Ageism/ Sexism Cougar vs. Dirty Old Man

[Beach_Love]

I would love everyone's opinion on this topic since as a single male in his early 40s it seems like there is something wrong culturally with being open to dating, etc. girls in their 20s. It's not like I focus exclusively on younger girls (I think Sheri Moon Zombie is the hottest/sexiest girl in the world and she's my age). I'm open to a relationship w/ someone as long as they like to have fun, try new things, etc.

Being a "Cougar" seems to be culturally acceptable, even glorified. Yet even though lot's of girls admit to wanting on some level to be with older men or sound like they sure might enjoy it (was checking out this girl's dating blog where she was complains about what losers most of the guys her age turn out to be), why does it seem to be frowned upon? Older female celeb w/ young boy toy = you go girl! Older male celeb w/ young girlfriend = creepy?

 

[southsamurai]

btw, the equivalent terms for an older dude dating/sexing etc a younger woman is a silverback. yes, like the dominant male gorillas.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Being a "Cougar" seems to be culturally acceptable, even glorified. Yet even though lot's of girls admit to wanting on some level to be with older men or sound like they sure might enjoy it (was checking out this girl's dating blog where she was complains about what losers most of the guys her age turn out to be), why does it seem to be frowned upon? Older female celeb w/ young boy toy = you go girl! Older male celeb w/ young girlfriend = creepy?

A few reasons, although Cougars are NOT sociably acceptable at all, in fact, if you find out a guy you know or parents find out their son is dating a woman considerably older than them it is LOT less accepted than the older man routine.
One reason is because let's face it. Pedophilia is extremely rare in women, whilst although it's not common with men, most pedophiles are men.
Another reason is that not many women go for younger men/men far out of their age range. It is insanely common for men.
Being a girl who developed early I know for a fact how many men will turn a blind eye hooking up with/coming onto a girl who's 15, one thing though was very few guys would ever admit to it and would treat me very badly so that no one would find out.
At the time I was completely sure of myself, believed it was my body and all was ok. Would I have done the things I did then, now? Absolutely not. Even things I did a couple of years ago I wouldn't have done. Now we all have our ideas of what a girl that age should look like, but fact is, a lot of girls that age look 18+ and say they're 18, but they still haven't had time to mentally develop.

There is a certain element of where you are in your life etc. Now if you're a 40 year old man and are looking to date a woman in her late 20s/early 30s, are in a situation similar to her, maybe you're both looking to settle down have children etc, then cool.
If you're in your 40s and are looking to date a woman in her late teens/early 20s then no offence, but you've got some issues and really do need to grow up a bit. Either you're looking to date a woman that young because you refuse to grow up and want to live her kind of lifestyle, or you've already been married etc and are trying to grasp onto her kind of lifestyle, or you're just shallow enough that you're going for all the looks/youth. Yes you do get girls of this age who'd like to get married/have children, but it wouldn't be ideal, you'd be twice her age, you'll get old and die way before her, you've also already done all the cool things in your 20s so you won't get to experience them together, chances are she will just have to skip that, which isn't really fair.
Yes many girls in their 20's do end up falling for older guys, sometimes it's just right, often it's because they crave protection/other things that someone older can give them.

One of the other reasons that in celebs when an older woman goes for a younger guy it's just kind of funny, usually the woman is super hot and the guy is loving it! A cougar is more on par with a silver fox, which implies sexy. Most older guys going for younger girls aren't. Guys are very different to women, naturally women are more vulnerable to certain things, especially when it comes to feelings. i.e. most men who get used for sex will be high fiving their friends, most women who get used for sex will be crying to their friends.
There is also the aspect that as children we are taught to be obedient to our elders, and women although we fight back on it, since the dawn of humanity until recently we have been taught to obey men. Instinct wise it kind of builds on a relationship with an uneven power level.

People do fall in love for all kinds of different reasons, but there'll be a reason why you might like certain people, especially if you're going for people of different ages, this reason may be harmless, or it may be something you should maybe look into more directly.

If you're ever thinking about this kind of thing, I'd ask the question of how you'd feel if your daughter brought someone home with that kind of age difference. If you'd feel like the guy is a creep, then that is how others will view you too.

 

[16_bit]

One reason is because let's face it. Pedophilia is extremely rare in women, whilst although it's not common with men, most pedophiles are men.
Another reason is that not many women go for younger men/men far out of their age range. It is insanely common for men.

I agree with what Isabella said and especially that part. With the amount of guys that turn out to be pedophiles, or using and abusing girls in other ways, means that whenever a guy is x years older (different people will worry about different age gaps) there will be concern, caution and worry that these things might happen to that girl.
It is because of the amount of things that men are predominantly found doing, especially towards women and kids in terms of pedophilia, rape and abuse that an older man with a younger woman will always raise eyebrows.

