TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids leak

[IsabellaSnow]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

I think most rapists don't even realise what they are.

I have been forced by many guys, these awkward situations when you get drunk and agree to let someone stay at yours or stay at theirs, you might be getting with them, but don't want to have sex. And they don't take no for an answer. I've never exactly felt "raped" in these situations... but I haven't really felt I've consented either. Or at least I've been pushed and pressured and harassed into consenting. I know many men who do this once their blood is up. I know many girls who would try doing this to guys too. I'm pretty certain I have almost done it before when I was much younger, I've probably pushed the "I'm horny and trying to sleep with someone I'm getting with" too far, though I don't think it's ever resulted in sex, I've always backed off, but I have memories of being pushier with guys who for various reasons want to wait, and because they're male and it not being what I'm used to being very confused.
I have only felt guilty for sleeping with someone once, and it was a guy who I had been going out with, but not at that particular time who'd turned up at my door wasted, the dude started getting naked in my living room in front of my flatmate so I put him in my bedroom, the guy is 6ft 3, and isn't lightly built, he clearly wanted sex whilst being drunk... and honestly I don't know if I'd have been able to stop him, so I thought "fuck it" and slept with him, even though I really hadn't had all that much to drink. The guy was wasted, I shouldn't really have done it, but jesus, he had sex on the brain and I just needed to get him to sleep! I felt pretty guilty in the morning as typically he had no idea if we'd had sex or not, and seeing as we hadn't been speaking before that, he probably felt pretty weird waking up in my bed too... Though I don't think he felt raped or anything seeing as we became friends after that incident.

I know that when I'm drunk and want sex then it's not easy for guys to say no... I don't blame guys so much for sleeping with a girl when she obviously is chasing him. I blame dudes who chase girls who are obviously wasted. There is a massive difference. One is a drunk girl making decisions when she's drunk off her own bat. The other is a drunk girl being pressured into making decisions when she's drunk.

I haven't watched this video, and although I absolutely HATE it when girls cry rape when it hasn't actually happened, in my experience the girls who everyone said "God, what a twat lying blah blah," who stuck to their story, they actually were telling the truth. The reason I know, is because those dudes who everyone thought were victims of having a girl lying about it, ended up repeating behaviour, yet never got blamed for it... why? Because all the girls who said it happened got treated like shit!
Yes I have also known girls who've gone "I've been raped!" When they haven't actually been raped, but again, with those girls usually it comes from something, the guy pressuring them, them being particularly drunk, the guy being rough/aggressive, and also a big one, which is when a girl changes her mind/wants him to stop halfway and he refuses to stop. Yes that is still rape, just because someone consents in the beginning doesn't mean they cannot change their mind during!

I think there should be more attention on teaching men to really pay attention to women's signals (and the other way around), than on blaming and ridiculing those who claim they have been raped. Very very rarely does anyone get sent down or punished for a rape they didn't commit, yet all the time guilty people walk. Why is everyone still going "oh the poor guys who are subject to this!" If a dude doesn't want to be subject to it, then he shouldn't have sex with a girl in a situation that's questionable and who they don't trust. He should be absolutely dam sure there are no misunderstandings. Unless he himself was raped, he actually consented to sex, a rape victim didn't.

 

[Diana Blake]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Has anyone yet mentioned that this girl was only twenty and therefore alcohol would have to have been supplied to her by someone else? Where is that person?

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Has anyone yet mentioned that this girl was only twenty and therefore alcohol would have to have been supplied to her by someone else? Where is that person?

Homecoming week at a college. Could have gotten it at 20 different Frat house parties or more. It's not a matter of anyone giving it to her. There's kegs in the middle of a room with 800 kids in and around the building partying for over 8 hours. They all freely walk up to them and fill a cup any time they want.

St. Pats weekend here is big at the college i'm going to. I live right next door to a Frat house. The cops park right in the parking lot of the house. Unless they see you staggering to your car and drive off they don't bother anyone at the party. Every year I've been living here I've seen drunk kids, both sexes, get drunk off their asses and streak around the neighborhood.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Why are people pretending like false accusations don't happen all the time? Why are they defending and making up excuses for the women that do this? Why aren't women allowed to be held accountable/responsible for their own decisions? Why is it not a big deal when women do horrible things?

 

[bawksy]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Why aren't women allowed to be held accountable/responsible for their own decisions? Why is it not a big deal when women do horrible things?

 

[SexySteph]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Why are people pretending like false accusations don't happen all the time? Why are they defending and making up excuses for the women that do this? Why aren't women allowed to be held accountable/responsible for their own decisions? Why is it not a big deal when women do horrible things?

It seems to me women are often held more accountable. What a out the Steubenville rape trial where all we heard about was how sad it was these men's lives were ruined by that girl? And so often people excuse men raping because "he couldn't help it" "look at her, she wanted it". Who is being held accountable there? Why should a VICTIM be held accountable for her own rape? When someone is robbed we don't say they should be accountable. And I think it IS a big deal when women do horrible things. But from the sounds of a lot of this thread you guys think women run rampant committing horrible deeds to ruin men's lives.

And bocefish and I both posted info that show false accusations DON'T happen all the time. 8% isn't even close to "all the time" and while statistics are "useless" when it comes to this it isn't because the statistic is likely greater than 8% it's because some states are far more lax than others so the percent may actually be far lower because some states might consider bringing rape charges against a spouse "unfounded".

