How to not fall in Love w/ your favorite girl(s)?

[RogueWarrior]

I don't think I can empathize with your feelings, but I can offer up how it works for me.

Compartmentalization was the key for me. I had my favorites on MFC. Those that I was very comfortable with in their rooms. But that's it. MFC only. At one time I did get sucked into the whole exchanging IMs and such. But for me that got a little too personal.

There are models here on ACF that I still interact with, but only here through PMs. No emails, no IMs. Just here. Or an occasional drive-by of their room just to say hi and drop a small tip.

And that doesn't even address that the IRL me is not the same as the online me.

I'm not saying that is the way to go, just what works for me. No delusions or illusions.

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

For me, I think the safety switch comes from past experience. It wasn't with cam girls; a bit was online, the rest in person, but it still applies. When I was young, I didn't have a lot of girlfriends, so the handful of times I did have one, it naturally seemed very important to me, too important maybe. When things came to an end, as most things do, I didn't want to accept it, tried to hang on, and generally made a pathetic fool of myself. Surprise, this behavior didn't change anything, except to cost me some self-respect. So now I have this mental image of myself when I take things too seriously. I hate that image, and it generally holds me back from making too many assumptions about how someone feels about me because I never want to be like that again.

Take this to the cam girl situation, and try to see it realistically. I've made a few model friends. I like them, I care about them, and I think they're beautiful. Hopefully they like and care about me, a little. But - I can't honestly expect that it's more than a little and especially that they see me as more than a friend or ever will. I'm one guy among many that they see chatting with them on a website. Maybe I'll even become one of their favorites, but they still can't really know enough about me to seriously think I'm the one guy they need in their life. They haven't even seen me. Looked at one way, that could be depressing, but it's actually a good thing to know. It lets me enjoy my time on the cam site without getting obsessed and behaving in a way that will end up making me feel ashamed and foolish. I know this can only be real up to a very limited point, so I'm able to adjust my expectations accordingly.

If you've had any experiences in the past that made you feel the way I described, keep in mind that if you take your on-cam friends too seriously, you're setting yourself up to have that happen again. It's not even a maybe here; it's just about certain. Save your very serious feelings for real-life relationships (may be hard to come by, I know), where there's at least a chance things can turn out the way you hope they will.

 

[Beach_Love]

I'd take everything with a pinch of salt. People usually fall for camgirls/people they meet online because they're missing something in their life. Quite often it's company they miss/crave, sometimes even when they have lots of company they're still lonely. Sometimes life is down in other areas and it's a form of escapism.

Couldn't agree more. Until a series of setbacks in my life I used to have a good social life and met and dated a lot of great girls and I have been using MFC to fill that void recently. On the other hand both of my friends are realtively new to camming,are very sweet and genuine girls and I would be very surprised if they weren't just like they were on cam as off. If they weren't just like IRL I wouldn't have bothered to get to know them. I guess that's the underlying problem, for me w/ Porn or a Model that I'm only physically attracted to and not on another level once I've "TCB" the relationship ends til next time. Bottom line is I had no idea camming could be so confusing at times LOL.

That said I am going to take these words to heart as I continue to be sexy online friends with these two amazing girls "We can provide entertainment/friendship/sexual relief, but do not fall in love with us."

I encourage any member who thinks like this to take a very long break from MFC. This is a quite unhealthy way of thinking and in most of the situations I've seen, a red flag for obsession.

I would like to clarify what I meant by that statement. After meeting them, and thinking that they seemed like sweet girls that would be fun to hang out w/ online. I went and checked out their profile pages. One is a student, the other a teacher, and both are very smart girls. One had a very simple one page Wishlist of things that would make any student's life easier, the other didn't even have a wishlist. I've never been given any sob stories or worked in any way an attempt to get tips, I tip what I can when I can and the girls' are always very appreciative. Outside of the occ. MFC mail I send (H R U? Here's a link to video of one of my fav bands, etc.) we don't communicate unless I'm in their room. When I go on MFC and I don't see them online I'm even happier than when I do b/c I know that for the most part we'd all rather be somewhere else than at work. I don't care what they're doing or who they're doing it with, I just hope they are happy and having fun. The same way I feel about any friend. Other than that I don't think about them until I see them again (or rub one out LOL). It took a while to get to this place but I'm glad I did. I really enjoy being sexy ONLINE FRIENDS w/ these girls and I know that my tips are helping them to achieve their goals in life, not just buy pretty things.

