In love, jealous, miserable.

[rubbersoul]

Hello.

I have some big problems.

More than a year ago I registered on a cam site and started talking to a model who had just started working. I ended up liking her and I stuck around. I've had a pretty difficult period in my life and I'm really lonely and this model has been a really good friend. And it seems I fell in love. I don't talk to other models, partly because I haven't really wanted to and partly because it would feel weird, like I was being disloyal.

In the beginning things were great and I felt fantastic and very happy to have this new friend. Then over time it became a little more difficult to find fun and interesting things to say and I started to feel like maybe I'm a little boring. And it has started to feel like the time I spend in her room isn't always just because I like being there. It feels like there's also an aspect of addiction or obligation. I think I'm in love to the point where it's really unhealthy. I'll sit in the room even though I know I should really do something else.

And, at some point this other guy showed up. I think he's also in love. He's also there A LOT. And I think she likes him quite a bit back. She smiles and laughs a lot when they talk. She gets a look on her face that she doesn't have when she talks to other people. And she starts missing a lot of things in the chat. People will ask things, tip, say they want a private, and then leave when she doesn't respond. Often the room will become more or less empty except for them and me and they will just sit and talk to each other. I'm also 99.999% sure they talk off-site, which I don't think she does with anybody else. I don't know if she's in love with him exactly, but she definitely likes him. He's not a big spender and it's not about the money.

And, well, the jealousy is REAL. It's bad, bad, bad.

If he's not in the room, I usually feel pretty good. If he's there, I feel absolutely terrible. And he's there A LOT.

I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I could just be her friend and that everybody else wouldn't matter. But I don't know how to be less in love and how to get rid of the jealousy. I don't want to be in love, I want to be just friends.

I don't know what to do. I like this woman very much and I don't want to lose this friendship. But things can't continue like this. I'm so very miserable.

The obvious advice seems like it would be "stop being in love and stop being jealous" but I don't even know if I can!!

 

[AmberCutie]

The obvious advice seems like it would be "stop being in love and stop being jealous" but I don't even know if I can!!

I think the more obvious advice would be to look at your tipping/spending habits in her room since you've started feeling less important than the other guy. Because the harsh truth is, it's a friendly relationship, but it likely isn't an actual friendship that goes beyond keeping each other company while she's online to work.

 

[MarieElise]

Hello.

I have some big problems.

More than a year ago I registered on a cam site and started talking to a model who had just started working. I ended up liking her and I stuck around. I've had a pretty difficult period in my life and I'm really lonely and this model has been a really good friend. And it seems I fell in love. I don't talk to other models, partly because I haven't really wanted to and partly because it would feel weird, like I was being disloyal.

In the beginning things were great and I felt fantastic and very happy to have this new friend. Then over time it became a little more difficult to find fun and interesting things to say and I started to feel like maybe I'm a little boring. And it has started to feel like the time I spend in her room isn't always just because I like being there. It feels like there's also an aspect of addiction or obligation. I think I'm in love to the point where it's really unhealthy. I'll sit in the room even though I know I should really do something else.

And, at some point this other guy showed up. I think he's also in love. He's also there A LOT. And I think she likes him quite a bit back. She smiles and laughs a lot when they talk. She gets a look on her face that she doesn't have when she talks to other people. And she starts missing a lot of things in the chat. People will ask things, tip, say they want a private, and then leave when she doesn't respond. Often the room will become more or less empty except for them and me and they will just sit and talk to each other. I'm also 99.999% sure they talk off-site, which I don't think she does with anybody else. I don't know if she's in love with him exactly, but she definitely likes him. He's not a big spender and it's not about the money.

And, well, the jealousy is REAL. It's bad, bad, bad.

If he's not in the room, I usually feel pretty good. If he's there, I feel absolutely terrible. And he's there A LOT.

I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I could just be her friend and that everybody else wouldn't matter. But I don't know how to be less in love and how to get rid of the jealousy. I don't want to be in love, I want to be just friends.

I don't know what to do. I like this woman very much and I don't want to lose this friendship. But things can't continue like this. I'm so very miserable.

The obvious advice seems like it would be "stop being in love and stop being jealous" but I don't even know if I can!!

Not to split hairs but that is really not love. You might be telling yourself it's love, but i think addiction, compulsion, infatuation might be better, more accurate words to describe what is going on here. Especially since you know fine well you should be doing other things, but are there nevertheless. It also sounds (just from your language here) like this isn't doing a whole lot for your self-esteem.

I'm not trying to split hairs, but neither of you is "in love", maybe "in lust" or "infatuated", or "addicted". But "in love", no. Sometimes, even correcting these small linguistic errors can help frame the situation and possibly help you get some clarity on why you are behaving this way. I wouldn't say stop being in love or stop being jealous, I would say, "stop visiting this model". If it's affordable, consider going to talk to a therapist (especially if you try to stop visiting and you feel like you really can't); this could be a symptom of a whole other problem or issue, and talking it through with an objective professional could help you gain some clarity. It sounds like you have an attachment or habit, so time to make a new one, and change the behavior and thought routine. Replace it with something else pleasurable that brings you some kind of payoff, because although this may have done at some point, it doesn't sound like it is anymore.

 

[Vixxen81]

Some people tickle our brains and others make our brains itch. I've actually experienced this to the point where the guy in your position created a new username to sit in the room and watch "but not participate" because he thought it was expected (and it is) to participate once you're a known tipper. I banned the unknown to me user name because it was constantly coming in and out of the room and just filling up my screen with enter notifications. It was right before my 13 year anniversary on CB and I was really excited to celebrate it.

I invited the user to come into the room on a Friday, my anniversary was on a Sunday. He blew me off and said he was tired and then when I mentioned that he should be there on Sunday he finally had to confess...

See when I ban someone on CB, it takes all of their known to CB accounts with it, but I don't know specifically which accounts are banned just [x] accounts were banned along with this one kind of thing.

He had to send me a message on OF that he preferred to watch me struggle because he was so jealous of others getting my attention but couldn't/I wouldn't accept private shows for reasons and basically laid it all at my feet that I was the problem.

No, I am myself. 100%. All day, every day. And I'm going to focus my attention where I feel like it makes me money. BECAUSE IT'S A JOB.

And at the end of the day, high tippers are nice but repeating tippers that get others to tip sustain me when the high tippers have a tantrum.

 

[NotYou]

Have you actually tried the obvious thing of not being in her room all of the time? Go find other models if you want to stay online, or even better, go do other things like you know you should.
You will clearly find over time, you're not in love and in fact, you are just bored and lonely and she was helping to fill a void for you.

Meet some other models and spend time and tips on them, but go into it with a relaxed and open mind, knowing it's not about love. Just enjoy.

 

[rubbersoul]

Thanks so much for the replies, I REALLY appreciate it!! This is a huge struggle in my life right now, and being able to talk about it and hear other perspectives is amazing.

Hmm, is it love?

Yeah, maybe it isn't, it's all pretty hard to put into words... It's sort of a tangle of different emotions and things. Like a big bunch of tangled rope in thick fog.

About my spending, I suppose I didn't want to talk about it because I don't want to be entitled. And I don't want her to feel like she *needs* to talk to me even if she doesn't want to, just because I spend money.

But... I spend way more than the other guy. Not just in total, but consistently, each month. I'm pretty sure I've been this model's biggest spender from the start.

And I think that's part of the psychological strain. If I spend more, but she still prefers the other guy... Well, what am I supposed to make of that?

I think the most difficult thing about potentially leaving is that I really do see her as a friend. Like, a really good and important one. And, even if I feel like she finds me boring now and prefers the other guy, a part of me thinks she would be quite upset if I left. We have been through quite a bit together.

I've had similar feelings to these before, they've been coming sort of in waves for a while. And one time I floated the idea to her of spending less time in the room. I didn't say that I was leaving, but the thought was on my mind, and I think she could sense that. I said something like, I have a lot of things going on in my life and going forward I don't know how much I can still be here. And, oh wow, did she cry... She just cried and cried... I have never seen so much tears come from a person's eyes. I was pretty shocked, and it made me think that... I must mean at least something to her. And I stayed.

Now? I don't know. It's difficult to stay away from the room, very difficult. And the thought of leaving is very difficult too. But I'm not feeling well from all of this. Something needs to change, one way or another.

 

[MarieElise]

Thanks so much for the replies, I REALLY appreciate it!! This is a huge struggle in my life right now, and being able to talk about it and hear other perspectives is amazing.

Hmm, is it love?

Yeah, maybe it isn't, it's all pretty hard to put into words... It's sort of a tangle of different emotions and things. Like a big bunch of tangled rope in thick fog.

About my spending, I suppose I didn't want to talk about it because I don't want to be entitled. And I don't want her to feel like she *needs* to talk to me even if she doesn't want to, just because I spend money.

But... I spend way more than the other guy. Not just in total, but consistently, each month. I'm pretty sure I've been this model's biggest spender from the start.

And I think that's part of the psychological strain. If I spend more, but she still prefers the other guy... Well, what am I supposed to make of that?

I think the most difficult thing about potentially leaving is that I really do see her as a friend. Like, a really good and important one. And, even if I feel like she finds me boring now and prefers the other guy, a part of me thinks she would be quite upset if I left. We have been through quite a bit together.

I've had similar feelings to these before, they've been coming sort of in waves for a while. And one time I floated the idea to her of spending less time in the room. I didn't say that I was leaving, but the thought was on my mind, and I think she could sense that. I said something like, I have a lot of things going on in my life and going forward I don't know how much I can still be here. And, oh wow, did she cry... She just cried and cried... I have never seen so much tears come from a person's eyes. I was pretty shocked, and it made me think that... I must mean at least something to her. And I stayed.

Now? I don't know. It's difficult to stay away from the room, very difficult. And the thought of leaving is very difficult too. But I'm not feeling well from all of this. Something needs to change, one way or another.

Idk if this info will help, but in 13 years, I have cried over exactly 4 clients.

1 was positive, he decided to leave and join the seminary, and didn't want to be a hypocrite, consuming porn while doing so. While I don't agree with that, I can respect it, and I cried because I would miss him as a friend and as someone I felt an emotional connection to.

The other 3 times, unfortunately, were all situations where I had to block and make them leave, after realizing I had started to build an emotional connection with someone who was out for themselves, and ultimately, to exploit me. Whether they were conscious of it or not. So the tears were tears of frustration and disappointment. Because none of these 3 people ended up being examples of men I could admire or see as strong, and as good examples of healthy men. And yet, I had mistakenly began building a cl,oser emotional connection to them, without realizing what was to come, and to be uncovered about them.

None of these 4 times did I cry because I was worried in the slightest about missed income, nor that I was "in love".

I had a whale leave me when I got pregnant because my body type changed, and along with that he didn't like it wasn't him. I never cried, even though the $1000 a week he was spending on me was gonna disappear. It got replaced very quickly, as I knew it would. I still like and care for him as a person though, but I know the connection was very superficial if all it took was 10lbs, and some dick, to make him skuttle off.