I think at least in terms of tv and film, cougars are accepted and would seem why it is glorified. In real life however, it isn't quite as widely accepted like Isabella said. I don't think there's the same sort of fear or worry about it in general but with family members and/or people close to the younger guy, there is.

 

[SoTxBob]

Personally, I don't worry about it.. I never have given a crap about what others think and at this stage in life, I'm not gonna change that. There will always be finger wagging judgmental folks no matter what a person does or how "right" he/she tries to live. As far as the age thing, for some reason it seems the majority of ladies that approach me are indeed in their mid20's /early 30's. Who knows why? Maybe indeed they are fed up with the stereotypical young male douche bag and like stability and kindness that comes with a little age..... I'm sure it varies by individual. As long as a lady is past college age, I'm open to life and all who want to take the journey and keep up with me, regardless which one of the age pigeon holes they fall in.. :twocents-02cents:

also, clarify what your cast net term pedo is age wise. IMO, theres a hugs difference between children/young teens or below, and a 16 yr old not yet legal cunt that thinks she has the world by the tail, wants to fuck and presents an 'older' image to entice men ... legally its all the same but the law negates the probable influence the 16 yr old had on the event. Is it fair to label say an 18/19 yr old boy as a pedo for the rest of his life as a result of the girls actions? Unless it is outright rape, it still takes 2 to tango.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

I'm a long term realist, which kinda pisses on any fire that flares up in my dirt old man/silverback mind.

Having dated very young women, and havng been in a LTR with a much older woman, I can tell you that you'll find out, sooner or later you have ZERO in common past a few common interests and the sex.

The older I get the less I consider women younger than say, 5 yrs of myself. On rare occasion ya find a young one who is amazingly mature and well aged in their personality. To rare to figure you'll ever trip over one.
:crybaby:
Would I want a 20 yr old hottie? Hell, who wouldn't?
Would I wanna live with one for very long... I highly doubt it. Unless it's one of those rare birds you almost never see.

It goes both ways, a really young guy with an older woman will sooner or later drive the older woman insane.

Is it wrong? Nope. If the object of your affection is over 18, knock yourself out. Have fun. But when the fun is over, in the between times you're gonna find out you have almost no points to relate to each other on.

Exceptions... sure. Hope for one. Don't plan on one. Younger is real nice (really, really nice) but face the facts... in 20 yrs I'll be in my late 60's and that 20 yr old girl will be in her prime of life with 20 more yrs to enjoy the ride downhill.

The older you both get, the more you move from BF/GF to middle age friend/elderly citizen.
Now and then ya gt that pesky love thing that makes that irrelevant but in reality... you'll probably never see it.

For short term fun, hell yeah, fuck age, go have fun while you can. If you're thinking in your head (as most normal people do) that boy, I really wanna get old and die with that young thing sitting on my face, well keep dreaming.

I'm not an old man just yet, but when I get there any 20 yr old chickie who is sexually attraced to my saggy wrinkled hairy creaky old ass, I'll go "oh boy than you god" and then in a few min I'll seriously question the mental health of said young chick. Really.... you are turned on my this aged mess before you? WTF is wrong with you??
:lol:

But, I had an older lady pretty much say that to my face once, and I was smitten and didn't care, and she was far to hard on herself and not at all old enough to think that way.

Keeping around your own age is much less complicated in the long run.
In the short run... who cares as long as they aint jailbait. If everyone gets what they're after for that short ride....

I do admit, very young looking girls make me feel guilty and a little perverted. :?
But then I say fuck it old man, those are just outdated social constructs that someone else put in your head, usually they were religious twats who wouldn't know a good time if it swallowed their dick up to their balls. Live a little.
:dance:

 

[bob]

If you're ever thinking about this kind of thing, I'd ask the question of how you'd feel if your daughter brought someone home with that kind of age difference. If you'd feel like the guy is a creep, then that is how others will view you too.

in all of what you said (and i agree with some of it, as general statements about this topic)....this is the thing that spoke most strongly to me....i've met the guys my 20 year old has so far been interested in....it started five years ago....and neither her choices, nor the "quality of the guy" has improved much over time.....

but as you point out, she's a kid....we all go through these first efforts to figure out ourselves and our sex of preference....if she were to "bring home" some guy around 40....i'd sure as hell be surprised....but my immediate response wouldn't be "creep" any more than it was for the younger ones.....I'd be interested in the same sorts of things about him i've been interested in with the other guys before him, and i'd be more interested than ever in what it was she found attractive about him

 

[IsabellaSnow]

If you're ever thinking about this kind of thing, I'd ask the question of how you'd feel if your daughter brought someone home with that kind of age difference. If you'd feel like the guy is a creep, then that is how others will view you too.

