Your SigOther and Camming

[summerale]

Here's how I'd personally feel about that: The difference between what I do and what he'd be doing by chatting with other camgirls seems to be a big one. I'd take issue with him talking to them for free. At the very least it would be disrespectful towards me since he's flirting with other girls online while I'm doing my job (which I love...but a job nonetheless) in addition to wasting the other model's time. At worst he's spending OUR money to basically emotionally cheat on me. Spending money on a camgirl is buying a hell of a lot more than porn. Porn is totally cool in my book. It would only truly be a double standard if he worked as a cam model and I managed to somehow take issue. I'd like to say that I'd have no problem with that. But who knows, man. That's what a lot of people think, APPARENTLY. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, by the way. Just offering my perspective. Let it be known that I've looked up from my keyboard several times to argue with my fiance over a brand new and exciting problem! Me wanting to wait until we can get a better webcam/tripod before we finish up our couples account and go live. THE HORROR! HIS LIFE IS PAIN! PITY HIM! I HAVE COMMITTED HIGH TREASON PUNISHABLE BY DEATH IN THE FORM OF SAD PUPPY DOG FACES. Seriously! I want answers, man meat! Explain your fellow man!

Isn't that sort of being hypocritical? It wouldn't necessarily be emotionally cheating nor would it be necessarily flirting. However, can you really get upset with him for some flirting online, when you have to flirt with members?

 

[Empress Mika]

I think this would really depend on the couple, their viewpoints and how they feel about it. It can certainly work but it can also certainly not work and create a lot of tension. I would think it's best to have open communication about it and time together as well (luckily, caming is a job where you can pick when to work)... but this has to be with the right person, haha.

I was always someone that thought that I would be married young and it was very important to me to find true love with my soul mate. I viewed this as the ultimate form of happiness and always something to aspire to.

On my quest of finding true love, I was in a relationship where I was constantly put down about caming, despite him stating he was okay with it. I would get comments about how "showing off" my body is the only skill I have and is the only way I can make money and that he just "has" to deal with it otherwise I wouldn't have a job. He would frequently question how I felt about my regulars and state that he gets jealous with I talk with them off cam, among other things. Needless to say that eventually, along with other factors, the relationship didn't work out despite my best efforts to communicate and show him that he was more important than caming. I even offered to quit caming and just be with him, but he wouldn't be satisfied with that either because he wanted a hard working girl ...just not camming as we discovered. I wouldn't say that it ended just because of caming but it was certainly a big factor.

I've since joked that I am married to MFC and am a girlfriend to everyone, haha. My life just works better for me being single and caming (and, even if I wasn't caming). If the right guy comes along, great, but I have since changed my views radically from before. Now, I believe that happiness is your own and it does not depend on another person. You don't have to be in love to be happy! This was a revelation for me. I'd even wager to say I'm happier without a relationship but I know this is just because of my bad experiences, haha. Honestly though, I cam so much that I don't even hate time to date or meet people anyway so... oh well! I am happy now that it just doesn't matter.

It's my hope that anyone in a relationship will find a great balance and a way to make it work where you both are the happiest you can be. If not, please be strong enough to be happier on your own and/or wait until the right person to come around. Never settle for less!

 

[kitty_love]

Here's how I'd personally feel about that: The difference between what I do and what he'd be doing by chatting with other camgirls seems to be a big one. I'd take issue with him talking to them for free. At the very least it would be disrespectful towards me since he's flirting with other girls online while I'm doing my job (which I love...but a job nonetheless) in addition to wasting the other model's time. At worst he's spending OUR money to basically emotionally cheat on me. Spending money on a camgirl is buying a hell of a lot more than porn. Porn is totally cool in my book. It would only truly be a double standard if he worked as a cam model and I managed to somehow take issue. I'd like to say that I'd have no problem with that. But who knows, man. That's what a lot of people think, APPARENTLY. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, by the way. Just offering my perspective. Let it be known that I've looked up from my keyboard several times to argue with my fiance over a brand new and exciting problem! Me wanting to wait until we can get a better webcam/tripod before we finish up our couples account and go live. THE HORROR! HIS LIFE IS PAIN! PITY HIM! I HAVE COMMITTED HIGH TREASON PUNISHABLE BY DEATH IN THE FORM OF SAD PUPPY DOG FACES. Seriously! I want answers, man meat! Explain your fellow man!