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Can't speak for the other guys here, but I'm basing my opinion on the audio visual evidence along with numerous eye witness statements. Her smiling, waving at the camera, pulling the dude's head deeper into her pussy... are all signs that she was a willing participant at the time. If something else happened later, I cannot say for certain, but assuming that is all that happened since the alleged victim didn't remember anything until seeing the video on social media that most of us have seen.

Unless you've seen the video and read what's available, you're arguing from past experiences and emotion instead of the facts of THIS case.

Granted, none of us know the entire story, but at least I'm using all the available information to form my opinion.

Some states say even if a woman consents, if she is severely impaired by alcohol, it's still rape. In this case, they were both drunk, but there is visual evidence of the incident.

:twocents-02cents:

 

[inkydoo]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

This also kind of assumes that she was sober or coherent though, right? And even if she was, I mean you're generally supposed to get a consent for when you film anything, especially if you intend to distribute it.

While this is true (depending on the country), however most privacy / copyright infringement cases (where someone has been recorded via video/audio in a public space) are weighted against monetary value. If the intent of the guy who filmed was to share it with a few friends and did *but* it then went viral; since no monetary value was expected it would be difficult to get a conviction against the defendant (the guy). The law is only really effective when financial gain is expected or has occurred. If this was not the case then Facebook/Google+/Vine/Twitter would not allow user videos to be posted.

Well, you're partly correct, but partly wrong (at least in the US, but probably in most countries).

First, you're confusing "privacy" and copyright, so it's a little hard to disentangle what's wrong, but I'll start with copyright. For a person's use of a copyrighted work to be non-infringing, one of several conditions must apply. Either that person holds the copyright to the work or has been given (via contract) specific rights to that work (like the right to perform or display it), OR the use falls under Fair Use. Fair Use is not a strict set of rules, but must be decided by a judge (meaning the copyright holder has already sued you) based on four criteria. The intent to gain commercially is only one aspect of one (purpose and character of use) of the four criteria. Others include amount of the work used, the nature of the work itself, and the potential effect on the market or value of the work. For more information, take a look at http://education.illinois.edu/wp/crime/copyright.htm or http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/227889 (see point seven of that last one for a preview of the next paragraph)

All that said, this isn't really a copyright issue, because a person appearing in a work doesn't (by default) hold any copyright over the work. Instead, this is an issue related to publicity rights or privacy rights. Publicity rights has traditionally provided people the right to control use of their image, likeness, name, and so on for commercial uses. This isn't always the case, however, such as when the use of someones images, likeness, etc. may present threat of harm or significant emotional distress. That said, these cases can be controversial, such as in the case of Planned Parenthood v. ACLA. Privacy rights, while sometimes spelled out in statute, are often a matter of common law, and don't necessarily require that there be commercial gain involved. One case of note that broadened privacy protections in Ohio specifically is at http://www.ohioemployerlawblog.com/2007/06/ohio-supreme-court-recognizes-claim-for.html#.UmMbI1r6Drw

Finally, Facebook, Twitter, and all those other "social" media sharing sites are allowed to do what they do because of a clause in copyright (as part the DMCA), that carves out a safe harbor protection for "service providers", so that they're not responsible for the acts of their users, so long as they follow certain rules (takedown requests, for example). See more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_Copyright_Infringement_Liability_Limitation_Act or https://www.chillingeffects.org/dmca512/faq.cgi#QID125.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Can't speak for the other guys here, but I'm basing my opinion on the audio visual evidence along with numerous eye witness statements. Her smiling, waving at the camera, pulling the dude's head deeper into her pussy... are all signs that she was a willing participant at the time. If something else happened later, I cannot say for certain, but assuming that is all that happened since the alleged victim didn't remember anything until seeing the video on social media that most of us have seen.

Unless you've seen the video and read what's available, you're arguing from past experiences and emotion instead of the facts of THIS case.

Granted, none of us know the entire story, but at least I'm using all the available information to form my opinion.

Some states say even if a woman consents, if she is severely impaired by alcohol, it's still rape. In this case, they were both drunk, but there is visual evidence of the incident.

:twocents-02cents:

Based on the video evidence available I doubt any charges will ever be filed.
As it stands you've got a woman who says she went out and got so drunk she can't remember anything versus the testimony of the guy (if they find him) who will say he was drunk and she was willing. He said, she said for that part.

Then you've got video evidence showing nothing but willing compliance and the eyewitness testimony of every single person there saying they all thought it was consensual sex.

If you had never heard the story and just ran across the video itself on some porn site you would have never known anything controversial had even taken place. This is what any potential jury has to work with. Unless they can come up with new evidence in this case, no prosecutor will ever take this to court.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

the guy (if they find him)

I heard that he has been fully cooperative with the investigation but I can't find a link.

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

He was never missing and has cooperated from the very start. No charges have been filed as of yesterday.

http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/201 ... -case.html

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Why are people pretending like false accusations don't happen all the time? Why are they defending and making up excuses for the women that do this? Why aren't women allowed to be held accountable/responsible for their own decisions? Why is it not a big deal when women do horrible things?

It is a big deal when women do horrible things.... it's just that I think actually raping someone is worse than a woman accusing someone of rape, especially when most of the time when a woman does accuse someone of rape, perhaps not in this case, but usually there has been pushy, even forceful behaviour on the "rapists" part. Though he may not have realised that he was going too far when his blood was up, she probably definitely noticed.
I know that in this case it very much seems that this woman is lying, but if she truly cannot remember anything then I empathise with her, finding out that you had sex with someone and you have zero memory of it can actually be as traumatising as having been date raped, even if you seemed to enjoy it at the time. I empathise with the guy too in that he was just getting with some drunk chick who seemed willing, he was probably drunk as well, he maybe shouldn't have got with someone so drunk, but people do it all the time, so I doubt he thought much of it.

