Uncomfortable Situation with a Cam Model

[Useful-Title]

UPDATE: if anyone is interested

I never got to the point to talk to her about the situation - I backed off seeing her as often, and started working my ass harder then in the last 20 years - so pretty much what Mila_ said . BUT, I can finally pull it off in late July/early August - I can go for about 10 days, and our 2nd anniversary will be over that time.

We've talked a bit more about me coming, but I started to get a sense of "we'll see" from her, I think because it wasn't happening. I've kind of gone out of my way to not mention it, because it's just talk till it happens. She's a very attractive woman, and I am sure she gets asked out there (if she didn't then guys there are clueless as fuck). Maybe there is another guy in the picture, maybe not, but my attitude is a) not my business b) nothing I can do about it and c) I'd do the same thing - because I have gone on a couple dates here myself since January.

So I'll bring up the meeting this week - I'm gonna ask her to do me a favor, and make a reservation at her fave restaurant on our August date in the early evening for drinks or coffee, maybe dinner or walking around and (I won't mention this ) dancing later (I love to dance, and I really want to dance with her). I can't wait it see her reaction, but I am also nervous as hell. I don't think she'll expect it, which can be a plus or a minus.

If she says no to a date, I'll say thanks but no thanks - I've got women friends here, and I don't need another. I'll just say I am still coming thru her town and if she changes her mind to let me know, because I'd love to have that moment with her. I am interested in her as a potential lover, not a male friend. I'm not gonna act against or bury my feelings just to be near her. I'd rather pass.

If she says yes, then I'll just focus on that moment, and if the chemistry isn't there - well, at least I can look back and say I was there - I threw the dice and took the risk. She said she still wanted to meet as well just a short time ago, so here we go. Fortune favors the bold, I hear.

I also want her to know I won't spend the whole trip in her town, and will be in a hotel, with ideas of stuff to do alone or together. I don't want her thinking I'll show up and she has to be my tour guide. If, after the date, we want to spend more time together, then we'll figure that out. I'd love to meet her dogs for instance .

I guess I don't want her to feel pressured most of all. I can handle a no, and won't bust out crying. I'll just be disappointed as fuck. But I think she's an unusual, special woman (and I know what makes her special to me), and even if it sounds cocky I know I am an unusual kind of guy in good ways, even with my usual human flaws. I'm funny, romantic enough without being stupid, I know interesting and useful shit, enjoy the process of seduction and not just the result, and I'm a good kisser and listener. **Note to self : put the list on a t-shirt now! **

Whatever happens, I also know I am pretty much done being anyone's client or member. Many reasons, but I know I just don't want to invest myself in a situation like this again. I enjoy learning who the women are, their hopes and fears, and their passions and desires. But I'd rather have something in real. Either way, I figure I am coming up on what might be our last private and possibly my last private ever, and that is kinda scary too.

I will wish you luck...but honestly, be prepared to be let down. I hate to be a wet blanket, but just be prepared for the worst.

I truly hope you enjoy your trip, eat all the pastries you want and see all the sights you want to see.

 

[BufordT]

UPDATE: if anyone is interested

I never got to the point to talk to her about the situation - I backed off seeing her as often, and started working my ass harder then in the last 20 years - so pretty much what Mila_ said . BUT, I can finally pull it off in late July/early August - I can go for about 10 days, and our 2nd anniversary will be over that time.

We've talked a bit more about me coming, but I started to get a sense of "we'll see" from her, I think because it wasn't happening. I've kind of gone out of my way to not mention it, because it's just talk till it happens. She's a very attractive woman, and I am sure she gets asked out there (if she didn't then guys there are clueless as fuck). Maybe there is another guy in the picture, maybe not, but my attitude is a) not my business b) nothing I can do about it and c) I'd do the same thing - because I have gone on a couple dates here myself since January.

So I'll bring up the meeting this week - I'm gonna ask her to do me a favor, and make a reservation at her fave restaurant on our August date in the early evening for drinks or coffee, maybe dinner or walking around and (I won't mention this ) dancing later (I love to dance, and I really want to dance with her). I can't wait it see her reaction, but I am also nervous as hell. I don't think she'll expect it, which can be a plus or a minus.

If she says no to a date, I'll say thanks but no thanks - I've got women friends here, and I don't need another. I'll just say I am still coming thru her town and if she changes her mind to let me know, because I'd love to have that moment with her. I am interested in her as a potential lover, not a male friend. I'm not gonna act against or bury my feelings just to be near her. I'd rather pass.

If she says yes, then I'll just focus on that moment, and if the chemistry isn't there - well, at least I can look back and say I was there - I threw the dice and took the risk. She said she still wanted to meet as well just a short time ago, so here we go. Fortune favors the bold, I hear.