In this respect, I'm different. I'd be fine with him online talking to other models (we have mutual friends who cam, so that might be why), but spending more than a few tokens on them would bother me. Small amounts to show support would be alright, but spending a high number of tokens on another cam model would get to me.

After thinking about it, I've come up with two reasons why I may feel this way. First, we're saving up to get a place together, so I kind of feel like that money could be better spent either supporting me or put towards that goal. Second, spending tokens on me would raise my cam score (I'm going to be working on MFC), so I'd prefer he help me become more successful rather than using the majority of his tokens on another model.

I'm not sure if I'm making my thoughts clear as I just woke up, but hopefully I've explained it well enough.

 

[Ginger.Liqueur]

It's my hope that anyone in a relationship will find a great balance and a way to make it work where you both are the happiest you can be. If not, please be strong enough to be happier on your own and/or wait until the right person to come around. Never settle for less!

Being able to compromise so that both parties are content with the outcome of a situation is key. However, compromising for the sake of saving a relationship is bound to fail - resentment festers and the whole thing can blow up.

My partner and I are non-monogamous and we've applied some of those ground rules to camming. We don't live together, so his time is his time, my time is mine and when we're together we focus on each other. The only time I'd interact with someone else, or cam, with him in my house is if he were involved in some way.

We prioritize each other. I have no problem with him enjoying other cam girls (or taking another lady out on a date) but there are restrictions. He cannot spoil someone more than he spoils me (just like he can't take another date to an event that I want to go to). It's a balancing act, but being open and honest with both myself and him has been extremely rewarding. And I wouldn't want to give that up.

 

[Myriads]

A point of discussion you may want to open with your boyfriend is "What does he consider to be intimate?"

Every person has a different scale as to what they see as the intimate private part of their partners relationship with them. For some it's as direct as others seeing their partner nude. For others it's when they see a partner forming emotional connections with others, for others its letting others see into your psychology.

Depending where his line is, what he considers those aspects of you that he is uncomfortable seeing shared with any but him, might define where he's bumping into issues with your camming.

You seem to be sensitive to his issues, and both of you are communicating, so I'll wager you can figure this out and find a solution.

 

[LilMissVixen]

went thru the same thing 6 months ago. my boyfriend at first said hed be fine for it and was kinda excited for it, but once the show starts thats a diff thing. he noticed everyone flirting with me and whatnot and thats when the jealousy kicked in and he just couldnt get over the fact that he was "sharing" me as he put it. I only did 4 shows and then quit cuz he was very upset about it. We're no longer togetherand i've been rly considering coming back because i did enjoy it. i can understand his side of things especially because i was a protective girlfriend myself

 

[Guy]

went thru the same thing 6 months ago. my boyfriend at first said hed be fine for it and was kinda excited for it, but once the show starts thats a diff thing. he noticed everyone flirting with me and whatnot and thats when the jealousy kicked in and he just couldnt get over the fact that he was "sharing" me as he put it. I only did 4 shows and then quit cuz he was very upset about it. We're no longer togetherand i've been rly considering coming back because i did enjoy it. i can understand his side of things especially because i was a protective girlfriend myself

Was the camming the only reason why you and him broke up?

 

[LilMissVixen]

Was the camming the only reason why you and him broke up?

no our breakup had nothing to do with camming as i had already quit it along time ago, but i knew that if i had continued camming we would have broken up way sooner

 

[mav2199]

Shit..... ALL I want in life is a gf that cams with me. lmao!

 

[Guy]

no our breakup had nothing to do with camming as i had already quit it along time ago, but i knew that if i had continued camming we would have broken up way sooner

Did he ever watch porn?

