how to say no politely?

[TinaM]

Hey ladies (and gents too?). I'm new - very new, just had my first show on mfc yesterday. So far I'm having a lot of fun, but one thing I'm struggling with is saying no to people. I've had a few people want to skype with me, which I might do, but their big thing is me seeing their cam to watch THEM masturbate.

I honestly just have no desire to watch a stranger jerk off. But I don't know if I should just say no, and how to say that politely without coming off like a bitch or making them feel bad; or if I should just suck it up and ignore that part of my screen.

I dunno what to do! I like giving shows and being watched and making money, that's why I became a cam girl. I didn't start doing this to look at random cocks

 

[southsamurai]

ill go ahead and say what i think is the common answer given: If you are willing to watch at all, charge for it... the amount charged varies from model to model. The least i've ever seen is 50 tokens in the rooms i hang out in, though i've heard as low as 20. i've also seen as high as 200, but she seriously disliked watching men masturbate. if anyone cares i can do my usual thing and go into why men like to be watched on cam, but im barely awake so i wont now

 

[AmyLemon]

Him: "Watch my cam"
You: "only in private"

Him: "watch my cam"
You: "tip 100" (or just "tip with requests")

Him: "Watch my cam"
You: "no thanks"


These are pretty much the top three responses premiums get from models. the whole member-cam-watching-thing is so prevelant and the requests so constant that these very short phrases aren't really considered, by the premiums, to be "rude" in any way, they're just the standard. When they ask they really arent seeking a drawn out conversation on the topic. It comes as no revelation to any of the premiums asking you this that you would like, at minimum, a tip in return. If you're just not interested in watching under any circumstances then its also in no way rude to respond, "sorry I don't watch cams". You sound like a total sweetie so I think you'd really have to go out of your way to be rude

Ive come to believe that this whole cock watching desire is not limited to the Internet. The fellow stocking the produce at the market, the pump attendant at the gas station, the guy next to you in line at the bank, they're all thinking, "what a lovely young lady, I wish she would look at my penis."

 

[bob]

unless you want to be rude about it, you won't be....most guys will just accept a simple "no" and move on, but personally, i don't care if their feelings are hurt or not...
and there will always be a few who stay and pester you about it (good naturedly or otherwise)....how you treat them depends on how you feel....but most of the other premiums in your room will understand if you do get rude with those guys.....

:twocents-02cents:

 

[schlmoe]

Agree with the other posters, but would add that it couldn't hurt to include "No I don't watch cams" in a FAQ on your profile. Not that anyone reads those :mrgreen:

 

[LacieLaPlante]

I just tell them my internet is too faulty to both download and upload video feed at one time. They usually would prefer me on cam to struggling with internet issues, even if it's not entireeely true (very true at my old apartment, but internet is much better here!

 

[SoTxBob]

"what a lovely young lady, I wish she would look at my penis."

:laughing-rolling: yah, sadly that's a real 'no shit she's right on the money' ... :lol:



What I see most commonly is the 'only in private' response in the rooms I frequent. I also know most girls, once in there, don't really bother looking much bc they are doing their own thing.

 

[Crumb]

while agreeing with everything that's been said above

I just want to add, that yeah, "watching" cams might be worth some extra tokens for you, you can also minimize the cam window. after a while, just close it, never having seen what is on the other end.
at least that's what I'd do in your place.

 

[mynameisbob84]

"what a lovely young lady, I wish she would look at my penis."

:laughing-rolling: yah, sadly that's a real 'no shit she's right on the money' ... :lol:

I must be in the minority. I find the idea of whipping my cock out for somebody who isn't going to like, do anything to it, utterly horrifying. What if they laugh, what if they recoil in horror, what if they vomit, what if they start screaming and set their monitor alight?
It's too much risk for too little reward :?

 

[SatanJonez]

"what a lovely young lady, I wish she would look at my penis."

:laughing-rolling: yah, sadly that's a real 'no shit she's right on the money' ... :lol:

I must be in the minority. I find the idea of whipping my cock out for somebody who isn't going to like, do anything to it, utterly horrifying. What if they laugh, what if they recoil in horror, what if they vomit, what if they start screaming and set their monitor alight?
It's too much risk for too little reward :?

I would assume to most men it's just a simple, reassuring thought of "Another person has seen my genitals. Yay! :dance: "

 

[Nordling]

"what a lovely young lady, I wish she would look at my penis."

:laughing-rolling: yah, sadly that's a real 'no shit she's right on the money' ... :lol:

I must be in the minority. I find the idea of whipping my cock out for somebody who isn't going to like, do anything to it, utterly horrifying. What if they laugh, what if they recoil in horror, what if they vomit, what if they start screaming and set their monitor alight?
It's too much risk for too little reward :?

