First post but been reading posts here for a few weeks. I appreciate the title of my post might be a bit awkward given that the majority of users here are cam models but please hear me out.
I'm a guy in his early 50s who has used cam sites for probably about 7 years off and on. I tend to go through spurts of using them. However in the last few weeks I've gone down a complete rabbit hole with them and hoped to share my experience to see if anyone else has been in the same boat.
Now, to clarify, I'm a pretty in control guy in every aspect of my life. I've thankfully not dropped a lot of money at this point however in the past few weeks I've been browsing cam models compulsively whenever I've had a free minute. To the point where it had begun to affect my ability to do anything else. I'd be eating dinner at 9pm because I'd wasted the traditional meal time mindlessly browsing. It has become a hugely dangerous fantasy island of beautiful women for me. I was always a LiveJasmin user. While I found the high cost of credits frustrating, the need to buy them in pricey bundles usually gave me pause for thought before completing the purchase. Recently however, I moved over to Jerkmate and the "pay as you go" option there is very dangerous indeed. I also work from home and I've been spending huge chunks of my day browsing cam sites instead of doing what I'm being paid to do. Which is unacceptable.
It would be good to hear from anyone else who has experienced a similar level of obsession.
Now secondly (and this is the event which brought me to my senses) I have experienced a twist on the "falling in love with a cam girl" stories on here. I didn't fall in love. However I've been chatting regularly to a Venezuelan model in Colombia who became (and I only have her word for this so no idea how true it is) infatuated with me. I'm long enough in the tooth to know that this is largely bullshit however the chat was good, she was funny, thought I was funny and we got on well. However, she has been ridiculously persistent with me and I would find myself, at her request, spending time in her chat with her while she was on shift. Only one time did I take her pvt because having read about (and laughed at) back tattoo guy, I'm well aware of how it can work if you start laying out regular cash.
With this girl however there was nothing scammy. Not a hint of it. The drain on me was mainly mental, not financial. Whenever I tried to leave her room to do other things she would beg me to stay. There's no fool like an old fool so I did. I would find myself sitting up until 1am until she went for her break before going to bed. While I was never in danger of falling in love, there was a huge buzz from a beautiful girl laughing and chatting with you while dressed in her underwear. The first real warning sign was when she asked me to tip her to smoke a cigarette because her vape was broken. At $25 a smoke I refused. I then got the story about how she couldn't afford any more vape juice because she had been paid on Friday and all her money was already gone. I sidestepped the subject but I could see that she was laying foundations.
At the end of the night we had a falling out when I pointed out that I spent almost as much time at her studio as she did and that I wanted to dial it back a bit. She took it very badly, ejected me from the room and send me a scathing PM about how she had feelings for me and she had welcomed me to her room and spent time with me.
At 5am this morning I had the horrible realisation that I was an absolute idiot. She was likely setting me up for a long con. I cancelled my Jerkmate account there and then.
However, and here is the clincher, the fantasy that cam sites generate can be so compelling that I actually felt bad for disappearing without telling her. I know she will log on tonight, probably expecting an apologetic message from me and be stunned to see that my account no longer exists. Incredibly I feel like an absolute shit for doing that.
Anyway, any thoughts from customers and models would be welcomed.
At its root, "addiction" is best defined by what effect something HAS on the other aspects of your life
. And I hope you'll forgive me if I don't rush out to find the number of (whatever "A.A." would be for webcam model viewers) based on your 9pm dinner schedule. I don't know the parameters of your working from home, so I can't pick a side on that factor.
Of greater importance is the truly remarkable environment that webcamming has completely created all by itself
... a place which has incentivized (women, we're gonna say) from just about everywhere on the globe... to all seem to be in ONE spot
... AND in an environment where those women can be "safe", and comfortable, merely expressing themselves
(in ways that many of them simply could not DO in the societies which surround them outside of their studio/bedroom).
It is my impression that it is more "intoxicating" than truly 'addicting'.
Add to what I said the general reality that instead of these being the 1-in-500 porn specimens
of the past, they are a far more VAST array of humans... a good solid number of which will have their own tantalizingly unique bodies and features
, many of the sort that we just don't so often SEE in any element of our worlds beyond the cam sites.
Heck, just for a moment consider women with small breasts... we KNOW that they're everywhere... all around us... darting to and fro... HOWEVER they (those women) are not so typically FLAUNTED in much of the media, or in much of unclothed society... SO the very exercise that is small breasts being boldly FLAUNTED is something that we so seldom SEE,
that we are in that way 'conditioned' to *notice* such activity as being unique and significant.
Those ideal-seeming specimens that were the (women, we're sticking with) of the past were so often air-brushed, and probably presented with so many tricks, that we got somewhat used to some supposedly-high-scale level of femininity. It is likely that too causes us to take more notice
when we see so many webcam models boldly presenting their flaws
along with their beauty. In many ways these are the essence of completely real people
where the porn of the past always came to us much like an antiseptic fantasy.
So often it's their seeming boldness and directness
which is the WOW-factor... and I don't think you are "addicted" if at root it is so many of these
elements which find you unable to turn away.
As to the specific woman from Columbia of whom you speak... It's probably wrong of us to not accept her feelings as having been "genuine", regardless of the potential economic factors which could have contributed to them.
AND I would suspect that a random person who presents herself in true comfort, likely with her personal guard down
, is perhaps MORE inclined to create a scenario where because she presented her genuine self, it was THAT genuine aspect that drew another person near in some way.
I can think of an online friend from my long-ago who basically conditioned herself to slowly invest her sincere personal thoughts in one far-away man she knew only from the online world, when the rest of her social life had been repeated efforts to go out to bars to find a man to bring home and f*&# for a night (with her dreamy petite frame and ample breasts on that small frame). Her past life conditioned her
to crave that near-term attention
while at the same time she was made to slowly invest herself in the far-away person.
It was (no surprise, really) to later hear her talk of the man from far-away even as her immediate personal life took a turn and a path into marriage.
Somewhere there could be a parallel in terms of what the Venezuelan girl IN Colombia was gaining from interacting with you, and indeed there likely were environmental factors on her end that perhaps made her more susceptible to such a distant interest.
Anyway, I am not sure whether you (the OP) should use the label "addiction"... OR whether you might gain from reminding yourself of how rare and unique webcam environs tend to be.
Maybe it is OK to just... enjoy.