 

[LilMissVixen]

Did he ever watch porn?

lol yes he was the one that actually told me about myfreecams in the first place

 

[Empress Mika]

Being able to compromise so that both parties are content with the outcome of a situation is key. However, compromising for the sake of saving a relationship is bound to fail - resentment festers and the whole thing can blow up.

My partner and I are non-monogamous and we've applied some of those ground rules to camming. We don't live together, so his time is his time, my time is mine and when we're together we focus on each other. The only time I'd interact with someone else, or cam, with him in my house is if he were involved in some way.

We prioritize each other. I have no problem with him enjoying other cam girls (or taking another lady out on a date) but there are restrictions. He cannot spoil someone more than he spoils me (just like he can't take another date to an event that I want to go to). It's a balancing act, but being open and honest with both myself and him has been extremely rewarding. And I wouldn't want to give that up.

I completely agree! I was perhaps lucky that he rejected my offer to quit caming for him. I have no idea what the aftermath of that would have been. On my end, I was committed and wouldn't hold resentment but I'm not sure he was ready to take on the burden of having me quit and be responsible for that with the other factors that stressed our relationship.

My ex and I were monogamous and we lived together so this did present some challenges in and of itself. On the monogamous side, he felt like was justified to frequent cam sites and such. He never knew what a cam site was before me and blamed me for him now having the knowledge of it. I heavily disagreed of his cam site visits and he called me a hypocrite, stating that he can look at other cam girls if I myself am a cam girl. Sometimes, he'd use the word "sex worker" instead of "cam girl", as a way to be more degrading. Keep in mind, he was looking at hardcore models and I'm a non-nude model so, in my mind, it was vastly different. This kind of negativity and "I'm going to hurt you because I'm in hurting too" was something that really told me a lot about him and it was unacceptable to me. I tried to work with him on all of this, to no avail. On the living together side, although we were able to spend time together easily, living together created more stress because the relationship was more "serious" than perhaps he was ready for and knew how to handle. At the end of the day, he thought he was ready for a relationship towards marriage and could handle caming but we discovered the hard way that he couldn't so that was a large part of why it didn't work out.

ANYWAYYYYYYYY, haha. This was a long time ago ^_^ Thanks for listening! I stand by my statement in making sure that whoever you are dating adds to your life, makes you feel good, and brings out the best in you and never settle for someone that doesn't. Moreover, I let go of the belief that, in order for me to be as happy as possible, I must find love and be in love. You don't. You can be crazy happy on your own.

 

[BettyDemure]

Thankfully my SO (husband, actually) is fine with me camming. I tell this to my members when they ask how he can be; the answer: He's secure. Also, he dated an escort when he was in college, so camming is not something that bothers him even a little. He would have issues if I started escorting, though. All that said, if I cam when he's home it's when he's in another room with his headphones on; I don't think I'd be comfortable if he was able to hear/see me doing my thing.

 

[SNATCH]

Mine hates it. He doesn't like it. However, he understand it? It's always a delicate balance... Sometimes more so than others.

For example, he accompanied me to one of the CamGirlz doc premiers, && willingly watched it. He enjoyed watching it, && seeing a different, real look && side of things, but he wished to see && hear/learn much more. HE actually is very interested in seeing the other side of camming, esp from model's significent others.

He does understand that I cannot in any sense hold a traditional job [because of a few challenges, but the biggest/main one being that I have health issues, && would immediately be fired from any type of normal/vanilla job]... But I tend to not work when he is home, which makes things much more difficult, as he now has a day job, && I've always previously cammed at night.

In the last 3 years since he's switched from grave to day hours, I have NOT been able to make day camming work, whatsoever, so the amount of $$ I make now has changed drastically, && not for the better. That also causes a problem, as he has said before he wouldn't mind as much, if I made a LOT more $$. However, that isn't always something I can help.

