In love, jealous, miserable.

[Smoothie]

Here's my current plan:

It's a week into June. I'm gonna try to make some changes and then evaluate at the end of the month. If things are not looking better by then I will probably say my goodbyes and leave the room. I'll also do mini-evaluations each week, so there's some time to course-correct if things aren't working.

The things I'm going to try to do are:

1. Be mindful of what I feel and honest about what I think I can do with that.

2. Try to focus on my own enjoyment. I'll be in the room and talk if it's fun and brings me something positive, but if it feels like an obligation I'll try to do something else.

3. Write down concrete plans for the month for myself. Both important things that have to be done and hobby-based stuff. I think I'll even try to plan specific things each day. But I won't beat myself up if I miss something. It's mostly as a help to have other things to do at hand.

You seem to have a pretty rational view of your problems, all things considered. Hopefully you pull out of it and start feeling better.

All I will add, based on the above quote, is try not to overthink things. If you need to take notes and re-evaluate in order to keep your focus, that's fine. But remember that some situations might be exactly as they appear at surface level without any deeper or hidden meaning, and aren't as complicated as your imagination might want to make them.

 

[MeAbc]

Hello.

I have some big problems.

More than a year ago I registered on a cam site and started talking to a model who had just started working. I ended up liking her and I stuck around. I've had a pretty difficult period in my life and I'm really lonely and this model has been a really good friend. And it seems I fell in love. I don't talk to other models, partly because I haven't really wanted to and partly because it would feel weird, like I was being disloyal.

In the beginning things were great and I felt fantastic and very happy to have this new friend. Then over time it became a little more difficult to find fun and interesting things to say and I started to feel like maybe I'm a little boring. And it has started to feel like the time I spend in her room isn't always just because I like being there. It feels like there's also an aspect of addiction or obligation. I think I'm in love to the point where it's really unhealthy. I'll sit in the room even though I know I should really do something else.

And, at some point this other guy showed up. I think he's also in love. He's also there A LOT. And I think she likes him quite a bit back. She smiles and laughs a lot when they talk. She gets a look on her face that she doesn't have when she talks to other people. And she starts missing a lot of things in the chat. People will ask things, tip, say they want a private, and then leave when she doesn't respond. Often the room will become more or less empty except for them and me and they will just sit and talk to each other. I'm also 99.999% sure they talk off-site, which I don't think she does with anybody else. I don't know if she's in love with him exactly, but she definitely likes him. He's not a big spender and it's not about the money.

And, well, the jealousy is REAL. It's bad, bad, bad.

If he's not in the room, I usually feel pretty good. If he's there, I feel absolutely terrible. And he's there A LOT.

I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I could just be her friend and that everybody else wouldn't matter. But I don't know how to be less in love and how to get rid of the jealousy. I don't want to be in love, I want to be just friends.

I don't know what to do. I like this woman very much and I don't want to lose this friendship. But things can't continue like this. I'm so very miserable.

The obvious advice seems like it would be "stop being in love and stop being jealous" but I don't even know if I can!!

I have had a viewer that was obessed with me and another viewer was in the room and he threatened to come to his place after him. This viewer wanted me all to himself and when I was taken into a private show he kind of yelled at me in the public chat. He said I seen you going into the private show with the other viewer. Why did you do that behind my back as if I was cheating on him and we are not at all in any type of relationship.

 

[rubbersoul]

So it's been two weeks, and I thought I'd post an update. Again thanks to everybody who's helped.

Basically, ups and downs. It feels like this thread really helped, and at times I've been feeling pretty good, thinking yeah, this is going in the right direction! But then that feeling doesn't last.

I'll be in the room talking to her, and the other guy shows up, and it's just painfully obvious that she prefers talking to him. And that feeling sucks so very much. Like, I see the notification that she read my message and her face just says "ohhh nooo...... please leave me alone so I can talk to the interesting one....." And her replies become short one-word things and smilies instead of a conversation. And I stop writing because it just doesn't work. And it feels really bad.

So I get urges to leave completely.