I haven't seen any surveys but I'm guessing that the penis exhibitionist male is a relatively small minority, but even if it's only 5%, they stick out like a sore [penis?] thumb because they're so adamant. I suppose someone will come up with some theory, which includes Darwin, that it's a holdover from male displays in other species, like peacocks. I think it's just guys being dorks.

 

[ComicOzzie]

Hey ladies (and gents too?). I'm new - very new, just had my first show on mfc yesterday. So far I'm having a lot of fun, but one thing I'm struggling with is saying no to people. I've had a few people want to skype with me, which I might do, but their big thing is me seeing their cam to watch THEM masturbate.

I honestly just have no desire to watch a stranger jerk off. But I don't know if I should just say no, and how to say that politely without coming off like a bitch or making them feel bad; or if I should just suck it up and ignore that part of my screen.

I dunno what to do! I like giving shows and being watched and making money, that's why I became a cam girl. I didn't start doing this to look at random cocks

Strong, assertive women are incredibly sexy. FYI.

 

[Weirdtimmy]

If you don't like to do it, even if people are willing to tip for it, just say....

"I'm sorry, *insert member name here*, I feel no joy in watching men pleasure themselves. It's not personal, I just don't enjoy it at all."

This would be a reasonable response if I was trying to get someone to watch my webcam for any strange reason. If they continue to badger you about it, or try to make you feel bad for not doing what they want, simply ban them, as they're not worth having in your room if that's the way they're going to behave towards you Good luck!

 

[southsamurai]

i tried soooo hard not to do it! i tried and tried and tried!

ok, the exhibitionist desire on cam is separate from standard exhibitionism only slightly. Off cam it has many layer and many iterations, but ill only deal with the on cam version here. at its root exhibitionism goes back to the sexual thrill of seeing someone naked, or being seen for the first time for a majority of fetishists. Female exhibitionists have their variant of course, but im going to focus on the male aspect. Males tend to have a very engaged visual cortex that links strongly to the amygdala, hippocampus, and the other emotion processing/generating parts of the brain. The old saying that we can only think with one head at a time is partly true. In other words, when we see a person naked it arouses us quickly. Now you take that first thrill when you see someone naked, the male fixates rapidly on the imagery. We see the vagina, or breasts, or buttocks and the response is very very primal. As humans we assume that if we feel/think something it means that others must as well, or rather we hope that they do. Add in the social misconception the women arent as easily aroused visually (it varies from female to female, as it does in males) and you have a set up for exhibitionism to start. we men hope that if you see our penis at its "best" that you will immediately become as aroused as we are. ( i draw a distinction between true exhibitionists and the "flashers" who get their thrill from shocking others, that is a form of sexual assault in its psychology)

now, out in real life im not much of an exhibitionist. im a big hairy dude. i get that this body configuration isnt for everyone, so to show it randomly would defeat the idea and emotion that i would hope for it to generate. Since my GF is too far away to touch physically at present skype is our primary sexual interaction. im lucky in that she is highly visual in her arousal patterns. her response to seeing my penis and body nude and ready is invigorating to say the least. i found that since there is no physical connection at present the idea of her seeing and enjoying the sight of me achieving orgasm became arousing on its own. i believe that that factor is present in the desire for models to view cams as well. It lends another level of "reality" to the interaction that isnt otherwise present.
to sum up: the male like to be seen as sexually attractive and vigorous ( a typical pattern in males of many species). with the additional thrill of seeing and being seen normally absent from the cam experience the only way to complete the sexual connection lies in being viewed on cam by the model. it is one part a desire to share the sexual experience, one part male pride in our masculine organ, and one part the rush of showing yourself naked in a society where nudity is only readily seen in a sexual situation.

and yes, im well aware that this isnt a complete examination of the phenomenon, but i tend to go on faaaar to long in this type of post so i narrowed the subject down

 

[Nordling]

Kind of a generalization too. I'm guessing that the underlying cause for a man to want to flash his bits may vary from individual to individual, plus I have to say the most boorish are those who desire it without ANY indication from the woman that she's interested in such. In the case where you know that your GF enjoys it for whatever reason, sure, perfectly acceptable and justified behavior, but that's not what this is...this is about a minority of neurotic dudes who want to be seen jacking off by women who don't really know them nor have any indicated desire to see them.

Dorks, and in a way, almost assault.

 

[Chamaeleon]

Ive come to believe that this whole cock watching desire is not limited to the Internet. The fellow stocking the produce at the market, the pump attendant at the gas station, the guy next to you in line at the bank, they're all thinking, "what a lovely young lady, I wish she would look at my penis."

