Need some help with my relationship

LittleRooster · Aug 7, 2013

Hi, ladies (and gents) :-D i am new to this site and i signed up to post this topic. I started a relationship with a cam-girl back in March and at the time i did not know her job. After she told me, i was a little naive and didn't quite know what it was lol :-D but i ignored it and we continued talking :-D she began calming down at work (not doing cum shows, never going private or group, and she would take time off work just to talk to me). But recently her family have got in financial trouble so she has started working more. She has been doing anything for money (apart from cum shows) and although i understand, i'm incredibly jealous.

We live in different countries (and no we did not meet on the site she works) and we have never met, so whenever she is getting naked and selling videos to members, they are seeing the exact same stuff as i get away from work. Yes, i know that i am lucky because she is giving me shows for free :lol: but i can't help being jealous. I'm so jealous that she broke up with me because she didn't need the added stress because i was giving her orders at work and constantly talking about it and making her feel guilty. I have never had to deal with anything like this before so i made some mistakes.

Now, don't get me wrong, i don't think that there is anything wrong with camming and some girls enjoy it. But she has told me that she is tired of camming and she wants a 'normal' job. But because of financial difficulties, work has become number one. I want to remain in this girls life and i want her in mine, and i support her 100%, but i don't support what she is doing (no offence, girls).

I'm incredibly jealous of the fact that thousands of guys are seeing her naked and she is happy to show them, and that hundreds of guys are watching her videos. I'm also jealous of the regulars in her room because they can give her what i can't, money! And that they feel that they have a relationship with her.

I don't want to lose her and i know that i sound like an immature kid who wants everything his own way, i just want to help her and yes of course to suppress my jealousy. I desperately want this relationship to work and for us to have a future together, so i would appreciate an opinion from other cam girls.

Thanks in advance :-D

Evvie · Aug 7, 2013

I must ask why you are interested in continuing your relationship with her. By your own admissions you have never met her, the relationship was incredibly stressful, you were horribly jealous, and you have already broken up. You two must be proverbial soul mates to want to continue things.

I am of the opinion that a jealous person cannot be made un-jealous. Jealousy is nothing but the fear of loss, and if you cannot get over the fear of losing her to thousands of other men, then you can't have her.

The fact that you are not supportive of sex work and that you do not think she should be showing her body to other men confuses me a great deal (I'm also confused as to why you would even say that you are anti-camming on this forum, but oh well). Although I could date a man who doesn't particularly want me to cam, I could never be with someone who wasn't also pro sex work. To me, that is a very antiquated and medieval way of thinking. Then again, I'm not in love.

When you have talked to her about getting back together, what did she say needed to change before she would accept you again?

Anonymous · Aug 7, 2013

I didn't see where you said she broke up with you, sorry, skim-reading.

Stay broken up.

BlueViolet · Aug 7, 2013

LittleRooster said:
because i was giving her orders at work and constantly talking about it and making her feel guilty

She needs to make money to help her family, and you are preventing her from making the money she needs because you are jealous so she broke up with you. I don't see this relationship working out even if she did accept you back considering you are unhealthily jealous and controlling, don't support her chosen career, and live countries away.

Need some advice? Go find another girl that doesn't cam who lives closer to you.

God · Aug 7, 2013

this is so confusing. i don't even understand how you were able to meet her online and get a relationship going. this is definitely a long-distance relationship no matter where you both live. the bottom line is you seem to be smothering her.

PunkInDrublic · Aug 7, 2013

LittleRooster said:
we have never met

Sounds like you have some other problems in this relationship to take care of.

mynameisbob84 · Aug 7, 2013

You seem like a decent enough dood, but it doesn't sound like there's much here to salvage.

- You've never met one another
- She currently needs to work and she can't do that without you feeling jealous
- She's already broken up with you

My advice would be to look for a relationship where you can actually meet the other person, and to look for someone who doesn't work a job that is going to make you so jealous your jealousy causes them to break up with you :twocents-02cents:

SexySteph · Aug 8, 2013

You say you want to help her? Do you mean help her like... learn to stop being jealous and be supportive or help her like... save her from the evil camming monster?