But I *need* to be on the computer a lot. I have lots of things that must be done on the computer. And the room is always just a few clicks away. Even if I said "screw this, I'm leaving because it's better for me" I know I would be distracted just by the knowledge that it's right there. And I would probably not be able to stop going there, even if I don't log in. Either way it would keep distracting me and keep making me feel bad. I think there's no way to keep working on the computer and just ignore the room being there.

So I don't know...

Maybe the best way is to try to accept and endure the bad feelings as well as possible, and hopefully gradually get some emotional distance from the whole thing. But that would probably just leave me at status quo, which is not great.

Or maybe visiting other models could help, although it'd feel a bit weird and "wrong". And I don't want to end up in a similar situation again, haha...

I have had a viewer that was obessed with me and another viewer was in the room and he threatened to come to his place after him. This viewer wanted me all to himself and when I was taken into a private show he kind of yelled at me in the public chat. He said I seen you going into the private show with the other viewer. Why did you do that behind my back as if I was cheating on him and we are not at all in any type of relationship.

Yeah, this stuff is crazy... I can totally feel uncomfortable because who knows what kind of nutjob somebody is? I have no idea what the other guy is really like.

 

[MarieElise]

So it's been two weeks, and I thought I'd post an update. Again thanks to everybody who's helped.

Basically, ups and downs. It feels like this thread really helped, and at times I've been feeling pretty good, thinking yeah, this is going in the right direction! But then that feeling doesn't last.

I'll be in the room talking to her, and the other guy shows up, and it's just painfully obvious that she prefers talking to him. And that feeling sucks so very much. Like, I see the notification that she read my message and her face just says "ohhh nooo...... please leave me alone so I can talk to the interesting one....." And her replies become short one-word things and smilies instead of a conversation. And I stop writing because it just doesn't work. And it feels really bad.

So I get urges to leave completely.

But I *need* to be on the computer a lot. I have lots of things that must be done on the computer. And the room is always just a few clicks away. Even if I said "screw this, I'm leaving because it's better for me" I know I would be distracted just by the knowledge that it's right there. And I would probably not be able to stop going there, even if I don't log in. Either way it would keep distracting me and keep making me feel bad. I think there's no way to keep working on the computer and just ignore the room being there.

So I don't know...

Maybe the best way is to try to accept and endure the bad feelings as well as possible, and hopefully gradually get some emotional distance from the whole thing. But that would probably just leave me at status quo, which is not great.

Or maybe visiting other models could help, although it'd feel a bit weird and "wrong". And I don't want to end up in a similar situation again, haha...




Yeah, this stuff is crazy... I can totally feel uncomfortable because who knows what kind of nutjob somebody is? I have no idea what the other guy is really like.

I was gonna say that maybe try finding a different model who gets excited to talk to you, like she does for this other guy. Indeed, some people come in, and they click better in the online context. Also, maybe she's known him longer. I know I tend to be super chatty, warm, and enthusiastic with the guys who have been around visiting me for years, because I feel more secure with them, and have more of a loyalty and connection built. A lot of clients in this business are very easy come, easy go, and throw fits for crazy reasons (well, imo crazy, childish, selfish reasons anyway). So, as a model, we are careful who we let our guard down more with. But in any event, find a different model that likes to talk about things you like. Someone who may share some interests with you and enjoys talking with you more. There are literally 1000s of models online at any given time, and you could probably find someone who genuinely enjoys your company, and is super hot too. And you could be that guy for them.

I can't say what this model is thinking, because I'm not her, and I have no way of knowing what is going on here. But I do know that when some people come in my room, I do immediately get genuinely excited to talk with them, and I start blowing everyone else off. It does happen. With me, it's guys that have been reliable buyers and fun people over longer periods of time, but for her, it could be different reasons.

Has she actually seen either of you cam to cam? Clicking with someone in a conversational context does not mean that if you actually saw them, you'd want to bone them. Guys, in this context, forget that a lot. So don't let it get you down. This is a very specific context, where models can get irritated and down easily. And someone who genuinely is fun to talk to, can turn that around and be super helpful. That doesn't mean they do all the things sexually a lady is looking for from a partner, or that they are physically attractive. So clearly, he clicks with her better conversationally, but it doesn't really mean too much. Some of the guys that I've enjoyed the most in my life, in a physical way, are guys who I can't even talk to for more than 5 minutes without getting irritated. The guy I slept with for the longest period of my life, we only pulled it off, because on our dates, we literally just would not talk the whole time. That's how we lasted. I'm serious, for 4 hours we wouldn't talk, and then we'd you know. Everytime he actually started talking he annoyed the shit out of me.