in all of what you said (and i agree with some of it, as general statements about this topic)....this is the thing that spoke most strongly to me....i've met the guys my 20 year old has so far been interested in....it started five years ago....and neither her choices, nor the "quality of the guy" has improved much over time.....

but as you point out, she's a kid....we all go through these first efforts to figure out ourselves and our sex of preference....if she were to "bring home" some guy around 40....i'd sure as hell be surprised....but my immediate response wouldn't be "creep" any more than it was for the younger ones.....I'd be interested in the same sorts of things about him i've been interested in with the other guys before him, and i'd be more interested than ever in what it was she found attractive about him

I'd be wondering first, why he can't date women his own age, and why he's interested in dating someone so much younger than himself. I mean when you get a 40 year old guy hanging out with a bunch of 20 year olds, that's kind of weird, so really why is it any different if you're sleeping with them? Sure he might be a perfectly nice guy, but like Paulie said, and I think many men would have the same opinion "all cool if you're having fun" well younger girls going for older guys are thinking the exact opposite, they're usually looking for someone to protect them, to look after them, let's face it, unless the guy you're dating is famous or insanely rich/owns clubs etc, you won't be dating him for the fun fast life, which chances are, is why he's dating you! Really it'd make me ask why at the age of 40 the guy is looking for that kind of relationship.

 

[LadyLuna]

I am two and a half years older than my partner. This half means that for half the time, it looks like I'm 3 years older than him.

People call me a cradle-robber.

Nope, not seeing this mysterious wonderful bias that my relationship with him is acceptable...

 

[sweetiebatman]

I don't see it as an ageism/Sexism thing, for me its more about compatibility, I have friends around my age (late 20's). both men and women who have dated people either much younger or much older, Its worked some times, its failed horribly others, One of my friends is happily married now to someone with a ten year age gap

I completely see what Isa is saying, sometimes its just creepy, there has to be that compatability that makes the age gap a secondary issue, If shes talking about Nicky Minaj and you wanna croon to Frank Sinatra, time to move on kids :thumbleft:

 

[16_bit]

I am two and a half years older than my partner. This half means that for half the time, it looks like I'm 3 years older than him.

People call me a cradle-robber.

Nope, not seeing this mysterious wonderful bias that my relationship with him is acceptable...

I'm quite surprised to hear that, 3 years is really nothing. What do they expect you to do, only date people your exact age?

 

[Jupiter551]

I like younger women generally because I'm (and I mean this about myself in the nicest possible way) emotionally immature for my age. I'm 37. Women I meet that are my age are sizing me up long term, and their biological clock is in some cases about 5 minutes to midnight. That's a lot of pressure. I like dating younger women (and with all of this I'm generalising) because they're fun, live in the moment, and we often have similar music tastes, sense of humour etc.

Shit, when my parents were my age they were throwing DINNER PARTIES. I've never even ATTENDED a dinner party, much less thrown one. The closest I've come is crashing someone elses while tripping my balls off on acid.

 

[Beach_Love]

Wow, what great replies and exactly the kind of discussion I was hoping would ensue.

To answer Isabella's question/help clarify the situation: I definitely suffer from "Peter Pan" syndrome and may for the rest of my life. A long time ago I decided I wouldn't cut it as a suit or doing anything 9-5 in general. Haven't given any serious thought to settling down til recently b/c I always knew I wasn't ready or willing to, and it's never been about not wanting a long term relationship. Always loved the Ocean, so at some point surfing became a significant part of my life. Ended up in Costa Rica having epic adventures, and loving it so much that I decided to start my own business (tree farm/reforestation project) and move there permanently. Things were going great until my Mom got sick, my Sister refused to take time off from school to help her (she just had to have a useless graduate degree) and I lost my property while I was in the States taking care of her. At least the world ended up w/ 15,000 more trees LOL. Been trying to pick up the pieces w/ varying degrees of success since then, and job wise things are looking really good. Not where I want to be in Life yet, yet not where I don't want to be either (no unhappy Marriage, soul stealing job, crushing mountain of debt, etc.). Have no regrets, whatsoever. For example I've surfed/swum with dolphins more times than I can count (the key to getting them to come closer is to know how to squeeze/rub at same time the rails of your board, the noise it makes underwater sounds a lot like dolphins). Now have a great 5 yr plan in place, and I wake up every day knowing the "sun is shining just for me".