For her.... yes, evidence says she wasn't raped, but it doesn't change that she may feel raped. She may not be lying in some evil way to get back at this dude, she probably genuinely feels upset about what happened when she was so wasted.
I think people also need to bear in mind that a lot of these situations happen when younger girls have sex. I don't think I've come across anyone over the age of 20 lie about being raped. When you're younger and inexperienced, sure it's not a major excuse, but they may not realise that this stuff does happen.

I do not support women who do claim rape when they haven't really been raped, it does happen, especially with young girls, and yes, I think if someone knows they haven't been raped and press it, then it's a really shitty thing to do. But rape itself happens more than girls lying about rape does, so why is it that everyone's so quick to call "LIER!" to a girl saying she's been raped, but very slow to believe that a man might actually have raped her.
Yes women do lie, but men also rape. Do people really think that attacking this girl is helping real rape victims? Because it's not. It's making them more nervous to come forward and it's making more people feel aggressive towards real rape victims thinking they're lying.

People keep saying, like in this post, how awful girls lying is to real rape victims, well it's only awful because people are reacting like this! People reacting this way doesn't make them act kind and considerate to true victims. Seeing as true victims rarely have any proof, people are just as nasty and hateful to those who've gone through this for real! The only thing that'll help real rape victims is by acting a little less judgemental to those who do come forward saying they've been raped.

Things like this just supports what I've thought for a while. There should be several different words and sentences for different forms of rape.

There should be one word for when someone gets attacked by a stranger, or even someone they know, that is what most people consider to be actual rape, and it is the type that it would be very difficult for a woman to pull off, and women don't really seem interested in raping men in this way. Those who rape in this way are definitely evil/fucked in the head.
The others could be pulled off by either men or women, though it is still much more common for men to do these things, and they are where there starts being grey areas. There should be a different word for when someone harasses and pressures a girl into feeling it's easier just to let him do it, even though she doesn't want him to. And there should be another word for when someone deliberately takes advantage of someone who's had far too much to drink. Date-rape has already been given it's separate name, so people already see it as being different, though being spiked is fairly common, it's rare for it to result in that person raping you, but most people accept that if someone has drugged you against your will then it is rape if you have sex.

I really think they should be separated, rape is an extremely strong word, a word people are scared of using. Rape sentences are harsh, prison is hard for those who've been accused, and the person who's been sentenced will have trouble ever finding a job again, let alone what it'll do for their personal life. People do not like giving them out, even if there's evidence against the man.

I think there should be a lighter, less severe sentence for men who are overly pushy/forward with having sex with women, the men who probably don't think of themselves as rapists. I think they should have something more similar to a warning, perhaps some form of fine which would go to the community, and a certain amount of time being educated about consent, and maybe some community service. I think in these cases it should effect them getting jobs, but if they get more than a certain amount of women coming forward over their lifetime then it should be re-evaluated and they should be trailed for actual rape. In this case you'd have all the "victims" on record, women wouldn't be so afraid to go to the police as the sentence wouldn't be nearly as serious, and they wouldn't necessarily have to stand up in court, you'd be able to go back to all the victims and would have enough evidence to prove this person has repeated his actions more than once.

I genuinely think with a lot of these rape situations that if men were a little bit more educated from when they're younger, and when these situations happen, that they can be stopped. I don't believe that a lot of these situations are because the dude is a nasty person, but simply because he doesn't understand when his blood is in his penis, that the girl he's perhaps sharing a bed with isn't just being coy when she says she doesn't want sex. Many women do like it when a man is slightly forceful/pushy, so I do empathise with younger, less experienced men that there are a lot of mixed signals, ones they may not be able to read. Maybe if people stopped running away from the word "rape", and would actually deal with it properly, and rather than either letting people walk free or punishing them to the nines we'd actually try and educate them, let them know what they've done isn't ok.

Personally I'd much prefer to come forward if I knew all I'd have to do would be take a statement, give all the details, and if there'd been a previous complaint they'd be able to match them up, and if there hadn't been, then unless I wanted to press charges and go through a court process (which I'd need evidence for), or the police decided that it was enough to bring the guy in and give him a warning, it'd just stay there, and the dude would just be on watch, and if no girl reported him again, it'd never effect his life.

 

[SexySteph]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Why are people pretending like false accusations don't happen all the time? Why are they defending and making up excuses for the women that do this? Why aren't women allowed to be held accountable/responsible for their own decisions? Why is it not a big deal when women do horrible things?

It is a big deal when women do horrible things.... it's just that I think actually raping someone is worse than a woman accusing someone of rape, especially when most of the time when a woman does accuse someone of rape, perhaps not in this case, but usually there has been pushy, even forceful behaviour on the "rapists" part. Though he may not have realised that he was going too far when his blood was up, she probably definitely noticed.
I know that in this case it very much seems that this woman is lying, but if she truly cannot remember anything then I empathise with her, finding out that you had sex with someone and you have zero memory of it can actually be as traumatising as having been date raped, even if you seemed to enjoy it at the time. I empathise with the guy too in that he was just getting with some drunk chick who seemed willing, he was probably drunk as well, he maybe shouldn't have got with someone so drunk, but people do it all the time, so I doubt he thought much of it.