So what I'm trying to say is don't take it personally. Don't let it get you down. If you were an online cam model, and your best female friend came in to chat, you'd probably get excited too. Doesn't mean a whole lot. No correlation between that and any kind of true real world sexual attraction or potential. So don't let it get your male ego down. It's all just crap and garbage at the end of the day. We're just trying to make a living and pass time happily and peacefully as possible.

Stay strong Soldier.

 

[Ich Bin]

So it's been two weeks, and I thought I'd post an update. Again thanks to everybody who's helped.

Basically, ups and downs. It feels like this thread really helped, and at times I've been feeling pretty good, thinking yeah, this is going in the right direction! But then that feeling doesn't last.

I'll be in the room talking to her, and the other guy shows up, and it's just painfully obvious that she prefers talking to him. And that feeling sucks so very much. Like, I see the notification that she read my message and her face just says "ohhh nooo...... please leave me alone so I can talk to the interesting one....." And her replies become short one-word things and smilies instead of a conversation. And I stop writing because it just doesn't work. And it feels really bad.

So I get urges to leave completely.

But I *need* to be on the computer a lot. I have lots of things that must be done on the computer. And the room is always just a few clicks away. Even if I said "screw this, I'm leaving because it's better for me" I know I would be distracted just by the knowledge that it's right there. And I would probably not be able to stop going there, even if I don't log in. Either way it would keep distracting me and keep making me feel bad. I think there's no way to keep working on the computer and just ignore the room being there.

So I don't know...

Maybe the best way is to try to accept and endure the bad feelings as well as possible, and hopefully gradually get some emotional distance from the whole thing. But that would probably just leave me at status quo, which is not great.

Or maybe visiting other models could help, although it'd feel a bit weird and "wrong". And I don't want to end up in a similar situation again, haha...




Yeah, this stuff is crazy... I can totally feel uncomfortable because who knows what kind of nutjob somebody is? I have no idea what the other guy is really like.

If you eventually decide to visit other models, I don't think you're going to end up in a similar situation again.

Unless you didn't learn, really learn, from your current situation.

 

[Vixxen81]

If you eventually decide to visit other models, I don't think you're going to end up in a similar situation again.

Unless you didn't learn, really learn, from your current situation.

It's like okay, I know guys are visual and more so than most women are, BUT if all someone does is concentrate on my physical appearance or can't carry a conversation in a bucket, I'm not really interested in trying to "yes and" a conversation with them. I also think people think things that they don't say and thought they said it...that kind of thing.

 

[rubbersoul]

I was gonna say that maybe try finding a different model who gets excited to talk to you, like she does for this other guy. Indeed, some people come in, and they click better in the online context. Also, maybe she's known him longer. I know I tend to be super chatty, warm, and enthusiastic with the guys who have been around visiting me for years, because I feel more secure with them, and have more of a loyalty and connection built. A lot of clients in this business are very easy come, easy go, and throw fits for crazy reasons (well, imo crazy, childish, selfish reasons anyway). So, as a model, we are careful who we let our guard down more with. But in any event, find a different model that likes to talk about things you like. Someone who may share some interests with you and enjoys talking with you more. There are literally 1000s of models online at any given time, and you could probably find someone who genuinely enjoys your company, and is super hot too. And you could be that guy for them.

I can't say what this model is thinking, because I'm not her, and I have no way of knowing what is going on here. But I do know that when some people come in my room, I do immediately get genuinely excited to talk with them, and I start blowing everyone else off. It does happen. With me, it's guys that have been reliable buyers and fun people over longer periods of time, but for her, it could be different reasons.

