Socially Awkward Real-life

[TacoBelle]

Tell your socially awkward funny stories here.

This happened to me today:
Took my cat to the vet. The receptionist said, "Well, who do we have here?" And after a few seconds of debating if she meant me or the cat, I answered, "Um, it should be under Iris Hancock." Apparently that's what she needed, cause she looked up my file. The groomer sat down and started talking about how I wanted Luna groomed. Then she said, "She does know that she's going to be sedated, right?" I replied with a simple, "Huh?" to which the groomer just repeated herself. I answered, "Um, no, I haven't told my cat that she's going to be sedated. I think it's best if she doesn't know until it happens." The groomer started laughing, thinking that I was just someone dropping her off for the owner (me).

 

[CharlotteLace]

I commented on a Facebook group page yesterday, when the mod introduced himself to me. ("Thanks for joining! I'm Pete, by the way.")
I reply, "Hi! I'm Charlotte!!"

My stage name. I introduced myself by my stage name. When my real name was next to my photo.

Thank God for "Delete Post."

 

[AmberCutie]

At urgent care last year for "the great spider bite of 2011". Doc is chatting with me and the hubby, asks what I do for a living. My initial blurt-out was "I'M A STAY AT HOME MOM".... "wait, I mean, I am a housewife! I don't have kids, I don't know why I said that, sorry!". Jawbs still makes fun of me for that moment. He says he thinks it's adorable how socially awkward and anxious I am, but I find it quite frustrating.

I hate how I scramble when I'm not expecting someone to ask about my job and then they do. Especially since this doctor thought I was some junkie who got an infected needle wound (he really did tell me something like "Oh usually when we see infections like this they're from heroin needles. Lots of strippers come in with that.") So my wishy washy answer only made him more skeptical of my "spider bite".

I'm still mortified.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

At urgent care last year for "the great spider bite of 2011". Doc is chatting with me and the hubby, asks what I do for a living. My initial blurt-out was "I'M A STAY AT HOME MOM".... "wait, I mean, I am a housewife! I don't have kids, I don't know why I said that, sorry!". Jawbs still makes fun of me for that moment. He says he thinks it's adorable how socially awkward and anxious I am, but I find it quite frustrating.

I hate how I scramble when I'm not expecting someone to ask about my job and then they do. Especially since this doctor thought I was some junkie who got an infected needle wound (he really did tell me something like "Oh usually when we see infections like this they're from heroin needles. Lots of strippers come in with that.") So my wishy washy answer only made him more skeptical of my "spider bite".

I'm still mortified.

Man, that sounds exactly like something I would do. Glad someone else blurts out stupid answers that aren't right at all! I think I might just start telling people I have a rare form of turrets. Stay at home mom. Hell no, I'm a cam girl. I mean post-apocalyptic-zombie-killing-hobo damn it! Sorry, rare turrets! Now gimme a sec, and I'll figure out what I do without sounding shifty and suspicious!"

 

[dilligaf0]

At urgent care last year for "the great spider bite of 2011". Doc is chatting with me and the hubby, asks what I do for a living. My initial blurt-out was "I'M A STAY AT HOME MOM".... "wait, I mean, I am a housewife! I don't have kids, I don't know why I said that, sorry!". Jawbs still makes fun of me for that moment. He says he thinks it's adorable how socially awkward and anxious I am, but I find it quite frustrating.

I hate how I scramble when I'm not expecting someone to ask about my job and then they do. Especially since this doctor thought I was some junkie who got an infected needle wound (he really did tell me something like "Oh usually when we see infections like this they're from heroin needles. Lots of strippers come in with that.") So my wishy washy answer only made him more skeptical of my "spider bite".

I'm still mortified.

Man, that sounds exactly like something I would do. Glad someone else blurts out stupid answers that aren't right at all! I think I might just start telling people I have a rare form of turrets. Stay at home mom. Hell no, I'm a cam girl. I mean post-apocalyptic-zombie-killing-hobo damn it! Sorry, rare turrets! Now gimme a sec, and I'll figure out what I do without sounding shifty and suspicious!"