There are a lot of aspects to this, most of which I am not comfortable sharing... But I just wanted to express that with a LOT of communication && patience, there are things that can be worked out as a compromise.

I would be more open.comfortable with a lot more things, if I knew that he would be okay with them.. As far as types of shows, etc... But I hold back, because even though he says they are okay now, I think that later when faced with the immediate reality, he would be upset, && that it could cause problems, so I choose to play it safer.

If I had it my way, I think it would be awesome for him to cam with me. I actually have gotten him on cam with me ONCE, which was on SV, && my regulars were fucking AMAZING, in fact they all tipped HIM a bunch [specifying that it was for HIM, not me] because they all knew how he felt about everything && that I was the one that more or so pushed for him to get on cam with me. We didn't do anything except hang out casually, && just talk shit, make jokes, etc, lol.

 

[Guy]

Mine hates it. He doesn't like it. However, he understand it? It's always a delicate balance... Sometimes more so than others.

For example, he accompanied me to one of the CamGirlz doc premiers, && willingly watched it. He enjoyed watching it, && seeing a different, real look && side of things, but he wished to see && hear/learn much more. HE actually is very interested in seeing the other side of camming, esp from model's significent others.

He does understand that I cannot in any sense hold a traditional job [because of a few challenges, but the biggest/main one being that I have health issues, && would immediately be fired from any type of normal/vanilla job]... But I tend to not work when he is home, which makes things much more difficult, as he now has a day job, && I've always previously cammed at night.

In the last 3 years since he's switched from grave to day hours, I have NOT been able to make day camming work, whatsoever, so the amount of $$ I make now has changed drastically, && not for the better. That also causes a problem, as he has said before he wouldn't mind as much, if I made a LOT more $$. However, that isn't always something I can help.

There are a lot of aspects to this, most of which I am not comfortable sharing... But I just wanted to express that with a LOT of communication && patience, there are things that can be worked out as a compromise.

I would be more open.comfortable with a lot more things, if I knew that he would be okay with them.. As far as types of shows, etc... But I hold back, because even though he says they are okay now, I think that later when faced with the immediate reality, he would be upset, && that it could cause problems, so I choose to play it safer.

If I had it my way, I think it would be awesome for him to cam with me. I actually have gotten him on cam with me ONCE, which was on SV, && my regulars were fucking AMAZING, in fact they all tipped HIM a bunch [specifying that it was for HIM, not me] because they all knew how he felt about everything && that I was the one that more or so pushed for him to get on cam with me. We didn't do anything except hang out casually, && just talk shit, make jokes, etc, lol.

Does he ever watch porn?

 

[TacoBelle]

Does he ever watch porn?

Guy, sweetheart, most men watch (or have watched) porn. I know you're just trying to understand the reasoning of the men not liking their women being camgirls/strippers/escorts/whatever, but knowing the answer to whether or not they watch porn will not benefit this thread at all. To answer your questions in a general sense, the men who do not watch porn or really hate it are typically followers of a strict religion. Their beliefs cause them to think it's terrible. There is nothing wrong with that (the religious aspect nor their beliefs). However, they would usually run very far and very fast from any woman who was even remotely interested in doing sexwork.

I think maybe your question would be better in its own thread, with a poll that says, "Camgirls, does your significant other watch porn (yes or no), and does he accept/approve of camming (yes or no)?" That way you can make whatever correlation between the two that you're attempting to do in its own thread.

 

[shyladivine]

My SO is very supportive of my camming. As long as I still make time for him and I’m happy, then he’s happy.


My advice is for both of you is to keep constant open communication. Camming is new and different to both of you, so there will be some issues (maybe insecurities) to work through. Being open and honest about what is bothering him specifically, and what he reasonably needs to remedy that, will help you help him. You being transparent about what you do on cam, might help ease his discomfort. I feel that being secretive makes things seem worse than they really are. This isn’t just a onetime conversation, it’s an ongoing process. So it’s necessary to check in every so often to see how things are going and if any adjustments need to be made. Lots of time, and lots of conversations are good…exhausting, but good!
(And if things get heated, take a break, and reconvene after chilling out. Rational conversations are impossible when emotions are high.)