Has she actually seen either of you cam to cam? Clicking with someone in a conversational context does not mean that if you actually saw them, you'd want to bone them. Guys, in this context, forget that a lot. So don't let it get you down. This is a very specific context, where models can get irritated and down easily. And someone who genuinely is fun to talk to, can turn that around and be super helpful. That doesn't mean they do all the things sexually a lady is looking for from a partner, or that they are physically attractive. So clearly, he clicks with her better conversationally, but it doesn't really mean too much. Some of the guys that I've enjoyed the most in my life, in a physical way, are guys who I can't even talk to for more than 5 minutes without getting irritated. The guy I slept with for the longest period of my life, we only pulled it off, because on our dates, we literally just would not talk the whole time. That's how we lasted. I'm serious, for 4 hours we wouldn't talk, and then we'd you know. Everytime he actually started talking he annoyed the shit out of me.

So what I'm trying to say is don't take it personally. Don't let it get you down. If you were an online cam model, and your best female friend came in to chat, you'd probably get excited too. Doesn't mean a whole lot. No correlation between that and any kind of true real world sexual attraction or potential. So don't let it get your male ego down. It's all just crap and garbage at the end of the day. We're just trying to make a living and pass time happily and peacefully as possible.

Stay strong Soldier.

Thanks a lot. Your replies have really helped me, and I appreciate it very much.

I'm pretty shy and not that comfortable with cam to cam but I've sent photos and talked via microphone.

One thing that's really painful is that I was there from the start. I was there from the first few days when she started working, and I tried to support her as much as I could from the start (I don't mean tipping). She told me some things that I'm sure were absolutely true, like that I was the one who made her able to relax and start to communicate properly with people, and that she would feel down if I wasn't online when she logged in.

When her room got less busy and she worried about it, I would be there and tried my best to support and encourage her. When she was just bored I would sit and try to make her laugh. And we talked about a lot of different things. Sometimes serious stuff, sometimes fun stuff. All kinds of stuff.

And here's the thing... I actually felt like I made a difference. Genuinely. And I've never really felt that feeling, in that way, before.

And then he showed up. And over time, I just felt more and more sidelined. And now I feel like I'm nothing. And it feels like she doesn't tell me things anymore. I suspect that when she has things to say she says them to him, and then she doesn't feel like telling me also. When I try to engage her in conversation it's just really hard, especially when he's in the room. I get a lot of short answers, bare minimum type stuff. And then she talks to him and she types and types and types, looooong messages.

Man, this sucks.

Thinking about the past and how it used to be is painful. Like I used to have some sort of value or purpose, and now I don't.

 

[rockin_rod]

For what it's worth, based on your more recent comments, I think you need to get out of that situation altogether, not just reduce your exposure to it.
I'm going to suggest that your own misery is reflecting on your interactions with the model, and that is at least part of why she's more engaged with the other guy. It's incredibly draining to communicate with someone when you're picking up on all those negative emotions, whether you know you're demonstrating them or not.
It definitely seems like you're experiencing strong jealousy, but when that is linked to your sense of investment of time, emotion, etc for another person, that becomes a destructive trajectory.
I really hope you can find a way to make a clean break, for your own good.
Summary: when it stops being fun, time to get out.

 

[Vixxen81]

your sense of investment of time, emotion, etc for another person

Entitlement

 

[rubbersoul]

Entitlement

Yeah, I see where you're coming from.

I just want to make clear, I don't feel like she owes me anything.

Do I feel strong jealousy? Yes, totally. But I don't feel like she owes me something. I don't think "oh, I did that for you" or things like that.

I wrote the last reply as background and reflecting on how it used to be. Reading it now, yeah, it does come across a bit like I say "oh, I did all of these things, so I deserve this and that". I really didn't mean it like that. I started thinking about how it felt like we were closer then. And that makes me sad, that feeling of change.

For what it's worth, based on your more recent comments, I think you need to get out of that situation altogether, not just reduce your exposure to it.
I'm going to suggest that your own misery is reflecting on your interactions with the model, and that is at least part of why she's more engaged with the other guy. It's incredibly draining to communicate with someone when you're picking up on all those negative emotions, whether you know you're demonstrating them or not.
It definitely seems like you're experiencing strong jealousy, but when that is linked to your sense of investment of time, emotion, etc for another person, that becomes a destructive trajectory.
I really hope you can find a way to make a clean break, for your own good.
Summary: when it stops being fun, time to get out.

Yeah, I know I'm not feeling good at all, and I understand that has an effect on everything. I just wish things could improve without having to leave completely.