Am I Simply Being Gullible?

[EllaGray]

Oh boy...

First off @mynameisbob84 and @justjoinedtopost dem poetry skillz...I'm wet bb. Yass.

Secondly, @LivingInMyth....you have a great voice and wonderful songwriting skills, I really think you should look at a way to make those things a profession, because it seems like it'll be a positive and fulfilling thing for you. You do write well also.

So I have a very similar experience to share, from a model perspective. I'm going to share it because even though I never talk about it, I think you need to hear it in any case. I have someone like you. Identical to you in all the ways that you described. And I have a story like hers, minus the hating my job and forced sex work part. I too was sexually assaulted, in and out of a relationship. Truth is, almost every woman has been. You can't let that be the key to your wallet, as harsh as it sounds.

Anyway, when my person met me online, things were really terrible. And he too wanted to help me out of a rough spot. The difference is, I WANTED the help, plus I respected him enough to let him know my boundaries. I too live abroad, though not in Europe, so of course, if you didn't know me, I might seem scammy too (not sure what it is about everyone always assuming foreign models are out to scam, but anyway, that's another thought for a different day). Anyway, this person pulled me out of the darkest time in my life and got me back on my feet so I could start again and make things better for myself.

Has he contributed to my financial wellbeing? Yes. I started a separate savings account thanks to his generosity and pretty much haven't struggled since because I've been able to invest in all the things you need to have, to camgirl well. Am I solely dependent on him? No. He gave me the starter kit, but I made it work and he knows this. Would I meet him? Yes. He is possibly the only customer I have ever wanted to meet, to thank him in person for having such a profound effect on him. If he ever said he didn't have money, I'd still chat to him because he's more than an ATM to me, and I respect him enough to not drive him into debt or make him make bad life decisions. This respect seems absent on her end.

Now, I understand that your girl might be nervous, but I highly doubt its because of her studio. It sounds to me like she's tied up in something else a lot worse and is just using the studio to cover. You need to be really careful because you could end up coming to some serious harm here if you don;t know the whole picture. At this rate I'd say that you shouldn't even travel over there, just be safe, stay home and focus on re-couping some of your lost savings.

Trust me, if she wanted to, she'd make this work. She'd reach you on twitter or via email or something, there are so many ways to cover your tracks on the web.

 

[LivingInMyth]

All of you were right. I got hurt in the end. She said it was her not me. And yet I still can't blame her. For all of you will tell me that she lied to me. And I wonder whether she simply choose money over me. I would wait for her. Although I will not spend another dime online unless I get something in return. I hope she did not lie to me. Because if she did, I will never trust another. She was convincing. And played the role perfectly. And yet, I still love her. I am gullible. And I'm a fool. And I still love her. And hope one day she will come to me and explain everything that happened. Did I mean anything at all to her? Or was it ALL a lie? Were there ANY feelings there? I would of liked the truth. Even if it hurt. I thought I deserved that. Yes, I am sadder than I have ever been before. And I hope I make it through the night. Don't really care truthfully. I am shocked but always felt doomed somehow. It just would of been nice to get a little truth and closure to this all.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

All of you were right. I got hurt in the end. She said it was her not me. And yet I still can't blame her. For all of you will tell me that she lied to me. And I wonder whether she simply choose money over me. I would wait for her. Although I will not spend another dime online unless I get something in return. I hope she did not lie to me. Because if she did, I will never trust another. She was convincing. And played the role perfectly. And yet, I still love her. I am gullible. And I'm a fool. And I still love her. And hope one day she will come to me and explain everything that happened. Did I mean anything at all to her? Or was it ALL a lie? Were there ANY feelings there? I would of liked the truth. Even if it hurt. I thought I deserved that. Yes, I am sadder than I have ever been before. And I hope I make it through the night. Don't really care truthfully. I am shocked but always felt doomed somehow. It just would of been nice to get a little truth and closure to this all.

What happened?

