Am I taking advantage of my girl?

[Justajohn]

Long time lurker first time poster here.
I want to start just by saying how fascinating this forum has been for me.

Here is my story.
I've been seeing this amazing cute girl on Chaturbate for close to two years now.
I think I was one of her first regulars and she quickly became on of my favorite models.
At one point when she went independent from her studio, she gave me her telegram to keep in touch, and we've been chatting regularly there too ever since.
I've enjoy that additional attention verry much and have tried to encourage it with some small gifts and offline tips.

Long story-short a few months ago I decided to quit camming sites as I realized I had turned into a porn addict more or less and was spending way more than what I can afford on multiple models.
After that I still wanted to keep in touch with her, as I genuinely enjoy chatting with her and she's been really attentive and understanding (believe me I'm not the easiest person to talk to).

There are weeks when we talk almost every day, some times in the span of several hours.
But let's say on average 6-8 hours a week, plus she sends me random pictures from time to time and even short personal videos.
Even though all those interactions are non-sexual, she still spends quite a bit of time on me.
I want to be fair to her, I've been through some rough times emotionally, and chatting with her has really helped me.

My issue now is that she is not willing/comfortable to discuss what would be an acceptable compensation for her time.
Right now I keep sending her some random gifts (flowers, cupcakes, spa vouchers etc.),
before I quit Chaturbate I would spend 10-15k in her room each month (not a e but a maybe) .
I figured it shouldn't be a problem for me to send her $3-400 each month.
My two questions are:
1. Would you consider this an appropriate sum for the time she is investing (for context she lives in a large Russian city, and I'm from another Eastern European country).
2. How would you approach the topic of money with her? For some reason she is really uncomfortable discussing this frankly when it comes to off stream interaction.

Thank you, for reading through my ramblings!

 

[MarieElise]

Long time lurker first time poster here.
I want to start just by saying how fascinating this forum has been for me.

Here is my story.
I've been seeing this amazing cute girl on Chaturbate for close to two years now.
I think I was one of her first regulars and she quickly became on of my favorite models.
At one point when she went independent from her studio, she gave me her telegram to keep in touch, and we've been chatting regularly there too ever since.
I've enjoy that additional attention verry much and have tried to encourage it with some small gifts and offline tips.

Long story-short a few months ago I decided to quit camming sites as I realized I had turned into a porn addict more or less and was spending way more than what I can afford on multiple models.
After that I still wanted to keep in touch with her, as I genuinely enjoy chatting with her and she's been really attentive and understanding (believe me I'm not the easiest person to talk to).

There are weeks when we talk almost every day, some times in the span of several hours.
But let's say on average 6-8 hours a week, plus she sends me random pictures from time to time and even short personal videos.
Even though all those interactions are non-sexual, she still spends quite a bit of time on me.
I want to be fair to her, I've been through some rough times emotionally, and chatting with her has really helped me.

My issue now is that she is not willing/comfortable to discuss what would be an acceptable compensation for her time.
Right now I keep sending her some random gifts (flowers, cupcakes, spa vouchers etc.),
before I quit Chaturbate I would spend 10-15k in her room each month (not a e but a maybe) .
I figured it shouldn't be a problem for me to send her $3-400 each month.
My two questions are:
1. Would you consider this an appropriate sum for the time she is investing (for context she lives in a large Russian city, and I'm from another Eastern European country).
2. How would you approach the topic of money with her? For some reason she is really uncomfortable discussing this frankly when it comes to off stream interaction.

Thank you, for reading through my ramblings!

Send her an anonymous tip on the site if you feel bad. But I wouldn’t bring it up. Saying that though, it’s just based off of my own personal way of seeing things and my way of seeing the chat that I do offsite with a few people. I wouldn’t say I spent 6 to 8 hours a week on any of them , however, I would not like them to offer money for the time that I do spend offsite, because it’s not stuff I want pay for. Or that I feel obliged to even do. Especially if it’s just friendly chat and no dick picks are involved.

So I really don’t know on this one. I would just say do anonymous tips once a month for $400 to whatever site she’s on that pays her the highest percentage. That’s how I’d handle it if I were you. But to be fair, I’m also kinda weird about stuff obviously that would be a no strings attached, goodwill 400. Not anything you subconsciously expect anything back for, or feel obliged to do forever.

If you guys are dating for real and not just friends, then idk what to say. I just reread the title of your thread so maybe I’m getting the wrong take on this, because you call her “my girl”.

ETA; I don’t fuck with cash app or Venmo. So to me, I get the highest percent on fan sites like only fans and loyal fans where it’s 80%. You’d have to know what she does though, some models have different arrangements. I’m pretty sure all the live cam sites take a minimum of 50% up to 65% (even from their tip features!). If you decide to do that definitely take the time to find out where she gets the highest percentage first.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

I think you're in a tough position if she won't discuss money. $400 a month seems reasonable, all you can do is tell her "hey I'm going to send you this much. If there is a better way you'd like me to send the money (tips, gifts etc?) OR if you feel like I should be sending more for the amount of your time I'm taking up please let me know. I want to make sure you're properly compensated for your time, and I can't do that unless you let me know."

TBH if you're communicating clearly you're doing what you can and its on her to also be clear with you in return.
I personally would ask for more $$ because I can usually make $400 in less time.. but that's why its hard to say whats a 'reasonable' amount because everyone has different hourly averages.

