man into sex, maybe abuse him, but rape? hmmm no.

It is not common, but it does happen.

Coerced into sex with threats.

A group of women raping men at gun point and with drugs as well.

Raped by a larger woman.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

rape is about control, are you saying women can't control men? I will highly disagree with you there.

Rape is having sex with someone by force without their consent. Yes many rapists do it for control but that is a cause/incentive not the act itself. Yes women can control men and manipulate them, but we cannot rape. Please don't get the two things mixed up.

By English law even if the woman has drugged a man apparently it still doesn't count as rape, the only way it could be possible is by spiking a man with viagra then either date raping them or managing to somehow overpower him and tying him up. Apparently that doesn't even count.... although I'd hope if a woman ever did that they would get charged! I think it does count as rape though if the boy is underage and the woman isn't.

 

[Shaun__]

rape is about control, are you saying women can't control men? I will highly disagree with you there.

Rape is having sex with someone by force without their consent.

Are you saying date rape is not rape, since there is no need to use force on a unconscious, drugged, and/or drunken woman?

 

[IsabellaSnow]

rape is about control, are you saying women can't control men? I will highly disagree with you there.

Rape is having sex with someone by force without their consent.

Are you saying date rape is not rape, since there is no need to use force on a unconscious, drugged, and/or drunken woman?

Daterape is still force. Force doesn't have to mean physical violence. Just like if a woman is too scared to fight back etc, it doesn't mean force hasn't happened. In fact girls I know who've been date raped/someones forced themselves on them when they've been too drunk to push them off, they've still had marks/bruises. Also, you can tell as a woman if you've had sex unwillingly. You've forced your cock inside her, in that state a girls pussy isn't exactly going to be welcoming, is that not enough?

 

[Shaun__]

Daterape is still force. Force doesn't have to mean physical violence. Just like if a woman is too scared to fight back etc, it doesn't mean force hasn't happened. In fact girls I know who've been date raped/someones forced themselves on them when they've been too drunk to push them off, they've still had marks/bruises. Also, you can tell as a woman if you've had sex unwillingly. You've forced your cock inside her, in that state a girls pussy isn't exactly going to be welcoming, is that not enough?

You said doing that kind of thing to a man would not be rape. So which one is it?

 

[mynameisbob84]

Rape is having sex with someone by force without their consent. Yes many rapists do it for control but that is a cause/incentive not the act itself. Yes women can control men and manipulate them, but we cannot rape. Please don't get the two things mixed up.

I hate to quibble with you, bb, but of course women can rape.

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

Also, men can be raped by other men. It's probably much less common (outside prison) than it happening to women, but it exists. In addition, women can force themselves on other women. Whether or not that would qualify as rape per se is a matter of semantics, but it could still be very traumatic.

In any case, getting back to the original topic, I continue to feel that the kind thing to do is to avoid careless references to rape, at least in circles where you don't know everyone's circumstances. I do understand this might be easier said than done if it's become part of your everyday vocabulary. In my case it hasn't, maybe because I'm somewhat older than some, and it isn't that prevalent in most of the circles I travel in. I think changes in language and usage tend to occur more among the young. Since the usage isn't part of my current vocabulary, I figure I may as well leave it out.

 

[Beach_Love]

Also, men can be raped by other men. It's probably much less common (outside prison) than it happening to women, but it exists.

How common it is depends on location. In many cultures the "pitcher" is not viewed as being "gay", while the "catcher" is. Logic would dictate then that since in those cultures forcing yourself on another man does not have the "stigma" of homosexuality attached guys are going to do it. Not going to say it's as prevalent as M on F rape, but way more prevalent than it is say here in the US where the majority of it occurs as HS said in prison.

 

[DudeExtreme]

I also wanted to add that I try my best to be sensitive to friends. Like when things are bad I always say, "fuck, I want to shoot myself in the head!!!" Well, my close friends father shot himself in the head, so I try my best not to say that around her. If I knew a friend was raped, I might try to refrain. But I think it's the same as saying, " that's so gay." " you are retarded." For me, it's not a big deal.

Just as long you don't tell me that you are going to treat me as a red haired step child, we are good. :-D :dance:
I don't know how many times I have put my foot in my mouth for not reading people.

WHAT YOU GOT AGAINST REDHAIRED STEP CHILDREN???? HMMMMM???? :angry4:




I'm just messing wif ya... shhhhh.

I think I like you!!! I am very red haired myself and yes I do find red haired women beautiful and sexy!

