Quitting for your SO

[jennavalentine]

I think some different scenarios could be useful here.

#1. Existing relationship that decided to give camming a try.
I think if you went into camming after already being in an established relationship and it just wasn't setting right with one of the partners, it would be understandable to me to look for other endeavors. You were already together, you tried something together that left someone unhappy, you move on and try other things.
It should work that way with anything you do as a team.

#2. Established camgirl finds lurrrrv.
Take it or leave it. This is when we get into the whole, it's unhealthy to try and change people to fit your mold thing. Unless the new significant other of our imaginary web harlot was financially secure and just offering for her to not work anymore in general.
Expecting a new partner to change in order to make things work in the first place is just a recipe for disaster.

#1 has happened to me before and that is something that i understand. going into camming while youre already in an established long term relationship can be difficult. however like #2 if you're up front and honest and someone says "sure i have no problem with that" then 6 months down the line they do it's an issue. i don't ever want to give up my financial security for someone.

 

[JoleneBrody]

I think some different scenarios could be useful here.

#1. Existing relationship that decided to give camming a try.
I think if you went into camming after already being in an established relationship and it just wasn't setting right with one of the partners, it would be understandable to me to look for other endeavors. You were already together, you tried something together that left someone unhappy, you move on and try other things.
It should work that way with anything you do as a team.

#2. Established camgirl finds lurrrrv.
Take it or leave it. This is when we get into the whole, it's unhealthy to try and change people to fit your mold thing. Unless the new significant other of our imaginary web harlot was financially secure and just offering for her to not work anymore in general.
Expecting a new partner to change in order to make things work in the first place is just a recipe for disaster.

#1 has happened to me before and that is something that i understand. going into camming while youre already in an established long term relationship can be difficult. however like #2 if you're up front and honest and someone says "sure i have no problem with that" then 6 months down the line they do it's an issue. i don't ever want to give up my financial security for someone.

That's what I was forgetting!

 

[Mirah]

I am with someone that can give me complete financial support but I would never ever in a million years let myself be supported by him when I have such a kick ass job (even when we get married). I love what I do and all the freedoms it has afforded me, so no, I would never ever give it up even if someone decided they could afford both of our lifestyles. I like having my own money.

in the off chance that the person I am with had a problem with it, I would maybe THINK about it (but we've been together for almost five years at our young age and he doesn't mind it so its not something I feel will happen plus I hate the idea of someone who apparently was okay with it for bit telling what I can and can't do) I'll cam until I want to cam. I feel like my views may be harsh but I would never sacrifice what I feel like is a huge part of my current life for anyone. take it or leave it, this is me. (I'm very lucky that I do have someone in my life who loves me and is so proud of my accomplishments)

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Another sub question....
How many of you have been/are truthful about your employment with family and friends? I know many many that hide this. I could see some instances where this job could pose your SO an issue or two in their job....
Say the corporate christmas party or get together....
Introductions to fellow workers and the usual NTMU Whats your line of work chitchat...
How does one delicately say their job is showing the giblets to the viewers for cash? :mrgreen:

Oh wait.. did I say 'delicately'? :whistle:
...kind of like asking the bull to walk gently thru the china shop. :lol: :lol:

I am honest to everyone about what I do. If I were to go to a corporate party of my bf's I would just tell them I'm a Playboy model (not a lie). Many of my bf's clients are SUPER conservative and it's not worth being homeless over. Everyone else, gets the whole scoop.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Yet another sub question:
Ladies: Would you change the WAY you cam for an S.O.? EX: He is okay with you camming in general, but you getting too personal with members is a no-no. OR he is okay with you camming in general, but he doesn't want you to be dominated because he wants to just share that between the two of you. If you originally did all of that, got into a relationship, he/she voiced how uncomfortable it made them, would you stop? Not stop camming, just stop that particular action.

 

[Mirah]

Yet another sub question:
Ladies: Would you change the WAY you cam for an S.O.? EX: He is okay with you camming in general, but you getting too personal with members is a no-no. OR he is okay with you camming in general, but he doesn't want you to be dominated because he wants to just share that between the two of you. If you originally did all of that, got into a relationship, he/she voiced how uncomfortable it made them, would you stop? Not stop camming, just stop that particular action.

that really depends on what they asked. if my SO asked me to be non-nude, I'd probably have to say no but I can probably stop doing privates for example (I maybe do one sexual private a month anyways). I would consider it and I am willing to compromise but only on terms that I am okay with as well.

