User is telling me he now 'loves me' and wants to be with me.

[AudriTwo]

op is asking for a way to say no though, I mean its basically a way of saying no and letting him know shes not single. So is the suggestion to simply say no I don't want you to visit me in colombia and just leave it at that?

A woman telling a man she is already in a relationship doesn't always work. Cam or vanilla. And yes. Firm no is the best route then ban once those boundaries are crossed. Orrr just ban without any explanation because she doesn't owe him shit.

 

[englishmuffins]

Let’s say OP rejects him and he accepts the rejection, but the way she rejected him was through a lie.

She would have to keep mental notes and spin more web of lies off of that just to keep this guy at bay.

What if the guy catches her in a lie? He could lose his shit (at which point yeah block him if he goes nutters). That’s unnecessary drama that she could easily avoid and less upkeep just to keep him as a customer.

I just don’t think lying is a good way to go about the situation. But who knows, maybe he handles the rejection well and remains a respectful customer.

 

[Finchomatic]

The internet can be a weird place in ones life at times.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

op is asking for a way to say no though, I mean its basically a way of saying no and letting him know shes not single. So is the suggestion to simply say no I don't want you to visit me in colombia and just leave it at that?

A direct no is fine. It's simple.

 

[KingMarti]

The best way to say no is "No", there dosnt need to be a reason. if he asks why, the reason is "because i said no", there's no need for making up stories and shit, no is good enough.

and the 30% isnt worth the mental work it takes to deal with people like that IMO, which is proberly why everyone is saying just ban him. Otherwise it's just going to be a ton of stress.

 

[MiaSarah]

UPDATE!

I got CB for our normal Sunday night private. I do not think I have been this uneasy since my first night camming. He logs on and we start the private. Before I could write I needed to talk to him he asks if he could call because he wanted to talk to me. We have NEVER talked before doing whatever sex stuff we do for the night. Always after. He calls. He apologizes for saying what he said. He had been in a bad place (not much detail but I do know his wife and children died in August years ago). He never should have said those things and knows that our relationship is strictly a online one and will not be anything more. He then joked that I was to young for him (my 23 to his 44). We ended up talking about our weekend for about one hour. Tipped me 5.000 right before he left. Said he would see me Wednesday.

Talked with my husband and he thinks if client is genuine with what is he saying. Keep him. If he brings it up again to just block him. He seemed to be genuine to me. So for now he stays.

Edit- I told him nothing about myself. It never did come up.

 

[Diana_Devil]

UPDATE!

I got CB for our normal Sunday night private. I do not think I have been this uneasy since my first night camming. He logs on and we start the private. Before I could write I needed to talk to him he asks if he could call because he wanted to talk to me. We have NEVER talked before doing whatever sex stuff we do for the night. Always after. He calls. He apologizes for saying what he said. He had been in a bad place (not much detail but I do know his wife and children died in August years ago). He never should have said those things and knows that our relationship is strictly a online one and will not be anything more. He then joked that I was to young for him (my 23 to his 44). We ended up talking about our weekend for about one hour. Tipped me 5.000 right before he left. Said he would see me Wednesday.

Talked with my husband and he thinks if client is genuine with what is he saying. Keep him. If he brings it up again to just block him. He seemed to be genuine to me. So for now he stays.

Edit- I told him nothing about myself. It never did come up.

Maybe he saw this forum post

PS : and yes if genuie keep him , but pay attention what personal details you share with him , it may backfire you later .

 

[yummybrownfox]

op is asking for a way to say no though, I mean its basically a way of saying no and letting him know shes not single. So is the suggestion to simply say no I don't want you to visit me in colombia and just leave it at that?

No means no. No point in even mentioning her relationship status, because saying "I have a boyfriend/husband" might make a guy think "Okay, so if they ever break up, I have a chance with her." No, what she needs to convey to this guy is that, regardless of her relationship status (which isn't his business anyway), she's not interested in meeting him in person...and doesn't want him to "save her from camming" either. PERIOD.

Really not that complicated. If the guy won't accept that, it's time to block his ass.

Edit: Just saw the OP's update. Cool.