Would like to thank the AC forum for all your advice and for giving me a place to work this out. I did so in part in case anyone else could benefit from the resulting discussion and have been impressed by everyone's candor and willingness to share.

 

[Jupiter551]

I did so in part in case anyone else could benefit from the resulting discussion and have been impressed by everyone's candor and willingness to share.

Oh, there's no shortage of opinions around here good sir.

 

[Beach_Love]

Oh, there's no shortage of opinions around here good sir.

This place is pretty kick ass. I'm glad I found it. I love opinionated people, and think Honesty really is the best policy. I don't pull my punches but try not to take any cheap shots either. Id rather hear what someone really has to say than them try to blow smoke up my ass, I get enough of that here in LA.

 

[Beach_Love]

Flip Side of Coin/What's it mean when?

A friend demands that you Skype w/ her? I was hanging out in a friends room on a night when I could tip, when she said she was sorry but it was time for her to go to work (had also tipped her in adv. a few days prior for our next Skype). I said no worries, it's late here, I had an amazing time tonight, I have enough sexy memories of you to last me a lifetime and that the last thing I would want was for her to be late for work and that I was off to bed where I hoped I'd dream of her. Immed. got a PM that said SKYPE NOW.

Or when A friend asks you to turn your Cam on? I had been hanging out in her room, tipping well but no one else was so I said FTN and initiated and got GRP going. During GRP she asked why I was so quiet and if I liked what I saw, my reply was "Beautiful". Later she asked if there was anything "special" that I would like to see and my honest reply was "Just you having fun/making yourself feel good". Immed. got a PM asking if I would turn my cam on? LOL Said no, I need to maintain my status as a man of mystery JK I will in 20 days when I'm done my current Kettlebell progam and looking good again LOL.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

In order to function in life you have to be able to understand who is and is not "available".

I don't fall in love with any of these women because I understand they are "unavailable".

If one of them is available, I'm sure they'd let you know.

(you ladies will let me know right? :lol: )

I've let you know on several occasions, and yet you still won't take the hint. Jeez.

Oh my dear fluffeh... I got the hint. As soon as I win the lottery I'll hop a jet plane to the other side of the world to fetch you.
:lol:
Available yes, but unreachable. The gems are always on the other side of the planet.


Unless you'd fancy living in near poverty in a quiet backwater of of the US.

I suppose, I could learn to swim. This trip may take a while. :crybaby:

 

[Evvie]

Re: Flip Side of Coin/What's it mean when?

A friend demands that you Skype w/ her? I was hanging out in a friends room on a night when I could tip, when she said she was sorry but it was time for her to go to work (had also tipped her in adv. a few days prior for our next Skype). I said no worries, it's late here, I had an amazing time tonight, I have enough sexy memories of you to last me a lifetime and that the last thing I would want was for her to be late for work and that I was off to bed where I hoped I'd dream of her. Immed. got a PM that said SKYPE NOW.

Or when A friend asks you to turn your Cam on? I had been hanging out in her room, tipping well but no one else was so I said FTN and initiated and got GRP going. During GRP she asked why I was so quiet and if I liked what I saw, my reply was "Beautiful". Later she asked if there was anything "special" that I would like to see and my honest reply was "Just you having fun/making yourself feel good". Immed. got a PM asking if I would turn my cam on? LOL Said no, I need to maintain my status as a man of mystery JK I will in 20 days when I'm done my current Kettlebell progam and looking good again LOL.

I don't know what an immed is, but I feel like you're reading way too much in to what models say to you. Not every action a model makes is shrouded in mystery. Occam's razor, bro.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Re: Flip Side of Coin/What's it mean when?