Age is certainly not a predetermining factor as to who I'm looking to date, etc. Along w/ the obvious physical chemistry/attraction (and I think I have a very healthy attitude in that respect, far from a "perfectionist". One of the things I LOVE about the E.European MFC models is the fact they don't all have perfect teeth, I find it incredibly cute/sexy/endearing). What I look for more than anything is someone who loves to have fun as much as I do, is open to trying new things/new experiences, is smart, funny, etc. One of the problems I find with people in general is that as they age they get older mentally and not just physically. They tend to close themselves off to new experiences (I'm too old to learn how to Snowboard Bluto), and accumulate emotional "baggage" that they are less and less willing to put the work in to get rid of. At the same time I'm not going to lie the physical component is there as well. I LOVE to workout (functional strength training), and aside from cigarettes (going ecig soon since I can't see giving up nicotine) I have led a very healthy life and have reaped the rewards (look at least 10 yrs younger). My goal for this winter is "big wave" surfing (12ft + waves), and once the rib I popped surfing two weeks ago is fully healed it's back to training like a savage.

Some quotes (even though they're about dudes) from the fantastic LA Times article "It's full speed ahead for the Wild Man, 76" about Bally's Gym co-founder Don Wildman, anyone "feeling old" definitely should read it http://www.latimes.com/health/la-he-wildman22-2009jun22,0,6814435.story
"Old guys don't train anymore, so all my buddies are real young," he says. "They're more fun. They push you, and you push them, and you forget how old you are.", and "As a kid, you go out and play. As an adult, you want the same fun, the same excitement," he says. "So when people say to me, 'When are you going to grow up?' I always say the same thing back: 'I hope I never do.' "

If "my daughter" showed up w/ an older guy that she had a lot in common with other than age, and the two of them were happy together I'd be totally cool w/ it.

Finally, I hate to say it but from an evolutionary standpoint it's actually very beneficial for females to mate with and bear the offspring of healthy older males since good health in old age is one of the clearest indicators of good genetics.

 

[LadyLuna]

I am two and a half years older than my partner. This half means that for half the time, it looks like I'm 3 years older than him.

People call me a cradle-robber.

Nope, not seeing this mysterious wonderful bias that my relationship with him is acceptable...

I'm quite surprised to hear that, 3 years is really nothing. What do they expect you to do, only date people your exact age?

For the man to be younger is offensive to them. They want the man to be at least a year older than the woman, but no more than 10 years older, because men are supposed to be less mature than women of the same age.

 

[Beach_Love]

A few reasons, although Cougars are NOT sociably acceptable at all, in fact, if you find out a guy you know or parents find out their son is dating a woman considerably older than them it is LOT less accepted than the older man routine.
One reason is because let's face it. Pedophilia is extremely rare in women, whilst although it's not common with men, most pedophiles are men.
Another reason is that not many women go for younger men/men far out of their age range. It is insanely common for men.
Being a girl who developed early I know for a fact how many men will turn a blind eye hooking up with/coming onto a girl who's 15, one thing though was very few guys would ever admit to it and would treat me very badly so that no one would find out.
At the time I was completely sure of myself, believed it was my body and all was ok. Would I have done the things I did then, now? Absolutely not. Even things I did a couple of years ago I wouldn't have done. Now we all have our ideas of what a girl that age should look like, but fact is, a lot of girls that age look 18+ and say they're 18, but they still haven't had time to mentally develop.

I would like to disagree with you on the fact that Cougars are not socially acceptable. While a sloppy drunk "older" woman in a bar chasing young guys around is not viewed positively, IMO what is is someone in good shape, happy w/ life, etc. dating a younger guy for whatever reason (career came first, divorce. etc.). IMO she's seen as liberated, powerful, in control of her life/going after what she wants, and sexual in a positive way.

I am going to COMPLETELY agree w/ you on the issue of older men taking advantage of younger girls via their "immaturity". I would never enter into a relationship sexual or otherwise w/ a girl that wasn't mature enough to make adult decisions, and the guys that do DISGUST me (particularly those that coerce or manipulate the girls in any way via drugs, alcohol, money, etc.). One of the things I HATED about Costa Rica were the American guys who thought it was OK to date really young local girls/ take advantage of the fact that the age of consent there is 15. They would either be doing it or talking about how great it would be to do it and it would SICKEN me and since I am the type of person who will call "Bullshit" when he sees it I would end up asking them if they had a sister,cousin,etc? If they said yes, I'd ask how old she was? "16, is she hot? I'd love to get her email/facebook/cell # b/c when I get back to the states I'm gonna try and fuck the shit out of her!" At which point they'd say "That's not cool!". I'd ask "Why, you're banging or thinking of banging a child here?". The response "But here it's OK/not illegal!". My reply would be "Doesn't Matter" and then walk off thinking what fucking pigs most of my gender are/can be.

 

[Beach_Love]

Totally forgot to mention for what it's worth that there is a very pretty, very young looking girl who I see is on cam all the time as I check out the Europe/Russia section of MFC. She's obviously over 18 or she wouldn't be on MFC, but she looks much younger. She's been around ever since I found the site a few months ago. I checked out her room once while she was playing w/ a toy and there was zero sexual attraction, none whatsoever. To be honest I was actually surprised that she didn't excite me, but she just looks too young.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

People slow down with age, and sexually speaking, that's usually a good thing.
Young energetic and fast is fun, but it's sort of like drinking alcohol....