 

[Diana_Devil]

"Okay, so if they ever break up, I have a chance with her."

oR like happend to me , the member started be more agressive and offending my family , my values , my husband for the fact they accepted i am a cam girl , and he started to threaten me he will find me and ki^dnapp me and my kids to lean us to be respectable human beings .
and in my case he knew all the time i am married ! and when i told him clearly firmely no he escaladeted really bad!
so hell no !

first red sign he must be baned with no way back .

when i banned mine , i lost 75 % of my income , but hey was too much deal with him !

 

[AmberCutie]

op is asking for a way to say no though, I mean its basically a way of saying no and letting him know shes not single. So is the suggestion to simply say no I don't want you to visit me in colombia and just leave it at that?

Yeah. In any situation with members asking to meet up with a cam model, the model should boldly just state that it's not an option, doesn't need a reason.

Everyone is just trying to tell OP that's the case. Just no.

 

[MallorieReese]

This is exactly what happens when you don't establish boundaries. I would seriously reject him, although he is a very generous tipper. Your safety is more important than any amount of money, always remember that.

If he doesn't understand that way, block him forever. You don't need to give him any sort of explanation - just firmly say no.

 

[tokensarentforkids]

anyone tipping that much is always going to be unstable, it's not exactly rational behavior...

 

[rockin_rod]

I just don't know how to tell him no. I am not scared of losing him for money.

^ This, to me, is the key part of what you originally wrote.
Sounds like you already decided what needs to be done, and you will cope with the reduced income.
You also wrote that he has got more and more serious over time about taking you away from your work, so it's not something new.
If he's tipped 10,000-15,000 per week over 4 years, that's a significant amount - around $200k+.
JMHO, but maybe he reflected on the latest comments and realised it could've freaked you out, so smoothed everything over by backing off and reassuring you this time. But how long until he tries it again?

The models here, many of whom seem to have been through this, have been very clear in their advice.

 

[AudriTwo]

maybe he reflected on the latest comments and realised it could've freaked you out, so smoothed everything over by backing off and reassuring you this time. But how long until he tries it again?

Yup. Abusive people love to apologize after crossing lines, but keep doing it. They abuse apologies to enable their bad behavior.

Idk her reg is still showing lots of red flags. even his apology could be emotionally manipulative. lots of people tragically lose their families, but they don't usually use it to excuse their obsessive and overall disrespectful attitdude.

@MiaSarah pls be careful. i'm not trying to label him as abusive, but he's showing some signs to stay cautious. hopefully he knocks his shit out.

 

[MiaSarah]

UPDATE 2

I thought as of last night everything was fine. I was beyond wrong. Woke up this morning to 17 messages on snap and 12 emails. All from him. He loves me and is going to save me. I block him on everything.

Will be setting up a new email and snap for other clients to use. I am just going to abandon the current ones.

 

[GraysonDrake]

(Was not sure to post this here or in Ask-A-Model! so if that is where it needed to be, sorry!)

How do I tell the person nicely no?!

Some history: I started on Chaturbate right after my 19 birthday. I was with a studio in Colombia. Ended up having this client come in during my second week. He has been giving me anywhere from 10.000 to 15.000 per week since then. We would private message in chat, or we would email. I did give him my Snapchat and we would chat on that, and during privates we would talk. During this time I have gotten married to a great guy and have moved to USA. When I moved to the USA, I lost my studio account. I emailed the people that I was in contact with and told them my new account and this client did follow. I told all of them I just switched studios and no one has questioned it.

4 years later this client is now telling me that he loves me and wants to fly to Colombia and marry me to 'take me away from the camming world.' At first I thought it was a joke but he has gotten more and more serious. I like the man. I would even consider him an (online) friend. I just don't know how to tell him no. I am not scared of losing him for money. If he stopped showing up tomorrow my income would drop by about 30 to 35% but I would still be fine.

My husband thinks I should just tell the guy no, and block him on all my accounts he has. If it has to come to that I will. I would rather let him down nicely. Just do not know how to do it.

(If anyone wants to know: NO! I did not meet my husband on CB, he was in Colombia for a wedding we both attended. He knew from our third date what I do for a living.)

Low-key I think this dude may have posted in here about you...

It's hard to tell though because there's a lot of Stans with similar sounding stories. Sorry you're dealing with one. Good on you for blocking his ass.

 

[thinkinboutit]

No is a complete sentence.

Over explaining (or making up an excuse) over complicates things, & gives the other person room to argue or pick apart what you’re saying. Its not mean to just say “no “ or “Im not interested”.

Edit: JUST saw the update, I am really sorry that you are dealing with this @MiaSarah

 

[Henk]

that did go wrong, I'm sorry about that, with the current knowledge all the advice form your collegue models was the right advice.

but what about just telling the truth is this kind of situations? I am a middle age cam site visitor and develop sometimes white knight feelings and even a bit more, when I would be corrected with something like below, I would accept it.

As a cam model I did keep my personal life private, and I will keep doing so, I have developed, I'm not the girl anymore who started at age 19 as a cam model, I am a woman now, my life situation did change and I am very happy with that. I will keep the online world and the real world 100% seperated. I hope you can respect this and continue with our online friendship that was amazing the last 5 years. If not, then our ways will part.

 

[MarieElise]

Looks like I was over-optimistic. Good work on blocking him. Sorry, this turned out this way.

Be careful and watchful of any "new" accounts that follow you and/or lurk in the next few weeks.
They think we don't know they can make 2nd and 3rd accounts... He seems like the type to do that.

When I said the "truth" earlier I was referring to the part of you not being interested and available.
Definitely no need to elaborate and tell him any more than that (just in case any other baby cam models are reading this).

I think any more than a "no" like explaining and making excuses etc, is interpreted by those types of people as weakness, or an "in". You don't owe this dude shit. No means no. That's it.
In general, I use the broken record technique with these types of people. i.e. when they keep pushing I just repeat the same thing over and over.
It's difficult for them to get through that socially and linguistically (ie just repeating one simple phrase like "I said No" or "No means no" or "I'm done discussing this topic."). But ultimately a block is usually the only way out with these types of personalities.

 

[rockin_rod]

Sorry to hear this, he didn't wait long after the apology did he? A big warning sign from that escalation.
Even after blocking him from your room, I'd report this to support as an abusive member. You may not be the only person he focuses on.
Same approach if (when) he comes back with a different user name, you'll know it's him.

 

[Diana_Devil]

UPDATE 2

I thought as of last night everything was fine. I was beyond wrong. Woke up this morning to 17 messages on snap and 12 emails. All from him. He loves me and is going to save me. I block him on everything.

Will be setting up a new email and snap for other clients to use. I am just going to abandon the current ones.

change your camming nickname if you can too , lock social medias especially private ones , and those for buissness do new ones . because now you will have to expect of a trollinf flooding and a lot of suspect accounts going over you , trying to speak with you again , and gf experience stuff .
and be ready to be reported at the cam site even when you breath

I dont want to scare you but normally these guys are like this .

 

[throwawayacc71]

there is no letting him down easy. keeping him around will be a huge abuse of power and completely wrong imo. you already know he likes you, he has no idea you're unavailable, he has no idea you're not interested in that what so ever, this guy is probably mentally unstable, unless hes has been manipulated into thinking that behavior is okay.

your husband is right. make up any reason he shouldnt be able to visit your room\talk to you anymore., and cut contact. ((you have a boyfriend and you're not comfortable making friends through camming)) i dont know, anything.

 

[throwawayacc71]

(edit didnt see update) sorry you both had to go through that, what shitty situation for everyone

 

[GraysonDrake]

that did go wrong, I'm sorry about that, with the current knowledge all the advice form your collegue models was the right advice.

but what about just telling the truth is this kind of situations? I am a middle age cam site visitor and develop sometimes white knight feelings and even a bit more, when I would be corrected with something like below, I would accept it.

As a cam model I did keep my personal life private, and I will keep doing so, I have developed, I'm not the girl anymore who started at age 19 as a cam model, I am a woman now, my life situation did change and I am very happy with that. I will keep the online world and the real world 100% seperated. I hope you can respect this and continue with our online friendship that was amazing the last 5 years. If not, then our ways will part.