I also want her to know I won't spend the whole trip in her town, and will be in a hotel, with ideas of stuff to do alone or together. I don't want her thinking I'll show up and she has to be my tour guide. If, after the date, we want to spend more time together, then we'll figure that out. I'd love to meet her dogs for instance .

I guess I don't want her to feel pressured most of all. I can handle a no, and won't bust out crying. I'll just be disappointed as fuck. But I think she's an unusual, special woman (and I know what makes her special to me), and even if it sounds cocky I know I am an unusual kind of guy in good ways, even with my usual human flaws. I'm funny, romantic enough without being stupid, I know interesting and useful shit, enjoy the process of seduction and not just the result, and I'm a good kisser and listener. **Note to self : put the list on a t-shirt now! **

Whatever happens, I also know I am pretty much done being anyone's client or member. Many reasons, but I know I just don't want to invest myself in a situation like this again. I enjoy learning who the women are, their hopes and fears, and their passions and desires. But I'd rather have something in real. Either way, I figure I am coming up on what might be our last private and possibly my last private ever, and that is kinda scary too.

First let me say I hope things work out for you. The odds are low in these situations but you seem to fairly realistic about it. But I also want to make a small commentary on the part where you are "done being anyone's client or member" I think that is one reason many veteran cammers dislike these threads. These situations can be seen as damaging to the industry in general for just what you stated besides other consequences. I won't argue that either. I actually went back and read most of the thread audri2 linked to also. While it seems like an extreme case it is also frightening what can happen. And that was more than 2 years ago.

But also people in the industry and clients need to realize the industry is not the same as it was then and probably won't be the same tomorrow. Advertised as talking to real girls, more interactive, more international (with those cultural differences mentioned about how cammers and studios approach the work differently), spammed on tube sites and promoted through social media. It is the internet version of reality tv. Now more than ever it is selling an interaction or experience rather than just sex. So while it should be concerning it should not be surprising that the lines really do get blurry and for some people they will lose themselves in the fantasy. I know someone who believes in bigfoot based solely off reality tv. The whole industry is focused on making the experience as real as possible. Because they are succeeding these things will continue to happen. And the people on both sides of the camera are real people with real feelings. Sometimes there will be a real connection. Most of the time it will only be a fantasy.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing for the industry. It is a reality however so it shouldn't just be ignored. It may also be funny to call out someone who is deep in the fantasy (speaking about the linked thread and not this one). Then you have a thread like this that on the surface at least is a lot more realistic. Although each individual still has to be responsible for themselves I think the industry itself is responsible at least partly for these things becoming more frequent. With newer generations much more occupied with technology than the real world it only happens faster. You also have virtual communities (this forum, a cam site especially like MFC community, an online gaming community and many more) and you have set up a space that gives validation to "dating" from within that community to an extent. Virtual marriages actually happen, sometimes more for fun but some take it more seriously. It isn't going to stop camming, at least not anytime soon, but people should not be surprised that the industry is evolving in a somewhat mirrored way to how society and communication in general are evolving. To put a little humor on it, my point is a lot more people might be getting a virtual "back tattoo". That would probably need it's own thread though lol.

I just wanted to add that individual performers can obviously make these lines black and white. This is just general commentary on the way the industry in general seems to be headed.

 

[Journeyman]

First let me say I hope things work out for you. The odds are low in these situations but you seem to fairly realistic about it. But I also want to make a small commentary on the part where you are "done being anyone's client or member" I think that is one reason many veteran cammers dislike these threads.

Thanks for your post, and not just the above quoted part. I agree with you about the industry, but I've noticed I also I changed over the course of my time with the models. I went from just just chatting and playing with several to focusing on a few to being picky and forming stronger connections just two. I began to ask questions, to be a better listener, to treat "dates" as dates so there were things for us to do besides just talking and sex - outside walks or online poker or google image tours of waterfalls, whatever - stuff that's fun and widen conversations and let me learn about a woman more. And that fun turned into much more with this woman. But eventually I found myself wanting more in general - a touch instead of words, a scent instead of an image, and spontaneity instead of a clock. So one way or another screen to screen contact has put my feet on a path back to face to face contact - if not with her, then with someone on my side of the screen.

 

[BufordT]

@Journeyman, yes, I think that is both the allure and danger. It used to be a sex show, a performance. The general direction of the industry has it geared toward more of an experience now. The GFE type of show is a natural fit as the medium has shifted in this direction. And it is why more members become "addicted" to the experience. Again, this isn't directed at any particular situation and for you it is healthy that you can step back and evaluate it outside of the medium and get back to the real world. But many more can't or won't do that. At least not until it has a sad ending like the thread that AudriTwo linked too. By the way all these online games become addictive in a similar fashion. Immersive reality, mixed reality, whatever term or direction the technology goes it will be addictive for some. This isn't the same type of people that became addicted to porn. But it can be addictive and for some people it is too much. I am not blaming the industry or technology, or even customers or performers. I am simply saying it is happening and is likely to be more prevalent the way the industry and society is evolving.

 

[RogueWarrior]

I'm convinced these are mostly put-ons by now.

I did one a couple of years ago that was responded to as serious, even though there were several indicators that is was fake.

 

[Journeyman]

I swear by John Cusack holding a boombox over his head that this is not a put on or fake .

She didn't expect it, and said yes to the dinner date right away, and also that there were some other things she'd thought would be fun to do together. She even figured out it was out 2nd anniversary. Without knowing, the 4 days I suggested to be in her city were exactly between her vacation and her family is visiting, so I nailed the time blind . Not into signs from the universe, but that was an interesting coincidence. I asked her if that made things too busy for her, and she was very clear it was not.

So, I'll take this moment and make sure we have a fun time, however it turns out. She said she'd wear something red and white, which looks great on her and she knows I think that. If we have more moments after, then I'll enjoy those one at a time. Much of the rest of time after I'll be visiting other places, but I'll have a couple loose days at the end after her family leaves in case we want to see each other again.

I'm pretty happy about this, but I'm gonna focus on not getting ahead of myself. I'll see ruins, visit a variety of towns, hike, ride some trains, see some cool museums, and try some new food. The whole thing should be a much needed fun vacation for me, and seeing her will be a great addition to it.

 

[Journeyman]

Final Update:

I went - we met.. went out three times, hiked once. Had a great time. After the initial 4 days in her city, she invited me to come back before I left, which I did and we had once more date. She was very reserved, so I did not push anything, just tried to keep reading her. Got "you're important to me, you mean a lot to me" and "I am not looking, though if a guy came up to me I'd be open, but I don't want along distance relationship".

I told her she was important to me too, and that, like most people, I am not a big fan of long distance things either but, as the old golf saying goes "you play the ball where it drops" . So I said "yeah, so that means I'm a guy coming up to you" . I told her I'd like to see her romantically, have dates, and see how things go, and maybe come back if we both want. But I made it clear I was no longer interested in being anyone's client. She said I was a lot more than a client to her, but what that exactly means I did not push to find out. I just said it's up to her, I'll wait to hear, and that I'd love to keep discovering her.

So, wait is what I'll do. If I hear from her, I'll suggest an online date-date - i.e. not an appointment or pay date. All I can do. If I don't, well, that's an answer too . But she felt great in my arms, I have to say. I won't forget that, ever.

Wouldn't have missed it for the world, whatever happens. Her country was hella cool, and I had a great time on my own and with her - I met some good people, saw come cool ancient and medieval stuff, and did some great hiking. Hung out once with a priest and another time with a roman centurion, and taught a lot of people how to play Liar's Poker at bars - including the priest. Lost 15 pounds .

So it looks like I'll be listening to some Counting Crows for a while and try not to check my email too often. Thanks to all here for reading and for the advice and support.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

Glad to see that things worked out well for you at least so far.

It goes to show that camsites can also be dating sites!

I'm joking girls don't shoot me.

 

[CurvyJ]

Im a romantic fool at heart and Im so glad that I am doing camming while married so I don't fall in love with half my clients thinking they are always "the one"

Because of that I am now also holding my breath for you in anticipation...sending you romantic fairy tale dust

 

[AudriTwo]

If you get that back tattoo, you will be golden 10/10

glad your trip went well and you enjoyed your time together! good luck on going the next step into your hopefully budding relationship.

 

[Useful-Title]

Hey Congrats @Journeyman I am always a fan of love. So you have me rooting for you.

 

[Dan Epstein]

I don’t wish to sound rude, however, did you get us presents from the Duty Free shops? Or a Toblerone chocolate bar at the very least?

 

[Journeyman]

Roshen rum and chocolate bars, man. Tha Bomb!!

I don’t wish to sound rude, however, did you get us presents from the Duty Free shops? Or a Toblerone chocolate bar at the very least?

 

[Journeyman]

Im a romantic fool at heart and Im so glad that I am doing camming while married so I don't fall in love with half my clients thinking they are always "the one"

Because of that I am now also holding my breath for you in anticipation...sending you romantic fairy tale dust

Don't believe in "the one", but she's definitely someone... worth making a special effort for.

Many thanks.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Don't believe in "the one", but she's definitely someone... worth making a special effort for.

Many thanks.

I think this is where most people fail thinking that there's only one out there for them. It's a matter of finding someone you connect with, and putting forth the effort if it's reciprocated.

No guarantees it'll work. But, just enjoy what you have as long as possible.