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Feeling strangely guilty about leaving a model..?

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Mar 6, 2022
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Hey, I'm not quite sure if this is as much a vent as a question. I'm still trying to make sense of a recent experience.

Long story short, I met a model from Romania on MFC and ended up spending more money and way more times in her room last month then I expected or wanted to and not because I was even into her, it was primarily because I felt sorry for her. (She didn't feed me a sob story, I could read between the lines that her circumstances are not good.)

I last visited her two weeks ago and told her that I didn't think I would be on much because I was going to be focusing on other things because of Roe v. Wade being overturned, which is true.

And I could just close the account that she knows me from and disappear. I'm wondering if it would be wrong of me to do so? What would you reccomend?
 

AmberCutie

ACF Owner & Admin. (I don't work for CB.)
Staff member
Cam Model
Mar 1, 2010
29,113
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AmberLand (Seattle, WA)
Twitter Username
@amberlynnegirl
MFC Username
AmberCutie
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/1000458969/AmberCutie/
And I could just close the account that she knows me from and disappear. I'm wondering if it would be wrong of me to do so? What would you reccomend?
Closing an account/making a new one (assuming you want to be on MFC) seems overkill.

Have you tried just logging on and going to other rooms, and if so does she PM you asking why you aren't in her room? If not, just go with it and hang in rooms you enjoy. If she bugs, put her on ignore/block her.
 
Mar 6, 2022
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Closing an account/making a new one (assuming you want to be on MFC) seems overkill.

Have you tried just logging on and going to other rooms, and if so does she PM you asking why you aren't in her room? If not, just go with it and hang in rooms you enjoy. If she bugs, put her on ignore/block her.


It's not that she's a bad person at all, you understand. I woke up and realised that I didn't enjoy being in her dead room and particularly didn't care for the few regulars in there. If she were to ask me why I stopped going there I think I would tell her.

And I actually did make a new account to create a username that I like better. But I don't exactly go on MFC every day, which is why I said above that some people here who know that may be surprised at my misadventure.

Maybe it would be best if I faded?
 
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AmberCutie

ACF Owner & Admin. (I don't work for CB.)
Staff member
Cam Model
Mar 1, 2010
29,113
7
122,001
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AmberLand (Seattle, WA)
Twitter Username
@amberlynnegirl
MFC Username
AmberCutie
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/1000458969/AmberCutie/
It's not that she's a bad person at all, you understand.
Definitely. Didn't assume that at all.

Maybe it would be best if I faded?
If you don't go on MFC all that much anyway, this would be easy. Take a breather, when you go back see how ya feel and if she messages decide if you wanna tell her. And if it feels better to be on a new name, go with that.

It ain't no thing but a chicken wing. Or whatever the kids say these days.
 
May 31, 2021
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Neither you nor the model owe each other anything. Don't feel bad. We as users will never be more than customers and fans so why waste any energy overthinking what is ultimately a parasocial relationship? The goal of cam shows are to have some fun and if you aren't it's time to move on. If the tables were turned and she didn't want you there she wouldn't owe you an explanation either.
 
It's not that she's a bad person at all, you understand. I woke up and realised that I didn't enjoy being in her dead room and particularly didn't care for the few regulars in there. If she were to ask me why I stopped going there I think I would tell her.

Well you're a nice person, so if you do tell her, I'm sure you can make it sound nicer than you "not enjoying being in her dead room." That time you recently visited me on MFC and chatted with me and tipped me, I enjoyed it very much. :) But it did sting a little when you'd said something along the lines of "Ouch, it's dead in here." Lol. Now I know you didn't mean any harm, but as a model it doesn't feel good to have a member say that aloud in the public chat. We know it's dead, and we're trying to keep smiling and jammin' to the music to get through it...without going crazy and yelling "FUCK THIS SHIT!" :rofl:

Even though it's unfortunate for us (good models with low camscores) when members pass us by because of our dead rooms, I understand where you are coming from. Things are more fun for you when it's a handful of members chatting and tipping, instead of just one member doing it all. Trust me...it's more fun for us (models) too when more members are participating.
 
Mar 24, 2019
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Have you tried just logging on and going to other rooms, and if so does she PM you asking why you aren't in her room? If not, just go with it and hang in rooms you enjoy. If she bugs, put her on ignore/block her.

I don't know much about MFC, can users turn that feature off to where they appear offline to everyone? if a user blocks someone can the model tell shes been blocked?
 