Well "mom",the doctor is an idiot. I don't believe any herion addicts shoot themselves in the ass with heroin, I think they inject into veins.

 

[Albert_1]

I've got lots of socially awkward stories but only one funny one.

I was getting some blood work done and the lady who was taking my blood looked at my papers and said "Do you prefer to be called Albert or Al?" I respond with "Um... call me whatever you want." She responds with "Then I shall call you 'it'." Which she proceeded to call me every time I saw her for the rest of the day. :lol:

 

[emptiedglass]

I've got lots of socially awkward stories but only one funny one.

I was getting some blood work done and the lady who was taking my blood looked at my papers and said "Do you prefer to be called Albert or Al?" I respond with "Um... call me whatever you want." She responds with "Then I shall call you 'it'." Which she proceeded to call me every time I saw her for the rest of the day. :lol:

At least she didn't call you late for dinner.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

I've got lots of socially awkward stories but only one funny one.

I was getting some blood work done and the lady who was taking my blood looked at my papers and said "Do you prefer to be called Albert or Al?" I respond with "Um... call me whatever you want." She responds with "Then I shall call you 'it'." Which she proceeded to call me every time I saw her for the rest of the day. :lol:

I would have been answering her in the Cousin Itt voice the rest of the day. :lol:

 

[Anonymous]

I've got lots of socially awkward stories but only one funny one.

I was getting some blood work done and the lady who was taking my blood looked at my papers and said "Do you prefer to be called Albert or Al?" I respond with "Um... call me whatever you want." She responds with "Then I shall call you 'it'." Which she proceeded to call me every time I saw her for the rest of the day. :lol:

Should have said "If I can call you Betty, then you can call me Al."

 

[SerenaMoon]

I commented on a Facebook group page yesterday, when the mod introduced himself to me. ("Thanks for joining! I'm Pete, by the way.")
I reply, "Hi! I'm Charlotte!!"

My stage name. I introduced myself by my stage name. When my real name was next to my photo.

Thank God for "Delete Post."

I mistakingly applied for a state issued permit a couple weeks ago with the name "Serena Moon".... I didn't even think twice, apparently neither did the state of California.

 

[Albert_1]

All great ideas, but I have massive social anxiety back then (not helped at all by the fact that she was very attractive) so all I could do was smile and nod. :geek:

 

[jblackbean2]

"Excuse me M8 where is the Toilets?" . He replied simply Saying "Over there next to the sign that says toilets"

 

[timleve]

I commented on a Facebook group page yesterday, when the mod introduced himself to me. ("Thanks for joining! I'm Pete, by the way.")
I reply, "Hi! I'm Charlotte!!"

My stage name. I introduced myself by my stage name. When my real name was next to my photo.

Thank God for "Delete Post."

Haha I always turn around when the name Tim is called!

 

[SweepTheLeg]

If I can't hear you, or if I don't know what you said, I will just reply with a yes. Well, on one of the rare days that I was out doing my shopping as opposed to doing so over the internet the conversation between the cashier and I went as this:

Cashier: *Looks at my credit card* Zip code?
Me: Yes.
Cashier: Yes, what?
Me: Huh?
Cashier: *SLOWLY AND LOUDLY* WHAT IS YOUR ZIP CODE?
Me: Ohhh, I thought you were asking me if I had a zip code.

 

[Kokoro]

I am so shy in real life. Even though I'm out all the time, I tend to not talk much with people. It's always up to others to initiate conversation starters for me. For example, the first time I met my now good friend Rhyan, I was at the club checking her out (she is absolutly stunning)
Me: She is hot
Boyfriend: Go grab her ass
Me: No way
Boyfriend: Just do it
Me: No. She's talking with people
Boyfriend: Just fucking do it.

Eventually I went for it. She turned around and said "My, my. Aren't you just adorable?" and began a make out session that lasted for 3 minutes.

Ocassionally, things like this will happen. But most of the time I just keep my distance. For some reason I think that's why people like me so much

 

[JoleneBrody]

I'm so incredibly awkward around people that I often just look at the ground when I'm out in public, because of this I almost never notice when people say hello to me or wave.