That's why I work for a delivery company. On a delivery, It's amazing how many women look at my crotch when I say, "I've got a package for you." :whistle:

 

[SoTxBob]

On a delivery, It's amazing how many women look at my crotch when I say, "I've got a package for you." :whistle:

:lol: :laughing-lettersrofl: :laughing-rolling:

thats great.....


and despite the small percentage of guys that desire to show it off, they are very pervasive in almost every room which gives the appearance of larger numbers.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I don't watch cams, I used to be polite about it, now I'm brutally honest. Some men say I'm rude. A lot of other men accept it. Like you I do not like the idea of strangers jerking off, in fact the whole thought of it makes me feel a little sick. I don't mind that they do it, but the idea of seeing it is a whole other matter!

I don't take many skype shows for this reason, but am honest that I don't watch cams ever, and that if they try turning it on I will terminate the show immediately and they will get no refund.

My reasons for not watching cams, the polite/letting down easy and the blunt ones.

- I prefer to get to know members by their personalities and not judge them by their looks.
- I would feel far too uncomfortable being able to see someone else
- I have absolutely no interest in seeing any cock that I'm not intending on fucking the owner of.
- I have no interest in seeing random men's penis's.
- The idea of it does NOT turn me on. In fact would turn me off.
- No I don't even want to see your face it would make me feel uncomfortable.
- That if I were watching cams I would be looking at a lot of cocks everyday, I don't think I could handle the mental scarring/I don't want it to ruin sex for me.
- That I don't trust what people would show me (a lot of girls have seen some weird arse stuff)
- That I don't want to get too emotionally attached to members.

member: do you wanna watch my cam bb?
me: No, really not thanks.
member: But I'm wearing panties and heels.
me: And that is exactly why I don't watch cams!

Depending on how the request is made depends on how rude you can be in response. A lot of members find it funny if you get a bit sarcastic/are rude/blunt to trolls/idiots, it entertains me at least!

Just never watch cams full stop if it's not your thing. I do fine without it, not many members care and a lot of the members who want you to watch their cams want you to do it for free/cheap. I lose some business, but not much.
One thing with mfcs is you can actually be fairly rude to members if you do it in good humour. If you're a total bitch then it'll scare away the cool guys, it's the tone of what you say that makes the difference. You can get your point across and be quite brutal about it if you don't sound too harsh about it.

The wanting to get to know members for personalities, and explaining that whether you want to or not, you'd judge them differently for looks, and what you like about mfcs is that you get to know what's inside rather than on the outside works well, and also the not wanting to get too attached emotionally. Not many people can argue with it. Especially if you follow up with that you don't get turned on by random people wanking anyway, that it needs to be more personal.
Jeeze, most wouldn't go up to a random girl expecting her to watch his cock. No one would expect a porn star to actually see all the men who wank off over her wanking. Fair enough if a girl enjoys it, many do and many don't care either way.
Only times I'll ever watch someone is if I'm curious about a member, but I only check out the ones closer to my age/ I think might be alright looking, because I don't find that creepy. Anyone who's older and questions that should then answer why they're watching me at 21 and not a 60 year old getting off.

 

[photony]

tell them you'll watch if you can later upload the feed to a site like efukt.com....they'll change their tune

 

[Anonymous]

*say it with a smile and maybe a flirty tone of voice* "I'm sorry, I don't watch cams...but you're welcome to stick around and watch me, if you'd like. I hope you're enjoying the view so far."

Don't do things that make you uncomfortable. If you can't stand cam-to-cam, Skype shows, etc., just don't do them. And please don't ever let anyone badger you into doing this and that. Good luck.

 

[Anonymous]

member: do you wanna watch my cam bb?
me: No, really not thanks.
member: But I'm wearing panties and heels.
me: And that is exactly why I don't watch cams!

LMFAO! :lol:

 

[Shutterbuck]

Dudes are used to getting "No" for an answer. Just tell them it's not your thing. If they keep pressuring you, then odds are they aren't worth a fuck anyway and you're not missing out on anything.

I must be in the minority. I find the idea of whipping my cock out for somebody who isn't going to like, do anything to it, utterly horrifying. What if they laugh, what if they recoil in horror, what if they vomit, what if they start screaming and set their monitor alight?
It's too much risk for too little reward :?

+1
I can't handle the idea of some chick on the internet snickering at the size and/or location of my genitalia...

 

[Evvie]

Dudes are used to getting "No" for an answer. Just tell them it's not your thing. If they keep pressuring you, then odds are they aren't worth a fuck anyway and you're not missing out on anything.

I must be in the minority. I find the idea of whipping my cock out for somebody who isn't going to like, do anything to it, utterly horrifying. What if they laugh, what if they recoil in horror, what if they vomit, what if they start screaming and set their monitor alight?
It's too much risk for too little reward :?

+1
I can't handle the idea of some chick on the internet snickering at the size and/or location of my genitalia...

 

[Shutterbuck]

Dudes are used to getting "No" for an answer. Just tell them it's not your thing. If they keep pressuring you, then odds are they aren't worth a fuck anyway and you're not missing out on anything.