Uhhhh no. It's not her responsibility to make him feel comfy about shit that is none of his business. It seems like OP has at least attempted to set some boundaries and deflect away from the crazy and he gave zero fucks. A statement like that would only encourage a stan, and it's also making some assumptions about how OP feels about her situation.

If I were to tell the truth in this sort of situation it would go something like this:

I like being a cam model. It's fun and it's a good job. If you keep trying to find me I will contact the FBI and/or Interpol and report you for attempted international kidnapping. Leave me the fuck alone, you psycho ass geezer.

But honestly the block button kinda does the same thing.

 

[Diana_Devil]

I like being a cam model. It's fun and it's a good job. If you keep trying to find me I will contact the FBI and/or Interpol and report you for attempted international kidnapping. Leave me the fuck alone, you psycho ass geezer.

ass geezer​

​

omfg i am laughing my butt off , i never heard this one!​

 

[Henk]

It's not her responsibility to make him feel comfy about shit that is none of his business.

not arguing here, this is correct, imho below quote from the OP

"I like the man. I would even consider him an (online) friend. I just don't know how to tell him no."

was worth an attempt, and that all the pavlov reactions to just block and move on did not help her to solve this situation.

 

[AudriTwo]

not arguing here, this is correct, imho below quote from the OP

"I like the man. I would even consider him an (online) friend. I just don't know how to tell him no."

was worth an attempt, and that all the pavlov reactions to just block and move on did not help her to solve this situation.

He clearly isn't her friend because he isn't respecting her boundaries. He also made it even clearer he isn't her friend when after he acknowledged and apologized for his behavior not even 12 hours past he bombarded her with obsessive messages x20.

Blocking does help solve this issue. He is clearly not stable, and at this point for Mia's sanity and safety, blocking is definitely the next step. Most of us advised blocking right away because most of us models can see the writing on the wall. Most of us has experienced this type of cam member




Man it would be really neat if all the non-cammodels stop trying to give advice for something they clearly have no understanding of or experience. Please cease.

 

[cbhours]

Actually I see this several times a month, there is nothing rare about this situation at all.

I see no indication that model actually told him no yet, I only see that the user was testing the waters.

I don't normally participate in these types of posts I only responded because the first response was that she should immediately block him without saying anything. The thought of suggesting that every colombian immediately block every single tipper that offers to marry her and take her away is just crazy talk and thats just a regular user, this is a user shes had for 4 years making up 30% of her income. Let me put it this way, if you repeated this scenario amongst a bunch of colombian models and suggested to just instantly block him on all platforms without saying anything they would look at you like you were crazy because again its not uncommon at all.

I don't disagree at all with the idea of just flat out saying no and then blocking him if he continues , I only disagree with blocking without saying anything.

 

[AudriTwo]

I don't disagree at all with the idea of just flat out saying no and then blocking him if he continues , I only disagree with blocking without saying anything.

disagree all you want, but you arent a cammodel. you dont have the experience of these types of people. we know the patterns, and sometimes it's easier to ban without dealing with all the drama. its not our job to teach grown adult men how to better behave.

Let me put it this way, if you repeated this scenario amongst a bunch of colombian models and suggested to just instantly block him on all platforms without saying anything they would look at you like you were crazy because again its not uncommon at all.

just because its normal for other models to tolerate this bad behavior so they can milk the member until he expires, doesn't mean others should.

 

[cbhours]

disagree all you want, but you arent a cammodel. you dont have the experience of these types of people. we know the patterns, and sometimes it's easier to ban without dealing with all the drama. its not our job to teach grown adult men how to better behave.

You do not know what experience I have. Never suggested that it wasn't easier to ban, I agree with you.

just because its normal for other models to tolerate this bad behavior so they can milk the member until he expires, doesn't mean others should.

Well of course everyones different, what one person is comfortable with the other may not be and I don't know anything about these 2 parties. Would you have personally banned a 4 year regular supplying 30% of your income without saying anything? I mean assuming you havent laid down any ground rules first.