A friend demands that you Skype w/ her? I was hanging out in a friends room on a night when I could tip, when she said she was sorry but it was time for her to go to work (had also tipped her in adv. a few days prior for our next Skype). I said no worries, it's late here, I had an amazing time tonight, I have enough sexy memories of you to last me a lifetime and that the last thing I would want was for her to be late for work and that I was off to bed where I hoped I'd dream of her. Immed. got a PM that said SKYPE NOW.

Or when A friend asks you to turn your Cam on? I had been hanging out in her room, tipping well but no one else was so I said FTN and initiated and got GRP going. During GRP she asked why I was so quiet and if I liked what I saw, my reply was "Beautiful". Later she asked if there was anything "special" that I would like to see and my honest reply was "Just you having fun/making yourself feel good". Immed. got a PM asking if I would turn my cam on? LOL Said no, I need to maintain my status as a man of mystery JK I will in 20 days when I'm done my current Kettlebell progam and looking good again LOL.

I don't know what an immed is, but I feel like you're reading way too much in to what models say to you. Not every action a model makes is shrouded in mystery. Occam's razor, bro.

I think he means IM'd, as in like, an instant message? Maybe, I dunno.

But, dood, for the sake of your own sanity, you can't read into every minute interaction between you and this girl (these girls?) and mine them for meaning that simply isn't there.
A model PMing you about doing a Skype session (that you'd already paid for) at a time that was (presumably) most convenient for her and a model asking you to open your cam are no more loaded with meaning or nuance than a Michael Bay film (rimshot :-D ).

I don't mean to sound like a dick here, I just urge you not to set yourself up for disappointment down the line, ya know? Cruel to be kind and all that...

 

[LailaBaise]

I think he means immediately. and yeah, this!

A model PMing you about doing a Skype session (that you'd already paid for) at a time that was (presumably) most convenient for her and a model asking you to open your cam are no more loaded with meaning or nuance than a Michael Bay film (rimshot :-D ).

I don't mean to sound like a dick here, I just urge you not to set yourself up for disappointment down the line, ya know? Cruel to be kind and all that...

 

[Jupiter551]

Re: Flip Side of Coin/What's it mean when?

A friend demands that you Skype w/ her? I was hanging out in a friends room on a night when I could tip, when she said she was sorry but it was time for her to go to work (had also tipped her in adv. a few days prior for our next Skype). I said no worries, it's late here, I had an amazing time tonight, I have enough sexy memories of you to last me a lifetime and that the last thing I would want was for her to be late for work and that I was off to bed where I hoped I'd dream of her. Immed. got a PM that said SKYPE NOW.

Or when A friend asks you to turn your Cam on? I had been hanging out in her room, tipping well but no one else was so I said FTN and initiated and got GRP going. During GRP she asked why I was so quiet and if I liked what I saw, my reply was "Beautiful". Later she asked if there was anything "special" that I would like to see and my honest reply was "Just you having fun/making yourself feel good". Immed. got a PM asking if I would turn my cam on? LOL Said no, I need to maintain my status as a man of mystery JK I will in 20 days when I'm done my current Kettlebell progam and looking good again LOL.

I don't know what an immed is, but I feel like you're reading way too much in to what models say to you. Not every action a model makes is shrouded in mystery. Occam's razor, bro.

Yeah totally lol... for instance when she asks if you want to see anything "special" she's asking if you want her bent over the couch with one foot wedged over the opposite shoulder while pushing her index finger into her butt (for example), not if you want to see her standing at the altar in a wedding dress...

Incidentally, if you reall want to avoid developing feelings (I'm not sure you do btw) a good place to start would be to only tip for public/group stuff. It's a lot easier to remain light-hearted if you're not doing skypes and privates all the time...I mean you're PAYING her to lavish her attention on YOU, imagine your surprise when she does so, right?

 

[Beach_Love]

Re: Flip Side of Coin/What's it mean when?

Incidentally, if you reall want to avoid developing feelings (I'm not sure you do btw) a good place to start would be to only tip for public/group stuff. It's a lot easier to remain light-hearted if you're not doing skypes and privates all the time...I mean you're PAYING her to lavish her attention on YOU, imagine your surprise when she does so, right?