I must be in the minority. I find the idea of whipping my cock out for somebody who isn't going to like, do anything to it, utterly horrifying. What if they laugh, what if they recoil in horror, what if they vomit, what if they start screaming and set their monitor alight?
It's too much risk for too little reward :?

+1
I can't handle the idea of some chick on the internet snickering at the size and/or location of my genitalia...

Don't judge me! This is exactly what I'm talking about! :crybaby:

 

[Evvie]

For models of the future reading this thread wanting to know how to say 'no' politely, I have another addition, which is, it is not always possible to do so.

In general, I have found that firmly saying, "No, thank you" works in many cases (and if the guy wants you to justify yourself, saying "I'm just not in to it" works very well, and then proceed to refuse to explain yourself further, because in reality, no is no and you don't have to justify it).

However, in other cases, regardless of how polite and clear you are being, the other person will refuse to accept or acknowledge your answer. In their mind, you are simply not allowed to say 'no' to them, and they will either end up trying to make you feel bad about yourself or forcing you to say 'yes'.

For example, many men have the mindset that because you are a whore, you are not allowed to say no. You are not a good woman, and you should not be treated respectfully. These are the kind of men that will say things like, "lol so you won't pretend to be a little girl for me, I guess you think that makes you classy even though you still shove shit up your holes for money."

Other men have a bizarre concept of the social contract, and believe that if they politely ask you to do something, you cannot turn them down. Yesterday, I was told that because I politely declined to view someone's personal photography, I was being "selfish" because he made it to be viewed, and I had no right to stop him from displaying his artwork to me.

The list goes on - you can't turn me down if I'm paying you, you can't say 'no' because you are submissive in the bedroom, did you know that it's against the rules of this site for you to say no to a customer, ad nauseum.

♥ If you meet someone who argues with you or claims you do not have the right to tell them 'no', don't try to argue back. You are not going to change his mind. Block, ban, ignore, exit the private, and move on.

♥ If you work on Streamate or MFC (I have no experience with other sites), you will never be penalized for saying, "nope, sorry, I'm not going to do that." Unless you promise something beforehand, receive payment, and then refuse to perform, a member is flat-out lying if he says he will get you in trouble unless you comply.

 

[Rose]

To add on to Evvie's post, if this interaction is on a camsite and the member doesn't accept your 'no' for an answer, don't hesitate to block/ban/ignore. It takes less time than hassling with them and will be much easier on your sanity.

Nobody requires an explanation for your 'no', especially on a camsite. No is NOT a bad word and you won't die a burning, painful death if you say it. :twocents-02cents:

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

How to say no politely:

"No, Thank you."

 

[AprilCarroll]

Several weeks ago I posted a question asking how to handle a situation that made me really uncomfortable, and the models here gave me really great advice. In a nutshell, the advice was that this isn't an industry where the customer is always right. It's your body and your mental and emotional health, so when in doubt do what you need to do to stay safe, sane and to enjoy your job. If a request makes you feel even a little uncomfortable, the answer is no. You don't need to be polite or apologetic about it; it isn't your responsibility to accommodate every request.

Just say, "No, sorry, I don't watch cams!" and ignore any further requests. Plenty of girls feel that way, so you won't be the only one with that policy.

 

[Nordling]

Something I've never quite understood when it comes to this kind of behavior--not accepting a simple "no"--is that if you're in a situation where you're about to enjoy a mutually agreed on interaction (cam show, private, group, end of a count down, whatever), how can a guy really enjoy himself after he's FORCED a person to behave a certain way through intimidation, rudeness or generally being a shit? I mean really, whether you call if fantasy or real, isn't the idea that two or more people are all having a good time? If you somehow convinced a model to watch your cam, even after she told you she has no desire to do so, how can you enjoy that? It's like intimidating someone into eating something disgusting.

Real fun. :angry4:

 

[16_bit]

Something I've never quite understood when it comes to this kind of behavior--not accepting a simple "no"--is that if you're in a situation where you're about to enjoy a mutually agreed on interaction (cam show, private, group, end of a count down, whatever), how can a guy really enjoy himself after he's FORCED a person to behave a certain way through intimidation, rudeness or generally being a shit? I mean really, whether you call if fantasy or real, isn't the idea that two or more people are all having a good time? If you somehow convinced a model to watch your cam, even after she told you she has no desire to do so, how can you enjoy that? It's like intimidating someone into eating something disgusting.

Real fun. :angry4:

I don't understand it either. I'm going to guess:
A) Some guys might get off on it, the fact they got the model to view their cam might give them some sort of dominate feeling perhaps.
B) Some guys only ever care about themselves and getting themselves off, not only online but in real life sex too. My friend was with a guy like that, sex was for him and if she didn't get off in time he wasn't going to help her. Took her way too long to leave him but some people really are that selfish.