 

[skiphop90]

Whilst at the same time I'd never ask someone to change just for the sake of it, if it REALLY bothered me, I'd expect that she would at least try to compromise if she loved me. What's more important? Love or money?

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Whilst at the same time I'd never ask someone to change just for the sake of it, if it REALLY bothered me, I'd expect that she would at least try to compromise if she loved me. What's more important? Love or money?

Agreed. I feel like it's natural to make sacrifices in a relationship. And if you really love them, it doesn't even feel like a sacrifice. You live to make them happy and comfortable and it should feel good to do that, not bad.

 

[AllisonWilder]

Yet another sub question:
Ladies: Would you change the WAY you cam for an S.O.? EX: He is okay with you camming in general, but you getting too personal with members is a no-no. OR he is okay with you camming in general, but he doesn't want you to be dominated because he wants to just share that between the two of you. If you originally did all of that, got into a relationship, he/she voiced how uncomfortable it made them, would you stop? Not stop camming, just stop that particular action.

I would change the way I cammed for someone I was invested in. I was with someone when I ventured into camming and at first he wasn't comfortable with videos or pictures, so I didn't do them until he saw the earning potential. He's also not comfortable with me doing anal on cam since I rarely did it with him, so I avoided that, too. We're not together anymore, but I still don't do anal on cam for the same reasons, just because there has to be a part of me and my sexuality that's strictly for whoever I happen to be with.

I'd stop the extra chatting outside work, for the most part, too. I'd designate some time for catching up and chatting while I'm off cam and the occasional tweet/tumblr update, but I'd be okay just being his girlfriend and not a cam girl when I was with him.

 

[DownundaDani]

Jolene's number 1 is me. I don't feel like camming defines who I am, so I don't feel like I would be changing me if I stopped. I was with my guy for a long time before WE decided to try camming. We are checking in constantly to ensure both of us are always on the same page, and I like it that way. I am a realist and I know that this job can impact on his confidence. People change all the time, I like to know he is cool with everything I'm doing, same goes for what he's doing. I care about his feelings and we are a team...so YES, if he could not handle it any longer, I would stop, I love him too much. I'd rather eat beans :lol:

As for the other questions..I encouraged my guy to become a member and recommend girls for him all the time, we will watch pvts together tho, it's way more fun.

I have changed my camming style for my man in the past, I've gotten naughtier at his suggestion, and I've tamed things down when I could tell he was unco about it. What can I say...I love to please him, he's a really good man :-D

The people who matter in my life know about me camming, I tell on a "need to know" basis.

 

[Jaydenrainey]

I would quit if they fully financially supported me.

same. for some girls i think camming is more than just a job. for me it is simply a means to an end. If i was already financially stable i wouldn't ever cam again.

Sub Question(s):
Girls - would you be bothered by your boyfriends using MFC and talking/interacting with other girls?
im in the minority here i think but YES. Only because ive worked on cam and the level of personal interaction between me and my regulars is much more than the interaction involved in watching a pornstar. Ive know guys who were attached whove treated me like a second girlfriend and if it was my husband saying those things to other women i would be irate. If we watched together that would be a different story.

 

[JickyJuly]

Whilst at the same time I'd never ask someone to change just for the sake of it, if it REALLY bothered me, I'd expect that she would at least try to compromise if she loved me. What's more important? Love or money?

This is kind of an over-romanticized perspective. Changing careers for love is more of an ultimatum than a compromise. Ultimatums are a sign of incompatibility and don't have much place in a stable relationship. You can be crazy about someone, but if they bring out insecurities that make you need to change them, it's going to be doomed from the start. I, for instance, could NEVER be with someone who worked in a highly dangerous profession (police, armed forces etc). The worry would be too much for me. Do I have the right to stick around and make my issues theirs because I love them? No. It's a lot more respectable to move aside and let them find someone better suited to them and their lifestyle. If more people were honest with themselves about compatibility issues from the start of relationships, it would save a lot of heartache.