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Daterape is still force. Force doesn't have to mean physical violence. Just like if a woman is too scared to fight back etc, it doesn't mean force hasn't happened. In fact girls I know who've been date raped/someones forced themselves on them when they've been too drunk to push them off, they've still had marks/bruises. Also, you can tell as a woman if you've had sex unwillingly. You've forced your cock inside her, in that state a girls pussy isn't exactly going to be welcoming, is that not enough?

You said doing that kind of thing to a man would not be rape. So which one is it?

I was just saying by english law a woman cannot rape a man. I believe if a woman did use viagra on a man, restrained him against his will and fucked him, then yeah, why not? (although for viagra to work on men they have to get turned on in the first place, which may be why by british law it doesn't count). I think maybe the fact that for a woman to have sex with a man he needs to be erect maybe that counts as consent? I have no idea. Maybe it just doesn't come up enough but would count as abuse/sexual harassment or something if it did.
If you're going to count a woman having sex with a man who gets an erection off his own accord yet says no/doesn't really want to as rape then how many men would be in prison now? Because the amounts of times I've said no to a man/been too drunk/too tired to stop them, and the amounts of times I've had to use physical force to get even the most normal, unsuspecting guy off me because they're horny, maybe a little drunk and want to fuck whatever I say. Jeeze, my flatmate had some friends over, my best friend was wasted and upset, went to the bathroom on her way to leave and this guy I know raped her, the only reason I even know is because she broke down one night. As I was there saw how drunk she was and how he was, and well, that she wouldn't want him in a million years and was not sending him signals, well I know it's true. But yet if people hear that story they're not sure whether to class it as rape, even though they agree she didn't consent. If it went to court he probably wouldn't get charged. Anyway, as there's nothing I can do you guys have had an angry Isabella for the past month and a half (sorry).

Men being raped by other men isn't that uncommon in the gay scene, the main reasons it's less common is because 1. there are less gay men around than straight men, so even less who are willing to rape. 2. there are a hell of a lot more gay men willing to fuck eachother (think a world where women weren't controlling mens sexual urges) than there are women wanting to fuck random men. 3. a man against a man is a more even fight, so I guess it's less likely to happen as rapists who enjoy the power/force part would probably go for weaker victims.
I have had gay friends who've been date-raped in gay bars though. Drink spikings rarely leads to actual rape, usually the person putting it in the drinks is just a twat rather than a rapist, I've had my drink spiked a number of times, and I'm careful about my drinks, but I've never been pursued on any of those nights, sometimes the woman does end up sleeping with someone, but not always the person who spiked the drink. Not saying it doesn't happen, but uncommon.

But back to the topic, I still think although the act is horrific, the word being used in another context is ok.

 

[Shaun__]

Because the amounts of times I've said no to a man/been too drunk/too tired to stop them, and the amounts of times I've had to use physical force to get even the most normal, unsuspecting guy off me because they're horny, maybe a little drunk and want to fuck whatever I say.

Rape is non-consensual sex. The perpetrator can force sex with violence, words, drugs, or anything else. The gender does not matter. What happened to you was rape the same way the things in the articles I linked to was rape. Men and women should both have the right to step forward and be heard.

 

[Beach_Love]

If you're going to count a woman having sex with a man who gets an erection off his own accord yet says no/doesn't really want to as rape then how many men would be in prison now? Because the amounts of times I've said no to a man/been too drunk/too tired to stop them, and the amounts of times I've had to use physical force to get even the most normal, unsuspecting guy off me because they're horny, maybe a little drunk and want to fuck whatever I say. Jeeze, my flatmate had some friends over, my best friend was wasted and upset, went to the bathroom on her way to leave and this guy I know raped her, the only reason I even know is because she broke down one night. As I was there saw how drunk she was and how he was, and well, that she wouldn't want him in a million years and was not sending him signals, well I know it's true. But yet if people hear that story they're not sure whether to class it as rape, even though they agree she didn't consent. If it went to court he probably wouldn't get charged.

All the above instances are rape plain and simple and the men involved should be in prison getting raped themselves. One of the reasons I don't have a lot of male friends is a lot of what they/my gender consider acceptable behavior I do not.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

All the above instances are rape plain and simple and the men involved should be in prison getting raped themselves. One of the reasons I don't have a lot of male friends is a lot of what they/my gender consider acceptable behavior I do not.