For her.... yes, evidence says she wasn't raped, but it doesn't change that she may feel raped. She may not be lying in some evil way to get back at this dude, she probably genuinely feels upset about what happened when she was so wasted.
I think people also need to bear in mind that a lot of these situations happen when younger girls have sex. I don't think I've come across anyone over the age of 20 lie about being raped. When you're younger and inexperienced, sure it's not a major excuse, but they may not realise that this stuff does happen.

I do not support women who do claim rape when they haven't really been raped, it does happen, especially with young girls, and yes, I think if someone knows they haven't been raped and press it, then it's a really shitty thing to do. But rape itself happens more than girls lying about rape does, so why is it that everyone's so quick to call "LIER!" to a girl saying she's been raped, but very slow to believe that a man might actually have raped her.
Yes women do lie, but men also rape. Do people really think that attacking this girl is helping real rape victims? Because it's not. It's making them more nervous to come forward and it's making more people feel aggressive towards real rape victims thinking they're lying.

People keep saying, like in this post, how awful girls lying is to real rape victims, well it's only awful because people are reacting like this! People reacting this way doesn't make them act kind and considerate to true victims. Seeing as true victims rarely have any proof, people are just as nasty and hateful to those who've gone through this for real! The only thing that'll help real rape victims is by acting a little less judgemental to those who do come forward saying they've been raped.

Things like this just supports what I've thought for a while. There should be several different words and sentences for different forms of rape.

There should be one word for when someone gets attacked by a stranger, or even someone they know, that is what most people consider to be actual rape, and it is the type that it would be very difficult for a woman to pull off, and women don't really seem interested in raping men in this way. Those who rape in this way are definitely evil/fucked in the head.
The others could be pulled off by either men or women, though it is still much more common for men to do these things, and they are where there starts being grey areas. There should be a different word for when someone harasses and pressures a girl into feeling it's easier just to let him do it, even though she doesn't want him to. And there should be another word for when someone deliberately takes advantage of someone who's had far too much to drink. Date-rape has already been given it's separate name, so people already see it as being different, though being spiked is fairly common, it's rare for it to result in that person raping you, but most people accept that if someone has drugged you against your will then it is rape if you have sex.

I really think they should be separated, rape is an extremely strong word, a word people are scared of using. Rape sentences are harsh, prison is hard for those who've been accused, and the person who's been sentenced will have trouble ever finding a job again, let alone what it'll do for their personal life. People do not like giving them out, even if there's evidence against the man.

I think there should be a lighter, less severe sentence for men who are overly pushy/forward with having sex with women, the men who probably don't think of themselves as rapists. I think they should have something more similar to a warning, perhaps some form of fine which would go to the community, and a certain amount of time being educated about consent, and maybe some community service. I think in these cases it should effect them getting jobs, but if they get more than a certain amount of women coming forward over their lifetime then it should be re-evaluated and they should be trailed for actual rape. In this case you'd have all the "victims" on record, women wouldn't be so afraid to go to the police as the sentence wouldn't be nearly as serious, and they wouldn't necessarily have to stand up in court, you'd be able to go back to all the victims and would have enough evidence to prove this person has repeated his actions more than once.

I genuinely think with a lot of these rape situations that if men were a little bit more educated from when they're younger, and when these situations happen, that they can be stopped. I don't believe that a lot of these situations are because the dude is a nasty person, but simply because he doesn't understand when his blood is in his penis, that the girl he's perhaps sharing a bed with isn't just being coy when she says she doesn't want sex. Many women do like it when a man is slightly forceful/pushy, so I do empathise with younger, less experienced men that there are a lot of mixed signals, ones they may not be able to read. Maybe if people stopped running away from the word "rape", and would actually deal with it properly, and rather than either letting people walk free or punishing them to the nines we'd actually try and educate them, let them know what they've done isn't ok.

Personally I'd much prefer to come forward if I knew all I'd have to do would be take a statement, give all the details, and if there'd been a previous complaint they'd be able to match them up, and if there hadn't been, then unless I wanted to press charges and go through a court process (which I'd need evidence for), or the police decided that it was enough to bring the guy in and give him a warning, it'd just stay there, and the dude would just be on watch, and if no girl reported him again, it'd never effect his life.

I don't think we should start categorizing rapes and giving lighter sentences. Rape is rape. Many men who pressure girls into sex know what they're doing. Some might not but most know. Rape by an acquaintance or intimate partner is far more common than stranger rape and that doesn't make it any less wrong. We need to be teaching people to be actively looking for consent and to be respectful not treat it like "it's alright, you didn't know you were raping that girl who said no over and over until she gave up and said whatever". Consenting after 20 no's is not consent, silence is not consent, being drunk or asleep is not consent, inviting you over is not consent. "Yes" is consent.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

I don't think we should start categorizing rapes and giving lighter sentences. Rape is rape. Many men who pressure girls into sex know what they're doing. Some might not but most know. Rape by an acquaintance or intimate partner is far more common than stranger rape and that doesn't make it any less wrong. We need to be teaching people to be actively looking for consent and to be respectful not treat it like "it's alright, you didn't know you were raping that girl who said no over and over until she gave up and said whatever". Consenting after 20 no's is not consent, silence is not consent, being drunk or asleep is not consent, inviting you over is not consent. "Yes" is consent.