Wine is fine and liquor is quicker. Do you want a fast kick in the head from liquor or a warm slow satisfying buzz from good wine?

I'll take the wine, please.
(plus cookies and a hug)
:lol:

 

[bob]

I'd be wondering first, why he can't date women his own age, and why he's interested in dating someone so much younger than himself.

Let me play this hypothetical older guy, from the standpoint of a real one.
I can date women my own age, but I'm open to dating younger women as well (tho personally, 20 is in general no where near emotionally mature enough to be attractive to me....just to be clear)

Life experience is generally much easier to share with women my own age....but the adventure of creating those experiences is simply fresher with a younger woman....and those two things are like lenses in front of my heart's eyes: they bring a woman into focus only when both lenses can see her clearly.....I guess that's what called compatibility

I mean when you get a 40 year old guy hanging out with a bunch of 20 year olds, that's kind of weird, so really why is it any different if you're sleeping with them? Sure he might be a perfectly nice guy, but like Paulie said, and I think many men would have the same opinion "all cool if you're having fun" well younger girls going for older guys are thinking the exact opposite, they're usually looking for someone to protect them, to look after them

I understand what you're saying, and there's probably a lot of truth to it. But again, I don't feel that "either/or" diadactic is a formula for anything but the more-or-less risk free social convention that put my interests under the harsh light of scrutiny. In fact, as an older guy, that concern of yours creates just the kind of give and take that makes youth an attractive option. I'd argue that I have a better sense of the balance between "all cool if you're having fun" (the hedonistic approach :whistle: ......tho also meaning self-absorbed, aka "young at heart", imo) and the understanding that gives relationships their depth.

Most guys my age probably have a feel for that balance....which is the reason for the social convention, imo, because that balance can also be a powerful manipulative force....and there's plenty of examples around that show how it can be used to abuse another person.

.......you won't be dating him for the fun fast life, which chances are, is why he's dating you! Really it'd make me ask why at the age of 40 the guy is looking for that kind of relationship.

Personally, I've always found "fun and fast" (as I think you mean it) to be kind of boring as a life style....a taking of the positive aspects that most of us understand as "escaping" from whatever it is that is the normalcy of our everyday lives, and a turning of those aspects into escapism....a way of avoiding those little things that are the seeds of normalcy, and can become the fruits that ripen into enriching experiences when we escape.

A woman my age can have that sense of adventure I'm trying to describe, but it's also true that as we get older, maintaining a life can easily overwhelm living one. We work hard to avoid change....or maybe it's more accurate to say that we work hard to give it a manageable order. And one of the appeals that youth has for me is its desire to change....to accept the chaos that so often is remembered as adventure: youth tends to question it's limits and seek answers in the chaos.

The issue of sexual intimacy has the same kinds of positives and negatives to me....there's a lot to be said about an attractive woman my age with her unique blend of experience, and a lot to be said about an attractive young woman and her unique blend of experience. Neither one of them will hold my attention unless there's more to the relationship than physical attraction tho, which is, ironically, one of the primary reasons that the "free show" business model at mfc is oftentimes disappointing to me

 

[Jupiter551]

Many of the younger women I've been with said they preferred older (and I'm not talking grandpa status here) guys because, to put it delicately, guys their age were fucking morons.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I've used that excuse before, but the guys I've dated in their 30's have all been far more immature than the one's in their 20s, if they had mentally matured they wouldn't have been dating me, they wouldn't have been able to be in a similar level to me. I found it was actually more difficult because I was more mature than someone in their 30s, but obviously they didn't realise that.

When you say younger woman there are certain categories where it can be ok, think if a girl is in her teens 5-6 years age gap is ok, depending on her lifestyle and the lifestyle of someone she's dating if you're 19/20 it's cool to go with someone 10 years older than you, because unless the guy is looking for/settling down for marriage and kids then he's quite likely living the kind of lifestyle a 20 year old girl might enjoy/benefit from.
if you're 40 and are cool with having kids then there's no real problem with dating someone in her early 30s, possibly late 20's, as long as you're being serious. There's the big matter than most women do want to have children. If you start dating a childless women 28 upwards with no intention of a family then chances are you're wasting her time and may be fucking up her chances.
If you're a 40 year old who dates a 20 year old those girls probably won't be looking for that stuff no, but then they're at that age that they do need to experiment, learn from others their own age, I'm not saying constantly having parties, but being around someone who has already been through all that can ruin the experience. If you're looking for a woman who isn't constantly going to pressure you for more go for someone older, either they've already had children, or they've chosen not to, meaning they won't have a time clock.
I also think that once someone's past 40 the age upwards doesn't really matter much. You've got to remember that if you're dating a considerably younger woman, before 40 she will be trying to find her way and will have certain aspirations which if you interfere with it could really fuck up her chances.