If camming is what you really want to do, then he should be supportive of you as long as you’re happy and mindful of him and his feelings. I believe it is worth the stress. Plus, this will only strengthen your communication skills with each other. Good luck!!

 

[SNATCH]

Does he ever watch porn?

Yes, he does. I'm fine with it. I'd also, rather not elaborate as to reasons why, as they are personal, && the reasons do not belong to anyone else, in any sense. .

As to anyone else, same. I just wanted to shed some light on a situation, like this, CAN BE WORKED OUT, if your SO isn't okay with what you do fully.

Without giving away details, we have managed to get it to work in a way that works for us... If that makes any sense? He would still prefer that I not do this work, but he get's why, && how, etc, && can sort of see past that - even though he doesn't like it, - he still supports it... Though not 100%. I personally think that takes a bigger person to do it... It requires a lot of thought, talking, && compromise. It's not easy either. But, it's fucking worth it. Because, I will not quit, unless I want too.

 

[David_Lee_Loca]

At first, my fiancee was really cool with it (I told him before we even started dating) and we would even do couple shows on Chaturbate together. Things have very slowly been changing. It started with him not wanting to do shows anymore, which I was fine with. I know its not for everybody.
He used to like hearing me talk about my day on cam or he would check out the clips I would make before I put them up. He was always so encouraging. Even when I had my slow slump, he told me that i could do it if I just kept working at it. He only told me to stop if it really started to affect my self-esteem.
Now, he doesn't care to hear me talk about it. I feel like he'd rather act like it isn't something in my life at all. He gets very unhappy if I do a show or make a video when he's at home. This affects how much time I can be on cam since I have to wait til he goes to work. The last time I did a quick skype call in the other room, he was really quiet for most of the day.
I very recently asked him if this is starting to bother him. He said that the only reason he gets bugged is because he's so much more in love with me than when we first met. With that being said, he also says that he understands that he does not own me or my body.
I tried to explain to him that I do not plan on camming forever, but that doesn't seem to make a difference.
I don't know what to do. He wants me to be able to make money and since I lost my vanilla job, camming is my only income source. I was doing this long before I met him and was very honest about me doing this from the beginning.
I enjoy camming for so many different reasons, but I also love my fiancee and want us to get married. I'm so scared that a day is going to come where I'll have to chose one over the other.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

I used to know a girl who was a nude model for SuicideGirls (https://suicidegirls.com/) She loved being a part of them and embraced it as part of her lifestyle. She was with them for 5 years. However In march 2014 she got a new partner. A month into their relationship he forced her to stop being a part of SuicideGirls. He was bothered by the fact that other guys were seeing her naked. He told her that if she did not leave SuicideGirls he would dump her. She had just had a divorce and was extremely desperate to be in a relationship. So she choose to leave the culture and lifestyle that she loved and embraced. 6 months later she put up a photo of herself on her Facebook page that showed her with a lot of make up on. I liked the photo and wrote that she looked nice in the photo. This angered her boyfriend and he forced her to block me on Facebook. Saddening.

So extremely hypocritical because I'm sure HE looks at other naked girls. Online, porn, just imagining it, etc. I actually think HE is worse because she has no desire to be with any of the men that are looking at her...but I guarantee he does think about having sex with the naked women he looks at. Ugh.

