Is it okay? / Camming and morals

[LilyMarie]

I'd like to ask you girls (and also you guys) something that I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Do you ever question what we do on a moral level? Do you ever feel like it's just wrong? Are there moments when you can relate to what most other people would say about someone who gets naked online for money in front of strangers, strangers who might be or might not be in a relationship or marriage?

Now I know that the girls on this forum are super sweet, friendly and normal individuals. They would never want to take part in destroying someone's relationship. I also know that there's no harm in watching the human body etc. and that what we do is fun and that it's all about fantasies and nothing real.
I, personally, would never get mad at my boyfriend (if I had one) if I found out he was watching camgirls. I mean, they're pixels on a screen after all.

But other people think differently, and if MFC didn't exist, I suppose some people who are now single could still be in a relationship.
So do you ever feel guilty in any way? I do. Sometimes.

Can watching other women get naked or masturbate be compared to actually cheating on your partner? Or is it a harmless distraction from everyday life?
I'd really like to know if anyone else sometimes gets as insecure about it as me.

In case a man reads this - if you're in a relationship, how do you feel about watching camgirls? On an emotional level, I mean; does it feel like cheating on your girlfriend/wife, or not at all? What would happen if your partner found out that you're watching camgirls?

 

[Rose]

I have no guilt or sympathy over something like that at all. If they can't be a responsible adult and be in control of their relationship then it's not my fault they got left because they got caught watching me. If you're "in trouble" for watching camgirls then there's bigger problems in your relationship.

 

[LadyLuna]

I used to feel guilty. Until I realized something.

Alcohol is harmless until it's abused. Chocolate is harmless until it is abused. Driving is harmless until it is abused. Everything in this world is only harmful when we don't use it properly.

It's not my fault if men abuse the privilege of watching me. I provide a service. I genuinely hope that all the men who watch me are not hurting either themselves or anyone else while they do so. But I cannot prevent it from happening, any more than the makers of vodka can prevent it from being abused. Just because someone got wasted on Smirnoff and drove their car into another, killing a family, does not mean the makers of Smirnoff are to blame. No, the man who got wasted on Smirnoff is to blame. MAYBE his friends who tried to get him not to drive, but the person who is most to be blame is the man who got himself wasted, who abused his privilege of being able to drink.

We do not do this with the intention of hurting others. As long as your only intention is to help men have a good time, and wish no one gets hurt because of it, then it's not your fault if they do.

 

[Remykins]

I don't feel guilty at all. Its not my responsibility to make other peoples marriages succeed. The only people who can do that are the people involved in them. I'm just entertainment for those who want it - nothing more, nothing less. If a guy has a problem with online adult entertainment, then thats on him, not me.

 

[Shaun__]

I am single so I have no guilt trips about cheating, but two of my favorite models are in long honest to goodness real relationships. I do not think they feel like they are cheating when they are with me though.

I always wonder what they think about when they are with me, but I never asked because I thought it was outside the bounds of our MFC relationship.

It is just nice dirty fun, and I do not think anybody is getting hurt by it.

 

[Nordling]

In philosophy class I learned that "morals" don't have to do with "social mores" or anyone else's standards of conduct. "Being moral" has to do with your own personal standards, and most importantly how one lives up to one's own standards.

So, if you have nothing against cam modeling insofar as your own standards or ethics, then you are perfectly moral to watch it or perform it.

 

[SofiaSweets]

This is a really great topic.

On other people's relationships:
What LadyLuna said blew my mind! I've always had the same sort of opinion, but had no idea how to phrase it - I definitely agree that it's not OUR fault if our service, our profession hurts another person's marriage. I even believe that fully-blown prostitutes are not to blame for any rifts in relationships their services might cause.

On a site like MFC, there's a little more to worry about since guys on MFC seem to be very focused on girls' personalities. I already have a couple men telling me very intimate feelings of theirs (the word "love" hasn't been used, thank goodness, but I do have them telling me things like, "When you didn't sign on, I felt like my world was ending" and things like that), and I know it's probably just that they say those things to make me giggle and smile and blush, but what if the things they say are true or become true?

On MFC, where personality is important, I'm sure there have been instances of involved guys actually legitimately falling in love with camwhores... which is a scary thought. I want to feel like I wouldn't be responsible for a guy falling for me, but it's my job to be personable, and, well, lovable. The best we can do, I think, is to make sure our guys know that what we do is a career, and, although we may love our jobs, we're not looking for our next soulmate.

As far as physical things go, even though MFC spreads around the fact that they're not a porn site, what most of us do (especially in privates) is at least close to soft-core porn (I'm not talking about "fist in ass 120 toks bb" girls). I would never get angry at my man for watching porn, but I'd sure as hell get mad if he fell in love with a pornstar!


On my relationship:
I am really, really, SUPER lucky to have a supportive boyfriend. I think I mentioned in another thread that my man was actually the one to get me into camming - and it's true! My boyfriend is really cool in the fact that he knows that when I flirt with all my guys, it's because that's what I'm here to do. Even though a lot of the time my banter actually is genuine (what can I say, I'm just a big flirt! haha), I'm here to get paid, I'm here to get naked for men (and some ladies *salutes one of my female regulars*) online, and I'm here to make people feel wanted.

And even though I might not want every man that walks into my room sexually, I appreciate and enjoy each and every person that watches me undress (except the "open bobs now plz" crowd... okay, maybe even them because they're funny), because they take the time to appreciate something that I really enjoy doing!

:twocents-02cents:

 

[Jupiter551]

There is no objective right and wrong, it's just about what you feel and what you've been brought up to believe.

I'm also single right now so feel no guilt, if I was in a relationship I'd like to continue friendships on MFC, and I don't think I'd feel guilty for enjoying a show or two because I know it's not the same as being emotionally attached to someone - but chances are unlikely I could convince most girlfriends of that.

 

[Anonymous]

I'd like to ask you girls (and also you guys) something that I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Do you ever question what we do on a moral level? Do you ever feel like it's just wrong? Are there moments when you can relate to what most other people would say about someone who gets naked online for money in front of strangers, strangers who might be or might not be in a relationship or marriage?

In my opinion, being a 'slave of the workplace' (having an unreasonable boss, having to ask for permission to have off, eat lunch, take a bathroom break, etc.) and being unhappy with your job is what's wrong. So many people are miserable with their jobs and come home in a bad mood because of it.

As for those who are married/in relationships.....they're adults. They know what they're doing, and if their partner has a problem with it, the two of them will have to deal with whatever the consequences are. I'm a cam girl several miles away, who you're never going to meet in person, and I'm on a computer screen. I'm not taking anyone up on their offer to meet in person. I'm having fun working from home, I'm not breaking any laws, I'm being safe (not meeting strangers in person and having unprotected sex), and dammit, I've got bills to pay. LOL.

 

[Felicity]

I can't control who watches me so I do not feel guilty one bit.

But I can kinda understand why a woman wouldn't want her husband/boyfriend watching camgirls. I remember when I was researching about becoming a camgirl last winter & I came across a post somewhere about a woman's feelings about her husband watching camgirls.

She said it was ruining her relationship because she was trying to be sexual with him, and he stopped wanting her. She would try to talk to him, but he was so emotionally invested in the camgirl that he wouldn't open up with her anymore. The money he used to spend on his wife on gifts/dates now went to the camgirl every weekend that eventually put them in debt.

I felt incredibly sorry for her because her actual post was very sad. It's definitely the man's fault for not being a good husband, and he could have been just as shitty whether the camgirl was involved or not.

I don't worry about instances like these though. It's the person's sole responsibility for keeping his marriage together & camgirls shouldn't be held responsible for something they can't control.

 

[JickyJuly]

Everyone has their own moral compass and shouldn't let others direction distract them. ! am married and honest with my room about it. Camming doesn't come close to comparing with real sexual relationships. So, I don't put it anywhere near the realm of cheating. Most dudes could benefit from having galpals. I even helped one of mine pick out perfume for his wife. :dance: She loved it by the way. If someone's husband is ignoring them or spending money he shouldn't, he's disrespectful and douchey. That's way harder to fix than cheating, and can't be blamed on anyone but him. :twocents-02cents:

 

[RogueWarrior]

Lily, first of all, what they said. Not your responsibility for what another adult does. If not you, then would be anther camgirl, or a hooker, or the bimbo at the bar, or the office whore, or non-interactive porn, or alcohol, or drugs, or gambling......see where I'm going here?

It's very sweet of you to be concerned, but do not worry about those things in which you have no control. Go abouit your camming with a clear conscience.

 

[Erragal]

If you are in a relationship it's your responsibility to find out what your partner will view as cheating and what isn't. If she/he is o.k. with you coming to this site or one like that. Blaming you girls for a break up is like saying oh someone died in a car accident when they where driving 120 down a back mountain road in the winter time so all cars are bad. There is to much of people blaming everything under the sun for their problems. What ever happened to responsibility. I have also seen a few post of I spent all this money now I can't pay my bills. Neither of those are the girls fault. Also the biggest thing, if your having that reaction to a camgirl when your in a relationship something about the relationship is already broken and it will end anyways if that person would rather hide and spend time with some pixels then talk to their partner. You should do it because you enjoy it, your not here to help or harm someone's relationship.

 

[lordmagellan]

No guilt here. I watch the girls because it's entertaining and I get to talk with beautiful women I probably wouldn't be brave enough to talk to in person. And they tend to get naked which is a great bonus! I don't even have to buy them dinner or get them drunk or buy a car. I like to make pretty girls laugh and (I hope) do so all the time.

