Does camming make me a bad mom?

[sophie_ryder]

I haven't been camming long, maybe a week, but I have been making some great money doing it. My husband knows I do it and is super supportive in whatever I want to do. I have an almost three year old daughter. Now, I never cam unless I know she's asleep or if hubby is watching her and she won't come running into the room. I keep it hidden from her, and I know she's actually too young to understand it. Well, I told my best friend, my daughter's godmother and basically my sister what I've been doing to make some extra money, and she completely flipped. She told me I was a bad mom because if something were to happen or someone I knew were to see me and everything came to light my daughter would know, and probably be taken from me. She said I was being selfish and only thinking about myself, and overall being a bad mom. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Moms that cam, do you ever feel like what your doing makes you a bad mom? Am I a bad mom? Am I the only one who thinks this way? I just want to help provide for my daughter. I'm sorry if something has been posted like this already, I haven't seen anything.

 

[JickyJuly]

I don't think how you (legally) make your money changes whether you're a good parent. If you were camming illegally and putting your child at risk of losing you and carrying the consequence/stigma of that yes. Outside of that, the things that could make you a "bad" parent are the same as anyone else.

 

[sophie_ryder]

I don't think how you (legally) make your money changes whether you're a good parent. If you were camming illegally and putting your child at risk of losing you and carrying the consequence/stigma of that yes. Outside of that, the things that could make you a "bad" parent are the same as anyone else.

As long as I am verified and everything it's legal though, right?

 

[BiancaBaker]

Have them read this!!! Seriously. People just don't understand and are not educated.

http://www.nakedtruth.ca/2015/04/ten-reasons-sex-workers-are-great.html

 

[Mila_]

I do think about it a lot. When I started camming I swore myself that I would stop once I got pregnant. These are the things that concerned me:

1) Setting a bad example for my daughter.

2) Keeping secrets within my family that would weaken our bonds.

3) When I got outed I started to worry about how my reputation would impact my daughter's life in school and such. Parents can be bullies too and they can tell their children not to play with yours if they find out you are related to the adult industry.

Now, after 4 years, I am not so sure. I still fear the 3 scenarios above, but I now throw in these in the mix as well:

a) Camming would allow me to give my child security and a quality of life I couldn't otherwise provide.

b) It gives me the opportunity to homeschool my children and be with them all day instead of sending them to school and going away 9 to 5 to work at an office.

c) I could have the opportunity to grant my children amazing experiences like traveling the world from a young age and teach them about many different cultures.

So... what I now think is I will focus a lot on having very clear boundaries that are never to be crossed. I will probably cam outside my home, rent a hotel room or an office to do it so my child is NEVER in contact with it. Once my children are of certain age I will talk to them about my job so that there aren't secrets of this magnitude within my family. And I will have to be much more open to their sexual decisions than I am comfortable with being because denying my daughter the life I have had would be hypocritical.

That is where I am at now.

 

[sophie_ryder]

If you are not exposing her to it and it is legal where you are then no.

These people are projecting their own insecurities with it onto you. It is their own opinion of your work you are hearing. I think you made a mistake by telling them. A lot of us keep cam quiet because the fact of the matter is most people just can't handle this kind of stigmatized work. So sometimes it's best to keep them in blissful ignorance. Aside from possible custody battles, false allegations, division of family/friend relations, and people just turning into straight creeps, being out can just be plain and simple dangerous for your safety.

There are many here that have gone through court with their children of the exact same situation and have won. So... Keep your head up.

I only told my best friend(who is my daughter's godmother and like my sister) and my husband, my husband doesn't care as long as I'm okay with it. And I only told my best friend because I didn't expect her to react that way. I know she won't tell anyone, even if she doesn't approve. She called me about an hour ago and apologized and just says she worries for the sake of my daughter.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

If you are not exposing her to it and it is legal where you are then no.

These people are projecting their own insecurities with it onto you. It is their own opinion of your work you are hearing. I think you made a mistake by telling them. A lot of us keep cam quiet because the fact of the matter is most people just can't handle this kind of stigmatized work. So sometimes it's best to keep them in blissful ignorance. Aside from possible custody battles, false allegations, division of family/friend relations, and people just turning into straight creeps, being out can just be plain and simple dangerous for your safety.

There are many here that have gone through court with their children of the exact same situation and have won. So... Keep your head up.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I have a son and daughter. My daughter is six and knows I make and sell videos. She is innocent and thinks nothing strange. We will talk about it truly honestly when she is older. You know how that will affect her? She won't growing up thinking bodies are dirty, sex is wrong, fetishes are shameful, that being sexual makes someone a slut, etc. I do worry if someone will know and tease her when she is a bit older but I trust that she is going to be strong and know better. I believe she won't want slut shamers in her life. And of course all of the same goes for my son. Sex and sex work isn't shameful, I'm grateful my children will grow up knowing that.

 

[RogueWarrior]

First of all I'm *NOT A MODEL*.

Now that we have that out of the way, here's my take.

What you choose to do to legally bring in money into your household does not in any way reflect what kind of parent you are. Good or shitty parenting has no respect for race, religion, job, class, status or anything else.

You are are person, you are not a job. I've known good and shitty people in all walks of life, professions, etc. No blanket statements can be made. I once dated a stripper who was a great mom. I once dated a registered nurse who was a shitty mom. And I've know the reverse to happen. It's all about the individual.

You seem to have things figured out personally. No matter what you do or don't do, other people are going to judge you. I tend to not judge (unless you've seen my sarcastically biting posts here, but that's just in fun). Whatever, I think you know what you're doing. Just keep it as real as possible without exposing the kids to something they don't need to know.

 

[MojitosJourney]

There's nothing wrong with what you are doing.
I want to write that sentence ten times to really make my point but I am going to restrain myself.

Being a sex worker on a webcam site is completely legal in most countries and areas (double check the laws in your areas.) It will not have your child taken from you. A huge amount of the cam girls out there, and strippers too, are moms. They all get to keep their babies. This line of work is often one of the few things moms can do while their child is sleeping and make some money they wouldn't be able to make otherwise.

If you like doing it, if you're happy, that's all the matters.

And, if you haven't already, watch the movie "Bad moms." It points to how much moms are judged on pretty much everything they do... and how that judgement really has nothing to do with you. When other people judge you, it's about them - not you.

Just carry on. You're doing great.

 

[CharlieCharma]

If you feel guilty about camming, then you shouldn't do it. It will make you resent camming and yourself.

If you are happy doing it, making money, and not camming when your kiddos are awake or around then keep doing it. There are plenty of bad parents in the world, but they aren't bad parents because of their job. I don't know if you're a good parent or not, but if you're a shitty parent it isn't because of the job you do.

 

[ExcellaExe]

I don't see camming as something bad, so I don't think you're a bad parent. As long as what you do is legal, that you aren't allowing it to negatively affect your household, and as long as you're a good parent even in absence of camming and provide for them, then you're a good parent. Your job doesn't change how your kids perceive you. My mom's friend worked at a stripclub, same with her best friend she lived with, and a majority of her friends (but my mom didn't, she was tempted and has said she would have if she didn't have her stretch marks). I didn't think anything different for Claire or Sue than I did for my friend's parents down the street. Granted, I didn't know fully what they did until I was old enough to understand, but kids are more flexible and accepting than people realize.

Children don't care. Adults are the ones with preconceived concepts and biases. Do what makes you happy.

 

[sophie_ryder]

Thank yall.

 

[CamHarlot]

You're making money to put food on the table! Sex workers get shit done, IDC what anyone else says! You would be a bad Mom if you weren't putting food on the table. Just my opinion.

 

[Val Vega]

Fuck no it doesn't. Anyone that says otherwise is an asshole that should mind their own prudish damn business. Keep being a bad ass camming mom.

 

[Luckyfoxxy]

I haven't been camming long, maybe a week, but I have been making some great money doing it. My husband knows I do it and is super supportive in whatever I want to do. I have an almost three year old daughter. Now, I never cam unless I know she's asleep or if hubby is watching her and she won't come running into the room. I keep it hidden from her, and I know she's actually too young to understand it. Well, I told my best friend, my daughter's godmother and basically my sister what I've been doing to make some extra money, and she completely flipped. She told me I was a bad mom because if something were to happen or someone I knew were to see me and everything came to light my daughter would know, and probably be taken from me. She said I was being selfish and only thinking about myself, and overall being a bad mom. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Moms that cam, do you ever feel like what your doing makes you a bad mom? Am I a bad mom? Am I the only one who thinks this way? I just want to help provide for my daughter. I'm sorry if something has been posted like this already, I haven't seen anything.

Well, no, getting naked on cam and generally creating sexual content is not being a bad mum. Your husband doesn't seem to mind either.
It could lead to harassment though - kids are cruel and teachers are ineffective at best in this kind of situations. No classmates stumbling upon your stuff = no problem.
A bit hard to avoid exposure if you should encurage it to make money. Keep a very close lid on your identity and don't do anything that could go viral, and you'll get lost in the crowd while still making monies.

 

[Ambers Troll]

This is the concern? I guess it is a small risk, but don't assume it will cause them any harm other than some embarrassment.
There are far more things in this world to be worried about for your children, and far more things you could do for work that may embarrass them. You could have chosen to be a thief, or worse still a lawyer lol.

 

[Ambers Troll]

Do you think someone like fashion model, Kate Moss had to explain to her children her role in harming young women's body image with the whole heroin chic/ waif look? Exploiting your looks for fantasy is not much different to exploiting your sexuality for fantasy.
Keep in mind the waif look may well have played a part in some young women dying, do we blame the model doing her job for that?

Cam modelling might encourage a few people to overspend, some guys into porn may respect women a bit more by the cam interaction, it may break up a marriage or two with someone keeping their viewing secret. You as the model have to take some extra security precautions (involves your whole family). I guess a few kids may catch a naughty show and learn something they aren't ready for. Most of the time it will simply be adults having some fun, much like working in a casino environment.

 

[Luckyfoxxy]

Do you think someone like fashion model, Kate Moss had to explain to her children her role in harming young women's body image with the whole heroin chic/ waif look? Exploiting your looks for fantasy is not much different to exploiting your sexuality for fantasy.
Keep in mind the waif look may well have played a part in some young women dying, do we blame the model doing her job for that?

Cam modelling might encourage a few people to overspend, some guys into porn may respect women a bit more by the cam interaction, it may break up a marriage or two with someone keeping their viewing secret. You as the model have to take some extra security precautions (involves your whole family). I guess a few kids may catch a naughty show and learn something they aren't ready for. Most of the time it will simply be adults having some fun, much like working in a casino environment.

Whilst I agree, not everyone will see it that way. Camming is more akin to live porn than fashion modelling - unless we are talking about non-nude models, but I don't think OP is one.
https://www.dallasnews.com/news/edu...as-teachers-past-porn-actress-led-firing-says
https://kissrichmond.hellobeautiful.com/2101314/california-teacher-fired-over-porn-star-past/
There is a stigma attached to sex work and it's important to acknowledge it.

 

[Lucid1]

I don't think that anyone is beyond being "judged" by someone else. Some like to use the term "don't judge me" a little too much as well. Every single person on the planet has the right to discern the activities/lifestyles/beliefs of others and make a personal judgement as to whether they support those things, or not, and whether they want to associate with that person and let them inside their own "inner circle" of influence. It's how cultures and communities have formed since humans have made the decision to live together and form societies. Considering that you live within a social group(friends, family..etc), you have to make your own decision of whether or not those people would be supportive of your activities if they found out. You also have to consider whether or not you can handle the negative consequences as well if they did. To pull the shades, turn on the webcam, and think that you operate in a vacuum is a bit folly in my opinion. To do what you need to do to make ends meet and put food on the table is being an adult and is admirable behavior to me. But you also have to consider that to others, it might not be.

 

[Helloimholly]

This is a really good question, I have a related question. I never care what people say or think of me until today...I'm freaking out and I think I will quit camming, I don't know what else to do! A friend of mine found out I do camming, they said that it is illegal to cam if you have a child, if authorities find out they will take your daughter away! Is this true?? She is 2, I only cam when she's sleeping or while someone else is watching her, I don't have a College degree and I am a single mom if I got a "normal" job I would need to put her in daycare and what I make probably would only be enough to pay day care! Please help! Is what they say true???

 

[Serenity_Tam]

This is a really good question, I have a related question. I never care what people say or think of me until today...I'm freaking out and I think I will quit camming, I don't know what else to do! A friend of mine found out I do camming, they said that it is illegal to cam if you have a child, if authorities find out they will take your daughter away! Is this true?? She is 2, I only cam when she's sleeping or while someone else is watching her, I don't have a College degree and I am a single mom if I got a "normal" job I would need to put her in daycare and what I make probably would only be enough to pay day care! Please help! Is what they say true???

Get rid of that friend. They are just saying something to freak you out, judge you, and/or make you quit because they aren't liking what you do. Like how do they even know. Like they did research in their spare time. lool no. oKay maybe it's totes rude to say get rid of them. but seriously wtf.

If you are in the US or Canada it is absolutely not illegal. Honestly there are so many amazing mums on this very forum and I would argue their choice to cam helps make them better mums and providers for their BBs.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

This is a really good question, I have a related question. I never care what people say or think of me until today...I'm freaking out and I think I will quit camming, I don't know what else to do! A friend of mine found out I do camming, they said that it is illegal to cam if you have a child, if authorities find out they will take your daughter away! Is this true?? She is 2, I only cam when she's sleeping or while someone else is watching her, I don't have a College degree and I am a single mom if I got a "normal" job I would need to put her in daycare and what I make probably would only be enough to pay day care! Please help! Is what they say true???

For this, I would research local laws for wherever you live instead of relying on an most likely uninformed statement. Most of the laws should be online, so you can track it down. Might take a bit.

Hope you find the info, and it's able to put your mind at ease.

 

[RogueWarrior]

This is a really good question, I have a related question. I never care what people say or think of me until today...I'm freaking out and I think I will quit camming, I don't know what else to do! A friend of mine found out I do camming, they said that it is illegal to cam if you have a child, if authorities find out they will take your daughter away! Is this true?? She is 2, I only cam when she's sleeping or while someone else is watching her, I don't have a College degree and I am a single mom if I got a "normal" job I would need to put her in daycare and what I make probably would only be enough to pay day care! Please help! Is what they say true???

Friend. You use that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Sorry if you don't get the "The Princess Bride" reference.

That is not a friend. That's a vindictive jealous person. Don't know where you are located, but it is not illegal in the US. And I'm gonna trust @Serenity_Tam on the Canada stuff because I don't know.

This kind of nonsense pisses me off. There is way too much judgement and not enough compassion in this world. This is the caveat, I don't know where you're at, or the laws of you land. You need to find that out.

 

[SMuser69]

Even if it's completely legal where you are the issue that will come up when it comes to courts and custody. The court will look at your activities as if it's a good or bad "environment" the child exists in. If custody ever comes into question you should make sure you have cataloged every step you took to separate your child from the sex working environment.

The other issue is if it impacts your daughter's social sphere in the future. Kids are cruel you must prepare her and yourself to deal with situations that might ultimately come up if word of what you do gets out at her school. Also if you are giving her cover stories about "what does my parents do for work" which is a pretty common grade school thing.

Society in most places is still not supportive of your career choice and your daughter has to live with any social situation you put yourself into. Make sure you have plans in place well in advance so she isn't forced to deal with an adult matter too early. My parents made their divorce very much my business and had to live with me not talking to them for years as judgement for that. Forcing situations where children are forced to "grow up" early to deal with them has future consequences, pro or con, on your relationship with them.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

More thoughts.

You can always see a lawyer just to find out what would happen if anyone were to ever call CPS on you. Is it perfectly legal to do what we do, while being Mothers? Yes. Are there idiots in the world who are going to assume that our children have unhealthy or even abusive lives because of it? Yes. Be safe, be prepared but don't let people who know nothing about your job or the law make crazy assumptions and scare you. The best thing to do is have a separate office where you work with a lock and/or proof that you only work when they aren't home.

Could your child get bullied someday over this? Yes. But your child could get bullied over anything. I don't see that potential as an issue for me personally because this is the job I want and the one that is 100% best for my entire family so it's just one con among a long list of pros. However, if you are choosing between this and something else, if you are on the fence, then I would say that it is certainly something to take into consideration. I don't think it should be a deciding factor by any means but of course it's a concern I assume most people will consider.

 

[BiancaBaker]

Even if it's completely legal where you are the issue that will come up when it comes to courts and custody.

Having gone through the legal system with a child this is not true. As long as your in the USA or Canada; the courts will not take your child away due to sex work. You pay your taxes like anybody else. As long as your not shooting content or camming with your child awake you have really nothing to worry about. That is discrimination. Now if you are an unfit parent who doesn't change your kids diapers for hours, you leave them crying for hours on end, are neglectful, etc then yes you would get your child taken away. Your job cannot dictate a good parent. There are nurses, lawyers who abuse and hurt there children - the court system will look at your parenting skills, your child and if they are unharmed/no damage then you have 0 to worry about. Some states are worse than others and you may have a battle with CPS but the courts don't get involved unless CPS involves them. If your in a liberal state it will be easier with CPS (like I am) CPS will come to your house; make sure your house doesn't look like a porn studio, make sure your kids okay, ask questions and then they leave. If you live in a conservative state they may be in your life for a few months. Courts don't get involved unless CPS reports you which honestly won't happen. The only other reason the court would find out is if you have a baby daddy who will bring you to court and say your unfit and EVEN in that case the mother always wins (most of the time- And Im including non sex workers in here) - A girl I went to HS with is a drug addict and has not lost her children despite them being in terrible condition and being neglected. CPS is called and called and called and they have never reported her to the courts. Her baby daddy is a drug addict so he won't try for custody; It honestly takes a fucking lot for cps to report you to the court system.