In an effort to be better about not ignoring people, I TRY to observe my surroundings...

Every time I've smiled and waved back at a stranger they were not actually waving at me but the person behind me, or talking on their blue tooth, or shooing fly away... I don't know why I bother.

 

[LilyPink]

I can't seem to stop talking..

I met a lovely gorgeous girl with mahoosive boobs. I told her that she had big ones to which she said "so do you, but you're thin too" and I said "oh but I diet" :shock:

 

[MsAllyCat]

I say stupid awkward shit all the time. Often without realising until later.

One recent. I'm at the physio for a follow up session and he is working massaging my pecs. Essentially massaging my breasts really. He is concentrating. I look up and say "is that your sex face?" WTF???!!!! I dig myself into a deeper hole trying to explain. Well nothing to explain, but just trying to sound less creepy.

Another session, same physio. He is looking at my lats and there is fingertip bruising from a previous session. He says "oh my gosh, is that from me? Gee, don't want to leave you bruised and marked". I reply "oh that's okay, my partner works away so he won't know". WTF x 2

It doesn't help that he is handsome and lovely. I just get my sex head on whenever I go there. Brain/mouth filter gets clogged up with dirty thoughts and doesn't work.

 

[Shaun__]

While I got over my inability to talk to strangers, that I had as a teenager, I still really hate bothering people. I tend to just keep to myself, unless I know the other people around me.

 

[SweepTheLeg]

I'm so incredibly awkward around people that I often just look at the ground when I'm out in public, because of this I almost never notice when people say hello to me or wave.

In an effort to be better about not ignoring people, I TRY to observe my surroundings...

Every time I've smiled and waved back at a stranger they were not actually waving at me but the person behind me, or talking on their blue tooth, or shooing fly away... I don't know why I bother.

I'd lose my shit if you waved at me even if my accident. Actually it'd probably go something like this: You think I waved at you, so you smile and wave back at me- I don't know why you waved at me, but I smile and wave back at you. 5 minutes later.

 

[emptiedglass]

I get a bit nervous when I hear the term "emptied glass" come up in regular conversations.
There was another handle I used years ago that was an adjective... and it was particularly nerve-wracking when someone would describe me using that particular adjective.
I should probably start choosing better usernames. :lol:

 

[JoleneBrody]

I'm so incredibly awkward around people that I often just look at the ground when I'm out in public, because of this I almost never notice when people say hello to me or wave.

In an effort to be better about not ignoring people, I TRY to observe my surroundings...

Every time I've smiled and waved back at a stranger they were not actually waving at me but the person behind me, or talking on their blue tooth, or shooing fly away... I don't know why I bother.

I'd lose my shit if you waved at me even if my accident. Actually it'd probably go something like this: You think I waved at you, so you smile and wave back at me- I don't know why you waved at me, but I smile and wave back at you. 5 minutes later.

This is the wave the never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people starting waving not knowing who they were, and they'll continue waving forever just because... Etc.

 

[Rileyster]

I'm really really bad at waving at people that are waving at someone behind me.

With me being deaf and having only one aid on one ear, my direction of sound is really bad. I've embarrassed myself one too many times by talking to people on their bluetooths where I can't see it because I thought they were talking to me first! And just random people because I'll hear someone talking and think it's someone that happens to be looking right at me, I'll start talking and then they look at me funny and scurry away. I've gotten better about it, I always give them a questioning look first for a good minute before I decide if they were talking to me or not lol.

 

[Mirra]

I've definitely failed at waving. I like to think I've gotten really good at the "Oh I wasn't going to return a wave not intended for me. I was just reaching behind my head to scratch. Yeah. That's it!" maneuver. Unfortunately I suspect I'm fooling no one.

I cannot recall any particular stories. I'm just terrible at talking to people most of the time and even worse if they're female.

It could be worse though. There's a student at the school I work at who is perhaps the most nervous, awkward person I've ever met. He has an interest in one of our student employees but he can barely talk to her. He's more likely to communicate anything at all involved via a note. When others of us from the department are around when he's there, about the only sound he'll make are nervous giggles. I feel a bit sorry for the guy.