 

[Guy]

At first, my fiancee was really cool with it (I told him before we even started dating) and we would even do couple shows on Chaturbate together. Things have very slowly been changing. It started with him not wanting to do shows anymore, which I was fine with. I know its not for everybody.
He used to like hearing me talk about my day on cam or he would check out the clips I would make before I put them up. He was always so encouraging. Even when I had my slow slump, he told me that i could do it if I just kept working at it. He only told me to stop if it really started to affect my self-esteem.
Now, he doesn't care to hear me talk about it. I feel like he'd rather act like it isn't something in my life at all. He gets very unhappy if I do a show or make a video when he's at home. This affects how much time I can be on cam since I have to wait til he goes to work. The last time I did a quick skype call in the other room, he was really quiet for most of the day.
I very recently asked him if this is starting to bother him. He said that the only reason he gets bugged is because he's so much more in love with me than when we first met. With that being said, he also says that he understands that he does not own me or my body.
I tried to explain to him that I do not plan on camming forever, but that doesn't seem to make a difference.
I don't know what to do. He wants me to be able to make money and since I lost my vanilla job, camming is my only income source. I was doing this long before I met him and was very honest about me doing this from the beginning.
I enjoy camming for so many different reasons, but I also love my fiancee and want us to get married. I'm so scared that a day is going to come where I'll have to chose one over the other.

Does he ever get jealous when you hang out with other guys?

 

[CrazyCatLady]

Isn't that sort of being hypocritical? It wouldn't necessarily be emotionally cheating nor would it be necessarily flirting. However, can you really get upset with him for some flirting online, when you have to flirt with members?

Eh. I don't think so. I think it's a lot different in fact.

It would be like me being a massage therapist. If I am massaging guys for work that is totally different then meeting a guy in a bar and offering to go back to his place and give him a massage...while my significant other is at work.

 

[David_Lee_Loca]

Does he ever get jealous when you hang out with other guys?

Not at all, really. Last night I had two guy friends over for drinks while he was at work and it didn't bother him at all. He trusts that I won't cheat.
What bothers him the most about camming is that even if there is money involved and I never meet these men, there is still a level of intimacy involved.

 

[David_Lee_Loca]

Not at all, really. Last night I had two guy friends over for drinks while he was at work and it didn't bother him at all. He trusts that I won't cheat.
What bothers him the most about camming is that even if there is money involved and I never meet these men, there is still a level of intimacy involved.

Plus, most of his friends are girls, so he really can't tell me not to hang out with guys

 

[Guy]

Plus, most of his friends are girls, so he really can't tell me not to hang out with guys

Does he ever watch porn?

 

[David_Lee_Loca]

Does he ever watch porn?

All the goddamn time. I don't care that he does, I know all guys watch it. But he watches so much that it borders on annoying. And it's always super-hardcore stuff too.

 

[Guy]

All the goddamn time. I don't care that he does, I know all guys watch it. But he watches so much that it borders on annoying. And it's always super-hardcore stuff too.

Is he addicted to it?

 

[David_Lee_Loca]

Is he addicted to it?

I think so. He has times where he prefers it to sex with me. He also watches it in inappropriate settings, like in parking lots or family get-togethers. Sometimes I think it's sexy that he's into stuff that's so dirty, but sometimes its a bit much.

 

[KristiRoxx]

I think so. He has times where he prefers it to sex with me. He also watches it in inappropriate settings, like in parking lots or family get-togethers. Sometimes I think it's sexy that he's into stuff that's so dirty, but sometimes its a bit much.

I've reached that point where the porn watching turned borderline annoying....lmao

 

[camwithkitten]

Hi ladies (and fellas),
My question is how does your significant other feel about you camming, or how do you feel about your significant other camming?

My SO and I have been talking a lot about me becoming a cam girl, I've only done it for one night and I could tell that it really made him feel uncomfortable, so I haven't been on mfc since.

When I do talk to him about it he tells me that he gets excited by the idea, but at the same time feels like its wrong.

What do you guys think? How do I explain things to him? Is it even worth the stress?

I don't want to be negative but it is definitely worth thinking about! Obviously you are in a relationship because you and you SO decided there was something good. If he feels uneasy about a decision that most of your life revolves around, try initiating the topic over lunch or dinner in a quiet, private location. You shouldn't feel obligated to live a certain way because of another person. Unfortunately, no one has a perfect answer for your questions. Explain the situation to your significant other and be totally open and honest. Communication is key. Try to come up with a compromise as a couple and remember that the both of you are together for a reason.