Are we abusing the hug feature?

[VeronicaChaos]

a note: I know how silly it is to complain about getting hugs, so please forgive and indulge me with what might be the least important thread in the history of the Internet.

Lately, I've been feeling...indundated by the hugs of a million well-meaning forum members. When the feature was new it was a great addition to like, and it was nice to get "hugs" on appropriate posts. I'm not sure if it's just me, but does anyone else feel like it's been overused in the last month or so? I feel like I can't post something with any problems or sincerity without racking up several hugs. It's frustrating mostly because it seems to miss the point of the post, like okay, yes I ate too many cookies, but the point of the post was that I made delicious cookies! I don't need to be comforted! I have cookies! Or it makes me feel like others think I'm a frail flower.

Maybe I'm missing something? Is this an extension of my real life aversion to hugs that make meeting hippies super awkward? Do hugs mean something else to others?

Also, this post explains why I've been stingy with my hugs lately, and have been rating things with other things. Because I too have been guilty of over-hugging. In fact, that's what led me to even think about it in the first place.

Please feel free to hate me for being an unappreciative twat and I'm sorry huggers for being a little shit. Trust me I still appreciate you, even if I think you're an over-hugging hippie.

 

[hapa74]

Am I a horrible person because I was tempted to "hug" this post?

Honestly, I rarely use the "hug" rating on here, BUT when I do I don't use it to represent a hug in the literal sense. I think of it more of a "arm around the shoulder, and I care" type of thing, if that makes sense. Is it overused? I have no idea. I guess in the public section of the forum, I don't notice it that often.

(I think this post comes off WAY more serious than I intended!)

 

[EmilyConrad]

YESSSS I was just thinking this the other day! I felt bad for thinking it because I know everyone means well with hugs but some of my posts are meant to be funny and I end up getting hugs on them. Then I feel awkward like everyone feels bad for me when I was just trying to be silly.

 

[Gen]

I am definitely an over-hugger, I noticed the other day I've given out over 2,000 hugs on here. (Other observation: Gen needs to get a life.)

Hugs for me are like the default rating, haha. Definitely don't think it's a frail flower thing or even a comforting thing. Just something a bit more appropriate than Like if there's some element of not-happiness in the post maybe? Idk. I think pretty much every situation warrants hugs haha.

Then again I'm the opposite of you and fucking love real life hugs so this is likely an extension of that

But - I feel "Aw that stinks. Sorry." is underutilized and I try to use it more often.

 

[OhOlivia]

It's funny that you bring this up, because I was thinking about my own "hugging habits" on here yesterday. I checked my stats, and yeah, I tend to get trigger happy with the "hugs". Since then, I've been trying to tone it down a little bit. I honestly think it might be because "hugs" can be used ambiguously toward a multitude of posts. Like: bad day on cam? HUG. Dog puked on your shoes? HUG. You're tired? HUG. Of course there are some instances where hugs are perfect! I am not saying giving hugs to forum members is a negative at all, but I completely get what your saying.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

YESSSS I was just thinking this the other day! I felt bad for thinking it because I know everyone means well with hugs but some of my posts are meant to be funny and I end up getting hugs on them. Then I feel awkward like everyone feels bad for me when I was just trying to be silly.

This happens to me all the time. And then I feel bad because I'm not as funny as I think I am hehe. I think a lot of it depends on the first rating though. Like if someone sees it's a joke and rates it funny you'll get funny ratings but if someone hugs than everyone else will assume that's the proper response? I definitely think the new ratings feature effects how we view posts one they've gotten some ratings.

 

[EmilyConrad]

This happens to me all the time. And then I feel bad because I'm not as funny as I think I am hehe. I think a lot of it depends on the first rating though. Like if someone sees it's a joke and rates it funny you'll get funny ratings but if someone hugs than everyone else will assume that's the proper response? I definitely think the new ratings feature effects how we view posts one they've gotten some ratings.

I can definitely see that being the case. When I kept an online blog one person would comment and the rest of the comments seemed to just go in line with that one. Even if the first comment missed my point it still seemed to set the tone more so than my actual journal entry.

I think sarcasm can be the hardest type of humor to come across over text and much of mine is that so I can understand why a lot of people think I'm in need of hugs when I'm really just being a smart-ass.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Yes! I try to say something funny or positive and get hugs and I get paranoid that people just think I'm incredibly gloomy.

It's interesting that some people now use hug as their default rating. That makes sense I suppose. I use like as the default and rate hugs when I think someone is sad, complaining without including any positive spin or in the debate threads sometimes if I think I understand what someone is saying and no one else seems to. Like an "I get it" rating.

I'm really glad I'm not the only one paranoia over hugs!