 

[southsamurai]

back in high school (freshman year) i went to a party with my GF and her GF. (what? i was open minded lol) needless to say the party was heavy on the LGBT community. it was honestly the first time i ever had a chance to hang around gay dudes. anyway, both of my companions were older and ended up getting a bit sloshed, so no drive home. so the host ( who was cool as hell the whole night, answered every dumb ass question i had and fed me some effing awesome kelp burgers) set up the couch for me to crash on. now i've had night terrors since i was a kid that can be very violent (i've hurt people trying to wake me up before) and didnt want to scare off my new friend. so as i'm settling in, pull off my over shirt to keep it from getting wrinkled as hell , look at the guy and say " hey, if you have to wake me up dont touch me, just call my name from across the room ok?"
he just looks at me, says " you know gay people arent really into kids" and stomps off upstairs.

i was sooo effin mortified! in my worry over seeming like a freak and in ignorance of that aspect of the bias and stupidity towards gay folk i had said about the worst thing i could have said without explaining why BEFORE i said it. luckily he said something to my companions before settling in and they explained for me lol. i didnt have to make apologies before creeping away in shame the next morning.

so for once, being awkward and nervous helped me out. i got to learn a bit more about something i didnt know before.

im doing two posts though, and the next one is a lot more awkward and with no saving graces lol

 

[southsamurai]

a couple of years later (senior year) my best friend and i plan a beach trip. we decide to visit wilmington (a coastal city here in NC which id frakking awesome!) and one of his friends from when he was a kid stuck in a hospital. she was in college and supposedly just cool as hell.

now my buddy is gay, and turns out his friend is lesbian. and so are all of her friends at school . well, the bane of my existence occurs. yes a party. i have come to despise those things over the years lol.
so im in a small off campus apartment with my fiend and 8 total strangers. all women other than me and him.
now at this point i bet some of you are thinking "how could this turn out bad? hot college lesbians? thats a fantasy come true!"
did i mention that the lady we had come to visit worked as the secretary for an escort company? or that she was cheating on her GF with one of the escorts, and both of them were at the party?
now im sitting there nervous as hell ( i dont do well with even small crowds and never have) surrounded by strangers who are getting progressively drunker and drunker.

eventually i excuse myself for the restroom. it was down a short hall and sort of away from the rest of the apartment and really i needed a break more than to empty my bladder. the "mistress" of our host follows me a little bit after i head down the hall. she was super nice and we had spent some time together earlier in the day in my car ( a big old 76 cutlass supreme) and bonded over muscle cars and loud music. she had noticed i was nervous and uncomfortable and wanted to make sure i was ok. ( she was japanese and her name translated to beautiful flower, and she was that indeed, just a truly wonderful person)
she assumed that i was nervous around a group exclusively lesbian (when not working anyway lol, it surprised me how many of the ecorts were lesbians when not on the job).
i assured her that it wasnt the case. that indeed i had dated a bi girl and hung out with her and her GF a lot, even played beard for either of them after we broke up. i just have trouble with crowds and strangers.
she laughed and gave me a big ol hug and came with me back to the party proper. when we got back she said " me and ron were right! hes just nervous because he doesnt know us!"

oi vey. a group of drunken lesbians decides that they should get to know me better. somehow or another the hostess and her GF decide the best way to do this was to describe in detail their sex life. so do the other ladies. the escorts present started in on stories about their clientele. more drinks were consumed. now, me being me this flurry of attention directed at me had me blushing and stammering like crazy. which of course made them all soooo freaking happy. they of course upped the ante. the hostess retreats to the bedroom and comes back with a big black bag. full of toys. no not legos and transformers. a thoroughly astounding collection of dildos, vibrators, strap ons, clamps and similar items. descriptions of their uses and the fun they cause ensued.
im just getting redder and redder. i have this perma grin plastered on my face so tight that my jaws hurt for two days after lol.

then the final straw broke the camel. the "mistress" pulls out a 12 inch double ender and says "this is my favorite!" and starts waggling it about 3 inches from my face. i look back and forth between her, the hostess and her GF. "so you three play together? i thought it was a secret." uh oh. cat out of the bag. crickets chirping. a not hot and sexy three way lesbian cat fight ensues.