And yes people start getting more closed minded as they grow older, but that's not just the women who are closed minded, you will be too, however much you like to fight it or think you aren't, it's nature. So really you're subjecting someone to what you hate. A lot of men are emotionally immature. You just need to find a women who is also like that, looking younger isn't actually a fix, because really in a couple of years time they'll be exactly the same and the women you're turning your nose up at, they probably already are, just you're temporarily distracted by the shiny newness.

 

[JickyJuly]

"Cougar" and "dirty old man" are pretty much the same weight of negativity. Cougar sounds a little nicer, but they're both predatory which doesn't really make sense if everyone involved is of legal age. My husband is 15 years older than me. We've been together since I was 24. Can't say that it would work for everyone, but older men have their strong points. Dudes seem to take a little longer to understand what they really want in a partner and what being a partner really means. I know for a fact that if I'd magically beamed myself to 1989 and met my husband in his 20s, I would loathe him. :lol:

I'm not sure why, exactly, people feel the need to comment on couples with age gaps, but lots gets said. Some of it is easily shrugged off. Some of it rude enough to require clearing up. Oddly, no one ever says anything negative about my husband choosing a younger woman. All of the negativity is aimed at me presumably because I'm a woman. Fortunately, like all commentary from people outside of a relationship, the rudeness is of no worth.

 

[SoTxBob]

And yes people start getting more closed minded as they grow older, but that's not just the women who are closed minded, you will be too, however much you like to fight it or think you aren't, it's nature. So really you're subjecting someone to what you hate. A lot of men are emotionally immature. You just need to find a women who is also like that, looking younger isn't actually a fix, because really in a couple of years time they'll be exactly the same and the women you're turning your nose up at, they probably already are, just you're temporarily distracted by the shiny newness.

No doubt folks can be closed minded... but there's a major difference from what I've seen. Young girls [and guys] start the trip of "knowing everything and knowing they are always right" about things from exuberance and the idealism of youth and can be some of the most difficult to convince their way isn't the only way or the best. The fact is that really have very little "work experience" with life.
For the older folks, both male and female, they have traveled the road of life and [usually] gained the knowledge of that trip. Most times it leads to a more laid back and relaxed attitude and you have learned the trivial childish shit you used to get so twisted up over, really doesn't matter. The 'closed minded' in older folks usually is a result of already living something thru life's experiences and not wanting to repeat the same mistake or knowing a better way to get something accomplished.
All in all, I'd pick the experienced hardhead over the young hardhead simply bc the aged one knows the way around the walls and that constantly banging your head against them hurts after awhile. :lol:
Hmmm, now lets someone figure out how to put 'old souls' in 'shiny' packages....

 

[mynameisbob84]

I am two and a half years older than my partner. This half means that for half the time, it looks like I'm 3 years older than him.

People call me a cradle-robber.

Nope, not seeing this mysterious wonderful bias that my relationship with him is acceptable...

I'm quite surprised to hear that, 3 years is really nothing. What do they expect you to do, only date people your exact age?

For the man to be younger is offensive to them. They want the man to be at least a year older than the woman, but no more than 10 years older, because men are supposed to be less mature than women of the same age.

I had no idea this was like, a thing :? I love older women. And by "older", I mean older relative to me; not old old, ya know? I'm 28 now. If you're an attractive woman aged 32-37, then lucky you. You're pretty much my ideal partner :-D

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

The longest most peaceful and satisfying relationship I've been in was with a woman who was 14 yrs older than I am. It lasted around 14+ yrs.
We had little in common, but we clicked very well together.

So... we (me included) can kick around hypotheticals all day, but in the end you really have no control over who you fall in love with or why.

The next one might be 14 yrs younger than me and work out great for decades.... who knows.

Life is really interesting that way.

 

[LadyLuna]

Neither of us have hit 30 yet, but both of us are over 20. This was not quite true when we got started though, he was still late teens and I was early 20's.

The weird thing is... there are some ways in which he had a lot more experience than I did. And many ways in which I had a lot more experience than he did. It's been interesting, watching him grow up. I grew up first, but with him being the dominant that put us in a very awkward position for a few years. He's finally catching up to me, and we're settling into a nice partnership which is awesome and very fulfilling (to me at least). We've had to do some soul-searching, and figuring out what each of us really wants out of this, and a bit of figuring out if we really want to be together. We're still not sure about the future, but we both know that for now, we do.

Sometimes, life seems such a bother, but thinking about how he and I have changed, and looking ahead, I can't wait to see what happens next.

 

[Jupiter551]

I've used that excuse before, but the guys I've dated in their 30's have all been far more immature than the one's in their 20s, if they had mentally matured they wouldn't have been dating me, they wouldn't have been able to be in a similar level to me. I found it was actually more difficult because I was more mature than someone in their 30s, but obviously they didn't realise that.

When you say younger woman there are certain categories where it can be ok, think if a girl is in her teens 5-6 years age gap is ok, depending on her lifestyle and the lifestyle of someone she's dating if you're 19/20 it's cool to go with someone 10 years older than you, because unless the guy is looking for/settling down for marriage and kids then he's quite likely living the kind of lifestyle a 20 year old girl might enjoy/benefit from.
if you're 40 and are cool with having kids then there's no real problem with dating someone in her early 30s, possibly late 20's, as long as you're being serious. There's the big matter than most women do want to have children. If you start dating a childless women 28 upwards with no intention of a family then chances are you're wasting her time and may be fucking up her chances.
If you're a 40 year old who dates a 20 year old those girls probably won't be looking for that stuff no, but then they're at that age that they do need to experiment, learn from others their own age, I'm not saying constantly having parties, but being around someone who has already been through all that can ruin the experience. If you're looking for a woman who isn't constantly going to pressure you for more go for someone older, either they've already had children, or they've chosen not to, meaning they won't have a time clock.
I also think that once someone's past 40 the age upwards doesn't really matter much. You've got to remember that if you're dating a considerably younger woman, before 40 she will be trying to find her way and will have certain aspirations which if you interfere with it could really fuck up her chances.

And yes people start getting more closed minded as they grow older, but that's not just the women who are closed minded, you will be too, however much you like to fight it or think you aren't, it's nature. So really you're subjecting someone to what you hate. A lot of men are emotionally immature. You just need to find a women who is also like that, looking younger isn't actually a fix, because really in a couple of years time they'll be exactly the same and the women you're turning your nose up at, they probably already are, just you're temporarily distracted by the shiny newness.

I'm saying this with all the respect and politeness I possibly can, but it comes across as if you have a chip on your shoulder about age gap relationships.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I'm saying this with all the respect and politeness I possibly can, but it comes across as if you have a chip on your shoulder about age gap relationships.

Absolutely not, I go for men of all different ages, always have.
But I'm also realistic, which is something I've noticed most men who go for younger women aren't, I'm not talking ending up meeting a woman/man who's 10/15 years older than you and falling in love in spite of the age gap, I mean the kinds of men who go after women who are 20 years younger than they are, guys who do that are doing it for a reason, you can justify it all you like, but there's something up with you if you're looking for someone who could be your daughter. Watching porn etc with so much younger girls in it although it is pervy (let's not deny that), there's also the fact that men will always be attracted to youth because of the whole fertility thing, it can't be helped, and camming is a fantasy land where you're allowed to be a bit unrealistic.

I do think that because of the way I look and my body type I have had a LOT of attention from older men over the years. I've always looked older and have had large breasts since I was in my early teens, I was also very mature for my age, especially on the outside. The breasts/looking older I think would confuse men, the lust was too much for them, plus, I was a total flirt, I didn't understand it at the time, but I was amazed at the power I suddenly held over people.

Men won't really understand it, because you've never been from the girls point of view. For you we're these young beautiful girls full of life and fun, so for you, yeah why shouldn't you go join in for a bit if you get the opportunity?

I remember my mother saying during an argument of who she dates/brings back to the house, I said that I didn't want the men to come onto me, at that point my only experience of older men was them staring at my breasts (kind of a mute point, she's only dated one guy since my father). She snorted and said that no self respecting man would be remotely interested in me. I looked at her as though she was totally naive, which I still believe she is, but I also think she's right.

I hear men all the time saying that in their heads they are young boys etc. I don't get it, maybe when I'm 40 I'll secretly think i'm 20, but I mean I loved being 18, but I'm not going to go around pretending I'm that age forever, time moves on, I want to have new experiences. One of the arguments for younger women being better is because we're embracing new experiences, well why aren't you? Why are you sticking in the past trying to re live your 20s? Seeing as I'm only 22 in a couple of days maybe I don't know shit, but so far in my life each part has had different chapters, many totally different, I'll be a completely different person when I'm 30 and will look forward to new things. I don't really want to date someone who's trying to make time stand still. A guy in his 40s? yeah sure, but not one of the guys who's trying to make time move backwards, which besides Paulie, I'm kind of getting that impression.
(also, I don't really get it either, isn't about 40/50 the age when you get divorced, meet someone new who's also been divorced, your kids have grown up, you have money etc and you go and spend the rest of your days living selfishly in luxury? Why on earth would you want to go through it again and date someone in their 20's/30's who's still struggling to find themselves?)

 

[Beach_Love]

What great replies! So glad I started this thread. So much I want to respond to I can't keep track of it all. I guess the stigma attached to older men having relationships with younger girls comes from the fact that so many of them are predicated on an imbalance in the relationship and/or some form of coercion.

For me age is just a number that has very little bearing on who a person really is past 21 or so. I'm not going to limit myself to what girls I can meet, get to know, and have fun with based on age (younger or older). I think some of the most attractive qualities a person can have are being willing to try new things, change/grow as a person, etc., and unfortunately those qualities tend to diminish in people if they let them as they age. Here's two perfect examples from my other BB (Surfermag.com). "That $hit just happened to us this weekend at the Avo Fest. This very good and long-time friend of my wife joined us and two other couples to go downtown for some beers and dinner. This friend immediately starts in on the "I can't find a man" "you guys are so lucky" bla, bla, bla. (this is SOP with this chick) I'm kinda used to it and just blow it off or try and change the subject but after 2 hours of this $hit this friend of mine after a beer or 5 just went off on her telling her if you weren't so fvcking negative all the time you might find someone to hang with. She started crying. What a goddamn killbuzz, now we're all bummed" And "I've had that same conversation with those same chicks. These are girls that were attractive in their youth so they think things should come to them. I also tell them to work on dead lifting and clean up their diets. They never listen. But I'm right."

As far as hanging out w/ a younger girl's friends, don't need to and that applies to anyone I'm in a relationship with not just younger girls. If I'm invited, cool. I get along w/ everyone, regardless of age and social status and will do my best to make sure everyone has fun. I'm OK w/ not having to be a part of someone's life 24/7. I'm also not interested in having to be anyone's teacher, once again regardless of age. If someone wants to learn how to do something I'm really good at, I'd love to show them but if I have to lead them by the hand through life it's not going to work.

Finally, what about guys like Don "The Wildman" Wildman? At 76 he's big wave towsurfing. If he followed society's dictates he should be sitting around waiting to die.

 

[camstory]

Early 40's dating someone in their 20's? It is not well enough defined for me. What I mean is, I see two different possibly answers. 44-21 seems somehow different to me than 42-29

But really, I don't find problems with a lot of things others seem to. What I am going to say might sound a bit like saying, "I don't care if their green", but I think it is fine, m/f, or f/m, for the age variable to be, anything between, "mature adult - dead." (Mature adult: most 20 year old ppl are not IMO,((hell I am 49, and still have my doubts)), on the other hand, I attended 2 years at a K-12 school with a student body of 130-140. While there I witnessed a young lady of 16 graduate, and before she had turned 17, start her studies at Stanford. legally she was a minor, ((tho I think she had gone through the emancipation process)), but tell me she was not a mature adult :jerk

So if both are mature adults, and happy with their arrangement, and it does not adversely effect me, why would I care? Or if I did, what would give me any right to? In fact they don't even have to be happy, just willfully involved. For that matter, if a guy/girl has 10 others from 20-120 and everybody is there bc they want to be, and they are doing me no harm, WTFN.

Yes, as likely as Green ppl, but I can't think ppl being green would adversely effect me. If they were like all the other shades of ppl, there would be things some of them might do that would adversely effect me, but not bc they were green.

If it's not bothering you, than why does it bother you? I doubt there are many who can truly ever so escape their programing, and prejudices, that they could 100% live by, "if it doesn't hurt me, or anyone else, who am I to say", but I think that should be the goal.

My mother was 42, my father 31, when I was born. They were married for 16 years, and 14,15 of those were very good according to both of them. I can remember hardly any arguing, and what I do, was never heated in volume, but only tone, terse, but only once angry. They had gone back to their corners, or to the far ends of the house, my mother sitting on the back steps. Coming up from the pool, my mother told me to, tell my father to go get his card punched. I didn't give a single thought to question her, her tone told me she was pissed. At the other end of the house I told my father just as my mother had instructed. My father turned to face the direction of the back porch, and yelled, "GET YURR OHN FUCKIN CARD PUNCHED!" Punching his right hand out in front of him, and flipping my mom off through three walls. To this day I have no idea what that meant, but that was the only time I ever heard a raised voice between them. Also the only time I was ever involved. Though I had no impression ever that they did their fighting away from me, they just always got on well with each other.

 

[Nordling]

Times change. Exhibition A: Will and Ariel Durant. They met while she was attending the high school where he was a teacher. She was 15, he was 28. They lived a long, eventful and loving life, they died less than two weeks apart--he was 96 and she was 83.

He did have to quit his job in order to marry her, but after that, apparently things went well. Together they wrote the long, eleven-volume “The Story of History.” They received a Pulitzer for volume 10. They also wrote “Dual Autobiography” in 1977.

But this was a love story, but unfortunately many “May - December” couplings are more about lust and innocence. Who could judge which is which?