 

[JickyJuly]

If everyone else hits "hug" and I want to hit something else, I usually stop myself and hit hug lest anyone find out I girl all wrong. Like... oh this is a thing girls hug over? Okay. Hug it is. Please don't take my girl card. I'll totally join the hugfest as long as I don't actually have to touch anyone.

 

[VallieBeuys]

I like this thread! I have similar feelings about hugs. While I appreciate that people care, I really do, sometimes the hugs just feel like pity. Am I alone on that? Sometimes when life is super depressing, or just not going well at the moment, the hugs can feel kinda dismissive? This probably says way more about me than it does the people rating posts with hugs, to be honest. And I accept that. But there have been times where I didn't post something on the forum because I knew it would just get a bunch of hugs and I would feel pitied and kinda dismissed, when that's not what I wanted to accomplish with the post.

I'm glad I'm not alone in my complicated feelings towards hugs on the forum!

(Please don't feel like I'm judging you if you DO rate my posts with a hug. I'm absolutely not. Like I said my feelings on this say waaaaaayyy more about me than anyone actually reading and rating my posts here.)

 

[eyeteach]

I like the hug. I use the hug often. I can not apologize for a big ol' bohonkin' hug. Full disclosure here though, sometimes I do cop a feel when I hug.

Maybe I need therapy?

 

[Puffin]

It would be nice if there could be some more options as a response because "Aw, that stinks sorry", "WTF" and "Facepalm" are not considered positive ratings and 'hugs' is often the only relevant positive response that is appropriate for posts that explain some misfortune.

 

[Gen]

It would be nice if there could be some more options as a response because "Aw, that stinks sorry", "WTF" and "Facepalm" are not considered positive ratings and 'hugs' is often the only relevant positive response that is appropriate for posts that explain some misfortune.

We're getting spoiled now soon we'll say "back in my day, we only had a Thanks! And we had to walk uphill both ways to quote a post" haha.

This thread is very enlightening!

 

[SaffronBurke]

I tend to use the hug a lot because if there's something negative mentioned in a post, I feel that liking or laughing will make me come across as an asshole.

 

[Amelia Liddell]

aw man i love the hugs. it's good for everything! hugs cause i wanna hug you, hugs cause you had a bad day, hugs like yay! thats awesome, celebration hug time!

maybe i'm just too enthusiastic about hugs

 

[Poison_Ivy21]

I hug outta happiness a lot. Or if I read a post I find relatable, not necessarily about a sad situation. Like, I hugged one of Tegans posts just because we did the same sport in high school. Yay, another way we can relate to each other, *HUGS*

I'm dumb and over enthusiastic, just ignore me

 

[Sevrin]

It's only because we don't have a "rub up against" rating.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

I am definitely an over-hugger, I noticed the other day I've given out over 2,000 hugs on here. (Other observation: Gen needs to get a life.)

Hugs for me are like the default rating, haha. Definitely don't think it's a frail flower thing or even a comforting thing. Just something a bit more appropriate than Like if there's some element of not-happiness in the post maybe? Idk. I think pretty much every situation warrants hugs haha.

Then again I'm the opposite of you and fucking love real life hugs so this is likely an extension of that

But - I feel "Aw that stinks. Sorry." is underutilized and I try to use it more often.

Don't worry Gen I've got your back, to keep the average down. I think I'd given one hug before this thread. So hugs for everybody now.

 

[hapa74]

Guys, for the record, I will take all the unwanted hugs...I think I have a hug fetish

 

[justjoinedtopost]

a note: I know how silly it is to complain about getting hugs, so please forgive and indulge me with what might be the least important thread in the history of the Internet.

Lately, I've been feeling...

First of all, let me express my deepest sympathies regarding your recent cookie problems. Hopefully you will get things sorted out, and you will regain some semblance of normalcy in your life. Have a hug rating.

Secondly, I found your broad generalizations of hippies distasteful (if not downright offensive). But I would rather not lash out in anger; I prefer to repay offense with kindness. So part of the hug rating I gave was for that.

Thirdly...what is a hug?

Spoiler

There are, of course, a myriad of definitions; but the one I am going to go with here is:
“n. An act of holding someone tightly in one's arms, typically to express affection”
I would guess this is the emotion many are trying to display when they rate a post with a hug.

• You got scammed last night? Have a hug. Been there. Hopefully you don't have to take out a loan to cover your losses like I did.

• Cookie induced bellyache? That's not good. Have one on the house...

• Just found out you've taken your last walk to the park together, and thinking about walking without her leaves you feeling empty as hell?

Now I agree completely with the view that over-hugging leads to a serious dilution of sincerity, and comes across as very condescending to boot. In a perfect world, hugs would only be issued when gravitas demanded it. But alas, this world is far from perfect...