But this is what I mean, these guys aren't getting anything at the moment, no sentence, nothing. Very few women even come forward with these things, and those who do are ridiculed, treated like liars, and it's almost impossible to get any form of sentencing for these situations. Most women don't even want to come forward because they don't want to mess up the guys life, though they often realise what the dude did was wrong.

What having different options would do is it'd encourage more women to come forward and make a statement when something like this happens, meaning if the man repeated the action then there would be much more evidence to take action, and it'd minimised men going through a court case when they didn't actually do anything.

And I don't think most of these dudes would consider themselves rapists. Remember, everyone is the hero of their own story, everyone believes they are a good person, and believes they're in the right, even some of the most evil, nasty of people. If you didn't you wouldn't continue repeating the behaviour. Denial is an amazing thing, and most situations that this happens they're young men, men who aren't that experienced, have often been drinking in these situations, and seem to think it's ok to do the whole "nag until she gives in" tactic, possibly because more often than not the girl he's trying to have sex with eventually gives in, so in his mind he'll think she wanted it all along. In my experience at least 1 in 2 to 1 in 3 guys who I'd share a bed with and not have any interest in fucking would try this tactic, and would be fairly relentless about it. I have only shared a bed with a handful of guys who've left me alone completely. If every woman were to go to court and sentence these men almost every young man in society would be put in prison for rape at some point. This is common, really common. What needs to be dealt with is these young men need to be educated that this behaviour isn't cool, they need to have a slap on the wrist and have a reality check, and it needs to be that if these guys continue repeating the behaviour they will get a severe sentence. At the moment these dudes are all getting away with it happily oblivious as most men and most women do not consider this rape, or even worth pursuing, and those who would like to pursue it know that nothing would ever come of it.

Although I think rape is rape, I also think something about the sentencing and the way certain rape situations are dealt with should be changed because they are all very different, and currently rapists are getting away with it left right and centre.

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

There should be several different words and sentences for different forms of rape.

I respectfully disagree, it's like being pregnant... either you are or you're not. Proving a rape charge can be difficult enough without complicating it with various degrees.

There should be one word for when someone gets attacked by a stranger, or even someone they know, that is what most people consider to be actual rape, and it is the type that it would be very difficult for a woman to pull off, and women don't really seem interested in raping men in this way. Those who rape in this way are definitely evil/fucked in the head.

It's called 'sexual assault' here in the USA.

The others could be pulled off by either men or women, though it is still much more common for men to do these things, and they are where there starts being grey areas. There should be a different word for when someone harasses and pressures a girl into feeling it's easier just to let him do it, even though she doesn't want him to.

This is precisely why some guys are assholes and don't believe no means NO! If a woman thinks it's easier to just give in from some ongoing verbal pressure to have sex rather than standing her ground, that's entirely her CHOICE, therefore she is consenting. It's like a child constantly asking her parents for a puppy until the parents finally give in because the parents are tired of arguing about it. That behavior results in telling the child if they persist long enough, they will eventually get their way.

And there should be another word for when someone deliberately takes advantage of someone who's had far too much to drink. Date-rape has already been given it's separate name, so people already see it as being different, though being spiked is fairly common, it's rare for it to result in that person raping you, but most people accept that if someone has drugged you against your will then it is rape if you have sex.

I'm confused... How is that NOT rape if the person was impaired beyond the ability to give consent? That's still rape and should be punished the same as if the victim was beaten, threatened or otherwise forced into submission against their will.

I really think they should be separated, rape is an extremely strong word, a word people are scared of using. Rape sentences are harsh, prison is hard for those who've been accused, and the person who's been sentenced will have trouble ever finding a job again, let alone what it'll do for their personal life. People do not like giving them out, even if there's evidence against the man.

The sentence should be harsh, rape is only slightly better than murder in my opinion.

I think there should be a lighter, less severe sentence for men who are overly pushy/forward with having sex with women, the men who probably don't think of themselves as rapists. I think they should have something more similar to a warning, perhaps some form of fine which would go to the community, and a certain amount of time being educated about consent, and maybe some community service.

A legal warning or fine for being pushy/forward?? Maybe I'm misunderstanding... but how about taking some personal responsibility and warning the guy yourself that if he continues pressuring you, you'll bite his dick off, or some similar type deterrent.

Many women do like it when a man is slightly forceful/pushy, so I do empathise with younger, less experienced men that there are a lot of mixed signals, ones they may not be able to read. Maybe if people stopped running away from the word "rape", and would actually deal with it properly, and rather than either letting people walk free or punishing them to the nines we'd actually try and educate them, let them know what they've done isn't ok.

Either the person gave consent, or they didn't. Making it more complicated is totally unnecessary. Girls should be taught NOT to give mixed signals and boys should be taught to respect the word no.

 

[Camgirl]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

And as for "not knowing you were raped". I'm sorry, but how can you avoid knowing it?

When I was 14 I got very very drunk at a high school party. I was flirting with just about every guy there. I finally went upstairs and passed out in a bedroom - ALONE. I woke up and there was someone on top of me having sex with me. I puked on him, and passed right back out. I woke up again and there was someone ELSE on top of me...I passed back out.

I later found out that there were several high school boys who had their way with me while I was in and out of consciousness. There was actually a line at the door. I have no recollection of this. How did I find out? From my "friends" that were at the party. They assumed because I was being drunk and flirty before I passed out that I must have been consenting to the line of guys that were going in the room and having sex with me.

I did not know what had happened to me that night was rape. I didn't know what it was, but because I really didn't remember much of it, and the fact that when I woke up and puked i didn't somehow stop it, I thought it was possibly my own fault. Now that I am older, I realize that it WAS rape.

Regarding this video, it DOES like like she is consenting to what is happening to her, however, I do not know the entire story, nor what happened afterwards. Thankfully technology was not what it is today back then, as I am sure it would have been recorded and posted all over the internet. Who knows how it would have looked had my prior flirting and promiscuous behavior before I passed out been showcased.... people maybe have concluded from that, like my friends did, that I must have been consenting to it all.

 

[LadyLuna]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

And as for "not knowing you were raped". I'm sorry, but how can you avoid knowing it?

When I was 14 I got very very drunk at a high school party. I was flirting with just about every guy there. I finally went upstairs and passed out in a bedroom - ALONE. I woke up and there was someone on top of me having sex with me. I puked on him, and passed right back out. I woke up again and there was someone ELSE on top of me...I passed back out.

I later found out that there were several high school boys who had their way with me while I was in and out of consciousness. There was actually a line at the door. I have no recollection of this. How did I find out? From my "friends" that were at the party. They assumed because I was being drunk and flirty before I passed out that I must have been consenting to the line of guys that were going in the room and having sex with me.

I did not know what had happened to me that night was rape. I didn't know what it was, but because I really didn't remember much of it, and the fact that when I woke up and puked i didn't somehow stop it, I thought it was possibly my own fault. Now that I am older, I realize that it WAS rape.

Regarding this video, it DOES like like she is consenting to what is happening to her, however, I do not know the entire story, nor what happened afterwards. Thankfully technology was not what it is today back then, as I am sure it would have been recorded and posted all over the internet. Who knows how it would have looked had my prior flirting and promiscuous behavior before I passed out been showcased.... people maybe have concluded from that, like my friends did, that I must have been consenting to it all.

I think maybe you missed the next bit. "If you wake up and you don't remember what happened the night before, go get a rape kit".

I'm not trying to be insensitive, but when you woke up you knew that you couldn't remember what happened the night before. You knew that you were at a party. Therefore, there was a chance that something happened that you don't remember, assume that you've been raped.

I'm not saying that a girl who gets passed out drunk should be raped, I'm saying that if you do it, when you wake up assume that it has happened. If you've been out in public and you don't remember what happened, 1. check the mirror 2. go to the hospital. The mirror is for the permanent marker penis on your face, the hospital so they can do a rape kit and make sure of what happened. This applies for anyone, no matter what age. When you wake and can't remember what happened, check the mirror and go to the hospital.

 

[bawksy]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

"If you wake up and you don't remember what happened the night before, go get a rape kit".

I'll certainly give feminists this one. Male privilege is waking up soaked in vomit, hungover as hell, not remembering how you got there, and the possibility of having been raped while you were blackout drunk being the last thing on your mind.

 

[Aella]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

I didn't read all of this but I just want to say my vote is firmly in the 'that was not rape' camp.

AELLA OUT

 

[Camgirl]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

And as for "not knowing you were raped". I'm sorry, but how can you avoid knowing it?

When I was 14 I got very very drunk at a high school party. I was flirting with just about every guy there. I finally went upstairs and passed out in a bedroom - ALONE. I woke up and there was someone on top of me having sex with me. I puked on him, and passed right back out. I woke up again and there was someone ELSE on top of me...I passed back out.

I later found out that there were several high school boys who had their way with me while I was in and out of consciousness. There was actually a line at the door. I have no recollection of this. How did I find out? From my "friends" that were at the party. They assumed because I was being drunk and flirty before I passed out that I must have been consenting to the line of guys that were going in the room and having sex with me.

I did not know what had happened to me that night was rape. I didn't know what it was, but because I really didn't remember much of it, and the fact that when I woke up and puked i didn't somehow stop it, I thought it was possibly my own fault. Now that I am older, I realize that it WAS rape.

Regarding this video, it DOES like like she is consenting to what is happening to her, however, I do not know the entire story, nor what happened afterwards. Thankfully technology was not what it is today back then, as I am sure it would have been recorded and posted all over the internet. Who knows how it would have looked had my prior flirting and promiscuous behavior before I passed out been showcased.... people maybe have concluded from that, like my friends did, that I must have been consenting to it all.

I think maybe you missed the next bit. "If you wake up and you don't remember what happened the night before, go get a rape kit".

I'm not trying to be insensitive, but when you woke up you knew that you couldn't remember what happened the night before. You knew that you were at a party. Therefore, there was a chance that something happened that you don't remember, assume that you've been raped.

I'm not saying that a girl who gets passed out drunk should be raped, I'm saying that if you do it, when you wake up assume that it has happened. If you've been out in public and you don't remember what happened, 1. check the mirror 2. go to the hospital. The mirror is for the permanent marker penis on your face, the hospital so they can do a rape kit and make sure of what happened. This applies for anyone, no matter what age. When you wake and can't remember what happened, check the mirror and go to the hospital.

You asked a question on how. I told you the thoughts of a 14 year old. I didn't have a lot of life knowledge at the time - especially on the dangers of drinking to black out.... Just because I blacked out I did not assume i had been "raped". As I already said, I assumed it was my own fault. I did not say what I thought was logical. Just giving an example of how a person might not understand that they were raped.

Cammi

 

[AllisonWilder]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Either the person gave consent, or they didn't. Making it more complicated is totally unnecessary. Girls should be taught NOT to give mixed signals and boys should be taught to respect the word no.

While I (mostly) agree that you either consented or you didn't (I do believe there's a gray area in lots of cases), teaching girls not to send mixed signals is essentially the same as teaching girls to "Be careful, don't get raped" and "Dressing like that will get you raped". If a girl is flirting and playing around with some guy, she has the right to say yes and then say no a thousand times. I get that that probably really sucks for any dude, but if you can tell that a girl is unsure because she keeps changing her mind, maybe the smart thing to do would be to just not do it.

"If you wake up and you don't remember what happened the night before, go get a rape kit".

Do hospitals even do rape kits on women just because they don't remember what happened the night before? It seems unlikely. On the off chance that women were able to get a rape kit done just because they wanted it, the whole process is excruciating and humiliating and just all around terrible. I just can't imagine this being something that I'd put myself through just because I had no memory of the previous night.

 

[Airwolfe]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

No rape happened here!

This is just a slut getting her slut on in public and feeling bad after getting slut shamed then crying rape so she can become a victim.

She grabs his head multiple times with both hands and grinds his head into her pussy. When he pulls his face away from her pussy she arches her back and thrusts her pussy back into his face wanting more. She's loving this pussy eating she is getting.

Charges should be filed against her for making false rape allegations against this guy. She should be kicked out of school and go to jail!

 

[bawksy]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

This is just a slut getting her slut on in public and feeling bad after getting slut shamed then crying rape so she can become a victim.

It's amazing how well this strategy works. The world is coming down around her, and then suddenly she activates the rape card, and BOOM. Rather than investigating her for disciplinary action, her school is now "providing all appropriate resources to provide support" to her.

Although that may now be falling apart, because the original post from the school on the matter has been taken down. Luckily, Google cached it:

http://webcache.googleusercontent.c.../compass/stories/13-14/10/McDavis-Message.cfm

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Either the person gave consent, or they didn't. Making it more complicated is totally unnecessary. Girls should be taught NOT to give mixed signals and boys should be taught to respect the word no.

While I (mostly) agree that you either consented or you didn't (I do believe there's a gray area in lots of cases), teaching girls not to send mixed signals is essentially the same as teaching girls to "Be careful, don't get raped" and "Dressing like that will get you raped".

Can't speak for anyone else, but I don't view that anywhere near being "essentially" the same. I don't care if a girl is walking around naked, if she says she's not interested in having sex for whatever reason, that is sending a clear signal.

If a girl is flirting and playing around with some guy, she has the right to say yes and then say no a thousand times. I get that that probably really sucks for any dude, but if you can tell that a girl is unsure because she keeps changing her mind, maybe the smart thing to do would be to just not do it.

Both sexes flirt and play around, doing so doesn't always lead to sex. Again, sending clear signals is the key. If a woman is unsure, she should say so if and when the time is right, it's not rocket science. Women who keep changing their minds are sending mixed signals which is how the "gray" area is created in the first place.

:twocents-02cents:

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Latest update: http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/201 ... rsity.html

 

[AllisonWilder]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Either the person gave consent, or they didn't. Making it more complicated is totally unnecessary. Girls should be taught NOT to give mixed signals and boys should be taught to respect the word no.

While I (mostly) agree that you either consented or you didn't (I do believe there's a gray area in lots of cases), teaching girls not to send mixed signals is essentially the same as teaching girls to "Be careful, don't get raped" and "Dressing like that will get you raped".

Can't speak for anyone else, but I don't view that anywhere near being "essentially" the same. I don't care if a girl is walking around naked, if she says she's not interested in having sex for whatever reason, that is sending a clear signal.

If a girl is flirting and playing around with some guy, she has the right to say yes and then say no a thousand times. I get that that probably really sucks for any dude, but if you can tell that a girl is unsure because she keeps changing her mind, maybe the smart thing to do would be to just not do it.

Both sexes flirt and play around, doing so doesn't always lead to sex. Again, sending clear signals is the key. If a woman is unsure, she should say so if and when the time is right, it's not rocket science. Women who keep changing their minds are sending mixed signals which is how the "gray" area is created in the first place.

:twocents-02cents:

I guess I should have been more specific. The gray area I was talking about was more in regards to girls that don't say yes, but they don't fight back or really try to stop it for whatever reason (drunk, drugs, figure it will be easier if they just let it happen, whatever).

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

Isabella_deL wrote:
And there should be another word for when someone deliberately takes advantage of someone who's had far too much to drink. Date-rape has already been given it's separate name, so people already see it as being different, though being spiked is fairly common, it's rare for it to result in that person raping you, but most people accept that if someone has drugged you against your will then it is rape if you have sex.


I'm confused... How is that NOT rape if the person was impaired beyond the ability to give consent? That's still rape and should be punished the same as if the victim was beaten, threatened or otherwise forced into submission against their will.

Because if someone else had spiked someone with drugs/alcohol and another person had sex with them, the girl would still have been date raped, but the dude might think she consented to get wasted, and might not realise just how much more wasted she is than she should be, especially if he's also drunk. In this situation it is rape... but if the guy doesn't realise she's been spiked, should he be punished in the same way as a rapist? I know you could say "he should have realised how drunk she was"... but guys fuck drunk chicks all the time, most of the time the dude is also drunk.

And I don't think a girl simply stopping fighting a guy off who's pushing and pushing her (as usually these things happen when they're alone together), means that she's necessarily consenting. Being verbally and physically mauled until you just cannot handle it any longer and give in isn't consent in my book. A lot of the times this happens it's when a girl shares a bed with a guy. When it's happened to me I've been exhausted, and after being kept up for hours and hours, drifting off only to be woken again, eventually your body wins over because it needs sleep so badly. And yes you could say "but at any point the girl could have got up and left", well not necessarily, if it's her bed then where would she go? And as this usually happens to teenagers/younger adults, they might not have a place to go or the money to leave in the middle of the night. It also can be surprisingly difficult to turn around to a guy, especially if you do fancy him, and say "get the fuck off me." so clearly that he gets the message loud and clear. It's a simple thing once you have the self confidence, but that's something that not all women actually have.

I agree that I think all rapists should be punished. I hate rape, I hate that it exists, and I hate the people who do it. No I don't think a slap on the wrists/a warning is a big enough punishment. But at the moment those kinds of rapes aren't being reported. It is absolutely her word against his, and the rape victims are going through hell if the do go forward, and it's almost impossible for the rapist to be charged. Unless there's evidence that the man physically forced her/drugged her, eye witnesses, or/and previous victims who come forward, there is pretty much no way that a rapist will be charged. Seeing as with most rapes there is zero of any of this evidence, and even if there is some evidence it's still not certain that anything will happen.
My theory on changing the laws would be to encourage all rape victims to report them, even if the victim didn't want to go through the horrible process of pressing charges, meaning the police could keep track, if more than one report were made they'd then be able to see a pattern in behaviour, and if it went to court the chances of actually managing to charge the guy would be raised dramatically.

I only have one friend who's ever had the guts to report a rape, and it's a recent thing that happened when she was 12, and she's only had the nerve to do it because she suspects the guy is still going after underage girls. She is just praying that more girls will come forward so he can be sent away for a really long time. But it's taken her 9 years to build that courage.
I'm talking about cases with no evidence, so you can just give rape victims a way to quietly make a statement, have it put on file, and then they won't be contacted again unless further evidence gets made, rather than being forced to go through a long police process where everyone they know will find out, as usually rape victims are raped by people close to them and their friends/family it can really uproot and fuck up their life and those of people around them, and then at the end of it as there's no evidence the person gets away free.
As much as it's very easy to say "let's bring the rapists down!!!" Most rape victims don't want to go through that, and if the victims don't come forward, the rapists won't be caught, so it's kind of useless having all or nothing laws.

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

I guess I should have been more specific. The gray area I was talking about was more in regards to girls that don't say yes, but they don't fight back or really try to stop it for whatever reason (drunk, drugs, figure it will be easier if they just let it happen, whatever).

Like I mentioned earlier, if a woman is impaired beyond the ability to consent, then it's rape.

If a woman figures it will be easier if they just let it happen without objection, how is a guy to know they are not consenting?

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

And I don't think a girl simply stopping fighting a guy off who's pushing and pushing her (as usually these things happen when they're alone together), means that she's necessarily consenting. Being verbally and physically mauled until you just cannot handle it any longer and give in isn't consent in my book. A lot of the times this happens it's when a girl shares a bed with a guy. When it's happened to me I've been exhausted, and after being kept up for hours and hours, drifting off only to be woken again, eventually your body wins over because it needs sleep so badly. And yes you could say "but at any point the girl could have got up and left", well not necessarily, if it's her bed then where would she go? And as this usually happens to teenagers/younger adults, they might not have a place to go or the money to leave in the middle of the night. It also can be surprisingly difficult to turn around to a guy, especially if you do fancy him, and say "get the fuck off me." so clearly that he gets the message loud and clear. It's a simple thing once you have the self confidence, but that's something that not all women actually have.

That's totally different than what you said earlier. If a girl eventually submits after initially fighting the guy off... then it's rape because it's against her will. My point was that it needs to be made clear she was not consenting.

As far as inviting a guy into your bed that you may or may not fancy, that's just asking for trouble. If you do, terms should be made crystal clear prior to allowing it. Any guy worth his salt that needs a place to stay for the night should be grateful to sleep on the couch, or even the floor if a couch isn't available.

 

[Bocefish]

Re: TW - Ohio University student regrets sex after pic/vids

My theory on changing the laws would be to encourage all rape victims to report them, even if the victim didn't want to go through the horrible process of pressing charges, meaning the police could keep track, if more than one report were made they'd then be able to see a pattern in behaviour, and if it went to court the chances of actually managing to charge the guy would be raised dramatically.

I only have one friend who's ever had the guts to report a rape, and it's a recent thing that happened when she was 12, and she's only had the nerve to do it because she suspects the guy is still going after underage girls. She is just praying that more girls will come forward so he can be sent away for a really long time. But it's taken her 9 years to build that courage.

I'm talking about cases with no evidence, so you can just give rape victims a way to quietly make a statement, have it put on file, and then they won't be contacted again unless further evidence gets made, rather than being forced to go through a long police process where everyone they know will find out, as usually rape victims are raped by people close to them and their friends/family it can really uproot and fuck up their life and those of people around them, and then at the end of it as there's no evidence the person gets away free.

As much as it's very easy to say "let's bring the rapists down!!!" Most rape victims don't want to go through that, and if the victims don't come forward, the rapists won't be caught, so it's kind of useless having all or nothing laws.

I may be wrong about this, but I think you can file a report without pressing charges.