Everyone wants to be loved unconditionally. It's easy to love the parts of someone that are consistently praised and revered. The best part of love though is when your partner understands and embraces the parts of you that the rest of the world isn't as nice about.

Edited to add: There's a lot more to camming than the money. Few jobs have the same earning potential and flexibility combo. For single mothers, students or gals using camming as a way to save for a future career/life plan, giving up camming would mean a lot more than losing cash.

 

[Littlegringo]

People place different emphasis on different parts of their lives. There are plenty of career men and women who put their careers in the #1 spot in their lives and wouldn't change that for anyone. Other people put love in the top spot and would give up all the money in the world if that's what was needed to have real love.

The difference in any case is whether or not a person chooses to willingly give something up, or if they are told to. It's the motivation behind it. Being told you have to do something usually leads to resentment and once you're on that road, things tend to go downhill in a relationship. Anyone considering pressuring their SO had consider would they be happier if the person just continued doing the job or would they be happier if the person didn't have the job but resented them for it...

 

[Crazydidi]

my boyfriend knows, and I would never lie about it, he new about everything even before we dated. so he gets to choose before if hes okay with it or not.
He is totally opened minded and I love him for it

 

[Crazydidi]

I would quit if they fully financially supported me.

i dont work anymore, we live together and im at home with the baby so basically he does support me but its not about that for me. Iv always been independent and I want to keep it that way, I cannot stand people paying for me, if I want to go shopping ill have my own money to do it!

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I would quit if they fully financially supported me.

i dont work anymore, we live together and im at home with the baby so basically he does support me but its not about that for me. Iv always been independent and I want to keep it that way, I cannot stand people paying for me, if I want to go shopping ill have my own money to do it!

I would still want my own money, but I can work a "normal" job for extra cash. I cam because I make triple what I would at a different job. So if I have absolutely nothing to pay for, I don't need to cam and I can still have money for myself. I'm actually in that position now, but the boy toy doesn't mind me camming, so I stick with what I love to do.

 

[AshaSnow]

Would you quit camming if your S.O. wanted you to?
Yes, but only after a solid discussion of reasons and only if I found his reasons valid.

Under what circumstances would you quit for them, if any?
If he feels it is seriously detrimental to our relationship.
Once we have children.
If we had found another career path for me that would generate more income and that I wouldn't want to stab myself in the face for doing.

Girls - would you be bothered by your boyfriends using MFC and talking/interacting with other girls?
Yes. However, it isn't about jealousy. I would just prefer that if he's going to interact with attractive naked women, he do it at our house or somewhere in the area. That way we could all become friends. My husband is practically a nudist and we're both open to the possibilities that are explored in swinger communities. We just haven't met the right girl(s) or couple(s) yet Also, I wouldn't like if he spent money on MFC. My husband and I are very frugal with money and mostly spend it on necessities and major hobbies (exercise or group activities), and save the rest or invest it in our mortgage.

How many of you have been/are truthful about your employment with family and friends?
I tell most new people that I meet. My husband's immediate family knows. I will not tell my parents, my extended family, nor my husband's extended family. I will not tell my husband's coworkers unless they are liberal and trustworthy.

For everyone who doesn't know the truth I tell them I do internet marketing from home. It was really awkward when my husband's coworkers at his previous job started joking that I was really hiding the fact that I'm a porn star.

 

[LadyLuna]

Would you quit camming if your SO wanted you to?

That depends on the circumstances.

Under what circumstances would you quit for them, if any?

If they are completely financially supporting me, and providing enough income for me to have other means of entertainment. I will not take any other job. Unless he's also willing to pay for me to get cerfied as a CPA and see if I can do that instead, but also willing to revert to paying for everything if that doesn't work out the way everything else hasn't.

Also, I would need to have $10,000 in a savings account that doesn't get touched by anything, ever, so that if I have to start over without him, all is well until I get established as a camgirl again.

Girls - would you be bothered by your boyfriends using MFC and talking/interacting with other girls?

Anything that interferes with our relationship, I would have a problem with. Anything that doesn't, I wouldn't. However, knowing how mercurial I tend to be, I'd probably ask that he not bring it up unless I ask. (sometimes, I'm a jealous bitch. Othertimes, I'm very mellow about it all)


Boys - would you stop using MFC if your girlfriends asked you to?