major breakup scene happens with the GF stopming out and burning rubber out of the parking lot. the escorts and other non-escort friends had already left one the fighting started. i retreated to my car and hid lol. after the dust settled the "mistress" comes out and asks for a ride home since no one else was left who had a car. looong silent ride across town. i tried to apologize, and she accepted gracefully considering the circumstances. even hugged me again when i dropped her off and said it was for the best. maybe her and our hostess could be together now she said.

i drove back to the apartment and sat there. i ended up sleeping in the car. no way in hell was i going back in there after all that! i woke to find the GF rapping at my window with the 12 incher in hand. i rolled it down all sheepish. she chucked it in my lap. "she can have the damn thing"
i sat there with a giant dildo in my lap until my friend came out to leave lol. "just throw the thing out the window mike". we left, and the rest of the trip was pretty cool.
to this damn day though if i start getting wound up he threatens to slap me in the face with a dildo if i dont settle down lol.

moral of the story? never party with prostitutes and lesbians. you will end up with dildos slapping you.

 

[dogglius]

I largely outgrew my socially awkwardness, but It crops up every now and then when it comes to women.

Im a part time dance teacher that has taught all around the states and canada, australia, asia and other parts of the world, so It helps that I know hot to use my body and others have seen it in action, so word gets around.

One time, I was in seattle staying at a friends place with about 10 other people on three levels. She and I had been flirting all weekend and the last night we were all out together, we got very drunk and ended up doing an all nighter. Everyone else had passed out and it was just her and I up in her room in the attic as I needed to check the times for my bus back to vancouver a few hours later on her computer.

She was rattling on behind me about how sensitive her nipples were, even going as far as rubbing her boobs up against the back of my head... You'd think that was a clue as to what she wanted, right?

Me: "Oh, hang on a sec, im looking at my bus time table. Ok, all done, NIGHT!" and off I head downstairs leaving her with a stunned look on her face.

It wasnt until the bus ride back to vancouver that I wanted to smack my head through the glass at how I was so completely oblivious to her advances.

Sadly, that wasnt the ONLY time that has happened

-DP

 

[Protocosmo]

When two socially awkward people meet.

Years ago, I used to attend a university anime club. It would meet every other Friday night for viewings of various fansubbed shows and movies. I wasn't very involved with it beyond that (I was already an alumni by then) and mostly went to hang out with friends. There was this very cute girl there I'd been meaning to try and talk to. One night, she had popcorn machine duties and so, I stopped by for popcorn. She looked a bit frazzled for some reason and I offered to help her. She said that she wasn't supposed to let anybody handle it other than herself (not entirely sure why). Anyhow, I attempted to say something like, "Yeah, I suppose you wouldn't want to get my greasy fingers all over the stuff you're serving." It was loud with the movie playing in the background, so I guess she misheard me. I'm not entirely sure what she said in response but it must have been, "fuck off" or some such delivered with a look of disgust and anger. I was utterly confused and silently left to return to my seat with my bag of popcorn. My friend asked me what had happened and all I could tell her was that the cute chick doesn't seem to like me very much. I can only guess she must have thought I said, "I don't want your greasy fingers all over what your serving."

I have no idea why anybody would think that would be a natural thing to come out of somebody's mouth without maybe asking for clarification first. It was quite uncharitable. I thought it best to avoid her from then on. Probably not the best thing to do, but hey, socially awkward. <------

 

[ConnerJay]

My life is such a blur of social awkwardness that I cannot even pinpoint a specific situation to share.

I'd just like to give a huge shout out to smart phones,house pets, and alcohol for making my life easier.

People must just assume I am a raging alcoholic, textaholic, crazy cat lady.

.......really only the former is true. :shhh:

 

[TacoBelle]

I frequently check my social media sites and forums to see how many likes, favorites, and thanks I've received for posts I've made. If no one comments or gives me electronic kudos after a few hours, I have to desperately fight myself not to delete it.

Geez, I'm so needy. :shhh: