Something I have noticed about a lot of the issues that get brought up with men's rights, is it's not necessarily that there is a legal problem, but there is definitely a case that men believe they have less rights in certain aspects and therefore do not seem to use their rights.
Take domestic violence and rape cases for example, one of the major problems that men face is socially not feeling able to report it. The legal ramifications are the same (they focus on harm done rather than gender), but society not only teaches us that men are not supposed to be the victims, it's also common belief that men will be discriminated against if they do report it. I think this can also lead to some men having low empathy for women fearing harm or being harmed. Because it's much easier to lack empathy when you don't think you have anything to fear. In reality while a man's chances of being raped or severely abused in a relationship are much smaller than a woman's, the chance is still very much there. With rape I have also noticed some straight men assume it would be a woman raping them, which could definitely happen, but statistically they're much more likely to be raped by another man. Rapists do not care about your sexuality or preferences.
Recently Aella posted a poll asking men and women whether they'd rather be raped or falsey accused of rape. The majority of men said they'd rather be raped, with the female majority saying accused. I asked my boyfriend the same question and at first he answered rape too. Until I described being raped by a man and the very permanent effect it would have on his life in comparison to the (while also not nice at all) fairly short term social problem of being accused but not convicted- which aren't nearly as bad or public as people seem to think. He changed his mind after he thought it through, but it did make me think about bias towards different fears. Men seem to fear being falsey accused much more than rape, possibly because they believe the chances are much more likely of being falsey accused. They aren't though, as a man you are dramatically more likely to be raped than falsey accused.
This I think is pretty important information that should be talked about more, and perhaps make men feel less shameful about the experience of being assaulted. Under reporting is an issue with rape cases with both genders, in both cases not being believed/accused of lying and facing potential social issues for reporting it is a major factor. Men face their own unique social issues when it comes to rape cases which make it even less likely that they will speak up, these results are heartbreaking.
This misinformation is partially due to scare media. Recently I read an article by a man who was complaining that paying child support for a child he'd never met had ruined his life, yet there was no mention of him ever attempting to see the child or having any interest in the child. There was also no mention of the mother trying to stop him from having a relationship with the child. He was just pissed he had to pay for child support and most of his money spent was in legal fees trying to fight paying for the support. Articles such as these are misleading, as there is a very good reason he should pay for his own baby even if he has no interest in spending time with the child. Child support isn't a service you're paying the mother for "x amount for x hours of entertainment with your child". It's to contribute to feeding and clothing your child. I know this is a very sensitive subject for a lot of men, and it isn't helped by the multiple scare stories we hear, whether from media outlets or from friends/acquaintances. I understand, it would be seriously sucky to get a girl pregnant when you didn't want it. It is a fear of mine to get pregnant without wanting it. Sadly this is just a part of life and having risky unprotected sex, and sometimes happens even when using multiple forms of birth control. I have known both men and women who have been in these situations and have stood up to the task and have incredible relationships with their children, and it definitely hasn't rendered the men bankrupt as child support is based on earnings.
@HiGirlsRHot you mentioned you'd prefer to give a child to the mother for biological reasons. I think in cases of newborn babies this is usually the most sensible option, but personally I think after that point whoever puts the most time and effort into the child should get custody regardless of sex. Women don't necessarily have this "mother instinct" that is so commonly talked about. And many men are incredible fathers and so much more nurturing than some women. I truly think the world would benefit if the idea of the mother being the carer and men being more distant weren't so dominant in our minds and more men were encouraged to give in to their nurturing side and be the primary caregiver (if that's what they want). And if less women who aren't particularly nurturing feel they have to be the primary caregiver (which could result in unhappy, poorly raised children). In court custody cases they tend to look at how much time parents spend with their children, currently in the majority of cases women spend considerably more time with the child (even in cases where both parents work), so it seems pretty logical that if that is the case they should be the carer. If the father spends the most time with the child then he should be. I mentioned earlier in this thread with a link to some info on this, 90% of custody cases are decided before court, meaning in 90% of cases the decision was left to the parents. So if in some of these cases the man did want primary (or joint) custody and gave it up, then it is a social issue rather than a legal one. Did he feel he would be discriminated against in court? Did he feel the same as Higirls mentioned that for biological reasons it's cruel to take children from the mother? Did he feel that as a man he isn't capable of being the primary caregiver? Or maybe there were other reasons, potentially black marks, abuse charges, maybe he wasn't willing to give up time at work or dedicate all of his free time to children without another carer available. I know with some men they don't want to pay for (or can't afford) legal fees in court, or just don't want the hassle, this I can understand is a difficult situation, though (just looking this up now) if you are legally the parent and there is no court order of custody then either parent is legally able to take the child. Pretty extreme route to go through, but in cases where you fear abuse or were the primary caregiver previously then this seems reasonable enough until you organise custody.