 

[LivingInMyth]

What happened? Not really sure. Did she love me at all? Well not enough to give up the money (or maybe she was fearful off the fines she would pay to leave her contract early? Or maybe it was all a game and this was her exit strategy. I will probably never know. Although I can't bring myself to hate her. Even if she admitted her wrong doing. I would forgive her for her sins. Does she realize that she was love unconditionally. What hurts is she could not tell me things to my face. Simply typed them in free chat. And then I saw her smile. Like this meant nothing to her. Not even a thank you for my time or my kindness. Or the money that I spend when she was tired, or on her period. Or on her birthday, when I spent the whole day online with her. With presents, and balloons, and poems, and candles, and a cake. I guess none of that really mattered. I'm just a pathetic asswhole with too much money in his pocket. And yet, I still would like her in my life. If she was the person that she portrayed. This is going to hurt for a very long time.

 

[LivingInMyth]

hahah ,imagine what will happend,we all know ahhaha

Yes, you can now gloat in knowing that a kindhearted person's heart has been broken. I hope you are amused by this. I hope you feel good about your prognostication. You should be very proud of yourself.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Sad too. I have bought the engagement ring that she wanted. And ordered the 100 white roses with burnt edges in a chrome box with black ribbon. Had a hotel room, with champagne and dinner planned. Wrote two poems for the occasion. Wanted to make it a special evening. Because she deserves that. Was going to meet for the first time over the Christmas Holiday. I just wanted to hold her in my arms. She says she had been raped so I new we would not be intimate in that way. And it was OK. I just wanted to hold her. And now I never will.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Sorry I now I'm posting alot. But it's better than the alternative. I don't want to go to sleep tonight. Because I pray I won't wake up.

 

[LivingInMyth]

I thought she might at least call me and explain everything to me. I guess I don't even deserve that much consideration. God I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how to get over all this pain and betrayal.

 

[LivingInMyth]

I will always believe that she loved me but not enough to choose over the money that she makes. And will take her back with open arms should she choose to love me yet again. But I will not spend more money and the next time that she comes (if she comes) it will be her who needs to prove her love for me. Although I doubt that will ever come to pass again. So she will remain but in my dreams, and poems, and songs. I guess that should be enough.

 

[EdgarAllenWhoa]

Fella...wow...so look...you got stomped on, it happens to a lot of people. Look your going to be okay...you gotta get out..away from the computer and just do something ...rock climb, read to the blind, do something that does your heart good. I'm telling you, the pain fades, and I know you feel like a complete tool. This is a hard learn moment, things are NEVER as good as they look.
So, go out, get drunk on some nasty tequila, play some music loudly, punch a mirror, curse the gods and breath. If you need to rinse and repeat previous actions. Take the engagement ring...knock it down with a shot of the nasty aforementioned tequila and let nature takes its course..unless its worth a chunk a change..get it back to the jewelers re-coup some cash.

 

[LivingInMyth]

She once wrote:

Special Poem for My First Valentine

You believe in me when no else does
You are my now, my is, my was
When you call my name I begin to blush
I'm afraid people notice that I need you so much
When I'm with you time flies by fast
It's like the present is the past
I need you more than you can believe
I love you more than you can conceive
I think about you every night and day
And hope my life can stay that way
I don't want it any other way

Were these words true? Were they written for another? How can I reconcile them with what she just did to me?

 

[LivingInMyth]

Fella...wow...so look...you got stomped on, it happens to a lot of people. Look your going to be okay...you gotta get out..away from the computer and just do something ...rock climb, read to the blind, do something that does your heart good. I'm telling you, the pain fades, and I know you feel like a complete tool. This is a hard learn moment, things are NEVER as good as they look.
So, go out, get drunk on some nasty tequila, play some music loudly, punch a mirror, curse the gods and breath. If you need to rinse and repeat previous actions. Take the engagement ring...knock it down with a shot of the nasty aforementioned tequila and let nature takes its course..unless its worth a chunk a change..get it back to the jewelers re-coup some cash.

Thanks for the advice. Yes, the ring was expensive. It was exactly what she asked for.

 

[EdgarAllenWhoa]

Thanks for the advice. Yes, the ring was expensive. It was exactly what she asked for.

Right back to the jeweler then...toot sweet ...use the cash to buy a ticket to Cancun...get drunk on a endless beach...have Mexican sex...feel better.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Appreciate the note. But neither sex nor alcohol will make these wounds feel better. I was willing to forego sex sine she told me she had been raped and I thought she would need a lot of time to get comfortable with intimacy. Sex was never my motive. I really was in love with her. Not because of what she did, but for the things she said. And that smile. And those eyes.