 

[Guy]

Having gone through the legal system with a child this is not true. As long as your in the USA or Canada; the courts will not take your child away due to sex work. You pay your taxes like anybody else. As long as your not shooting content or camming with your child awake you have really nothing to worry about. That is discrimination. Now if you are an unfit parent who doesn't change your kids diapers for hours, you leave them crying for hours on end, are neglectful, etc then yes you would get your child taken away. Your job cannot dictate a good parent. There are nurses, lawyers who abuse and hurt there children - the court system will look at your parenting skills, your child and if they are unharmed/no damage then you have 0 to worry about. Some states are worse than others and you may have a battle with CPS but the courts don't get involved unless CPS involves them. If your in a liberal state it will be easier with CPS (like I am) CPS will come to your house; make sure your house doesn't look like a porn studio, make sure your kids okay, ask questions and then they leave. If you live in a conservative state they may be in your life for a few months. Courts don't get involved unless CPS reports you which honestly won't happen. The only other reason the court would find out is if you have a baby daddy who will bring you to court and say your unfit and EVEN in that case the mother always wins (most of the time- And Im including non sex workers in here) - A girl I went to HS with is a drug addict and has not lost her children despite them being in terrible condition and being neglected. CPS is called and called and called and they have never reported her to the courts. Her baby daddy is a drug addict so he won't try for custody; It honestly takes a fucking lot for cps to report you to the court system.

But what about what happend with @FinleyBlake?

 

[BiancaBaker]

But what about what happend with @FinleyBlake?

Did you read what I just said? unless a baby daddy brings you to court (which is what happened to her) and living in a conservative conservative state yes you will have issues... She did not ultimately loose custody (yes she had to go through hell to get it) - but she ultimately won back some of what was taken away- I know she has more ahead of her but her case is extremely rare-

If your friend calls CPS nothing will happen. Your friend cannot take you to court. Your friend cannot file court paperwork to have your child taken away. The only person in the world who can do this is a father. If your friend calls CPS- they will make a report- go to her house (like I said) and do the exam. If she's in a conservative state they may stick around for a while. If she's not and in a liberal state- 1 visit and she will be done (like what happened to me).

I had someone call CPS on me 2 years ago; and said I was exposing my daughter to my work (which was a complete lie) the courts did not get involved. CPS came to my house; did what I said above and left and never bothered me. They SPECIFICALLY told me they do not care what I do. There only concern was to make sure my child was not being exposed to it WHICH he/she ISNT. I have full custody already but they told me even if I didn't they don't involve the courts unless the child is endangered. So I know FIRST hand (since it happened to me) that legally they cannot do anything. They told me as well that the only way they go to the courts is in extreme cases; And even in those cases some don't make it to court.


The only person who can make your life hell in custody cases is the BIO dad. That happens with sex work and non sex work.

 

[Finley]

Being a sex worker of ANY kind does not and never will make you a bad mom.

I do want to talk about the getting your child taken away from you aspect. There's a lot of people who have posted that your child won't get taken away from you because this job is legal, and this is not exactly true. I just spent a year in court fighting my ex because he found out I was a SWer and was attempting to use it against me. I did win and have joint custody of my son, just like I should, but it didn't come easy or cheap. Unfortunately, sex worker parents are all too often put in a position like this, and until some things really change it's going to keep happening. That being said, this is a worst case scenario situation and not something that is guaranteed to happen, and generally unlikely in most cases. If you are married or with your child's father and he is aware that you are a SW, he is not going to be able to use that against you if something happens down the line. He can try, but you will be able to testify that he always knew about your job and it will be very clear that he is being malicious.

If you are happy, there's no reason to stop being a SW. Not everyone in your life will be supportive, but I honestly appreciate when someone shows what they really think because then I can choose to not have them in my life or keep them really distanced.

If anyone would like to talk or has any questions, I would be more than happy to. Just PM me!