You are right, I do "want" to develop feelings for them just not unhealthy ones and I feel really good about where things are right now. In addition I feel luckier than ever to have met these two amazing girls. My last post was 1/2 in jest and 1/2 in response to "you can't really be friends with a model". I think one was really surprised that I wasn't interested in treating her like a marionette and the other that I wanted our next Skype to be when it was most convenient (and would be the most fun) for her. When I tip it doesn't feel like I'm paying for anything, more like I'm thanking them for their time and/or the fun we had/are going to have. I was chatting w/ one yesterday and it seemed like she was down. I had to drag it out of her that she was worried/scared about an upcoming visit to the doctor/possible health concern. Not once did she indicate in any way that she wanted or expected any financial help from me even after I told her that I was willing to do anything I could to help, she was just genuinely touched by my concern. During our chat sent her a tip w/ a note the gist of was that I knew she was worried and scared and I just wished I could give her a hug and that I hoped w/ my tip she would do something nice for herself that might take her mind of her troubles if just for a minute. You could feel the joy coming off the reply I received.

 

[AmyLemon]

Re: Flip Side of Coin/What's it mean when?

I was chatting w/ one yesterday and it seemed like she was down. I had to drag it out of her that she was worried/scared about an upcoming visit to the doctor/possible health concern. Not once did she indicate in any way that she wanted or expected any financial help from me even after I told her that I was willing to do anything I could to help, she was just genuinely touched by my concern. During our chat sent her a tip w/ a note the gist of was that I knew she was worried and scared and I just wished I could give her a hug and that I hoped w/ my tip she would do something nice for herself that might take her mind of her troubles if just for a minute. You could feel the joy coming off the reply I received.

Kidding...Kind of...

It is, without a doubt, very possible to have positive, non emotionally/financially draining, mutually beneficial cyber-sexual-flirtationships with models, and all the great models on MFC and elsewhere are very good at balancing your/their romantic & erotic fantasies with the right amount of honesty and integrity. But it's wise to never forget that we're also very, very cunning women.

You "concern tipped" out of genuine kindness and, well, concern, and that's a wonderful thing BUUUUT be aware that by establishing that you will tip for concern the relationship might turn Pavlovian on you (read: Pouting=Tipping, rinse and repeat) because we girls are very good at picking up on cues and there is a very strong correlation on MFC between heart strings and purse strings.

I'm certainly not suggesting that by tipping out of genuine kindness and concern you've suddenly found yourself hurtling down a path of exploitation and emotional ruin, but if you are as committed to avoiding unhealthy levels off attachment as you're suggesting then it would serve you well to also commit yourself to positive tipping. Positive tipping is tipping for sweet smiles, adorable giggles, dancing boobies, and a great performance to give these girls you adore positive reinforcement that serves as a building block to positive relationship building. Tipping for sadness and anxiety is a great way to get too attached and potentially wind up getting yourself exploited. I know you're just dying to get the inside scoop on these girls emotionally, and peek into their real lives and multifaceted personalities (and that's great because obviously you see them as much more than a collection of orifices!) but it's dangerous too. Whereas you could just choose to NOT pry into why they might be pouty that day and reward them for being positive and entertaining instead.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Miss Lemon, have you ever written a book about... anything. I for one, would buy it in a heartbeat :-D

 

[AmyLemon]

Miss Lemon, have you ever written a book about... anything. I for one, would buy it in a heartbeat :-D

Thanks buddy, I always feel like a "thread killer" though haha.

 

[LadyLuna]

Miss Lemon, have you ever written a book about... anything. I for one, would buy it in a heartbeat :-D

Thanks buddy, I always feel like a "thread killer" though haha.

That is because, once you've posted, everything that needed to be said has been said! :mrgreen:

 

[Jupiter551]

Miss Lemon, have you ever written a book about... anything. I for one, would buy it in a heartbeat :-D

Thanks buddy, I always feel like a "thread killer" though haha.