Essentially on that matter as far as I feel is if you weren't the one looking after and spending time with your child then there is no reason you should get custody, unless the other parent is abusive or has another reason they're an unfit parent/less fit than you would be. And so it's a good thing the law works out that way too. But talking about bias, it really does amaze me how it is "common knowledge" that women get preferential treatment in court. I'm actually reading up about this, and it's interesting because it's women too who believe they'll automatically get custody as men believe they'll lose it. I have been reading a bunch of cases where the father wasn't working and the mother was and she's shocked that she doesn't get primary custody and has to pay child support. It's just not the case that the woman will be favoured, the courts may be sympathetic to women but at the end of the day they judge by who is the primary caregiver, who has the most time to give and also who's the most vulnerable.
I definitely agree that socially we need to change, at least the way the media portrays men and women. I am fed up with seeing stay at home dads described as "unemployed", while women with careers in the workforce are described as being forced to work long hours. Now I do understand if the person who stays at home isn't doing housework, cooking or caring for the children then I would describe them as unemployed, but if they are doing those things then they are playing an essential role in raising the children and housekeeping. Women need to stop growing up expecting their partner will have the career and they'll be able to stop working (or even if they do work they'll still be the primary caregiver) as much as men need to not assume they will be the breadwinner and the woman will raise the children and keep house. The most logical answer is for both parents to work and share housework and spend equal time with the children so they are both equal, but if one person wants to work lots and the other wants to spend lots of time with the children and keeping house then there's no reason that shouldn't work, and in that case both should be treated equally. But the working person shouldn't expect primary custody in a divorce and should expect they'll be paying for child support.
Honestly, I can't think of many male issues that can't also be related to issues I face as a woman. Even right down to the guys who are pissed that it's hard to get laid and believe women have all the power, but then call women sluts and shame them for having sex, or are the first to victim blame in rape cases. Maybe if they stopped punishing us for doing what they say they want we'd be easier to sleep with! Some women are very guilty of these things too, though funnily enough in my experience while girls can be bitchy, men have been the worst for slut shaming to the point of bullying. I don't know, just seems like logic to me.
As far as men's rights go I am a big supporter and believe they are as part of me being a feminist as women's right's, so long as they are actual social injustices and aren't well, whining. Which I don't have any respect for women doing either, like the feminist branch that focuses on changing "male" language. Like seriously, get a life, there are actually serious issues going on, who gives a fuck about a few words unless they're directly insulting towards a gender? I am also not keen on anyone who makes something a competition between the sexes and try to alter data to fit their beliefs. People do this all the time and it drives me crazy! Whether about politics or gender discrimination, as soon as you start fucking with data or ignore key factors to suit your point you lose any credibility IMO. I think for anyone to try and pretend domestic violence is as serious a threat for men (or more so) as it is for women is just insulting to those who suffer from domestic violence. That's not anything to do with me being female, I would say the same if a white person in a white area tried to say they are at as much risk of racial discrimination as a black person. White people do face racial discrimination of course, but not to the same level. It's completely insensitive and I haven't heard a decent person ever claiming such. Talking about statistics and data should be about raising awareness, not as a dick measuring competition.
Hmmm... I hope some of that made sense. Sorry I made lots of points in one post.
Of course, it is possible that I may have been influenced by Casey also being super cute (and she appears a lot in the film.)
