Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids
I'm not sure about the situation when it comes to reporting rape and not wanting to prosecute or have the man actually informed of it, but if there already is a system where the police can be told and charges don't have to be pressed, like a situation where the rapists name would be on file so if he acted again and someone else reported then it'd be clear that it's repeat behaviour. But for this situation to be worth anything rape victims would have to be encouraged to come forward and know that they wouldn't necessarily need to go through counselling etc. I mean loads of rape victims don't want counselling, they just want to forget about it. Meaning filing a police report with everything they remember and then leaving it would be the best option for them.
The situation with sleeping in the same beds as dudes... I've slept in the same bed as guys many times when I was younger, eventually I stopped, and I started getting pretty fed up with the dudes who would really pressure/try and force me, and when I say force, I don't mean they were hitting me or even overpowering/fighting me, but consistent mauling, me moving their hands away and saying no, and them repeating the process, again and again for hours until, depending on who it was either they'd eventually give up, or I'd eventually get so tired that I would. Personally I've never considered it rape, but it's borderline, and I know that other girls who are much more sensitive about who touch them probably would. I've even had guys say the next day that I didn't have a choice. They'd decided they were going to fuck me, and sure they weren't going to take me by force, but they were going to manipulate and harass me until I gave in. Most of the times that this has happened the reason I haven't wanted to have sex is because it's that time of the month... or I haven't shaven, reasons guys don't really care all that much about, but for me is an absolute nono to sex, so the guys have been told verbally nothing would happen.
The reason at the time for me sharing a bed with guys so much, I went out on the weekends, sometimes the weekdays from the age of 14, I had a fair amount of male friends, often I needed or other people needed places to crash. The last time someone pulled it off I'd allowed them to stay at mine, they'd managed to worm their way into my bed, and while I was half asleep he woke me up, me being only half conscious and horny had sex with him before knowing what the hell had happened. I wouldn't call it rape exactly... But that was the last time I ever tolerated someone being that much of a dweeb. After that on 2 occasions I had guys trying it, the initial no didn't work, but after very seriously being told to fuck off... yes... that worked, though the guy never spoke to me again. I think probably if I'd started acting like a "rape victim" should act I probably would have slept with half the people I have. I'd say around that many were guys who I fancied but didn't want to have sex with at the time, but was just me getting myself in those situations.
I don't think blaming the girl and saying "you shouldn't share a bed with a dude" is good enough. I love sharing beds with guys so long as they don't try and force me into anything. Most girls crave the closeness even though they don't want the sex, and most guys when told "we're not having sex tonight" say "that's absolutely fine" whilst thinking "she's just saying that....", and yeah sure, to someone experienced, or even just to a guy who knows how guys think, then it seems pretty stupid on the girls part, but girls think differently to guys, we think we've been totally clear, we don't think the same when it comes to sex. A younger, less experienced girl will not necessarily understand exactly what a dude around her own age could be capable of when he's horny and has a fit girl in his bed. I don't think she's at fault if he can't keep his hands to himself.
This is why I think there should be better education on this subject, and a way that boys who have done this without really thinking anything of it can have someone come and talk to them and give them a bit of a reality shock, maybe a tap on the wrists. Because although I personally have been through this many times and have never felt the trauma a rape victim might feel, my reaction isn't the same as other girls. I also think this form of "rape" is where you get girls standing up and saying they've been raped, when the guy doesn't think he's done anything wrong, and is one of the reasons that people think so many girls lie about being raped, I don't think they're lying, they just have a different concept of what rape is. I don't think these boys should be punished like a rapist might be because I think there's still hope for them. But I also think that an eye should be kept on dudes who do this to see if there's repeat behaviour and if it gets worse/more violent. Maybe I'm naive, but I think that a little education and understanding goes a long way and that especially younger men who do this should be given a chance to understand their actions aren't ok. If they are never told anything different then how would they know? As Boce said, if they're getting sex at the end of it then they probably think that's just how it's done.