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Lilly_____

Cam Model
Jun 7, 2022
249
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Twitter Username
@LillyUnderscore
MFC Username
Lilly_____
Streamate Username
LillyManara
You're such a sweet and pleasant company whenever you pass by so I'm sure that if you decide to tell her you'll be nice about it.

That said, I don't really see the need of saying anything at all. As a model I don't really mind when I haven't seen a regular in a while; some of them, if they're not there everyday, I only remember exist when they come in. On MFC if a member added me as a friend I'll see them online and a lot of times they'll spend hours online and not in my room. Some came once and tipped for friend add and never came back. Some are always online, sometimes in my room, sometimes not. But most aren't my friends so in that case and ond SM I don't think I'd be able to tell if I one was to be gone forever and if that happens another will come. This is a job, remember that. We're not there to make friends. If you were to feel responsible for helping every girl who's going through a tough time you'd be out of money for yourself.

TL,DR: You're very kind and sweet and that shows. You're not a bad person for not visiting a room anymore.

But it did sting a little when you'd said something along the lines of "Ouch, it's dead in here."
Oh, this... you did the same to me and I know you didn't mean it but this hits right where it hurts!
 
Mar 6, 2022
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Well you're a nice person, so if you do tell her, I'm sure you can make it sound nicer than you "not enjoying being in her dead room." That time you recently visited me on MFC and chatted with me and tipped me, I enjoyed it very much. :) But it did sting a little when you'd said something along the lines of "Ouch, it's dead in here." Lol. Now I know you didn't mean any harm, but as a model it doesn't feel good to have a member say that aloud in the public chat. We know it's dead, and we're trying to keep smiling and jammin' to the music to get through it...without going crazy and yelling "FUCK THIS SHIT!" :rofl:

Even though it's unfortunate for us (good models with low camscores) when members pass us by because of our dead rooms, I understand where you are coming from. Things are more fun for you when it's a handful of members chatting and tipping, instead of just one member doing it all. Trust me...it's more fun for us (models) too when more members are participating.

OMG, I'm so sorry! Yes, I remember that time; it was last month and also on a late Monday night! But I was talking about *MFC* being quiet at that hour, not your room in particular!


Re this model, it is her room though, but I'm hardly in a position to advise her to up her game; I told her about ACF. *shrugs*
 

AudriTwo

Cam Model
Jul 25, 2014
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audritwo
most seasoned models are used to members never coming back into their rooms only to keep having an active account. it's part of the job. every member essentially has a shelf life. the nine years i've been at this i can count on one hand the regulars that have been committed to watching my streams since the beginning.

don't feel bad. if she isn't aware, she needs to learn not to get too attached or dependent on members.

Re this model, it is her room though, but I'm hardly in a position to advise her to up her game; I told her about ACF. *shrugs*
some models aren't interested in learning how to better their streams/hustle/other eggs. i recommend this forum to new/struggling models all the time. can lead a horse to water, can't make them drink it.
 

Miss_Lollipop

Cam Model
Feb 7, 2011
7,601
38,195
293
www.miss-lollipop.com
Twitter Username
@MissLollipopMFC
MFC Username
Miss_Lollipop
Clips4Sale URL
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In general, it's not a great idea to point out deadness of any sort (especially in public chat) - just as a general etiquette note. It's one of those comments that can bring down the mood. If it's quiet I bet that the model knows already and when others see it it can literally *create* less incentive to tip/stay in a room. Keep things positive when chatting in public chat is a good rule of thumb!
 
Oh, this... you did the same to me and I know you didn't mean it but this hits right where it hurts!

You’re talking to ArcticKitty (Not me), right?
 

AmberCutie

ACF Owner & Admin. (I don't work for CB.)
Staff member
Cam Model
Mar 1, 2010
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AmberLand (Seattle, WA)
Twitter Username
@amberlynnegirl
MFC Username
AmberCutie
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/1000458969/AmberCutie/
I don't know much about MFC, can users turn that feature off to where they appear offline to everyone? if a user blocks someone can the model tell shes been blocked?
There is no invisible mode. If you're logged in people will know. Browsing as a guest is the only way to appear offline.

I'm not sure what it looks like on the models' end if they're blocked. Blocking makes the model's room not appear on the user's homepage. Ignoring makes all of the model's messages/mail/PM not show up for the user. I don't think you can tell when you're put on ignore, I believe it looks like messages go through.
 