 

[Sevrin]

You're grieving. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Victoria unless you release me (or tell me otherwise) I will wait for you to finish with this place, For I think that you do love me but are intimidated by this place. I cannot release you until you tell me that you don't love me or that you've found another. Please let me know your thoughts.

 

[Quinn]

I

She once wrote:

Special Poem for My First Valentine

You believe in me when no else does
You are my now, my is, my was
When you call my name I begin to blush
I'm afraid people notice that I need you so much
When I'm with you time flies by fast
It's like the present is the past
I need you more than you can believe
I love you more than you can conceive
I think about you every night and day
And hope my life can stay that way
I don't want it any other way

Were these words true? Were they written for another? How can I reconcile them with what she just did to me?

I hate to break it to you but a simple google search will show that she is not the author of these words.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Well at least the sentiment was nice. Bottom line is I can't seem to hate her. And I love her and feel sorry that she is able to inflict the pain she does without remorse or guilt. And I would probably take her back if she could convince me that she loved me. But I doubt if that will ever happen. Because she clearly has made her choice and I am not part of that equation.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

And I would probably take her back if she could convince me that she loved me. But I doubt if that will ever happen.

I suspect you are right.

 

[swagger]

And this too shall pass. Most of us have had our heart stomped on at one point or another. It's how you learn to grow, respect yourself, and others. It's why you'll learn to be a better partner in future relationships. This is a necessary hump in the growing process. It's super painful, unimaginably so, but it'll go away, albeit slowly. Stop thinking about her, stop going on camsites, do something constructive. Stop imagining the alternate realities where things went differently. Eventually you will be able to think about her without expectation, anger, hate, revenge, or wanting. That's not right now, get her out of your head, preferably by doing something constructive.

Best of luck, turn this into a positive life lesson.

 

[swagger]

Also couldn't hurt to call that buddy you've been blowing off for a year because of this, and ask if he wants to go have a beer.

 

[LivingInMyth]

I just wish she would finally come clean and provide me with the truth. Did any of it mean anything? Or was it all just a lie? I think I deserve at least that much.

And this too shall pass. Most of us have had our heart stomped on at one point or another. It's how you learn to grow, respect yourself, and others. It's why you'll learn to be a better partner in future relationships. This is a necessary hump in the growing process. It's super painful, unimaginably so, but it'll go away, albeit slowly. Stop thinking about her, stop going on camsites, do something constructive. Stop imagining the alternate realities where things went differently. Eventually you will be able to think about her without expectation, anger, hate, revenge, or wanting. That's not right now, get her out of your head, preferably by doing something constructive.

Best of luck, turn this into a positive life lesson.

Thank you for your kind words. And no more cam sites for me. That is a lesson that I have learned.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Oh boy...

First off @mynameisbob84 and @justjoinedtopost dem poetry skillz...I'm wet bb. Yass.

Secondly, @LivingInMyth....you have a great voice and wonderful songwriting skills, I really think you should look at a way to make those things a profession, because it seems like it'll be a positive and fulfilling thing for you. You do write well also.

So I have a very similar experience to share, from a model perspective. I'm going to share it because even though I never talk about it, I think you need to hear it in any case. I have someone like you. Identical to you in all the ways that you described. And I have a story like hers, minus the hating my job and forced sex work part. I too was sexually assaulted, in and out of a relationship. Truth is, almost every woman has been. You can't let that be the key to your wallet, as harsh as it sounds.

Anyway, when my person met me online, things were really terrible. And he too wanted to help me out of a rough spot. The difference is, I WANTED the help, plus I respected him enough to let him know my boundaries. I too live abroad, though not in Europe, so of course, if you didn't know me, I might seem scammy too (not sure what it is about everyone always assuming foreign models are out to scam, but anyway, that's another thought for a different day). Anyway, this person pulled me out of the darkest time in my life and got me back on my feet so I could start again and make things better for myself.

Has he contributed to my financial wellbeing? Yes. I started a separate savings account thanks to his generosity and pretty much haven't struggled since because I've been able to invest in all the things you need to have, to camgirl well. Am I solely dependent on him? No. He gave me the starter kit, but I made it work and he knows this. Would I meet him? Yes. He is possibly the only customer I have ever wanted to meet, to thank him in person for having such a profound effect on him. If he ever said he didn't have money, I'd still chat to him because he's more than an ATM to me, and I respect him enough to not drive him into debt or make him make bad life decisions. This respect seems absent on her end.