LittleRooster · Aug 8, 2013

Hi, thanks for the replies. Let me get this straight, i am not against camming. I understand that it is completely the girls decision and most girls enjoy their work and have fun, good for them. But she has openly told me that she wants to quit (she has been camming for 4 years and is bored of it). If she had told me that she wants to continue camming, i would have either decided that she wasn't the girl for me or buttoned up and accepted it.

I am not against sex work, but on the other hand some girls have no choice. She told me that she wants to quit and somewhat stupidly i believed her. I'm not an idiot i know that because we have never met i didn't expect her to just quit and come and live with me :lol: it's too big of a risk for both of us.

I know i come across as a jealous pig and in some ways i am, but a part of me is flattered that she has chosen me. Right now there is no other alternative, camming gets her great money and it's an easy job for her. I know i'm jealous but that is how i feel.

I am prepared to meet her but i'm worried that one of two things could happen. 1. We meet and love each other and my jealousy calms a bit because i know that i have actually seen this girl, and her customers haven't. Or 2. I become more jealous because we have actually met face to face and i love her :lol:

I know i come across as a controlling idiot, and i believe that i am in some ways. I understand from her point of view that i came into her life and tried to change it when she wasn't ready, that is why i am willing to fight for her and get some advice on how i can deal with it :-D

Thanks again!

LilPixy · Aug 8, 2013

You cannot really get to know someone's personality if you contact only via the Internet. Some parts of it - yes, but is it enough to build 'real' relationship? It's been 6 months since you started the relationship and you haven't meet her in person... Wow.

If you really like her and want to support her, you can do it when you're just friends. I can only guess that you were jealous in some unhealthy way and it's not good for any relationship :naughty:

Sometimes giving up camming isn't so easy as some may think. E.g. I'm back in the industry after almost a year break. I think I understand her point of view now :roll: If she wants to quit, she should start looking for 'normal' job now (before her last day on cam). It takes time but hell, you don't want her to lose her only money source for now, do you?

Sevrin · Aug 8, 2013

I doubt things will work out, but you need to calm down and find some activity that does not involve chatting on the internet for a bit. Try again in a couple of months, and if she wants to try to start over, you might have a chance. If not, get on with your life without her.

ScarletVixen · Aug 8, 2013

LittleRooster said:
she didn't need the added stress because i was giving her orders at work and constantly talking about it and making her feel guilty.

Seriously? Was she your slave or something? :?

PixieVenom · Aug 8, 2013

I am confused. You say one thing but then you deny it. I agree with lots of things that have been said here in response to your topic, one thing thou... she stopped doing cum shows, privates and groups for you and you were still jealous, this worries me. A big part of camming is privates and groups and cumshows. Has it ever occured to you that she might have said she doesn't like camming anymore just to try and salvage your relationship? She seems to have sacrificed lots for you, yet you cannot put yourself in her shoes and try to be a little bit more comprehensive. If you are this jealous over the internet and you haven't even met I don't think this is worth pursuing. Jealousy never decreases, it only increases. Btw, she broke up with you and you say you want her back...has she expressed anything about wanting YOU back? If not, please move on.

LittleRooster · Aug 8, 2013

I do not want her to lose her one source of money, although i do not support what she is doing, i support her motives. After all, if my mum needed money in order to keep her house i would do anything i could to help her, regardless of what anyone thought. I realize that i made a lot of mistakes in controlling her (after all this was her job before we started talking). She has assured me that at some point we can be together, and she understands that, that would include not camming. Again, i am not against camming, i just don't really want my girlfriend doing it.

Right now she is getting her wish and is making a lot of money through camming, she has a regular in her room that is head over heels in love with her and has given her over $50,000 in one year. Last week he gave her $1500 and wanted nothing in return, only a smile. Now, that is easy work for her, she is just sitting there and some guy is giving her his hard earned money, and willingly! I completely understand that right now camming is the most important thing in her life because it makes her a lot of money, which is what she needs.