Rephrase: Girls- would you stop using MFC if your SO asked you to?

Probably. After trying to watch with him to see if he likes that. Also, not unless he wasn't watching. If he gets to watch and chat, I get to watch and chat.

How many of you have been/are truthful about your employment with family and friends?

My extended family doesn't know. My adoptive siblings don't know. My biological father doesn't know. (Biological mother is dead, thus she either knows or is in no position to care, depending on your beliefs. I believe she knows and is fine with it.)

Everyone else knows. Those who aren't okay with it don't talk to me. This hurts, but I'll live.

How does one delicately say their job is showing the giblets to the viewers for cash?

"I provide personal entertainment online."
"Telling details would break client confidentiality."

Ladies: Would you change the WAY you cam for an S.O.?

Already tried this, and it doesn't work for me. The way I cam is affected by the way I actually am, so changing the way I cam feels very false. If he's fine with camming but doesn't like the way I do it, then he's not okay with who and how I really am.

HOWEVER- I would be fine with not making any more videos or pics. Or with not ever giving out my offsite info for people to chat with me ever again.

 

[Jessi]

Jealousy stems from insecurity, a persons insecurity and jealousy issues wouldn't go away if I quit camming for them. It would just be something else in a few months that bothered them.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Any man who has a problem with their woman making her own money, and enjoying her job needs a slap in the head.

If it's because she makes more money than you and you're jealous, suck it up ya pussy.

If it's because you don't like other men drooling over your wife/GF.... come close I need to tell you a secret...
Men do that every day for free, everywhere your gf/wife goes. You know it's true, YOU do it to other guys GF/wives. Really. I promise it happens.

If you think it makes her a whore, let me tell you this.... YOU are more of a whore for being a submissive bitch to your asshole boss in whatever "respectable" job you have than she will EVER be. When I have to play subservient whore to some client or higher up in MY job... I hate it. I feel dirty even when the money is good.
:lol:

She's her own boss. That's probably closer to the real core of the man-problem with the cam job. She has the option to say "I'm not dealing with this asshole's bullshit" in her job. Perhaps, a small fear in the man's head is if he steps out of like she will suddenly figure out she can do that to him too.
:shock:
Most men can't stand the idea she doesn't "need" them. Which is perfectly natural, honestly, but it is the 21st century.... lets try to evolve a little guys.

Any woman who supports themselves better than I support myself in a job they actually like....
If she's happy, you should be SO happy she's happy and just let it go.

 

[Crazydidi]

Jealousy stems from insecurity, a persons insecurity and jealousy issues wouldn't go away if I quit camming for them. It would just be something else in a few months that bothered them.

exactly

 

[Mirah]

Jealousy stems from insecurity, a persons insecurity and jealousy issues wouldn't go away if I quit camming for them. It would just be something else in a few months that bothered them.

yes, thank you! I've been trying find a way to say this
I just feel like their insecurities would manifest itself in other ways even if I did quit camming.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Jealousy stems from insecurity, a persons insecurity and jealousy issues wouldn't go away if I quit camming for them. It would just be something else in a few months that bothered them.

I agree, but as others have said, if an SO is not okay with camming, it doesn't have to be because they're jealous or insecure. (I personally believe a LITTLE jealousy is healthy for a relationship) Some people believe that all things sexual should be reserved for their partner only. It's not like "other guys think your hot and that makes me insecure and jealous." it's more like, "man, I really wish you would save that part of yourself just for me. That would be special." So for most cAm girls, that type of guy would not be for them. But to imply all guys that are not comfortable with their partner is insecure or jealous, seems wrong to me.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Any man who has a problem with their woman making her own money, and enjoying her job needs a slap in the head.
)

I disagree. It's perfectly normal for a man to want intimate moments to be shared between him and his SO only.
"My husband doesn't let me fuck other guys for money, he needs a slap in the head!"
That's just ridiculous. He has every right not to be comfortable with sharing his partner in those ways.

 

[Crazydidi]

Jealousy stems from insecurity, a persons insecurity and jealousy issues wouldn't go away if I quit camming for them. It would just be something else in a few months that bothered them.