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MarieElise

Cam Model
Dec 19, 2019
5,292
10,976
131
Twitter Username
@EliMarie717
Streamate Username
MarieElise
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/328205/EliMarie717/
Clips4Sale URL
https://www.clips4sale.com/studio/92217/marie717
Hey, I'm not quite sure if this is as much a vent as a question. I'm still trying to make sense of a recent experience.

Long story short, I met a model from Romania on MFC and ended up spending more money and way more times in her room last month then I expected or wanted to and not because I was even into her, it was primarily because I felt sorry for her. (She didn't feed me a sob story, I could read between the lines that her circumstances are not good.)

I last visited her two weeks ago and told her that I didn't think I would be on much because I was going to be focusing on other things because of Roe v. Wade being overturned, which is true.

And I could just close the account that she knows me from and disappear. I'm wondering if it would be wrong of me to do so? What would you reccomend?
Most models I’ve read on here only want a heads up if it’s a whale leaving. Personally I wouldn’t want anyone clogging up my chat or inbox with goodbyes and unnecessary explanations.

Each model is different. I’ve had a few members do it in the past who were average spenders at best, and I felt really uncomfortable, awkward and really wished they hadn’t bothered tripping over it. Sorry to be blunt. It’s just one of those things some people do with models that I don’t get. However, that being said lots of other models have said on this forum that if it’s someone they consider a whale, they appreciate a heads up. So maybe I’m just emotionally distant or something.

Most of the whales I’ve had eventually stop getting shows but pop back once in a while for a brief hi. I’ll ask how their gardens going briefly or how their dog is, and say it was nice seeing them. I like that way of handling things. But just a personal preference, every model is different.

I guess just to qualify I never understand the reason some members do that. Like I feel like they want me to put on some theatrical reaction when it would be totally fake. Sorry I’m just weird.
 
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Miss_Lollipop

Cam Model
Feb 7, 2011
7,601
38,195
293
www.miss-lollipop.com
Twitter Username
@MissLollipopMFC
MFC Username
Miss_Lollipop
Clips4Sale URL
http://clips4sale.com/store/46293/misslollipop
Most models I’ve read on here only want a heads up if it’s a whale leaving. Personally I wouldn’t want anyone clogging up my chat or inbox with goodbyes and unnecessary explanations.

Each model is different. I’ve had a few members do it in the past who were average spenders at best, and I felt really uncomfortable, awkward and really wished they hadn’t bothered tripping over it. Sorry to be blunt. It’s just one of those things some people do with models that I don’t get. However, that being said lots of other models have said on this forum that if it’s someone they consider a whale, they appreciate a heads up. So maybe I’m just emotionally distant or something.
The reason we want the heads up with whales is to help us prepare for a significant loss in income.

I personally like being told if someone is moving on BUT only if they have been a regular for an extended period. When folks go offline after 2 3 years of me speaking to them regularly I do worry.
 

MarieElise

Cam Model
Dec 19, 2019
5,292
10,976
131
Twitter Username
@EliMarie717
Streamate Username
MarieElise
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/328205/EliMarie717/
Clips4Sale URL
https://www.clips4sale.com/studio/92217/marie717
The reason we want the heads up with whales is to help us prepare for a significant loss in income.

I personally like being told if someone is moving on BUT only if they have been a regular for an extended period. When folks go offline after 2 3 years of me speaking to them regularly I do worry.
Yes I figured. I’ve never really had anyone go offline completely after years. They usually pop back and say hi, just not as frequent. It’s never been something that worries me with income, because it’s always been made up by others .

ETA; If something bad happened to them or something I’d rather live in denial and just imagine them happy but too busy to see me as much anymore. Or having a new relationship where they are 100% sexually satisfied. Like I couldn’t handle it if someone passed away or something bad happened. Having silence let’s my mind stay wearing rose tinted glasses if that makes sense, and let’s me weave my own happy story about them and how they are doing.
 
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There is no invisible mode. If you're logged in people will know. Browsing as a guest is the only way to appear offline.

I’ve had the occasional anonymous tip before on MFC. Somewhat recently I was live on there, and there was someone tipping me who didn’t appear in my chatroom user list at all. And I’m pretty sure not even in the PM Viewer list. If I’m remembering correctly, they were leaving tip notes for “ass clap/flash” and things like that which were coming directly from my MFC Share tip menu page. I can’t remember if their screen name was shown to me as anonymous or if he did have a screen name visible to me. But he made me happy, and the way the tips were displayed, I just figured he’s watching and tipping me directly from my MFC Share page.
 
