Have members ever married a model?

[AllisonWilder]

Unless someone is standing behind the camera with a gun pointed at you, there is always another choice. No girl has to cam, ever, if she doesn't want to.

If a girl is crying over a private, she should really look elsewhere for employment. This job is fucking hard and it's not for everyone.

Also, being married to a cam model does not make you an expert. More educated than some, sure, but until you put on your sexy outfit, get your hitachi ready, fucking smile and click 'broadcast', you will never understand what it feels like to be a cam model.

 

[Littlegringo]

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...

Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

The girl who's boss treats her like a sex object IN PERSON will also break down and cry but not quit because she desperately needs the job... not a problem the cam girl faces, but something any girl could face in the workplace.

Statistics Canada (1993) reported that 87% of women experience workplace SH and only 8% of those report the harassment (Sexual Assault Centre, 2002)

Do you really think that only cam girls face situations which effect them morally and sexually in their chosen profession? My god, in Canada here we've now had cases of sexual harassment in our Police forces. Women (and men as well) face things like this in all professions, and a huge number of them just stay silent because they need the job. While I respect that cam girls face their own challenges, they aren't alone in facing such challenging situations which can make them break down...

Also, being married to a cam model does not make you an expert. More educated than some, sure, but until you put on your sexy outfit, get your hitachi ready, fucking smile and click 'broadcast', you will never understand what it feels like to be a cam model.

I don't recall claiming to be an expert, just saying that I do see how it effects some models in person (not some online aquaintance) because I know them as people, not as models, people I've known for many years prior to their becoming cam models). Women face a ton of challenges in the workplace, regardless of whether it is camming - different challenges, but I feel that the cam model facing her set of problems and the girl getting sexually harassed in her typical 9-5 minimum wage job deserve equal respect for having to deal with their challenges...

 

[Pant222]

Unless someone is standing behind the camera with a gun pointed at you, there is always another choice. No girl has to cam, ever, if she doesn't want to.

If a girl is crying over a private, she should really look elsewhere for employment. This job is fucking hard and it's not for everyone.

Also, being married to a cam model does not make you an expert. More educated than some, sure, but until you put on your sexy outfit, get your hitachi ready, fucking smile and click 'broadcast', you will never understand what it feels like to be a cam model.

Sometimes life can make a person feel there is no other choice for whatever reasons they are. They don't have to actually have a gun pointed at them to feel this way sometimes. The same feeling of being helpless can come from different things that are going on in their life at the time. What seems one way to another is not necessarily the same to someone else. Even if there are other choices, that doesn't mean they are choices they are able to make or even realize at times. Just because there might be other choices, does not also mean they are available to them if they are not even aware of these options. Their reality is all that matters and if they feel this way, then that is very real to them.

 

[Anonymous]

This thread...AYE-YI-YI! LOL.

So the original question was...have members ever married a model? I think anyone who can answer this question with a 'yes' probably would've posted by now IF they were comfortable doing so.....

 

[Evvie]

I've seen times when a girl literally has a break down or snaps from the stress and goes postal for no apparent reason at all.

I'm going to mention that there are many reasons why a camgirl "snaps" when she is broadcasting, and not wanting to be a sex worker is only one of them.

Anyone figure that maybe there's something going on in her life that made her upset?

Obviously there are some models who don't want to be here. I've seen studio models on SM who's eyes don't focus on anything, either so drugged up or zoned out that the studio hands have to physically come in and move them when needed. I highly doubt those girls want to be there or would be doing it if they had another option.

However, camming is not the only job people take because they have to. Many, many people have to do many things they are not comfortable with to make money.

I'm not really sure that ANY male can understand the position and feelings of any female cam model anyway. We can only guess what it feels like.

This slightly worries me... many men are sex workers. Many men are cam models. Many men are put through situations they morally disagree with every day to survive. I don't think it's our place to say "men can't understand the desire to not want to be a sex worker" or, "male cam models don't have morals they have to struggle with."