I agree, but as others have said, if an SO is not okay with camming, it doesn't have to be because they're jealous or insecure. (I personally believe a LITTLE jealousy is healthy for a relationship) Some people believe that all things sexual should be reserved for their partner only. It's not like "other guys think your hot and that makes me insecure and jealous." it's more like, "man, I really wish you would save that part of yourself just for me. That would be special." So for most cAm girls, that type of guy would not be for them. But to imply all guys that are not comfortable with their partner is insecure or jealous, seems wrong to me.

So you would quit?

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Jealousy stems from insecurity, a persons insecurity and jealousy issues wouldn't go away if I quit camming for them. It would just be something else in a few months that bothered them.

I agree, but as others have said, if an SO is not okay with camming, it doesn't have to be because they're jealous or insecure. (I personally believe a LITTLE jealousy is healthy for a relationship) Some people believe that all things sexual should be reserved for their partner only. It's not like "other guys think your hot and that makes me insecure and jealous." it's more like, "man, I really wish you would save that part of yourself just for me. That would be special." So for most cAm girls, that type of guy would not be for them. But to imply all guys that are not comfortable with their partner is insecure or jealous, seems wrong to me.

So you would quit?

If my SO was willing to fully financially support me. I'm talking about spa days, manicures, $500 hair cuts, shopping sprees, etc. Then I would get a "normal" job to have extra cash for presents during the holidays. But I am fully in love and would do just about anything for this man. Great thing is, he is okay with camming, but I have changed some of my camming habits to meet him in the middle and make sure he is comfortable.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Any man who has a problem with their woman making her own money, and enjoying her job needs a slap in the head.
)

I disagree. It's perfectly normal for a man to want intimate moments to be shared between him and his SO only.
"My husband doesn't let me fuck other guys for money, he needs a slap in the head!"
That's just ridiculous. He has every right not to be comfortable with sharing his partner in those ways.

Well we weren't talking about hooking. We were talking about being a web cam entertainer. At least, I wasn't talking about hooking....

 

[Crazydidi]

Any man who has a problem with their woman making her own money, and enjoying her job needs a slap in the head.
)

I disagree. It's perfectly normal for a man to want intimate moments to be shared between him and his SO only.
"My husband doesn't let me fuck other guys for money, he needs a slap in the head!"
That's just ridiculous. He has every right not to be comfortable with sharing his partner in those ways.

Well we weren't talking about hooking. We were talking about being a web cam entertainer. At least, I wasn't talking about hooking....

funny word, hooking *giggles

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Any man who has a problem with their woman making her own money, and enjoying her job needs a slap in the head.
)

I disagree. It's perfectly normal for a man to want intimate moments to be shared between him and his SO only.
"My husband doesn't let me fuck other guys for money, he needs a slap in the head!"
That's just ridiculous. He has every right not to be comfortable with sharing his partner in those ways.

Well we weren't talking about hooking. We were talking about being a web cam entertainer. At least, I wasn't talking about hooking....

We sell virtual sex. We are still sharing an intimate part of ourselves with the world. I stick by what I said. Guys have every right not to be comfortable with that. It's completely understandable if they find sexual experiences to be very special and not want it to be shared outside of the relationship. It does NOT mean they have jealousy issues, and it does NOT make them insecure.

 

[Chamaeleon]

Any man who has a problem with their woman making her own money, and enjoying her job needs a slap in the head.
)

I disagree. It's perfectly normal for a man to want intimate moments to be shared between him and his SO only.
"My husband doesn't let me fuck other guys for money, he needs a slap in the head!"
That's just ridiculous. He has every right not to be comfortable with sharing his partner in those ways.

Well we weren't talking about hooking. We were talking about being a web cam entertainer. At least, I wasn't talking about hooking....

We sell virtual sex. We are still sharing an intimate part of ourselves with the world. I stick by what I said. Guys have every right not to be comfortable with that. It's completely understandable if they find sexual experiences to be very special and not want it to be shared outside of the relationship. It does NOT mean they have jealousy issues, and it does NOT make them insecure.

I agree with Megan. What makes many/most/all men hypocritical is that can then justify watching and chatting with a cam model thereby giving part of themselves to the cam model. :twocents-02cents: