I know, I know... this topic pops up every day with another fool praying he’s actually found love. Today, I am that fool. I wanted to lay out some of my story and hope somebody can offer an objective opinion.
This is not my first rodeo. I’ve been using cam sites for a while and have never gotten attached. I have a relatively small group of regulars I visit (between 5-10). I am always polite and I tip well, so models are always very nice and welcoming. I don’t make demands and more often than not, prefer just talking with them.
but a few months ago, I happened upon a new girl that blew my mind. She was perfect. I had already finished up my “business” for the day and was just scrolling through the model page because I wasn’t quite ready to fall asleep. I threw her a few tokens, followed, and that was that. I don’t believe we interacted at all the first night.
The second night, I went in prepared. After exchanging pleasantries, she asked if I wanted to go private. Her private was very inexpensive so I agreed. She put on a fantastic show.
On the third night, we mostly just hung out. Not too much sexual stuff. She talked to me about her life and showed me pictures of her when she was younger and pictures of her family.
On and on we went for weeks and months. I would stop in her room most nights. We would talk a lot and I really felt like I was getting a sense of who she was as a person. She asked if I had an Instagram. I said no, but I had a WhatsApp.
From there, we were texting all throughout the day. Phone calls that would last hours. She told me sad stories but not the kind where she was angling for money. I got all the lines about me “being different” and her wanting to be “romantic with me in real life.” So I started planning a trip to Colombia.
I expressed my concerns to her that I was afraid of being made a fool of and having my feelings hurt. She assured me that would not happen. I told her how my friends reacted when I told them about her and that I understood their reaction because every concern they had, I had had myself. And I was worried that I just wanted it too badly that I was ignoring my instincts. She assured me I had nothing to worry about.
Fast Forward to her having a problem with her studio. She had expressed problems with them in the past. Also, side note, I had offered to buy her things I knew she wanted in the past, which she always politely declined. She would tell me to save my money so that I could come see her. She knows what I do for a living and that I am not a rich guy. She said that all I needed was enough money for the plane ticket and that she would take care of the rest.
so, back to her studio problems. She told me that they didn’t pay her when they were supposed to and that she didn’t have anything to eat for the next 2 weeks. So I, like an IDIOT, insisted that she let me help. I wired her money for groceries. Later that night, I see her on her cam, snorting coke and acting crazy. I felt pretty betrayed by this.
I know that I’m the stupid one for sending her money. But I care about her, even if our relationship has been based on a lie this whole time. She always would tell me that she loves me, but I would never say it back because I felt like then I would have absolutely no self-respect left. I was hovering so close to zero to begin with, which is probably how I found myself in this situation to begin with.
I don’t blame her, I never have. I’ve always blamed myself. I had found some inconsistencies in things she had told me in the past, but gave her the benefit of the doubt because of the nature of her job.
I had written an email to her early on, expressing my doubts and telling her that I planned on not visiting her room anymore, but never sent it. I was so afraid of allowing myself to get invested in a fake reality. I told her that I really needed her to be honest and not to fear that I wouldn’t come back. I told her I would still come and tip, but that I didn’t want any of the sweet fantasy talk if she wasn’t serious. She assured me that she was very serious about us.
I know this was extremely long but I really wanted to paint a full picture of what is going on. Everything I’ve read has said to ruuuuuuunnnnnn! And I can totally understand that on an intellectual level and why I should heed that advice. But I keep thinking that maybe there is the slimmest hope that maybe there is a chance.
This is not my first rodeo. I’ve been using cam sites for a while and have never gotten attached. I have a relatively small group of regulars I visit (between 5-10). I am always polite and I tip well, so models are always very nice and welcoming. I don’t make demands and more often than not, prefer just talking with them.
but a few months ago, I happened upon a new girl that blew my mind. She was perfect. I had already finished up my “business” for the day and was just scrolling through the model page because I wasn’t quite ready to fall asleep. I threw her a few tokens, followed, and that was that. I don’t believe we interacted at all the first night.
The second night, I went in prepared. After exchanging pleasantries, she asked if I wanted to go private. Her private was very inexpensive so I agreed. She put on a fantastic show.
On the third night, we mostly just hung out. Not too much sexual stuff. She talked to me about her life and showed me pictures of her when she was younger and pictures of her family.
On and on we went for weeks and months. I would stop in her room most nights. We would talk a lot and I really felt like I was getting a sense of who she was as a person. She asked if I had an Instagram. I said no, but I had a WhatsApp.
From there, we were texting all throughout the day. Phone calls that would last hours. She told me sad stories but not the kind where she was angling for money. I got all the lines about me “being different” and her wanting to be “romantic with me in real life.” So I started planning a trip to Colombia.
I expressed my concerns to her that I was afraid of being made a fool of and having my feelings hurt. She assured me that would not happen. I told her how my friends reacted when I told them about her and that I understood their reaction because every concern they had, I had had myself. And I was worried that I just wanted it too badly that I was ignoring my instincts. She assured me I had nothing to worry about.
Fast Forward to her having a problem with her studio. She had expressed problems with them in the past. Also, side note, I had offered to buy her things I knew she wanted in the past, which she always politely declined. She would tell me to save my money so that I could come see her. She knows what I do for a living and that I am not a rich guy. She said that all I needed was enough money for the plane ticket and that she would take care of the rest.
so, back to her studio problems. She told me that they didn’t pay her when they were supposed to and that she didn’t have anything to eat for the next 2 weeks. So I, like an IDIOT, insisted that she let me help. I wired her money for groceries. Later that night, I see her on her cam, snorting coke and acting crazy. I felt pretty betrayed by this.
I know that I’m the stupid one for sending her money. But I care about her, even if our relationship has been based on a lie this whole time. She always would tell me that she loves me, but I would never say it back because I felt like then I would have absolutely no self-respect left. I was hovering so close to zero to begin with, which is probably how I found myself in this situation to begin with.
I don’t blame her, I never have. I’ve always blamed myself. I had found some inconsistencies in things she had told me in the past, but gave her the benefit of the doubt because of the nature of her job.
I had written an email to her early on, expressing my doubts and telling her that I planned on not visiting her room anymore, but never sent it. I was so afraid of allowing myself to get invested in a fake reality. I told her that I really needed her to be honest and not to fear that I wouldn’t come back. I told her I would still come and tip, but that I didn’t want any of the sweet fantasy talk if she wasn’t serious. She assured me that she was very serious about us.
I know this was extremely long but I really wanted to paint a full picture of what is going on. Everything I’ve read has said to ruuuuuuunnnnnn! And I can totally understand that on an intellectual level and why I should heed that advice. But I keep thinking that maybe there is the slimmest hope that maybe there is a chance.
)