This is like saying men should have no opinion when it comes to abortion because they do not have a uterus. Men can have the empathy to understand a lot of what goes on, and no, I don't really think sex work is some magical fairy job that is incomprehensible. Imo it really isn't that difficult to understand if you put some effort in to it. I bring this up because I don't think it's all that healthy to put cam models on a pedestal. We're just people, and sex work is not hard to understand or empathize with.

I am, however, extremely confused as to how we went from talking about marriage to the normalcy of men not wanting their partners to be sex workers to the fact that some women do not want to cam, even though they have to.

Unless someone is standing behind the camera with a gun pointed at you, there is always another choice. No girl has to cam, ever, if she doesn't want to.

I disagree. Some people cannot find jobs; some people need more money than what other jobs will pay, and some people when faced with tough situations do "have" to enter in to sex work.

I'm right now in a few legal contracts where I have to pay money every month (like rent, say.) Right now, the amount of money I have to pay is more than I could earn working full time at a minimum wage job, which is the only job I can get where I live. Even if I don't want to cam, oh well - I have to so I can make the money to pay what I owe. You can say, "Yes, Evvie, but if you really didn't want to cam you would stop paying your bills, let them go to collection, and ruin your credit and renter's history making it hard for you to get a credit card or apartment for the next five years." In the same vein, you could also say, "well you don't have to cam - your kids don't need a place to live, your car can just be repossessed and you don't need food on the table." For many women, those things are a gun to their head.

 

[Swirl]

I have never married a cam model, ever.

There, now we are back on track....

 

[AmberCutie]

Also, being married to a cam model does not make you an expert. More educated than some, sure, but until you put on your sexy outfit, get your hitachi ready, fucking smile and click 'broadcast', you will never understand what it feels like to be a cam model.

Not saying anyone here claimed to be an expert, but I would like to think that a person married to a cam model knows what happens behind the scenes and has a better grasp on the ups/downs than a person who is not married to a cam model. So many random people who have never even met a cam girl in person try to sound like experts on the matter all the time, it's at least a little closer to valid when a person is married/in a relationship with a cam girl.

But yeah, no one can ever truly understand unless they are doing it themselves.

I would also like to chime in on the subject about cam girls breaking down vs. any other person with a job breaking down:

ALL jobs have their ups and downs, their miserable circumstances, and their highlights. Anyone with a job has the right to complain about the parts of the job that bother them, and can be justified if they have a breakdown about them from time to time. The only thing that sets camming apart in this aspect is the personal toll it takes. When a cam girl has failures, its hard to not take it personally, because at the end of the day we are selling ourselves (figuratively) and if it's not working, then we feel it's because we aren't good enough, attractive enough, etc. If a girl seems to have a breakdown "suddenly out of nowhere" you may not realize that she's heard just one too many insults that day/week, or something along those lines. We share a big part of ourselves when we are on cam (and throughout the day while emailing, Tweeting, etc with the people who are regulars in our room.) When we put ourselves out there and fail, it hurts. Some girls take a more passive and less personal approach to camming and may have an easier time brushing off a bad day, and others quite the opposite.

So to make a point that IS on topic: yes, being married to a cam girl may have a bit more of an emotional burden to deal with, and I could see why a person would consider asking their cam girl bride to call it quits. If the person was able to provide for her so she didn't have to work another miserable job, I don't see it being insulting. Now as has been stated, if the man wants his cam girl bride to quit for jealousy and insecurity issues, and expects her to go out and get a different job, that's a whole other can of worms. :naughty:

 

[mynameisbob84]

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...
Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

Is that was she said, or what you inferred? I just can't see too many situations where someone would be left to feel that camming is their ONLY option and that they HAVE to go through with it, no matter what, even if they don't remotely enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

[Swirl]

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...
Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

Is that was she said, or what you inferred? I just can't see too many situations where someone would be left to feel that camming is their ONLY option and that they HAVE to go through with it, no matter what, even if they don't remotely enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong.

Yes, she said it. But still the crying said it too. Not all people are smart at the age of 18 or 19 or capable of making smart decisions or even knowing what their options really are. Plus, this girl was Romanian I'm pretty sure...not exactly the best country in the world overflowing with other opportunities to make a career.

 

[IsabelleL]

I would also like to chime in on the subject about cam girls breaking down vs. any other person with a job breaking down:

ALL jobs have their ups and downs, their miserable circumstances, and their highlights. Anyone with a job has the right to complain about the parts of the job that bother them, and can be justified if they have a breakdown about them from time to time. The only thing that sets camming apart in this aspect is the personal toll it takes. When a cam girl has failures, its hard to not take it personally, because at the end of the day we are selling ourselves (figuratively) and if it's not working, then we feel it's because we aren't good enough, attractive enough, etc. If a girl seems to have a breakdown "suddenly out of nowhere" you may not realize that she's heard just one too many insults that day/week, or something along those lines.
....
So to make a point that IS on topic: yes, being married to a cam girl may have a bit more of an emotional burden to deal with, and I could see why a person would consider asking their cam girl bride to call it quits. If the person was able to provide for her so she didn't have to work another miserable job, I don't see it being insulting. Now as has been stated, if the man wants his cam girl bride to quit for jealousy and insecurity issues, and expects her to go out and get a different job, that's a whole other can of worms. :naughty:

Yess this is a really good point. Being a cam girl means that every day, you will have to deal with at least one person who annoys you. On good nights, it's a single troll basic who (on a night where tips are slow no matter how much energy I'm pouring into the room, the conversation, and my dancing) complains "this room is really boring, why aren't your tits out," as though people have tipped me to take my top off and I've just decided not to. Being a cam girl means that while I can ignore a lot of people who are being annoying to deal with, I also have to deal with people who just rub me the wrong way. I wish I could, but if ignored every customer who called me "bb" or made a joke about how if no one was tipping I should just do it for free, I would be cutting off a major source of my income. And yes, it's true that I'm pouring a lot of emotional energy into my job.

Do you know who also does this? Therapists. Waitresses. Tech support call centers. Retail workers. These are all jobs where women may be forced to interact with men they don't like, men who rub them the wrong way, men who insult them. And because of their jobs, they are forced to handle jerks politely and with style. As a camgirl, I get a bit more freedom actually--a waitress can't respond to someone with an extravagant, difficult order to tip beforehand. Someone working tech support has to be polite despite the customer insulting them repeatedly--as a camgirl, if someone's rude I can insult them to my heart's content and then ban them.

Frankly, I think it's very paternalistic to act so concerned over the mental wellbeing of these women who are camming. If they're being coerced into camming, then camming isn't the problem--it's the coercion. Last night I had to deal with some idiot who I swear had a fetish for annoying me. Just because he bored and annoyed me almost to tears doesn't mean I need rescuing from my camgirl job. If I was a waitress, and he was making excessive requests, I wouldn't be able to say "nope, I don't care if you want to tip me more, I'm not doing this, I'm done, you're annoying me."

Camgirls are adults who have made this decision for themselves. If they haven't, the problem isn't their job as a camgirl. The problem is that they aren't able to freely decide what to do. It'd have the same emotional toll if they were forced against their will to be a therapist, and hear people's problems and difficult lives and tales of abuse, and hear some downright disturbing things, and have to nod and not act affected.

 

[Lounge20K]

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...
Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

Is that was she said, or what you inferred? I just can't see too many situations where someone would be left to feel that camming is their ONLY option and that they HAVE to go through with it, no matter what, even if they don't remotely enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong.

The girl lost her job, can't seem to get another one uses her savings until she runs out. Scenarios: she lives alone and like Evvie mentioned has to pay bills, is a single mother, has a parent to support, has a mentally or physically disabled child/spouse/parent, husband/boyfriend is so greedy she can't even have pads for her period without being humiliated, etc.. I think we could start a new thread just imagining or gathering such REAL situations. YET it always comes down to "She made a choice"

 

[ricky ray]

The only thing that sets camming apart in this aspect is the personal toll it takes. When a cam girl has failures, its hard to not take it personally, because at the end of the day we are selling ourselves (figuratively) and if it's not working, then we feel it's because we aren't good enough, attractive enough, etc. If a girl seems to have a breakdown "suddenly out of nowhere" you may not realize that she's heard just one too many insults that day/week, or something along those lines. When we put ourselves out there and fail, it hurts.

I agree. I also agree with evve's quote when she said it is not to hard to understand. I shot my health to crap chasing a dream of being a world class professional Body Builder. All of us men and woman are judged from birth by how we look. As adults we are judged on not just looks, but also our appearance. It goes on all the time and every where we go. How the bag boy or the post office worker greats us has everything to do with how we look and how we carry ourselves. A guy might be a real turd but if he don't know any better and he has confidence and isn't a bad looking turd he is going to get treated good. Here comes the next guy in line. He could be a hell of a guy but he has a beer gut bad posture and walks around looking at the ground because he knows he doesn't look good. He is going to get treated not so good. You don't have to work in a job that focuses on your appearance and how you look to understand how it would be. Every body knows how much appearance and looks is programed into everything in life. Next step is easy. think about having all that focus and judgment linked directly to what you do every day. Its no longer just about how you look now it is about who you are. I have no problem understanding the pressures that make a cam girl suddenly break down crying. I understand it as well as I understand the pressures that drive a young competitive athlete to start using roids.

 

[Just Me]

But what about the ones that really do not like it but feel they can't do anything else that brings in the same kind of money for where they are in life? All I've heard so far is how great it is and that is WONDERFUL, but we all know there are girls out there that hate it but do it anyway. I can understand why they would not want to expose (pardon the pun LOL) who they are here and admit to such a thing because no one ever wants to admit they do something they hate (like guys don't want to admit they bought a bad car) but we all know or can at least easily understand that many girls are out there that are not happy doing this type of work but they do it anyway, and much of the work they do (like the studio models that are heavily controlled by bad bosses in some areas) is not their free choice once they're in front of the cam. I've seen times when a girl literally has a break down or snaps from the stress and goes postal for no apparent reason at all.

I really don't think that is very accurate. I have always regularly seen people say how much they hate their job (not specifying camming, just ANY job). I could go to my facebook right now and scroll down and in no time at all, find examples of people complaining about how their job sucks or their boss is a tool... People that truly love their jobs are more rare. For a lot of people, loving ones job comes from what the ratio of freedom - pay - difficulty of work is. Camming offers girls a job which can pay quite well while they have the freedom of not being 9-5 everyday, if they want to not work for a few days, they can just not work. You don't get that freedom in many jobs. A lot of times, a cam girl having a not so good night will still make a better hourly wage than if she was at some other job with less freedom (and no potential for better income).

I can relate to this since I used to work for other companies (and hated my jobs) until I took the chance and started my own business. I could not see going back to working as a typical employee again. I work from home, can work night or day if I want, and can choose not to work if I want some time off. Even though I'll have some clients who are a pain, the freedom more than makes up for the hassle.

A cam girl breaking down is no different than anyone else breaking down, they are human, same as everyone else, with problems. Everybody doesn't tell every person they meet their life story and all their problems, so if a cam girl breaks down "for no apparent reason" how is that any different from someone in another profession that does the same thing? It comes back to you feeling there is more of a connection than there is with a cam girl. Just because you talk to her (along with hundreds of other guys) and watch her get naked, doesn't mean you are her confidante. Most people don't tell casual acquaintances all their troubles.

Really? A camgirl that breaks down because she is not morally comfortable doing this job but feels she needs to do it anyway because she may have no other choice....

You think that is the same thing as a normal person with a normal job having a breakdown?

Come on...

I'm not really sure that ANY male can understand the position and feelings of any female cam model anyway. We can only guess what it feels like.

I'm married to a cam girl and know others in person. Both my wife and a girl I've known for years both hated working their crap ass typical jobs a lot more than camming. No, that doesn't represent all cam models, but it represents some and I'm sure plenty of other girls have felt that way about their work as well.

I also grew up with family members with severe depression as well as friends like that as well. Breakdowns happen to people in all walks of life, and both sexes. I've seen co-workers at typical crap jobs breakdown in the middle of their shift and have to go to the back office and sit and cry, unable to finish their shifts. Different situations will have different triggers but it is by no means a special problem that cam models face.

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...

Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

I disagree, it is the same as anyone breaking down on a job.

Everyone is just so hung up on nudity and sex that they can't seem to see that. How would this be any different then someone taking a job they feel they have no choice but to do and breaking down and crying because they could not deal with what they have to do for the job? I have seen it and heard about it from all different types of jobs.

 

[Just Me]

"Let me explain…no, there is too much. Let me sum up."

If you have to ask strangers on a web forum if it is possible that a camgirl has fallen in love with you and wants to get married. You already have your answer. We can certainly give opinions, maybe even some sage advice but we are not who you should be talking to.

 

[Anonymous]

If you have to ask strangers on a web forum if it is possible that a camgirl has fallen in love with you and wants to get married. You already have your answer. We can certainly give opinions, maybe even some sage advice but we are not who you should be talking to.

:thumbleft:

 

[Bocefish]

6 pages?

 

[sweetiebatman]

6 pages of someone being in denial :lol:

 

[Littlegringo]

I can't help it but all that comes into my mind on this topic now is Old Greg, the video, especially what gets said starting around 3:50

Do you love me?
Do you think you could ever love me?

 

[Pant222]

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...
Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

Is that was she said, or what you inferred? I just can't see too many situations where someone would be left to feel that camming is their ONLY option and that they HAVE to go through with it, no matter what, even if they don't remotely enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong.

The girl lost her job, can't seem to get another one uses her savings until she runs out. Scenarios: she lives alone and like Evvie mentioned has to pay bills, is a single mother, has a parent to support, has a mentally or physically disabled child/spouse/parent, husband/boyfriend is so greedy she can't even have pads for her period without being humiliated, etc.. I think we could start a new thread just imagining or gathering such REAL situations. YET it always comes down to "She made a choice"

And sometimes people make choices because they didn't have a better option to choose. Otherwise all choices would be good ones, which isn't the case,...sadly.

 

[Pant222]

"Let me explain…no, there is too much. Let me sum up."

If you have to ask strangers on a web forum if it is possible that a camgirl has fallen in love with you and wants to get married. You already have your answer. We can certainly give opinions, maybe even some sage advice but we are not who you should be talking to.

Actually that was never the question, but the flow of the forum has certainly answered many that I have enjoyed and sincerely appreciate.

 

[Pant222]

6 pages of someone being in denial :lol:

Whom might that be?

 

[SoTxBob]

Unless someone is standing behind the camera with a gun pointed at you, there is always another choice. No girl has to cam, ever, if she doesn't want to.

Not to be harsh, but that's spoken like a "true American" that's never had to make a real do or die choice. Perhaps some travel to, or some honest conversation with folks from 3rd world or former eastern block countries would give a different perspective.

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...
Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

Is that was she said, or what you inferred? I just can't see too many situations where someone would be left to feel that camming is their ONLY option and that they HAVE to go through with it, no matter what, even if they don't remotely enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong.

The girl lost her job, can't seem to get another one uses her savings until she runs out. Scenarios: she lives alone and like Evvie mentioned has to pay bills, is a single mother, has a parent to support, has a mentally or physically disabled child/spouse/parent, husband/boyfriend is so greedy she can't even have pads for her period without being humiliated, etc.. I think we could start a new thread just imagining or gathering such REAL situations. YET it always comes down to "She made a choice"

In my time spent on MFC, I have had the opportunity to know more that a handful of women that have indeed seen camming as the only option and was not something they wanted to do in the least. For them, it's literally a matter of eating and surviving or not. It's a very "wine and roses" view of the world to dismiss a situation someone is in simply because you don't understand how its possible.

And to appease the stay on topic Gods, I haven't married one yet but who's to say it can't/won't happen one day. :mrgreen:

 

[mynameisbob84]

I saw a cam model once come out of her first private crying because she was totally unsure that she wanted to do this job but felt she had no other choice...
Sorry, but that is a "special problem that cam models face"

It's not the same as being sad because your job sucks....at all.

Is that was she said, or what you inferred? I just can't see too many situations where someone would be left to feel that camming is their ONLY option and that they HAVE to go through with it, no matter what, even if they don't remotely enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong.

The girl lost her job, can't seem to get another one uses her savings until she runs out. Scenarios: she lives alone and like Evvie mentioned has to pay bills, is a single mother, has a parent to support, has a mentally or physically disabled child/spouse/parent, husband/boyfriend is so greedy she can't even have pads for her period without being humiliated, etc.. I think we could start a new thread just imagining or gathering such REAL situations. YET it always comes down to "She made a choice"

Point taken, ma'am.

 

[JoleneBrody]

:hello2:
In an effort to further derail this thread I have something to say. :-D In the case of models breaking down in comparison to other jobs this is something that was not once mentioned and I guarantee is the biggest cause of breakdown.
This one added part, IMO makes what we do and struggle with completely separate from other jobs.

Not only are we selling ourselves, our bodies and our personalities we are often not getting paid for it.
9 times out of 10 if you see a model getting snippey or sad on cam it's because of tokens first. I can get pretty snippey sometimes and am known to have zero patience for morons unless I'm feeling extra cruel, if I seem to get madder than other times it's because I'm far behind my goal.
When you work in say a call center, yes you have to deal with difficult people. I was a floor rep then trainer/manager in a huge one focused on billing problems for 3+ years. People upset about their bills are horrible but no matter what, I was getting paid for it. The hourly wage was like my minimum token goal, only guaranteed, and the commission was like going over my token goal. No matter what I'm ALWAYS gonna make my minimum needed in a call center and I can go home at the end of the night and leave it all completely behind.
On cam I may log off without making my minimum goal even though I worked my butt off for it and still have to keep up with emails and twitter. Not that I don't enjoy it, it's just really hard to put camming away for even one day.

Now just to clarify, I fucking love what I do! Camming is the best thing to ever happen to my life and I wouldn't trade it for any hourly rate job but even though the high points are amazing, the low points are worse than any shitty job I actually hated and I've had a lot. When I don't make my goal my own self worth is on the line and that's a shitty shitty feeling anyone who is not a sex worker will never understand.

 

[AmberCutie]

Now just to clarify, I fucking love what I do! Camming is the best thing to ever happen to my life and I wouldn't trade it for any hourly rate job but even though the high points are amazing, the low points are worse than any shitty job I actually hated and I've had a lot. When I don't make my goal my own self worth is on the line and that's a shitty shitty feeling anyone who is not a sex worker will never understand.

:text-yeahthat:

 

[RedHerby1]

Pant222, stop posting/reading on ACF, spend that time on her !!! Chat with her, write her long mails.

And over 1 year you will be very happy (2% chance) or very frustrated (98% chance) , both ways will make you feel alive, just go for it! (and when frustrated after one year, please post on ACF for our entertainment)

 

[Littlegringo]

When I don't make my goal my own self worth is on the line and that's a shitty shitty feeling anyone who is not a sex worker will never understand.

I think that is ignoring what people in other professions, who's entire income is based on selling is like. When I meet with a prospective client for my web design services, it's a free consultation, which generally takes a few hours of my time (travel to and from the meeting, and the actual time spent with them) and costs me money for travel (whether transit or driving+parking). If they are meeting with me, they already want a website and have looked at my portfolio and liked my work enough to schedule a meeting. Now it comes down to me selling myself to them to be their designer. When someone decides not to go with me for their project, I feel like crap, to get to the stage of meeting with me, they're at least 75% on board already- if after meeting with me, they aren't interested, it's all my own failure, directly. I blew it entirely and feel worthless because of it.

Going home from a meeting like that, worrying you won't find enough clients to be able to pay the mortgage is a constant worry. With all due respect to any particular profession, being rejected directly in any profession can hit you hard and leave you feeling like a complete and utter failure. I'm pretty even keeled, don't usually have highs or lows, so for something to have me feel like something you'd scrape off your shoe means it really hit hard. When I get clients and know the bills will be paid, I joke to my wife "We won't starve for another month!".

So while a cam model is selling her looks and personality, it's my personality that sells people on becoming a client, and when any of us fail at selling an aspect of ourselves, it hurts and it sucks.

 

[AmberCutie]

When I don't make my goal my own self worth is on the line and that's a shitty shitty feeling anyone who is not a sex worker will never understand.

I think that is ignoring what people in other professions, who's entire income is based on selling is like. When I meet with a prospective client for my web design services, it's a free consultation, which generally takes a few hours of my time (travel to and from the meeting, and the actual time spent with them) and costs me money for travel (whether transit or driving+parking). If they are meeting with me, they already want a website and have looked at my portfolio and liked my work enough to schedule a meeting. Now it comes down to me selling myself to them to be their designer. When someone decides not to go with me for their project, I feel like crap, to get to the stage of meeting with me, they're at least 75% on board already- if after meeting with me, they aren't interested, it's all my own failure, directly. I blew it entirely and feel worthless because of it.

Going home from a meeting like that, worrying you won't find enough clients to be able to pay the mortgage is a constant worry. With all due respect to any particular profession, being rejected directly in any profession can hit you hard and leave you feeling like a complete and utter failure. I'm pretty even keeled, don't usually have highs or lows, so for something to have me feel like something you'd scrape off your shoe means it really hit hard. When I get clients and know the bills will be paid, I joke to my wife "We won't starve for another month!".

So while a cam model is selling her looks and personality, it's my personality that sells people on becoming a client, and when any of us fail at selling an aspect of ourselves, it hurts and it sucks.

I do believe the difference is when you're selling something and being rejected, you can still blame it on the customers not wanting the product. When you yourself ARE the product, there's nothing else to blame.

As Jolene said, we don't expect you to understand unless you've been in our exact situation.

Edit to add: Yes I have been in a sales position. I know it's still extremely disappointing when you don't succeed in getting a new client. So I can say I've been in both shoes.

 

[Littlegringo]

I do believe the difference is when you're selling something and being rejected, you can still blame it on the customers not wanting the product. When you yourself ARE the product, there's nothing else to blame.

As Jolene said, we don't expect you to understand unless you've been in our exact situation.

Edit to add: Yes I have been in a sales position. I know it's still extremely disappointing when you don't succeed in getting a new client. So I can say I've been in both shoes.

I understand what you're saying. The reason I compared situations was, as I said, when I meet with people the product has already sold itself, they know the price range, they like my work or they wouldn't meet with me. At that point, it is ME, not my design skill that is making or breaking whether they use me. I've been in other sales positions where I had to sell the product, not myself, and it was quite a different experience than the situations I face now. Both situations suck if you don't get the client, but in the other sales jobs I never felt like I was the part of the equation that failed, but now I sure as hell do feel that way when I meet with someone and they go from practically a "GO" to "no thanks". It wasn't the product then, it was me.

 

[JoleneBrody]

I can also say that as a freelance designer who is self employed you do have a better idea than most but I was not directing my post to the very small percent of freelance artists in the world. Having your website declined is still not the same as having your penis declined but I get what your saying. It was directed towards majority of the world that works for an hourly wage as an employee.
My job before this was sales, I had to sell things to people calling in about their bill. fucking sucked and it was really hard and often made me cry, but I still got paid for those struggles without having to ask or remind people and it never left me feeling like my body wasn't good enough, probably the one thing that the human race is THE most sensitive about.
And yeah, what Ambah said.

Think about the worst breakup you've ever had... Where someone rejected you. Yeah, that's similar to what it feels like. Try doing that at least once a week.