Thread murdererrrrrrr!! :-x

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

Another way occurs to me, which I've sort of been doing accidentally lately... Find and visit so many nifty ladies that it's impossible to fixate on any particular one (except while you're in her room, of course). The number of models on my friends list is growing, and sometimes I have to choose between more than one I'd like to go see, but it actually works pretty well in terms of treating them as friends rather than girlfriends. A friend is glad to see you but doesn't expect your attention every available moment. A few I've even met because they're friends of ones I already know. Since the models are not here to meet mates but usually are happy to have new friends, doing this seems to help even things out emotionally, and the cool ones are generally fine with you seeing other models as long as you still visit them sometimes. (and, naturally, it helps matters if you do tip when you visit if you only come by once in a while)

 

[southsamurai]

on another note, semi off topic. (yeah yeah, im bored again) i've found over the years that model friends kick ass. yeah, yer only really going to interact on MFC with the vast majority, but so what? most of my non-net based friends we only hang out in certain circumstances anyway. theres been 3 or 4 models that have my phone number, real name etc. they asked for it, i gave it and we talk here and there... all but one have retired from mfc so thats how we stay in contact.

theres been one or two models i could have fallen for if they lived down the road or something, but long distance net relationships suck dead donkey balls. i find it impossible to develop more than friendly affection for someone i cant shake hands with or hug. hell my current gf is about 1k miles away for the next year or two and it probly isnt gunna last unless she moves back here (id move there, but im not able to currently). love, real love, not just obsession or affectionate lust takes more than a skype convo once a month to maintain. hell it takes more than daily net based convo to last long.

all that being said, im easily bored anyway. my brain wont shut down so i run through my limits on repetition quickly. maybe someone less, i dunno, mentally frantic? could maintain that kind of interaction for a while, but ive seen it fall apart too often to place money on it.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Miss Lemon, have you ever written a book about... anything. I for one, would buy it in a heartbeat :-D

Thanks buddy, I always feel like a "thread killer" though haha.

:shock: It made me want to buy you things!

 

[Meoff_69]

First off...thank you Beach_Love for posting this. It really took a lot of balls to do so. And from what I gather, your post has been well received. And kudos to you again, for taking suggestions from both models and fellow members, with a positive and open mind. There have been too many OP's that have posted topics similar to this, but then turned into total freak-a-zoids when someone gave them an answer that showed the slightest bit of sarcasm, criticism, or dry humor! I've been known to post "novel-like" responses on here, so I WILL do my best to keep this short and to the point for everyone! :-D

To repeat...you are not the first, nor the last, to have this issue. I call it an issue because I'm man enough to admit to you and everyone else, that I also came to the edge of that "cliff" when I first started hanging out on MFC. I started w/ about 6 models that I followed. One of them, I was completely ga-ga over and I was ready to put myself into the poor house, just to make her happy and keep her smiling. Sound familiar? While I still visit her room from time to time, I don't visit her as much because I was letting my emotions get the better of me and my situation wasn't a healthy one. Don't get me wrong! Not once, did I consider doing really creepy things, like some MFC members have been known to do. I'm very thankful to have had members, or my "guardian angel", that gave me a loving slap upside the head from time to time. And who've also reminded me by basically saying, "Dude! Wake up! Come back down for a little while, ok?" And it's good that you've apparently not let yourself get to that level, either!

As time went on, I found myself becoming tight with a specific group of members and models. My own list of models that I follow VERY regularly, is now down to 3. I'm proud to call that particular group of models/members...friends of mine. Yes, I can say that I'm to the point of willing to do just about anything for them...something that friends do. BUT...that loyalty does, and must, have limits. I've said on here before that I would love to hang out with the group that I'm close to, outside of MFC. But there is this thing called, "reality." Don't get me wrong, Beach...I'm not trying to insult you or belittle you. I had to snap back into "reality" with the aforementioned model that I told you about. It sounds like maybe you might want to do the same. I don't know. One thing that's helped me, whenever I catch myself heading towards that "cliff" again, is that I look at MFC, these relationships, and this forum...as a 21st century version of having a pen-pal. Only this version is much better due to the obvious perks! LOL! While it's nice to hold on to the dream of one day meeting your pen-pal(s) you have to accept the fact that there's a slim to none chance that would ever happen. So for me, I'm just grateful for type of relationships that I have at the moment.

Miss Lemon nailed it! While I consider most of the ladies I've met on MFC to be sincere and down to earth, these ladies are also very cunning and savvy business owners. After all, this is entertainment. But that's because they have to be. Think of it as their "business model/plan." Can you imagine if you or I had to go up against at least a thousand other competitors on a daily basis, in our respective fields of work? I can't! I work in transportation and I only have to worry about 100 competitors. And that's nerve racking, enough! But, we all know that models are human beings with emotions and feelings, just like members. And it's always a good thing to treat ANY person you meet or interact with, with courtesy and respect. REGARDLESS if that person happens to be naked and doing naughty things on a webcam! LOL So I salute you for trying to be there for the model you're speaking of.

I wish you the best, and I hope you get through this with as little emotional strife as possible. Again, you are very brave to come out to a bunch of strangers and "put all the cards on the table." Hang tough and keep your chin up! Besides, there's a lot of people (including the person typing this) who deal with what you're going through! You're not alone! :thumbleft:

P.S....so much for a short post, eh? Sorry guys!! :mrgreen:

 

[Jupiter551]

Another way occurs to me, which I've sort of been doing accidentally lately... Find and visit so many nifty ladies that it's impossible to fixate on any particular one (except while you're in her room, of course). The number of models on my friends list is growing, and sometimes I have to choose between more than one I'd like to go see, but it actually works pretty well in terms of treating them as friends rather than girlfriends.

That's what I do, I visit many models regularly but rarely anyone every single day. I'm not sure if it's to avoid attachment, or I'm just an irascible manslut. Or both.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Another way occurs to me, which I've sort of been doing accidentally lately... Find and visit so many nifty ladies that it's impossible to fixate on any particular one (except while you're in her room, of course). The number of models on my friends list is growing, and sometimes I have to choose between more than one I'd like to go see, but it actually works pretty well in terms of treating them as friends rather than girlfriends.

That's what I do, I visit many models regularly but rarely anyone every single day. I'm not sure if it's to avoid attachment, or I'm just an irascible manslut. Or both.

I also think becoming close with an entire room, and not just the model is wise for those who feel like they may be vulnerable.

 

[victor0021]

I think the two biggest things are just accepting MFC for what it is and being happy with your life away from MFC. I think a lot of the guys that truly think they are in love with a cam model need to make sure they are happy with their life away from MFC first. If you aren't you can be trying to replace a real relationship with one you think exists on MFC. You are paying for entertainment on MFC nothing more, nothing less. Even if you are getting to know a model outside the site chances are the time she is spending with you is to help getting you to tip when she is online.

It doesn't mean you can't be friends with a model you visit, it just means you have to be ok with the fact that the exchange of money will probably always be expected on some level. I know there are exceptions to every rule, but most of the time this is the case. Me, i'm fine with that. I actually love that most of the time it ends when I log out.

 

[Jupiter551]

right, but that's just avoiding the fact that a lot of guys are probably ON mfc because they're NOT happy with their life - their marriage bores them, they're lonely - whatever.

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

Another way occurs to me, which I've sort of been doing accidentally lately... Find and visit so many nifty ladies that it's impossible to fixate on any particular one (except while you're in her room, of course). The number of models on my friends list is growing, and sometimes I have to choose between more than one I'd like to go see, but it actually works pretty well in terms of treating them as friends rather than girlfriends.

That's what I do, I visit many models regularly but rarely anyone every single day. I'm not sure if it's to avoid attachment, or I'm just an irascible manslut. Or both.

I also think becoming close with an entire room, and not just the model is wise for those who feel like they may be vulnerable.

This is definitely true. If you feel like everyone else in the room is just noise, you're going to be much more prone to fixate on the model. If you have friends in the room, it's easier to feel something like "she's cool; we all like her" and not get a mind set that she's just for you. Just for you is a very bad thing to think when you can't really have it.

 

[Always_Tim]

I also think becoming close with an entire room, and not just the model is wise for those who feel like they may be vulnerable.

Yes, this can certainly help quite a lot, especially if it's a model who has a really great group of guys as her regulars that you can get along with. In that caes it can help make her feel like just another part of your circle of friends, albeit the hot female member of the group. (I suppose I should admit that I'm speaking from first-hand experience on this topic.)