Now, I understand that your girl might be nervous, but I highly doubt its because of her studio. It sounds to me like she's tied up in something else a lot worse and is just using the studio to cover. You need to be really careful because you could end up coming to some serious harm here if you don;t know the whole picture. At this rate I'd say that you shouldn't even travel over there, just be safe, stay home and focus on re-couping some of your lost savings.

Trust me, if she wanted to, she'd make this work. She'd reach you on twitter or via email or something, there are so many ways to cover your tracks on the web.

Appreciate the post. But you were honest about your boundaries. I asked mine to marry me and she said yes. Was going to give her the ring when we met. She always called me her fiancee. Until the night she said she needed time alone (3 days before I was leaving for Romania) then she didn't have much to say.

3.8 carat black diamond. This is what she wanted. This is what I got her.



And this although in white with burnt edges



Sorry, yes I am bitter right now.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Sorry to take up so much bandwidth.

 

[LivingInMyth]

And this as a reminder of the pain that I've gone through.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Oh boy...

First off @mynameisbob84 and @justjoinedtopost dem poetry skillz...I'm wet bb. Yass.

Secondly, @LivingInMyth....you have a great voice and wonderful songwriting skills, I really think you should look at a way to make those things a profession, because it seems like it'll be a positive and fulfilling thing for you. You do write well also.

So I have a very similar experience to share, from a model perspective. I'm going to share it because even though I never talk about it, I think you need to hear it in any case. I have someone like you. Identical to you in all the ways that you described. And I have a story like hers, minus the hating my job and forced sex work part. I too was sexually assaulted, in and out of a relationship. Truth is, almost every woman has been. You can't let that be the key to your wallet, as harsh as it sounds.

Anyway, when my person met me online, things were really terrible. And he too wanted to help me out of a rough spot. The difference is, I WANTED the help, plus I respected him enough to let him know my boundaries. I too live abroad, though not in Europe, so of course, if you didn't know me, I might seem scammy too (not sure what it is about everyone always assuming foreign models are out to scam, but anyway, that's another thought for a different day). Anyway, this person pulled me out of the darkest time in my life and got me back on my feet so I could start again and make things better for myself.

Has he contributed to my financial wellbeing? Yes. I started a separate savings account thanks to his generosity and pretty much haven't struggled since because I've been able to invest in all the things you need to have, to camgirl well. Am I solely dependent on him? No. He gave me the starter kit, but I made it work and he knows this. Would I meet him? Yes. He is possibly the only customer I have ever wanted to meet, to thank him in person for having such a profound effect on him. If he ever said he didn't have money, I'd still chat to him because he's more than an ATM to me, and I respect him enough to not drive him into debt or make him make bad life decisions. This respect seems absent on her end.

Now, I understand that your girl might be nervous, but I highly doubt its because of her studio. It sounds to me like she's tied up in something else a lot worse and is just using the studio to cover. You need to be really careful because you could end up coming to some serious harm here if you don;t know the whole picture. At this rate I'd say that you shouldn't even travel over there, just be safe, stay home and focus on re-couping some of your lost savings.

Trust me, if she wanted to, she'd make this work. She'd reach you on twitter or via email or something, there are so many ways to cover your tracks on the web.

My primary mistake was in not acknowledging that she would find a way to reach out if she really wanted to. That should of been a hint.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Also couldn't hurt to call that buddy you've been blowing off for a year because of this, and ask if he wants to go have a beer.

I think I'll just spend some quality time with the babies .

 

[LivingInMyth]

Hopefully I can start to recover and start to live a normal life.

 

[LivingInMyth]

Maybe I will take the songs and poems that I wrote for her on the road as a catharsis? This is going to be hard to get over.

 

[OldHippy]

I am sorry to hear what has happened to you. We have all been there when someone we love has rejected us.

There are 5 stages to grief, you by the sound of it are still in the first stage, denial. Next will come anger, then bargaining, then depression and finally acceptance. How long you spend on each stage is up to you. Get some help, either talk to a friend or someone professionally. Most of us who have ever loved will remember your pain, it does end and it will get better.

Good luck.