http://funnycrave.com/word-of-warning-d ... ing/10561/
For those that have never been to Florida, this is how the demography works out:
From the panhandle down to the northern border of Miami is pure redneck.
From its northern border to its southern border, Miami is mostly Hispanics and blacks with a small smattering of whites every so often.
From Miami’s southern border all the way down to the Florida Keys, it’s nothing but pure redneck again.
This story takes place in that southern, redneck infested part.
Megan Mariah Barnes was driving down the road in the Florida Keys, on her way to visit her boyfriend. Along the way, Megan realized that her vagina was woefully unprepared for the wild night of wine coolers and sloppy redneck sex that was to come, so she decided to perform some vaginal maintenance while in the car. She whipped out her electric shaver and began to scorch her vaginal earth. But, you see, Megan is, above all else, a cautious driver. She knows that a person can’t be expected to both drive a car safely and shave some pubs, so she asked her ex-husband — who was in the passenger seat riding with Megan as she went to fuck her boyfriend — to hold the wheel for her as she ran a razor across her vagina.
(FRIKKEN GENIOUS, RIGHT?! <interjected comment by CC...carry on!)
Predictably, they got in to a car accident as they plowed in to a 2006 Chevrolet pickup that had slowed down to make a turn. Thankfully, the driver and the passengers of the pickup only suffered minor injuries. For some reason, Megan is still alive. She didn’t walk away unharmed, though. When she crashed, the driver side airbag deployed, bruising her chest. This little fact is important when analyzing Megan’s stupidity. It was only after the crash that Megan realized that shaving your poon while driving probably isn’t the best idea, so, in order to not get in deeper trouble, she and her ex-husband traded seats. This brilliant plan went to shit after the officers saw the bruising on Megan’s chest, and then saw the deployed driver-side airbag, and then saw un-deployed passenger-side airbag. The cops huddled together and, after much deliberation, collectively called Megan a fucking moron.
To add a nice cherry atop this redneck ice cream sundae, Megan shouldn’t have even been driving the car in the first place because, literally, the day before this vagina-shaving car accident, Megan had her license suspended for a DUI.
To put this story in perspective, here is an actual quote from one of the state troopers, Gary Dunick:
“If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot … who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”
For those that have never been to Florida, this is how the demography works out:
From the panhandle down to the northern border of Miami is pure redneck.
From its northern border to its southern border, Miami is mostly Hispanics and blacks with a small smattering of whites every so often.
From Miami’s southern border all the way down to the Florida Keys, it’s nothing but pure redneck again.
This story takes place in that southern, redneck infested part.
Megan Mariah Barnes was driving down the road in the Florida Keys, on her way to visit her boyfriend. Along the way, Megan realized that her vagina was woefully unprepared for the wild night of wine coolers and sloppy redneck sex that was to come, so she decided to perform some vaginal maintenance while in the car. She whipped out her electric shaver and began to scorch her vaginal earth. But, you see, Megan is, above all else, a cautious driver. She knows that a person can’t be expected to both drive a car safely and shave some pubs, so she asked her ex-husband — who was in the passenger seat riding with Megan as she went to fuck her boyfriend — to hold the wheel for her as she ran a razor across her vagina.
(FRIKKEN GENIOUS, RIGHT?! <interjected comment by CC...carry on!)
Predictably, they got in to a car accident as they plowed in to a 2006 Chevrolet pickup that had slowed down to make a turn. Thankfully, the driver and the passengers of the pickup only suffered minor injuries. For some reason, Megan is still alive. She didn’t walk away unharmed, though. When she crashed, the driver side airbag deployed, bruising her chest. This little fact is important when analyzing Megan’s stupidity. It was only after the crash that Megan realized that shaving your poon while driving probably isn’t the best idea, so, in order to not get in deeper trouble, she and her ex-husband traded seats. This brilliant plan went to shit after the officers saw the bruising on Megan’s chest, and then saw the deployed driver-side airbag, and then saw un-deployed passenger-side airbag. The cops huddled together and, after much deliberation, collectively called Megan a fucking moron.
To add a nice cherry atop this redneck ice cream sundae, Megan shouldn’t have even been driving the car in the first place because, literally, the day before this vagina-shaving car accident, Megan had her license suspended for a DUI.
To put this story in perspective, here is an actual quote from one of the state troopers, Gary Dunick:
“If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot … who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”
Bahahah.
