The (negative?) impact of regular big spenders in rooms

[misterical]

I’m sure you don’t need me, or anyone else to tell you that change can be hard; especially if it upsets a dynamic that you’ve been enjoying and it sounds like you’ve been visiting her room for a good while.

At the end of the day anyone can come in and tip, as long as they obey the rules. I’m sure you’ll be there supporting long after this arrogant guy has moved on.

Yeah, the dynamic has been fine for 6 months. Not just for me but for all the other guys who come and go too. We say hi to each other, shoot the breeze sometimes. All good. When one guy tips her a huge amounts, the others do what amounts to a polite golf clap. It's been really easy. It works because we all know not to overstay our welcome and to give the other guys a bit of space.

The problem is when the big hot shot comes in and hangs around for hours talking incessently. It's not just chatter. It's You Tube links as well. This is not chaturbate. There aren't dozens of people in the room. A dominant figure like that is way more impactful in a smaller room.

 

[Maxi_P]

Yeah, the dynamic has been fine for 6 months. Not just for me but for all the other guys who come and go too. We say hi to each other, shoot the breeze sometimes. All good. When one guy tips her a huge amounts, the others do what amounts to a polite golf clap. It's been really easy. It works because we all know not to overstay our welcome and to give the other guys a bit of space.

The problem is when the big hot shot comes in and hangs around for hours talking incessently. It's not just chatter. It's You Tube links as well. This is not chaturbate. There aren't dozens of people in the room. A dominant figure like that is way more impactful in a smaller room.

Just be happy for her, Misterical, and be there after he’s blown his savings

 

[Hiunds]

Absolutely. I don't think this guy is a short haul asshole though. He's subscribed to the fan club etc. He's one step short of a t-shirt with her face on it already and it's only been about 3 weeks.

It may surprise you but even this doesn’t mean long term. A lot of times these high intensity situations end at the choice of one of the parties (user gets bored or model gets sick of him). Not saying that definitely will happen, none of us know how it will turn out for certain.

I guess what I’d recommend is make your choices assuming this is the new normal but keep checking in. I’ve seen more of these dudes move on than not

 

[Smoothie]

Absolutely. I don't think this guy is a short haul asshole though. He's subscribed to the fan club etc. He's one step short of a t-shirt with her face on it already and it's only been about 3 weeks. I'm not insecure about my friendship with her because I know how strong that is but while we talk offline a lot, time differences mean that the optimal time to interact with her is when she is working. It's kind of difficult with such a dominant presence in the room. While I've been visiting for a long time, I like to think that I've faded into the background when needed. My usual approach is offline tips or something from her tip menu and often a private so I'll continue with that approach but basically my skin bristles as soon as I enter the room and he's there. I've no issue with the big tippers. I always celebrate her successes there but it's the arrogance of the guy that rattles me. You know the type where it's more about swinging their dick and dominating the room than it is about the show.

One thing I’d recommend is that you try not to visit the model if you’re in a negative mood (which appears to be the case). No matter what the reason for your mood is, if you’re going to give off a negative vibe, you may do more harm than good by continuing to visit. Don’t be the wet blanket.

Maybe stay away for a few weeks. Whatever you would have tipped the model in that time, save it up for whenever you make your return visit (so you don’t have to feel guilty about not tipping for a while). Don’t return until you’re happy and cheerful again. Then drop in, with positive vibes, and tip everything you saved up in that one visit.

This does several things: it gives you time to cool off. It allows you to reestablish a positive attitude without trying to fake it. It gives the other guy time to get bored or further expose his own insecurities. And tipping severals days or weeks’ worth of tokens (based on your normal budget) in one visit may cause the other dude to react negatively. (Dont actively antagonize him, just focus on the model… if he gets mad that you tipped a lot and had fun, that’s his deal, not yours).

And, by that time, he may not be the exciting new tipper in the room anymore. His grace period for the model putting up with his toxicity might have expired by then.

 

[Vixxen81]

There is only one person who has joined my fan club, no wait, sorry two people that have stayed for longer than the initial months they purchased. Whether it be one or three.

If the guy genuinely is a troll, feeding it keeps it coming back to the same bridge. Don't react to anything he does and he'll eventually get so bored he'll find his way to my room or some other room and become our problem.

 

[misterical]

There is only one person who has joined my fan club, no wait, sorry two people that have stayed for longer than the initial months they purchased. Whether it be one or three.

If the guy genuinely is a troll, feeding it keeps it coming back to the same bridge. Don't react to anything he does and he'll eventually get so bored he'll find his way to my room or some other room and become our problem.

One thing I’d recommend is that you try not to visit the model if you’re in a negative mood (which appears to be the case). No matter what the reason for your mood is, if you’re going to give off a negative vibe, you may do more harm than good by continuing to visit. Don’t be the wet blanket.

Maybe stay away for a few weeks. Whatever you would have tipped the model in that time, save it up for whenever you make your return visit (so you don’t have to feel guilty about not tipping for a while). Don’t return until you’re happy and cheerful again. Then drop in, with positive vibes, and tip everything you saved up in that one visit.

This does several things: it gives you time to cool off. It allows you to reestablish a positive attitude without trying to fake it. It gives the other guy time to get bored or further expose his own insecurities. And tipping severals days or weeks’ worth of tokens (based on your normal budget) in one visit may cause the other dude to react negatively. (Dont actively antagonize him, just focus on the model… if he gets mad that you tipped a lot and had fun, that’s his deal, not yours).

And, by that time, he may not be the exciting new tipper in the room anymore. His grace period for the model putting up with his toxicity might have expired by then.

As of tonight, the guy is now a moderator. Read into that what you will. I feel like bad behaviour has been rewarded. I have to admit to feeling pretty low and insulted tonight.

 

[Hiunds]

As of tonight, the guy is now a moderator. Read into that what you will. I feel like bad behaviour has been rewarded. I have to admit to feeling pretty low and insulted tonight.

Sounds bleak but PM me if you want to hear a story of a jackass who joined the fan club, became a moderator (knight since it was SC) and flamed out within 10 days

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

@misterical you're dissatisfied because your chosen form of entertainment isn't available to you in the same way that it was before. Yes, that is unfortunate for you, but it's beneficial to her in some material way to allow him to carry on. And that's what she shows up for. It's not about how that makes you feel, setting aside that your feelings are fine and valid. What you do about the feelings is what is important. Seems like you should consider taking a step back to reflect and reset this overattachment.

 

[Vixxen81]

@misterical you're dissatisfied because your chosen form of entertainment isn't available to you in the same way that it was before. Yes, that is unfortunate for you, but it's beneficial to her in some material way to allow him to carry on. And that's what she shows up for. It's not about how that makes you feel, setting aside that your feelings are fine and valid. What you do about the feelings is what is important. Seems like you should consider taking a step back to reflect and reset this overattachment.

Thank you for phrasing that so kindly, I was desperately searching for the words to say this very thing. The same action/behavior is happening on both sides of the coin -- Misterical wanting what was the norm. The new guy trying to see how he can shake it up. Models have been warned in the past to never change up their show too much for fear of losing people that were loyal -- if you're truly loyal, you'll ride the wave and see how it crashes onto the beach.

 

[Tony F]

There is only one person who has joined my fan club, no wait, sorry two people that have stayed for longer than the initial months they purchased. Whether it be one or three.

If the guy genuinely is a troll, feeding it keeps it coming back to the same bridge. Don't react to anything he does and he'll eventually get so bored he'll find his way to my room or some other room and become our problem.

To gain the real trust of guys, we must constantly look for new forms of interaction. This way you can increase your loyal fan base

 

[misterical]

@misterical you're dissatisfied because your chosen form of entertainment isn't available to you in the same way that it was before. Yes, that is unfortunate for you, but it's beneficial to her in some material way to allow him to carry on. And that's what she shows up for. It's not about how that makes you feel, setting aside that your feelings are fine and valid. What you do about the feelings is what is important. Seems like you should consider taking a step back to reflect and reset this overattachment.

Yes and no. There are two parts to this. I can still go there and get a private show if I want one, so in that sense my chosen form of entertainment is still available. That said, the wider interaction is no longer the same. Chat is fragmented and irregular. The guy, while having previously tipped a huge amount, isn't tipping like crazy all the time, which makes the focus on him seem more about what he might tip in the future rather than what he is actually tipping now. Meanwhile, myself and other regulars who ARE tipping now are left with the scraps of conversation and interaction in favour of this guy.

The second part is that there is a personal relationship here. I felt the guys behaviour to me the previous night crossed a line. It was a violation of my privacy. She agreed with me and knew how upset I was about that. For him to be promoted to a position of authority in the room seemed like a complete disregard for that incident.

 

[misterical]

@misterical you're dissatisfied because your chosen form of entertainment isn't available to you in the same way that it was before. Yes, that is unfortunate for you, but it's beneficial to her in some material way to allow him to carry on. And that's what she shows up for. It's not about how that makes you feel, setting aside that your feelings are fine and valid. What you do about the feelings is what is important. Seems like you should consider taking a step back to reflect and reset this overattachment.

Here is the thing though, materially I think he is one of those guys that drops a big tip and then rides it's coattails for months on the off chance that he might drop another of the same size. Meanwhile the steady tippers like me and others are chopped liver. I'm not a model but that seems like a high risk strategy.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I don't know if saying this is helpful but from my outside POV your current experience strikes me as being a lot of grief with way too much drama. Yes, I get that you're close but camsites are about enjoyment. Clearly this isn't happening for you. I think that this would be a good time to take a break and reevaluate this whole thing, given that you're unhappy from it.

And the asshole isn't the one with the problem.

 

[BackTew]

So I have my room that I stick with on Chaturbate.
For some months now there's been a guy visiting almost every night and he's spending insane amounts.
One of the highest spenders on the whole site.

Since he started coming I have seen a lot of other regulars visiting a lot less or even stopped showing up at all.
Some of them have expressed that they are annoyed by the attention that they feel like he gets or that they feel like what they have to offer is embarrassing compared to his tips.
This seem to have resulted in a room were only this guy is tipping like crazy and everyone else is leaning back and enjoying the show or fuel their hate in silence.
The model is obviously making pretty good money but she is annoyed by the inactivity of the other guys in the room.
Personally I am still tipping but I am starting to feel like having both this guy tipping tons and the other guys still being active is close to impossible.

Have you guys experienced something similiar?
How would you feel as a viewer or a model in this scenario?

I have seen this twice now in rooms I am a regular the last few weeks on CB...I quit tipping, BECAUSE I got zero attention, complained and they both basically said the same thing Too Bad. I wouldn't tip either one again if my life depended on it.

 

[BackTew]

have you guys tried tipping more?

Comment like this makes me want to make sure I never tip you. Re-read his post, he was a regular.

 

[BackTew]

You shouldn't let your ego get hurt because someone can tip more than you. As a model, I appreciate everyone in my room, because if you tip, that means you like something that you see, or that you want to see something more. As said earlier, whales come and go, but people that are with you for months or even years are very rare. If you like a model, support it the way you can, without comparing yourself to what the biggest tipper does. In the end, you want her to make money, right? Or do you just want to have her attention with your tips and someone is stealing your shine?

Even though it's important to make money, it would still bother me if people were no longer comfortable chatting with me. I really wish that members would realize that us models on token sites would like for members to CHAT and TIP us. Just because some other guy is tipping way more doesn't mean everyone else should just stop tipping completely either. Even though you may not be able to tell...some of those big tippers are actually annoyed by the fact that they're the only one doing all the tipping (I've had tippers tell me that it annoys them that they're the only tipper...and then of course hearing that makes me feel bad).

Maybe remind those regulars EVERYDAY they are important to you.

 

[BackTew]

I've also played along with other random big tippers. The ones who like to outdo everyone. Lol. I'll keep just out tipping them and stealing the room king spot. Just to push them a bit more. I'll usually Bow out and let them win. So they keep coming back. Lol

I get the impression you sense you are "causing problems", why not off line tip then? 1 word...EGO

 

[ArcticKitty]

"have you guys tried tipping more?"

Comment like this makes me want to make sure I never tip you. Re-read his post, he was a regular.

She's saying what's true.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

@misterical you are making a lot of assumptions when it is impossible for you to know all of the details of what is going on between the performer and other members. In any event, it's none of your business how she runs hers.

I'm not a model but that seems like a high risk strategy.

I think you are inserting yourself where you don't belong,

For him to be promoted to a position of authority in the room seemed like a complete disregard for that incident.

and I think it's because you are wayyyyyyyy too invested in the drama of it all. This is not normal.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Maybe remind those regulars EVERYDAY they are important to you.

What makes you think they don't?

 

[BackTew]

What makes you think they don't?

Personal experience. I came to CB when it started. Models had gratitude almost universally, those that didn't didn't stay long go figure. Times have changed, the product is the same The models show almost no gratitude for that poor bastid that felt bad because no one was tipping so he spent a weeks pay to "help" her. It's all about the whale now.

 

[ArcticKitty]

You quoted Ms. Fox and Isabella specifically, both of whom I know to be good people. And they know what time it is.

 

[BackTew]

You quoted Ms. Fox and Isabella specifically, both of whom I know to be good people.

There are exceptions to every rule. Giving attention to whales doesn't make them a bad person. It's how they treat the little guy that does that for them.

 

[Hiunds]

I think users do need to put themselves in the model’s (high heeled presumably) shoes on this stuff. They are working a job that is 100% dependent on tips (or close to it in most cases) and that the fact of life is sometimes those tips come in and sometimes they don’t despite their efforts. I think literally any one of us in that job is going to try to maximize business relationships with users who have proven they will tip the most to the best of their abilities. That’s what puts food on the table, pays the bills, etc.

There are a lot of things that get tied up in these virtual relationships - issues with sex, interpersonal communication, greed, desire for control, jealousy, etc - most of which the model is not asking for and isn’t responsible for (there are some models who invite drama, but that’s a different topic)

The user needs to make their own decisions about how much time they want to spend in a room and whose room in the first place, but they can’t dictate who the model chooses to have in their room. These situations come up and I think as a user what it really comes down to is how does the model handle the situation. Am I treated with respect even if my “role” in the room has shrunk a little?

Honestly, from misterical’s account it sounds to me like the model is trying to be sensitive both to him and to the other user - it is just a tough needle to thread in this case IMO

 

[misterical]

@misterical you are making a lot of assumptions when it is impossible for you to know all of the details of what is going on between the performer and other members. In any event, it's none of your business how she runs hers.

I think you are inserting yourself where you don't belong,

and I think it's because you are wayyyyyyyy too invested in the drama of it all. This is not normal.

I can understand how it appears "not normal" without the context. There is an all day dialogue between us most days off site so things like this take on way more significance than they probably should. It cuts both ways. I've taken flak from her about things that she was maybe way more stressed about than I think she should have been.

I do need to just step aside though. It's her job, her room. If it fucks up because this one guy gets too dominant then that's just the way it is. I can still be there to pick up the pieces. I've learned the hard way this week that members in this industry are expendable. It doesn't matter how much you've tipped in the past and how much you plan to tip in the future, you are always at the mercy of the next big shiny token rich member that comes along. Even if that member is actually just sitting on that pile of tokens like Smaug the dragon.

 

[AudriTwo]

Comment like this makes me want to make sure I never tip you. Re-read his post, he was a regular.

Oh no! Have you tried tipping more?

 

[misterical]

I think users do need to put themselves in the model’s (high heeled presumably) shoes on this stuff. They are working a job that is 100% dependent on tips (or close to it in most cases) and that the fact of life is sometimes those tips come in and sometimes they don’t despite their efforts. I think literally any one of us in that job is going to try to maximize business relationships with users who have proven they will tip the most to the best of their abilities. That’s what puts food on the table, pays the bills, etc.

There are a lot of things that get tied up in these virtual relationships - issues with sex, interpersonal communication, greed, desire for control, jealousy, etc - most of which the model is not asking for and isn’t responsible for (there are some models who invite drama, but that’s a different topic)

The user needs to make their own decisions about how much time they want to spend in a room and whose room in the first place, but they can’t dictate who the model chooses to have in their room. These situations come up and I think as a user what it really comes down to is how does the model handle the situation. Am I treated with respect even if my “role” in the room has shrunk a little?

Honestly, from misterical’s account it sounds to me like the model is trying to be sensitive both to him and to the other user - it is just a tough needle to thread in this case IMO

She is trying to be sensitive to both of us. I agree.

I've never had an issue with another member in all of my time visiting her. Not once. It's always been amicable and cordial. I don't even have an issue with his spending power, if he actually spent it rather than just looked like he might spend it. The issue I have is that I can tell that he's the kind of guy who wants to completely control the room. I can see what he types in the chat after all. I don't see one user controlling the room as being beneficial to anyone.

 

[BackTew]

Oh no! Have you tried tipping more?

I have, I think the crux of my issue starts way back...there would not be a CB if guys like me (regulars) weren't there and the models knew that, I'd get an email the next day thanking me for a encouraging tipnote. Those days are long gone.

 

[AudriTwo]

I have, I think the crux of my issue starts way back...there would not be a CB if guys like me (regulars) weren't there and the models knew that, I'd get an email the next day thanking me for a encouraging tipnote. Those days are long gone.

So you are mad you arent getting enough thank yous?

Maybe you should try tipping me. I thank everyone. Onlyfans.com/audritwo

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

GolIy I do not miss camming. Managing members and room dynamics and big tippers with shit attitudes and parasocial relationships and ppl who had to call me a friend because they felt guilty about paying for sex stuff and butt hurt regulars and everyone alwsys constantly wanting me to do something, act a certain way, manage my room this way or that way, even at the best of times it felt like herding chickens.

Thank you to this thread for the reminder that i do not miss this. I remember even as a model these chat room dramas uses to feel so big and time away / touch some grass / getting off devices puts things in perspective.

Highly reccomend anyone finding chat room dynamics difficult go touch some grass.
You cannot control anyone but yourself. The models behaviour, members behaviors, the only thing in your control is your own self. So when people are behaving in a way you do not like... and you have made it clear to them and they have chosen to continue then take action with the things you can control - yourself.