Nearly 7 weeks have passed since I first started dealing with "whatever this is" as I am calling it for now. Have you ever drank a bottle of water, then went running immediately after, and got a side stitch? That sharp pain is similar to what has been coming and going for me in the same spot all these weeks, and I am so over it! Yesterday was one of my worst days. I am sure the fact that I am stressed and anxious about a number of things is having an effect on it. If there was ever a time I should just relax and focus on the positive, it's now... but it's kind of a vicious cycle.
Part of what is stressing me out is that I was so close to making my MFC goals for the month as of mid-last week. Then suddenly "whatever this is" took me off my A-game and pushed me farther from it. The only thing to fix that is to get on cam and put 150% effort into it and try to make up ground, but it's hard to get on cam when I already feel defeated. It's the chicken/egg concept... gotta feel good to get on cam and do well, but need to do well on cam to feel good. Argh! I tried to pull myself together for MFC last night, but as a few regulars saw, that lasted for about 20 seconds. There's no point being on cam if you're not in a happy mood. It certainly doesn't help that somehow I've managed to forget how to shave without giving myself crazy razor rash. What gives!?
The main thing I am anxious about is getting my ultrasound tomorrow and having the doc actually be able to tell me what is ailing me... and hopefully how to fix it. I'm trying my best not to read every page on the web about all the possibilities, because I can't afford to freak out about what "could" be right now. I am really just hoping that sooner than later I will be able to lay in whatever position I want, dance and bounce however much I like, and be able to sleep well again.
I think this very well could be the most Debbie Downer blog post I have made. My apologies! Feels good to get all this out in the open though, as I know a lot of you worry about me or wonder what's going on with me. This month has surely been a roller coaster ride. I really hope that miracles can happen both on MFC and about my tummy in the next 3 days. Best case scenario: I finish in the top 15 for September AND find out that my tummy is an easy fix and will be better with some simple medication or process. I want to start out next month with a super-happy disposition and a healthy body!
I also want to put a special shout-out to Jawbs here. He puts up with a lot of the negativity from me that I never show you guys... In order to be all happy and fun on cam I have to have somewhere to turn to whine and bitch and complain. He catches the worst of it and he's a sweetheart for the way he deals with it. If it wasn't for him encouraging me and picking me back up when I feel at wit's end, I wouldn't even be near my goals at this point. Thank you, Jawbs, for being my behind the scenes hero.
Part of what is stressing me out is that I was so close to making my MFC goals for the month as of mid-last week. Then suddenly "whatever this is" took me off my A-game and pushed me farther from it. The only thing to fix that is to get on cam and put 150% effort into it and try to make up ground, but it's hard to get on cam when I already feel defeated. It's the chicken/egg concept... gotta feel good to get on cam and do well, but need to do well on cam to feel good. Argh! I tried to pull myself together for MFC last night, but as a few regulars saw, that lasted for about 20 seconds. There's no point being on cam if you're not in a happy mood. It certainly doesn't help that somehow I've managed to forget how to shave without giving myself crazy razor rash. What gives!?
The main thing I am anxious about is getting my ultrasound tomorrow and having the doc actually be able to tell me what is ailing me... and hopefully how to fix it. I'm trying my best not to read every page on the web about all the possibilities, because I can't afford to freak out about what "could" be right now. I am really just hoping that sooner than later I will be able to lay in whatever position I want, dance and bounce however much I like, and be able to sleep well again.
I think this very well could be the most Debbie Downer blog post I have made. My apologies! Feels good to get all this out in the open though, as I know a lot of you worry about me or wonder what's going on with me. This month has surely been a roller coaster ride. I really hope that miracles can happen both on MFC and about my tummy in the next 3 days. Best case scenario: I finish in the top 15 for September AND find out that my tummy is an easy fix and will be better with some simple medication or process. I want to start out next month with a super-happy disposition and a healthy body!
I also want to put a special shout-out to Jawbs here. He puts up with a lot of the negativity from me that I never show you guys... In order to be all happy and fun on cam I have to have somewhere to turn to whine and bitch and complain. He catches the worst of it and he's a sweetheart for the way he deals with it. If it wasn't for him encouraging me and picking me back up when I feel at wit's end, I wouldn't even be near my goals at this point. Thank you, Jawbs, for being my behind the scenes hero.