The best part is that my wife is completely aware of this and supports it. At first she had her apprehensions because she thought, "What if he starts getting attached, and then wants to meet, and then falls in love, and then leaves me?" But I showed her how MFC works and that it's NOT a dating site and the conversations take place with (usually) a lot of other people. She likes that I have something to turn on when I'm unwinding after a long night at work and that I spend money on something that makes me happy- I'm not a big spender when it comes to buying for myself.

 

[DownundaDani]

I don't feel guilty, I agree with all the girls and guys here. People have to take responsibility for their own actions.
Lady Luna's analogy with alcohol was spot on. I have worked in bars and the laws here now are..if I serve someone too much alcohol and they go out and drive and kill someone, I am responsible. I find that absolutely ridiculous and it's one of the reasons I don't work in bars anymore.
We are all becoming Litigation Nations, no one wants to take responsibility for their own actions.The the day will come that a perv sues a camgirl for depleting his life savings..."she tricked me your honour, I was sure she would eventually give me assfist" :roll:
To answer your question ...I don't feel guilt, but if a perv tells me they are having issues with SO because of MFC, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

[Neudiin]

This subject was talked about in a model's room just the other day. It started when she asked a married reg if his wife knew he watched MFC? To which he replied no. And it went from there. Altho I got a lil involved in the convo I didn't post my opinions because it took a turn towards, if you need something outside the relationship then blah blah blah - To which I wanted to respond - so every time you have sex you only think of the person you are with?

This is kinda corny, I look at the base of a relationship as a tri-pod of communication, respect and trust. If any of those are missing or becomes weakened then the relationship is doomed to fail. If you are hiding anything from the person you are in a relationship with, that's wrong and is going to bite you in the ass.

Having typed that, none of that is a model's concern. Its up to the people on the other side of the screen to be responsible adults and if they don't then its their problem not yours.

Oh and those people that "fall in love" with a model keep this in mind: You get them, for the most part, when they have their hair did, make up on, feel good about themselves, happy and sexy. You don't get them when they are bitchy, in a bad mood, curled up on the couch in sweats with a heating pad cause their cramps are killing them, they are snot faced sick, head over the toilet barfing.....as Amber likes to say: she isn't real she's digital and for the most part I want to keep her and the other models I visit just where they are: on my screen slapping their asses :whistle:

 

[AmberCutie]

This is kinda corny, I look at the base of a relationship as a tri-pod of communication, respect and trust. If any of those are missing or becomes weakened then the relationship is doomed to fail. If you are hiding anything from the person you are in a relationship with, that's wrong and is going to bite you in the ass.

Having typed that, none of that is a model's concern. Its up to the people on the other side of the screen to be responsible adults and if they don't then its their problem not yours.

I wholeheartedly agree with all of that.

 

[Jupiter551]

There's absolutely NOTHING morally wrong with camming.



Unless you do anal you whore!

 

[Marokite]

I am married (since 1995) and had a similar discussion come up in one of the rooms I regularly visit.
I visit MFC to listen to the models and read the interactions. I consider the models I visit to be "friends" (of various levels). I don't do groups or privates. I rarely tip towards a public show. Usually when a show is about to start, I check out and visit another model. I'm not on MFC to fall in love or for my wife to think I'm cheating. We have not discussed my visiting MFC, but she's really not interested in where or how I perv online. I "love" women in general. She knows that, and she accepts that. But at the end of the day, she knows that she is the only person I truly love and she's the only one I'm with.
The question had been asked of me: "How can it not be cheating since the girls are in various states of undress? It's not like RL female friends that you never see naked." Most of my female friends have never shown me any skin. However, I have friends who are burlesque dancers. I've seen them dance, and it doesn't change the fact that they are still friends and I have no intentions of making it more than that. I can admire female beauty, both on the surface and within, without taking it to a place I shouldn't go.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

If you are in a relationship it's your responsibility to find out what your partner will view as cheating and what isn't.

100%!

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I am that type of girl who lets her man watch other girls and porn, so honestly, if they tell me they are married I automatically think their wife is cool, like me. I think nothing of it. We all have that part inside of us that when we do anything it either feels good or bad. I don't do things that make me feel bad inside. I do have limits on what I'm willing to show and it's only because of that gut feeling that doesn't feel right. It might feel right to other models and that is perfectly fine. Then it is right for them, but not me. You have every right to refuse married customers (of course they have to tell you or you have to ask them). You do what YOU feel is right.

 

[Erragal]

This is a very broad generalization but normally people who would count watching pron or being on here as cheating they have some trust or self esteem issues. If they where smart they would want to know that turns there partner on. I am sure over 90% of the guys on here would love it if after a bad day he comes home and his S.O. has set up that scene that they watched the other night on that porn or got that outfit that cam girl was wearing.

 

[inkydoo]

This is a very broad generalization but normally people who would count watching pron or being on here as cheating they have some trust or self esteem issues.

I don't think that's a correct or fair generalization at all. It's totally possible to judge all porn or sexuality outside of a marriage as immoral without it being about trust or self-esteem. If God (or his book or his representatives on Earth) tells me that it's wrong, and I am willing to accept morality by authority, then I can easily come to such a conclusion without it being a trust / self-esteem issue.

I totally agree with the rest of what you had to say, though (a good partner will want to know what turns you on, etc.).

 

[msktty89]

If God (or his book or his representatives on Earth) tells me that it's wrong, and I am willing to accept morality by authority, then I can easily come to such a conclusion without it being a trust / self-esteem issue.

What?

 

[GuilTPleasure]

I am in the same camp as alot of the women in here and this is it's Not my job to responsibility for other peoples emotions or actions. I personally think it is very sad that some men and women are in relationships where they feel that they cannot be open and honest. Furthmore women in this industry are blammed and made to feel guilty when we are not the problems. I mean if a man is turning outside of his relationship for sexual satisfaction and has to lie about it, the relationship has problems.

As far as feeling morally wrong for doing this kind of works I dont at all but I guess alot of that depends on what your personal or religious beliefs are. Look at it this way if you didn't cam it wouldn't stop the viewer from viewing it they would just go somewhere else. So who would you really be saving?

I mean something has to be said for women being in touch with there own sexuality. For years woman have been shamed for being open sexually and quite honestly that is such bullshit. Sorry I get a little heated about this topic. Hope everyone had a great day

 

[GemmaMarie]

Pretty much along with everyone else here...

It's *not* my job to patrol these men and make sure they aren't in relationships that do not "accept" that type of behavior.

I am a grown adult, and I make my own choices. Everyone else in my room is expected to do the same. I am not their nanny to make sure they aren't "ruining their relationship" if they are in one. If they can't keep within the guidelines of their own relationship, that's someone else's problem. Not mine.

I mean sure does it bother me when people tell me there married? Sure, I always think "i hope your wife approves" and sometimes I might even say something, jokingly- just to get a feel for the guy. If he openly is like "my wife would be so mad" I might think twice about him. I mean, for fucks sake- you're openly telling me that your a serial cheater and blah blah blah- & yes I have had people who openly tell me that, and I ban them. Fuck that, you piss me off in real life, I sure am not letting in on my cam life- Nope. not my cup of tea. I don't want any part of those guys on cam or in real life. But most people are not that open, and when that's the case it becomes their responsibility to be doing what's best in their life. Not mine.

 

[AmberCutie]

If God (or his book or his representatives on Earth) tells me that it's wrong, and I am willing to accept morality by authority, then I can easily come to such a conclusion without it being a trust / self-esteem issue.

What?

Yeah, wat?

Morals and religious beliefs are not necessarily interchangeable things.

 

[lordmagellan]

If God (or his book or his representatives on Earth) tells me that it's wrong, and I am willing to accept morality by authority, then I can easily come to such a conclusion without it being a trust / self-esteem issue.

What?

Yeah, wat?

Morals and religious beliefs are not necessarily interchangeable things.

I think his point is that some people define their own morality by what people of "authority" tell them; the religious, especially. Hell, most people do. Most of us get our morals passed to us from parents or teachers, or our favorite uncle. One or two of us may have listened to the smelly guy on the corner. Some of us use what has been passed to us to shape our own morality rather than copy the former's.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

If God (or his book or his representatives on Earth) tells me that it's wrong, and I am willing to accept morality by authority, then I can easily come to such a conclusion without it being a trust / self-esteem issue.

What?

Yeah, wat?

Morals and religious beliefs are not necessarily interchangeable things.

I think his point is that some people define their own morality by what people of "authority" tell them; the religious, especially. Hell, most people do. Most of us get our morals passed to us from parents or teachers, or our favorite uncle. One or two of us may have listened to the smelly guy on the corner. Some of us use what has been passed to us to shape our own morality rather than copy the former's.

That's exactly what I got from it too. For many people, their religion tells them not to watch porn and that it's a sin. I think very little times does it have to do with low self-esteem. Actually, one can argue that it is just the opposite. That if you let your partner watch porn, you know you aren't enough for them, and you must have a low self-esteem. I don't think that, but I know there are many who do.

 

[SoTxBob]

Do you ever question what we do on a moral level? Do you ever feel like it's just wrong?......

I'd like to ask you Lily,.... do you ever have your doubts ? IMHO, for anyone to be concerned with this thought process, there is usually a root thought that is unspoken.

As for me, I'm single and guilt free. I do agree also with the generalized concept that most GF's in the mainstream of todays society, dont look at much porn or view it favorably and would have a bit of a problem with "their man" spending time/tokens in such a manner.