Most men don't believe that does count as rape. 50 no's and a yes= a yes!

It's very difficult to charge for rape. Jury's are extremely unwilling to charge for it. It's usually her word against his, there are always questions of her actions beforehand etc, if she said yes, if she didn't fight back etc. If he gets charged he will lose his job, quite likely never get a job again, if he has family he will lose it, maybe lose the chance of ever having a family afterwards, he'll have a horrible time in prison etc. Basically he'll be fucked, a lot of women do lie and claim they've been raped, if she's lying/exaggerating or trying to get some sort of revenge then you've completely ruined a mans life.
The drunk thing is also difficult, because how drunk was the man at the time too? Many men can get erect and have sex while drunk, so if he was just as drunk or nearly as drunk, then does her being too drunk to consent still count when he was too drunk to consent too?
And then if the woman takes it to court she'll have a horrible time, they will be horrible to her, call her a lier, make out she's a slut, that she wanted it etc. People around her, the mans family etc will be horrible to her, doing that sounds worse for the woman than the act itself in a way!
I think this is the reason that so many guys get away with pressuring women into sex etc, because it won't get charged, no one's really enforcing it as wrong. To the guy, they just want to get their dick wet and aren't thinking, they don't think they're a rapist, they just allow themselves to believe what they want to believe. It happens so much more often than you'd think. For that reason I will no longer ever sleep in the same bed, or even be alone with a man I wouldn't be ok with having sex with, most just can't control themselves.

 

[Evvie]

My two cents...

Some people say "that's retarded" and most people don't care, but the one person who works with disabled people or has a disabled family member is deeply hurt.

Some people say "I'm going to rape you" and most people don't care, but some of the people in the room who have been sexually assaulted have their abuse triggered.

Some people make jokes about sending someone to the showers, ovens, trains, or camps, and most people don't care, but people in the room who had members of their religion or family murdered during the Holocaust are upset.

Some people say, "that's mighty White of you" and most people don't care, except perhaps people of other ethnicities.

Are people too sensitive? Maybe. Should we not give power to words? Maybe. Does it then become a pointless rat race of not trying to offend people, so we might as well because everyone is offended by something so let's just not worry about it?

I've sat in a room where people were impersonating Nazi soldiers executing Jews and homosexuals, and everyone was uproariously laughing. They thought it was the most fucking hilarious thing they had ever experienced. But - and this is important - there were no homosexuals or Jews in the room, so nobody was offended. Does this perhaps make it alright? Is it okay if nobody is offended?

I've watched both men and women laugh about rape, say someone deserves to be raped, and imitate excuses a raped woman will have to make so police don't abuse her for being a slut (there was also a joke going about regarding male superiority). Nobody was visibly bothered - people were making simple jokes meant for humor, not to offend. Does that then make it alright?

After reading the responses on this thread I would wager a large number of the people here would indeed say it is okay to use highly offensive and triggering terminology to make jokes or use in casual conversation. This either means that a large number of people here don't care/haven't thought through what happens when they trigger people ("I wouldn't say rape around someone who was raped!" is to me kind of like saying, "well yes, but I wouldn't say nigger around a black person") or in reality, most people are not offended by these issues.

I'm not Jewish, I don't know mentally disabled people, and I can never completely empathize with someone of another race. I do know that when people throw the word rape around like it's a conjunction, it does tend to be very triggering for me. I also find that I choose not to socialize with or respect people who do so. Does this lose me out on a lot of friends or conversation partners? Well, maybe. Does it make me a bitch? I guess it probably does in the eyes of many people.

Whether or not other people who have been raped feel the same way as I do, I cannot say. But I can say that people who make light of an experience because they have not been traumatized by it have very little place in my life.

 

[Evvie]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

In my own experience in the BDSM lifestyle (where rape fantasies abound, let me tell you!) I've found there are a lot of sources for rape fantasies.

Is it wrong? No. Because in the end, it is always something desired. Those women desire an abusive, humiliating, or forced experience (the degree of course varies - some girls just want rough sex with a little "tee-hee, oh no!" thrown in and some women want a legitimately traumatizing experience), but in the end they want it. Most of the women I talk to don't really want to be "raped" in play, they just want someone to provide resistance so they can really let go. It's the difference between a sparring match and a street fight, and no actual humiliation is desired.

As far as it being "good", well, I've seen some cases where women with very serious emotional issues want a horrible, harmful experience disguised as rape "play" because they truly feel they are not worthy of having a happy life.

For the majority of women, however, I think having rape fantasies are fine and probably healthy, in that they allow women to safely experience different emotional states. Sexytimes rape fantasies I carry out with Mr. Evvie are very enjoyable for me and in the end are cathartic. They in no way reflect actual experiences of abuse which for me reflect shamefulness and hate that continually crop up very far into the future.

Much in the same way that some people fantasize about being murdered or what have you, even though the shell of the concept is used to achieve a goal (an emotional state), I do not think it changes the concept of rape as a whole being bad. When someone talks about rape play, they are not (or at the very least shouldn't be) talking about, as it's now infamously known, "legitimate rape".

 

[RogueWarrior]

Evvie if that's your $0.02, your exchange rate must be incredible.

I was just going to let it go, leaving you all with my first reply. But after reading Evvie's post, well, you know, I just don't go quietly.

We've all heard since childhood "Sticks & stones, etc.". But the reality is that words can be very hurtful. In direct contrast to the above quote is "the pen is mightier than the sword".

The written or spoken word can make you laugh, make you cry, promote empathy or disgust, can get you all hot and bothered, can just piss you off.

To flippantly throw words around is insensitive at best, malicious at worst.

I like words. I like to play semantics. Therefore, I also understand how words can be used to manipulate, degrade, uplift, condemn or verify.

You want to include "rape" (or any other controversial words) in your casual conversation? While everyone may be smiling and nodding, that may or may not be how they feel.

 

[Nordling]

I guess I don't understand "rape play." Is it rape or even abuse if one desires it? How can you experience the pain, humiliation, fear, panic, and a bazillion other horrid feelings when you consent to do it?

There are no safe words in a dark alley.

 

[AllisonWilder]

I guess I don't understand "rape play." Is it rape or even abuse if one desires it? How can you experience the pain, humiliation, fear, panic, and a bazillion other horrid feelings when you consent to do it?

There are no safe words in a dark alley.

To me, rape play isn't about actually being raped, it's about force and submission. It's about being in a controlled situation where you willingly give up control to a partner you trust. Giving up control means that you can experience all of these emotions that you describe as horrid in a setting that you don't find unsafe.

 

[FrenchKitty]

I guess I don't understand "rape play." Is it rape or even abuse if one desires it? How can you experience the pain, humiliation, fear, panic, and a bazillion other horrid feelings when you consent to do it?

There are no safe words in a dark alley.

I agree with AllisonWilder, rape play isn't rape; it's "rape fantasy put into action", and (personally) in my rape fantasies, men always "forcefully" do to me everything i'd want them to do but am too shy/ embarassed to ask for, and own up to wanting.
ETA: not saying that women say no when they mean "yes", here. What I mean is more along the lines of : I tell you beforehand what i'd like you to do, but during the actual action, I don't want to be reminded that I told you i wanted it. See what I mean? ok I'm not making this any clearer..........

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I guess I don't understand "rape play." Is it rape or even abuse if one desires it? How can you experience the pain, humiliation, fear, panic, and a bazillion other horrid feelings when you consent to do it?

There are no safe words in a dark alley.

I agree with AllisonWilder, rape play isn't rape; it's "rape fantasy put into action", and (personally) in my rape fantasies, men always "forcefully" do to me everything i'd want them to do but am too shy/ embarassed to ask for, and own up to wanting.
ETA: not saying that women say no when they mean "yes", here. What I mean is more along the lines of : I tell you beforehand what i'd like you to do, but during the actual action, I don't want to be reminded that I told you i wanted it. See what I mean? ok I'm not making this any clearer..........

A lot of women like to have the control taken away every now and then, I do too, but having sex with a chosen partner and having someone you want force themselves on you (with both of you being aware of it) is kind of sexy, because you do want it, you're just pretending you don't.
The real thing is very different, nothing like that. We might imagine in our heads horrific things happening like that, but in practise it's not something desired.
I guess for me it does depend on who's saying it, I don't like rape jokes, if they're joking about the act. I mean there are some said between friends that I've never been offended by, like the whole "well it's not rape if you shout "Surprise!!!" " said in text that sounds wrong, but said by someone male or female who clearly thinks rape is wrong in a silly atmosphere I've never seen it bothering anyone. Growing up most girls I knew had experienced some kind of force at some point, some of it pretty horrific, none of them have ever been insulted by the word, and have all actually used it in a jokey way.

The retarded jokes don't bother me, my god sister has severe learning difficulties (Reye's syndrome), I don't see the connection, I would never call her or someone else with those issues retarded, but I frequently call other people retarded/stupid. Some of my closest friends are gay, and I call people gay, so do they. I do draw the line at racist jokes though, sometimes if it's really not meant then it can be alright, but I find those who do say racist jokes are actually slightly racist. I mean I'm part welsh (my grandmother being from north wales) and the whole sheep shagging thing doesn't bother me at all, one of my best friend's very welsh, fluent speaker, and she encourages the jokes. But my cousins are chinese and so are a lot of my friends, actually all my friends are from all over the world, and I can't see how any jokes on that level would be funny.
I once dated a very dark black guy, and someone I was friends with said something about "a cheshire cat" telling me not to turn the lights out. Oh har fucking har. She had whispered it in my ear whilst I was sat next to him in a club.
I think the difference is that "rape" is just a word, it's not an act, it can't hurt us, the word "gay" comes from happy, I do associate it with homosexuality, but I don't associate the insult with homosexuality, the word retarded comes from en retard meaning "late", it's not the official word for a learning disorder, it's just saying you're slow, which many of us can be! Racist words... well they are made for the purpose of hurting someone, the words themselves hold the power.

I don't know, has anyone who's actually been raped find it insulting when someone says "facebook rape" or something similar? I don't, as far as I know no one else I know who's been through it finds it insulting, but that might just be the people I'm friends with.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Because the amounts of times I've said no to a man/been too drunk/too tired to stop them, and the amounts of times I've had to use physical force to get even the most normal, unsuspecting guy off me because they're horny, maybe a little drunk and want to fuck whatever I say.

:shock:
I don't know who you've been hanging around with but I assure you, they are not "normal, unsuspecting guys". What you described are not the actions of a regular person. Those are the actions of a complete prick, the actions of someone for whom a future as a rapist seems a genuine (and unfortunate) possibility. If this has happened to you with enough regularity for you to consider it the norm, then I urge to make new male friends/acquaintances and never speak to the sociopaths who have tried to force themselves upon you again.
Being drunk and/or horny is not an excuse to continue trying to fuck a girl after she's made it clear she doesn't want sex, ya know? To think that that behaviour is somehow "normal" is kinda dangerous and not remotely something anyone should think.

 

[Nordling]

I guess I don't understand "rape play." Is it rape or even abuse if one desires it? How can you experience the pain, humiliation, fear, panic, and a bazillion other horrid feelings when you consent to do it?

There are no safe words in a dark alley.

To me, rape play isn't about actually being raped, it's about force and submission. It's about being in a controlled situation where you willingly give up control to a partner you trust. Giving up control means that you can experience all of these emotions that you describe as horrid in a setting that you don't find unsafe.

Maybe we should call it something else then. To me, the juxtaposition of two words, one which means fun and the other which labels one of the most horrendous things that can happen to someone, just doesn't work to describe an enjoyable event. IMHO.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I'm not Jewish, I don't know mentally disabled people, and I can never completely empathize with someone of another race. I do know that when people throw the word rape around like it's a conjunction, it does tend to be very triggering for me. I also find that I choose not to socialize with or respect people who do so. Does this lose me out on a lot of friends or conversation partners? Well, maybe. Does it make me a bitch? I guess it probably does in the eyes of many people.

Whether or not other people who have been raped feel the same way as I do, I cannot say. But I can say that people who make light of an experience because they have not been traumatized by it have very little place in my life.

I would like to know where you, personally, draw the line. Do you not joke about killing? "fuck I want to kill that guy!" Do you not joke about suicide? "Man I wanted to kill myself!"
Have you never made a joke about drugs??? My mother was a drug addict and that was traumatic for me.
I have a VERY hard time believing you do not say anything that would trigger anyone else.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

The English language is such a rich and constantly evolving language, I just see no reason to risk offending people in using a such a loaded word. Rape to me is closer to words like Nazi, Hitler, and Nigger than an expression like "that's so gay" or I'll kill you. If I'm really upset at what somebody did to me rather than saying "that bastard raped me". I'll say that bastard butt-fucked me with a broomstick. It is both more colorful and less offensives to rape victim. I suppose this would be offensive for anyone who had broomstick forcible stuck in their butt, but that is lot smaller number than rape victims.


Especially in the context of website/forum were various fantasies are common, include rape fantasies, why not reserve the use of rape for description of a crime or a fetish?