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AmberCutie

ACF Owner & Admin. (I don't work for CB.)
Staff member
Cam Model
Mar 1, 2010
29,113
7
122,001
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AmberLand (Seattle, WA)
Twitter Username
@amberlynnegirl
MFC Username
AmberCutie
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/1000458969/AmberCutie/
I’ve had the occasional anonymous tip before on MFC. Somewhat recently I was live on there, and there was someone tipping me who didn’t appear in my chatroom user list at all. And I’m pretty sure not even in the PM Viewer list. If I’m remembering correctly, they were leaving tip notes for “ass clap/flash” and things like that which were coming directly from my MFC Share tip menu page. I can’t remember if their screen name was shown to me as anonymous or if he did have a screen name visible to me. But he made me happy, and the way the tips were displayed, I just figured he’s watching and tipping me directly from my MFC Share page.
Oh good point! He may have been watching as a guest and on your Share page in a different browser/window. OR you could be right and he was watching your live from Share and he just never showed in your room.

I kind of forgot since Share came around that this sort of thing is possible.
 
Mar 6, 2022
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Neither you nor the model owe each other anything. Don't feel bad. We as users will never be more than customers and fans so why waste any energy overthinking what is ultimately a parasocial relationship? The goal of cam shows are to have some fun and if you aren't it's time to move on. If the tables were turned and she didn't want you there she wouldn't owe you an explanation either.

Thank you, I understand how it is. This was a somewhat unique situation I found myself in, actually.
 
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I don't know much about MFC, can users turn that feature off to where they appear offline to everyone? if a user blocks someone can the model tell shes been blocked?

I'm afraid not. I asked about it once myself. Amber told me that on MFC, someone can friend you and get alerted when you're online and there's nothing you can do about it. unless you want to guest.
 
Mar 6, 2022
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You're such a sweet and pleasant company whenever you pass by so I'm sure that if you decide to tell her you'll be nice about it.

That said, I don't really see the need of saying anything at all. As a model I don't really mind when I haven't seen a regular in a while; some of them, if they're not there everyday, I only remember exist when they come in. On MFC if a member added me as a friend I'll see them online and a lot of times they'll spend hours online and not in my room. Some came once and tipped for friend add and never came back. Some are always online, sometimes in my room, sometimes not. But most aren't my friends so in that case and ond SM I don't think I'd be able to tell if I one was to be gone forever and if that happens another will come. This is a job, remember that. We're not there to make friends. If you were to feel responsible for helping every girl who's going through a tough time you'd be out of money for yourself.

TL,DR: You're very kind and sweet and that shows. You're not a bad person for not visiting a room anymore.


Oh, this... you did the same to me and I know you didn't mean it but this hits right where it hurts!

Fuckall, I'm sorry, Lilly.

Yeah, it was a weird dynamic with her. I'm not sure I want to go into it here or if you would want to read it. But she "blurred the lines".


btw, I really don't make a habit of hanging out in rooms of models I know/recognise from ACF; I may just stop by and say hi to someone I'm friendly with if I happen to see her and am fairly sure she wouldn't mind.
 
Mar 6, 2022
429
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most seasoned models are used to members never coming back into their rooms only to keep having an active account. it's part of the job. every member essentially has a shelf life. the nine years i've been at this i can count on one hand the regulars that have been committed to watching my streams since the beginning.

don't feel bad. if she isn't aware, she needs to learn not to get too attached or dependent on members.


some models aren't interested in learning how to better their streams/hustle/other eggs. i recommend this forum to new/struggling models all the time. can lead a horse to water, can't make them drink it.

I agree 100%, Audri. And as far as getting too attached, I know it's hard to believe but I think she actually had/s a crush on me. (I trust you know by now that I'm not prone to delusions. Or would encourage anything romantic.)
 
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Mar 6, 2022
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Most models I’ve read on here only want a heads up if it’s a whale leaving. Personally I wouldn’t want anyone clogging up my chat or inbox with goodbyes and unnecessary explanations.

Each model is different. I’ve had a few members do it in the past who were average spenders at best, and I felt really uncomfortable, awkward and really wished they hadn’t bothered tripping over it. Sorry to be blunt. It’s just one of those things some people do with models that I don’t get. However, that being said lots of other models have said on this forum that if it’s someone they consider a whale, they appreciate a heads up. So maybe I’m just emotionally distant or something.

Most of the whales I’ve had eventually stop getting shows but pop back once in a while for a brief hi. I’ll ask how their gardens going briefly or how their dog is, and say it was nice seeing them. I like that way of handling things. But just a personal preference, every model is different.

I guess just to qualify I never understand the reason some members do that. Like I feel like they want me to put on some theatrical reaction when it would be totally fake. Sorry I’m just weird.

No, you're not weird in this, some users have strange motivations. I do understand that in MFC rooms where conversation is a large part of the draw, both users and models often like it if they didn't just vanish. If it's "Spurt! Game Over.", then I don't think there is the same concern. But I'm guessing.


sigh...I really didn't express myself well in this thread but I didn't want to write an article of background for context.
 
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No, you're not weird in this, some users have strange motivations. I do understand that in MFC rooms where conversation is a large part of the draw, both users and models often like it if they didn't just vanish. If it's "Spurt! Game Over.", then I don't think there is the same concern. But I'm guessing.


sigh...I really didn't express myself well in this thread but I didn't want to write an article of background for context.

I’ve gotten the sympathy pangs before when I’ve decided to stop visiting a model. Although I completely embrace the idea that models and members don’t owe each other anything, I’m still a human being. I don’t enjoy the feeling of ghosting someone that might be having a hard time.

Seems like you’re in that position now, ArcticKitty. Most of the time I’m cool to just leave when I’m not having fun anymore. But there was a model last year that was really going through it. She used to fill me in daily and ask me to make her laugh, cheer her up with jokes etc.

I ended up reducing how often I visited and eventually stopping… and although I didn’t feel obligated to that model, I still felt kind of shitty for leaving. But my experience in her room went from a fun, entertaining time to feeling like a chore that I had to complete because someone might be sad if I didn’t. Kind of a dramatic shift for a page meant for entertainment.
 

MarieElise

Cam Model
Dec 19, 2019
5,292
10,976
131
Twitter Username
@EliMarie717
Streamate Username
MarieElise
ManyVids URL
https://www.manyvids.com/Profile/328205/EliMarie717/
Clips4Sale URL
https://www.clips4sale.com/studio/92217/marie717
No, you're not weird in this, some users have strange motivations. I do understand that in MFC rooms where conversation is a large part of the draw, both users and models often like it if they didn't just vanish. If it's "Spurt! Game Over.", then I don't think there is the same concern. But I'm guessing.


sigh...I really didn't express myself well in this thread but I didn't want to write an article of background for context.
Yeah, I guess I'm just thinking of it from a time management and mathematical perspective. If every user sent a goodbye, and an explanation, it would be a little much to manage and keep up with, and not super fair.

From my perspective I've had users write lengthy goodbyes, where they were projecting weird shit, and I guess doing their own "reading between the lines", but it ended up just being imaginary ramblings, you know. Don't get me wrong I like to read but ... the entertainment value or prospect to learn something cool/ interesting content in some of those messages was pretty ... um... yeah lol. Like it wasn't dudes like Edgar Allan Poe or anything writing me lengthy prose. It was more crazy, drunk John from down the bar, after a long week (and yet another fight w his wife presumably). So I always see this specific question/ issue from that perspective only.

But it sounds like you have some kind of a special situation that's a little more complex. And I agree with you, without writing out a big long story with more details, someone like me probably isn't going to get it. I'm happy to hear more about it though if you want a listening ear, you've always been cool to me.
 
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Mar 6, 2022
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I’ve gotten the sympathy pangs before when I’ve decided to stop visiting a model. Although I completely embrace the idea that models and members don’t owe each other anything, I’m still a human being. I don’t enjoy the feeling of ghosting someone that might be having a hard time.

Seems like you’re in that position now, ArcticKitty. Most of the time I’m cool to just leave when I’m not having fun anymore. But there was a model last year that was really going through it. She used to fill me in daily and ask me to make her laugh, cheer her up with jokes etc.

I ended up reducing how often I visited and eventually stopping… and although I didn’t feel obligated to that model, I still felt kind of shitty for leaving. But my experience in her room went from a fun, entertaining time to feeling like a chore that I had to complete because someone might be sad if I didn’t. Kind of a dramatic shift for a page meant for entertainment.

Thank you, Smoothie, yes, that is the feeling I find myself with. the situation is very similar. And I don't want to be a cold bitch about it but I didn't go there hoping for the privilege of giving alms or to be a therapist.