I have refrained from talking to her for a few days and when i do eventually talk to her i will make sure that i do not talk about work, only to ask how it is going. When the time is right i will ask her again if things have changed and we can try again, and i will need to change (and so will she in some ways).

LittleRooster · Aug 8, 2013

PixieVenom said:
I am confused. You say one thing but then you deny it. I agree with lots of things that have been said here in response to your topic, one thing thou... she stopped doing cum shows, privates and groups for you and you were still jealous, this worries me. A big part of camming is privates and groups and cumshows. Has it ever occured to you that she might have said she doesn't like camming anymore just to try and salvage your relationship? She seems to have sacrificed lots for you, yet you cannot put yourself in her shoes and try to be a little bit more comprehensive. If you are this jealous over the internet and you haven't even met I don't think this is worth pursuing. Jealousy never decreases, it only increases. Btw, she broke up with you and you say you want her back...has she expressed anything about wanting YOU back? If not, please move on.

Yes, i do agree with you, i have asked her to sacrifice a lot. And although she has started doing privates and the occasional group show, she has promised that she will never do another cum show. I think what i needed was a cam girls point of view here so i can see how much of a jerk i have been. She has sacrificed a lot for me and i just kept pushing her. I have not sacrificed anything for her and i have been selfish. And yes, she has expressed that she wants to be with me, but she feels that i can never support her work, therefore she doesn't feel that we can be together right now. She has told me that sometime in the future she would love to have a relationship with me but right now it is impossible unless i change.

mynameisbob84 · Aug 8, 2013

I'm kinda struggling to understand the nature of this relationship. Did you meet her on a cam site? If you've never met in real life, why are you making sacrifices for one another? Why haven't you met? How can you be so sure this is the girl for you if you've never met?

curvyredhead · Aug 8, 2013

LittleRooster said:
I am not against sex work, but on the other hand some girls have no choice.

And some DO have a choice and choose, sex work.

Also- I feel like this entire convo is kinda null and void considering you already broke up.

RedHerby · Aug 8, 2013

no need to answer those questions of course, some should not be relevant, however, curiosity, it's so human ...

what are the countries involved ?
on what site did you meet ?
what are both of your ages ?
what for orders did you give her ? (wtf)
why can't you meet ?

LittleRooster · Aug 8, 2013

RedHerby said:
no need to answer those questions of course, some should not be relevant, however, curiosity, it's so human ...

what are the countries involved ?
on what site did you meet ?
what are both of your ages ?
what for orders did you give her ? (wtf)
why can't you meet ?

I am from the UK and she is Romanian
We did not meet on a cam site, we started talking on Twitter after i found her profile and i thought she was hot! (and she did not advertise herself as a cam girl on twitter).
We are both 20.
I didn't give her orders as such, i just guilt tripped her a lot (i know that is a shitty thing to do and now i regret it)
We can meet, and i am thinking of asking her to come and see me for a short period of time, maybe a week so she doesn't have to miss out on too much work.

LittleRooster · Aug 8, 2013

curvyredhead said:
LittleRooster said:

I am not against sex work, but on the other hand some girls have no choice.

Click to expand...

And some DO have a choice and choose, sex work.

Also- I feel like this entire convo is kinda null and void considering you already broke up.

I understand that some girls choose it but she has told me that she no longer enjoys her job. And although i said we already broke up, we are still talking everyday and flirting with one another, and she has told me that she still wants a relationship with me, but we can't have one because of my jealously.

Jupiter551 · Aug 8, 2013

LittleRooster said:
Hi, ladies (and gents) :-D i am new to this site and i signed up to post this topic. I started a relationship with a cam-girl back in March and at the time i did not know her job. After she told me, i was a little naive and didn't quite know what it was lol :-D but i ignored it and we continued talking :-D she began calming down at work (not doing cum shows, never going private or group, and she would take time off work just to talk to me). But recently her family have got in financial trouble so she has started working more. She has been doing anything for money (apart from cum shows) and although i understand, i'm incredibly jealous.

We live in different countries (and no we did not meet on the site she works) and we have never met, so whenever she is getting naked and selling videos to members, they are seeing the exact same stuff as i get away from work. Yes, i know that i am lucky because she is giving me shows for free :lol: but i can't help being jealous. I'm so jealous that she broke up with me because she didn't need the added stress because i was giving her orders at work and constantly talking about it and making her feel guilty. I have never had to deal with anything like this before so i made some mistakes.

Now, don't get me wrong, i don't think that there is anything wrong with camming and some girls enjoy it. But she has told me that she is tired of camming and she wants a 'normal' job. But because of financial difficulties, work has become number one. I want to remain in this girls life and i want her in mine, and i support her 100%, but i don't support what she is doing (no offence, girls).

I'm incredibly jealous of the fact that thousands of guys are seeing her naked and she is happy to show them, and that hundreds of guys are watching her videos. I'm also jealous of the regulars in her room because they can give her what i can't, money! And that they feel that they have a relationship with her.

I don't want to lose her and i know that i sound like an immature kid who wants everything his own way, i just want to help her and yes of course to suppress my jealousy. I desperately want this relationship to work and for us to have a future together, so i would appreciate an opinion from other cam girls.

Thanks in advance :-D

You sound like the version of me I fear I would have been, before I understood that camming, and sex work, is not intimacy, it's not even surrogate intimacy. What you get from her that counts isn't the 'free shows', and similarly what she gives to pervs (nakedness, orgasm etc) is not the same as what she would have given you presumably - her actual self, or as much of it as you can get through a webcam.

I suggest you try to curb your jealous streak in general, not because you should pursue this relationship but so that you don't also ruin a future one.

Evvie · Aug 8, 2013

Female in me: "Don't take him back, he'll always be jealous and controlling"
Cam model in me: "He's about to be taken to the cleaners"

I'm not sure which "side" I'm on but I'm not seeing a win-win situation here. "I'll quit working for you" is probably the oldest scam in sex worker history. Likewise, "I manipulated you once but now I'll change" is the oldest in douche history.

Miss_Lollipop · Aug 8, 2013

TO all the people saying you cannot build a 'real' relationship on the internet without ever meeting.

Yes you can.

I 'dated' my ex husband online for 5 years from nz. I was madly in love. I got to know him. I moved to the US when I turned 18, and married him shortly after.

(why is he an ex then? We had 3 happy years together.. i dont regret marrying him..we grew apart. But at the time, when I was on the plane, i pretty much knew EXACTLY what I was going to, I knew him, and I knew we fit together pretty darn well, as much as any other person can know when they move in with someone for the first time)

THAT SAID: I'm not sure that this online thing rooster has going with a camgirl is at all healthy, nor do I think it has much of a future..

I understand you're not against sex work but that she told you she'd like to stop. It is not your job to save her however. Or to be jealous. She is where she is right now. The only thing you can possibly do is say "if you'd like an out, I'm here for you".

She has to get out herself, or stay in.

You can't base a relationship around the idea that she 'might' stop camming cos she doesnt really like it. you have to base it around where each person is at that moment, right then. And right now, she's a camgirl. Right now you're not ok with that. So .. no I don't think this has much future.

curvyredhead · Aug 8, 2013

LittleRooster said:
When the time is right i will ask her again if things have changed and we can try again, and i will need to change (and so will she in some ways).

What do you think you need to change, and what do you think she needs to change?

LittleRooster said:
If she had told me that she wants to continue camming, i would have either decided that she wasn't the girl for me or buttoned up and accepted it.

I understand she has told you she no longer wishes to cam, which is understandable. I am sure a lot of camgirls and boys want to stop at some point.
But--she does want to continue if for nothing else the sake of work and money---and so you kinda have to make the decision anyway. Because, right now..she IS camming.

God · Aug 8, 2013

if you can't support her she will have to find someone that will. (not just financially either)

Jessi · Aug 8, 2013

Even if she stops camming, Im pretty sure Rooster is going to find something else to be jealous over down the road. Jealousy isn't caused by the other persons actions, its the other person's reaction caused by their own internal issues.
Deal with yourself first. If you felt entirely positive and secure about your confidence and your relationship, you wouldnt be made jealous so easily.

RedHerby · Aug 8, 2013

Evvie said:
Cam model in me: "He's about to be taken to the cleaners"

I don't think that match the image some models are trying to build here at ACF :mrgreen:

mynameisbob84 · Aug 8, 2013

Evvie said:
Cam model in me: "He's about to be taken to the cleaners"

I thought the same thing as soon as it was revealed they lived in different countries and that she already has a guy allegedly tipping her $50,000 a year and who "loves" her. I can't help but wonder what she's told that guy. While it's possible she's took him to one side and said "hey, I really appreciate your support but I get the impression you've developed feelings for me that I can't reciprocate and I need you to know that no matter how much you tip me, I can't make myself love you", the cynic in me kinda prevents me from believing that's the case.

LittleRooster · Aug 8, 2013

curvyredhead said:
LittleRooster said:

When the time is right i will ask her again if things have changed and we can try again, and i will need to change (and so will she in some ways).

Click to expand...

What do you think you need to change, and what do you think she needs to change?

LittleRooster said:

If she had told me that she wants to continue camming, i would have either decided that she wasn't the girl for me or buttoned up and accepted it.

Click to expand...

I understand she has told you she no longer wishes to cam, which is understandable. I am sure a lot of camgirls and boys want to stop at some point.
But--she does want to continue if for nothing else the sake of work and money---and so you kinda have to make the decision anyway. Because, right now..she IS camming.

I feel that i need to change because thinking back, i understand what i have done wrong. I was a guy who she thought was cool, i had no prejudice towards her because i didn't know about her job right away. And i came into her life and before i even met her i was trying to change her too much in a short period of time. And some of those changes she did not want. I wanted to change her for two reasons, the first is because of my own jealousy and that i wanted her all to myself (even though i know that cannot happen because there is no way i can support her financially), and secondly is because i saw that camming for her was not fun or a job, it was a lifestyle. She was so obsessed with camming and making money that she had no friends or motivation, therefore i wanted to give her a reason to live.

As far as what she could change, i'm not going to criticize her or treat her like an angel, but it is very hard to talk to her about her job or she is feeling because she is so used to being alone that she just gets defensive when i try and talk to her. Or maybe i'm just going about it the wrong way, i don't know.

I am sure that the majority of girls on this forum cam because they enjoy it, right? She enjoys her work in some ways but she is tired of it and it no longer entertains her. I asked her what her future includes and she tells me she doesn't want to be camming in 2 years, she laughed at me for suggesting it. Yes, she has told me that she needs money now, and the only way she knows how to make money is to cam, and she earns about $3000 a month give or take. That is much more than i earn and i am proud of her for earning so much money, although most of it goes towards helping her family.

You are right when you say i have to make a decision, that is partly why i came on this forum, to get an opinion from other cam girls and boys so i can understand her perspective better. I do not believe that i am in the wrong by being jealous (okay, i am a little too jealous), and she has told me that if i was a cam boy that she would be jealous :lol:

curvyredhead · Aug 8, 2013

Do you watch her on cam---on whatever site or sites she works on?

Have you ever given tipped her/taken her prvt/ bought a show/ bought a gift?

You said you met on twitter, but did not make mention that she was a camgirl on twitter. Was it a personal twitter account? Did she never link a profile, promotion etc.

How long ave you been talking with her?

You said she, for a while, stopped cum shows and prvts. So I assuming (correct me if I am wrong) that she works on a site like MFC or CB. With that said...if there is a single source giving her 50k in 1 year (also assuming that is before the sites cut). And she makes 3k a month...that's pretty much her entire paycheck. Yeah...I don't know where I was going with that..but it did cross my mind.

You don't think you are in the wrong by being jealous?...Ok...

I personally don't think you can just wake up and change your feelings/jealousy --- but this is clearly a major problem if not THE major problem.

So if you think your jealousy is fine..and not wrong then....

yeah.

Need some help with my relationship

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