Obsessed by a mistake I've made!

[JGenius]

Good Morning!

I'm 24 and I am student. In summer 2015 i've registered in LiveJasmin i wasn't a freeloader i took the models in private i think i was always polite "Good Morning/Evening...Thank you etc, etc" and when private was finish i was out of site. Before i restarted University some bad things disgusted me of real world and i've had (i don't know how to explain this in english) a psychotic episode with a loss of self respect. I've started to spend my life in LiveJasmin Freeloading when i was out of cash taking models in pvt when i could.
In December i was a little better, and i went in a model's room where i've never been before. She was listening nice music and most of all she had a perfect control. And being in her room made me feel more calm.
But in fact i've started freeloding here fromJanuary to March. I've learned during this time that she was a domina i've never really knew what was a domina and i was a little scared by her (my now ex boss was very abusive so i was scared by everything everybody with a lot of autority. One day in March i've made a very awful bullshit and she told me to never come back. During 6 weeks i've spent my time away and I'vemade things to be better with myself (thanks god evn if i was fucked up i've never lost my real life friends even made some news).
During 6 weeks i've thought about my past behavior, and I've been able to get clear. I've decided to make my apologises to her a first time by pm no answer (but i know that even if she had answered i should have made better apologises). I've been in pvt to say how sorry i was. She accepted my apologises and she even gave me a very good tip to help me control my stress (It was around May exam period).
End of May she vanished even if her profile is still here.
After my exams ended i was unable to talk to a model in freechat. But i've been in pvt with model i've freeloaded by the past or i tipped them (not enough according to the time i've freeloaded but i'mstudent).
In September i've never been back in Jasmin. I've never feel need to come back. No craving.
I've never had some love fantasy or white knight syndroma i've never asked to models about their private life and i've never share mine even if i had some nice and very smart talk with some. And even if i wont registered again in camsite i think,it's a very interesting world.
But about that dom model i can't stop thinking about how my behavior have been wrong rude and even insane. Coming everiday in her room i feel like a stalker, somebody insane.
I don't think she'll be back in Jasmin even even if she come back she wouldn't be glad to see me (even in pvt) with my states of mind saying how sorry i am
So my question is if somebody have already lived this how to get rid of this stop always reproaching me this and think about something else.
Thank you by advance

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I've been there my friend, and I have problems with obsession as well. Do you have access to a good indica? Or a hybrid that leans heavy to the indica side? That's the best cure I have ever run across.

This is a short term solution, of course; in the long run, you are going to need figure out to deal with things without leaning too heavily on any sort of chemical crutch.

 

[JGenius]

What's an indica?

 

[JerryBoBerry]

What's an indica?

 

[JGenius]

Well i hate weed.
I never use it.
And i use some unusual thing only for party

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Well i hate weed.
I never use it.
And i use some unusual thing only for party

Maybe smoking it was the problem. You can get an unpleasant effect from consuming too much, which is easy to do when smoking. Have you ever tried blueberry pancakes with cannabutter? You could start off with a little, adjust your dose as needed. It's an excellent way to kick off a delightfully stress free morning...

 

[JGenius]

Cannabutter?
I wont find it in France.
Anyway i don't wanna use something to forget.
I really want to forget by myself.

 

[DFT]

You never knew what a domina was, but you write as a sub except when you miss autocorrect capitalizing I? (he caps everything else right - nice trolling if so) Yes, you do need some direction, but you don't deserve it from those you seek yet. Nor will you get it from anyone with more than a passing interest. Don't sell yourself short.

Get off your knees, get back to the books. Get your degree and maybe a mistress will take interest after you graduate. Until then work to make yourself worthy.

 

[JGenius]

You never knew what a domina was, but you write as a sub except when you miss autocorrect capitalizing I? (he caps everything else right - nice trolling if so) Yes, you do need some direction, but you don't deserve it from those you seek yet. Nor will you get it from anyone with more than a passing interest. Don't sell yourself short.

Get off your knees, get back to the books. Get your degree and maybe a mistress will take interest after you graduate. Until then work to make yourself worthy.

Sorry i don't want a mistress dude

 

[DonaDiabla]

Seriously, just focus on school and you will be fine. Personally, I believe that you should focus on graduating and getting your career on track. Also, you should lay off the cam sites for now because it seems like they might be fueling some sort of obsessive disorder for you.

 

[JGenius]

Seriously, just focus on school and you will be fine. Personally, I believe that you should focus on graduating and getting your career on track. Also, you should lay off the cam sites for now because it seems like they might be fueling some sort of obsessive disorder for you.

I've left since a long time. As i wrote it's just what happened that makes me angry against me.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Cannabutter?
I wont find it in France.

It's not really something you "find" anywhere, you have to make it. Buy some weed, buy some butter, Google "how to make cannabutter" and follow the instructions. I love it for my sciatica.

 

[AudriTwo]

Cannabutter?
I wont find it in France.
Anyway i don't wanna use something to forget.
I really want to forget by myself.

You can make it!
http://herb.co/recipes/quick-easy-cannabutter/

But focus on your school. Maybe start socializing with real life people more. Get a girlfriend or date around

 

[JGenius]

You can make it!
http://herb.co/recipes/quick-easy-cannabutter/

But focus on your school. Maybe start socializing with real life people more. Get a girlfriend or date around

The advice to focus on my studies comes back often.
I'll follow it. About socializing has i said even during my "breakdown period" i wasn't isolated and it's probably helped me to stop my bullshit.
I don't have to complain about my actual life globally.
Anyway thank you for your answers

 

[MFCGod]

We all make mistakes

You've said you reflected on your behaviour, you apologised, she accepted, that's all good no?

We have memories to help us learn, do you feel you've learned? it seems as though you're trying to and have, so that's very positive

Instead of focusing on what you did wrong and beating yourself up, reflect on what you've learned and what you can do better in future and don't be so hard on yourself

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Easier said than done, but...

When I get in that beat-myself-up frame of mind, seems to help to find a small manual task to do. Anything. Pick up trash on the street in front of your house/apt. Work on a lawnmower. Something simple to focus on. I don't know, feels like it helps the "neutral" part of your brain get back in control.