I had a similar situation not long ago that also involved post ratings. However, my problem was not an overabundance of hug ratings, but rather, a complete lack of turd ratings. I spent several weeks studying the underlying dynamics, and much of what I gleaned applies to your case as well. The problem appears to be twofold:


1. The ease with which ratings can be given (or maliciously withheld). It requires almost no time or effort. Contrast that with the following completely hypothetical scenario:

I walk into the kitchen and find someone lying on the floor, writhing in pain as they clutch their abdomen. Next to them are three empty Chips Ahoy! bags. Right off the bat, I am going to have to take five minutes or more to determine if they need medical attention, and if so, whether their predicament is dire enough to require a call to emergency services. If I decide this individual doesn't need a doctor, then I am going to have to watch for a few more minutes and see if their suffering rouses enough empathy in me to outweigh my disgust for their gluttony. Then, and only then, will I set to work on overcoming my aversion for human contact long enough to issue a heartfelt IRL hug. I'll be honest, probly not going to happen.

But on an internet forum? “Owie! Too many cookies!” from you, a click of the mouse from me, and we are done.

Requiring every post rating to be accompanied by a 1000 word explanation would go a long way towards alleviating this, and I hope the admins of this forum give it some serious consideration. This problem, more than any other, threatens the very pillars upon which civilized society rests.


2. “Herd mentality”. The vast majority of people will give you a hug if they see others giving you a hug, or sometimes if they even think others might start giving you hugs. Independence terrifies them, and they shun it in favor of conforming to convention. Like so many lemmings, they run past on their journey to the sea, blissfully unaware that they will live their live out their pitiful existences in complete obscurity.

Their behaviour is even more noticeable when it involves someone who has achieved a higher ranking in the social order. For instance, if someone as well known as you takes one nibble too many off an oatmeal-and-raisin and word gets around, it's a safe bet you are going to be inundated with condolences from the four corners of the earth.

On the other hand, someone lesser could come home from a sketchy seafood restaurant after pigging out on an all-you-can-eat shrimp deal; they could dry heave for the next two days, and as they slowly die from mercury poisoning, they would be lucky if one person hears them weakly whispering “Help me please...”

Anyhoo, that's what I think.

edit: I have decided to retract my hug rating on your initial post. Partly because no one else did it. I don't want to be the only one.
But mostly it was your hippie remarks. I tried to look past them, to rise above them, the good Lord knows I did. In the end, they were just too much for me to take.
I am giving you a “Bad Troll Attempt” rating instead. Maybe you will think about that next time you decide to denigrate the most influential subculture the modern world has ever known.

 

[Zoomer]

I must be one of the few people who doesn't like the "feedback" options much. Whilst I have used them, I tend to use them sparingly.

My issue is around what I'd call social conformity; people tend to "go with the general consensus" for fear of coming a cropper and being visually marked. It would be interested to know how many people have made a post and then come back another time hoping they've got positive ratings - especially over heated topics.

The only one I like is the "Helpful" rating - which is useful for marking out a good answer (much like marking up the correct answer on stack overflow). So whilst you mention the "hug" one, I'll go and say I think they're all bad (or abused). I know, I sound like a bit of a grouch saying that - but there

 

[fandango]

Sorry ive just totally abused the rating system for this thread

 

[yummybrownfox]

I definitely feel that the 'Bad Troll Attempt' rating is abused on here.

 

[Shaun__]

I always like when I check in and I have alerts. Hugs are all good in my mind.

 

[SoniaSilk]

I'm coming over with my hippie army to hug you all and I'll only stop if I hear safewords.

 

[AmberCutie]

I definitely feel that the 'Bad Troll Attempt' rating is abused on here.

I was trying to think of a nicer way to say "shit post."

But yea, most people at ACF are confused what an actual troll is. I'm at a loss of better wording, though.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I use the "bad troll attempt" rating when someone is being an unbelievable idiot on and it seems like it's on purpose. Not necessarily a troll but kind of troll like behavior?

 

[AmberCutie]

I use the "bad troll attempt" rating when someone is being an unbelievable idiot on and it seems like it's on purpose. Not necessarily a troll but kind of troll like behavior?

That sounds good to me. Here are some of the things I might say in my head if and when I ever use the poo rating:

Oh come on now, that's just fucking dumb. Don't even say that shit.

For pete's sake, you're a flipping moron.

Seriously? Nice try, asshat.

 

[TacoBelle]

I know I'm not the only one who goes to rate a post, but you can't decide between two ratings (say agree and funny, for example) so you hover for a second while noticing that they have 8 agrees and 2 likes. So I choose "agree." Almost always do the other ratings help me decide between two.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I know I'm not the only one who goes to rate a post, but you can't decide between two ratings (say agree and funny, for example) so you hover for a second while noticing that they have 8 agrees and 2 likes. So I choose "agree." Almost always do the other ratings help me decide between two.

Just my opinion, but I think post ratings say more about the person issuing them (and their current mental state) than the content of any particular post, or the character of its author.