I appreciate that you are aware her time is worth money and that you're trying to make sure you're fair to her.

 

[Justajohn]

Send her an anonymous tip on the site if you feel bad. But I wouldn’t bring it up. Saying that though, it’s just based off of my own personal way of seeing things and my way of seeing the chat that I do offsite with a few people. I wouldn’t say I spent 6 to 8 hours a week on any of them , however, I would not like them to offer money for the time that I do spend offsite, because it’s not stuff I want pay for. Or that I feel obliged to even do. Especially if it’s just friendly chat and no dick picks are involved.

So I really don’t know on this one. I would just say do anonymous tips once a month for $400 to whatever site she’s on that pays her the highest percentage. That’s how I’d handle it if I were you. But to be fair, I’m also kinda weird about stuff obviously that would be a no strings attached, goodwill 400. Not anything you subconsciously expect anything back for, or feel obliged to do forever.

If you guys are dating for real and not just friends, then idk what to say. I just reread the title of your thread so maybe I’m getting the wrong take on this, because you call her “my girl”.

Thank you for your answer! I appreciate it.

I'll consider the anonymous tipping if nothing better comes to mind.

Appologise for the title of my post, i realise now it might sound weird like that. (I'm still not good with some of the nuances in English).
No we're not dating, and i have no illusion about this, and frankly it would be too weird due to age difference.
What i'm getting from our "relationship" can maybe be best described as a "platonic sugaring" if that makes any sense.

 

[SMuser69]

Look if this has turned into a friendship you should be able to tell her that sending the picture and video at this point is uncomfortable with you as you're not there to be a customer. I have model friend that turned into friends and you talk with them as much as you do with any other friends in your life.

That said, if you feel porn really is an addiction in your life you're trying to get away from, befriending who is essentially your drug dealer doesn't make a lot of sense either. You should really be honest about what you're trying to accomplish right now because this doesn't sound like a healthy situation to break what you are considering an addiction.

 

[Maxi]

Always remember to pay for a model’s time. It sounds like you’ve rightly tried to go about it the correct way.

Keep it up, I’d say, and broach the subject in a week or two?

“Is the money I’m spending okay, because that’s what I can afford..?”

Importantly, don’t get yourself into a financial dilemma by spending more than you can afford

 

[Justajohn]

Look if this has turned into a friendship you should be able to tell her that sending the picture and video at this point is uncomfortable with you as you're not there to be a customer. I have model friend that turned into friends and you talk with them as much as you do with any other friends in your life.

That said, if you feel porn really is an addiction in your life you're trying to get away from, befriending who is essentially your drug dealer doesn't make a lot of sense either. You should really be honest about what you're trying to accomplish right now because this doesn't sound like a healthy situation to break what you are considering an addiction.

With a few rare exceptions she's not sending me anything explicit or remotelly erotic. More like every day instagram type of pictures.
I realize keeping this up might not be the healthiest thing lengterm, but frankly i enjoy the attention i'm getting from this youg, beatufull and smart girl,
and it has helped me getting through some rough times and boost my own self esteem to some degree.
I honestly can't say if she sees me more as a client or a friend right now, but either works for me.

P.S. thanks for your response. It's a bit weird for me too, so I appreciate the feedback!

 

[MarieElise]

Thank you for your answer! I appreciate it.

I'll consider the anonymous tipping if nothing better comes to mind.

Appologise for the title of my post, i realise now it might sound weird like that. (I'm still not good with some of the nuances in English).
No we're not dating, and i have no illusion about this, and frankly it would be too weird due to age difference.
What i'm getting from our "relationship" can maybe be best described as a "platonic sugaring" if that makes any sense.

Yes that does make sense completely. Thanks for elaborating. That part threw me off and confused me a bit.

 

[Vixxen81]

With a few rare exceptions she's not sending me anything explicit or remotelly erotic. More like every day instagram type of pictures.
I realize keeping this up might not be the healthiest thing lengterm, but frankly i enjoy the attention i'm getting from this youg, beatufull and smart girl,
and it has helped me getting through some rough times and boost my own self esteem to some degree.
I honestly can't say if she sees me more as a client or a friend right now, but either works for me.

P.S. thanks for your response. It's a bit weird for me too, so I appreciate the feedback!

Buy a supporter account and just toss whatever you can/want in an anonymous tip when she's offline.

 

[Vixxen81]

Dang too late to edit.

Do know that Lovense software betrays anonymous tipping if there are any toys running in the room while she's online. That's why offline is best in this case.

 

[HeadyRaven]

I would spend 10-15k in her room each month

Do you mean 10K-15K tokens? or dollars? If that's dollars per month you were consistently spending on her, that seems like "whale" level to me but I would leave that to the experts here to say. $120,000-$180,000 per year spent on the one model - if that's what you were doing, why are you now mulling spending $300-$400 per month if still trying to help her out? Seems like that would be a mere pittance to you - unless I misunderstood you about dollars versus tokens.

Or maybe the issue is more about trying to break out of the habit / addiction aspect, in which case I could understand how you are trying to drastically cut back but still want to help her.

This isn't mean to be critical, I was just trying to understand the dilemma.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

Do you mean 10K-15K tokens? or dollars? If that's dollars per month you were consistently spending on her, that seems like "whale" level to me but I would leave that to the experts here to say. $120,000-$180,000 per year spent on the one model - if that's what you were doing, why are you now mulling spending $300-$400 per month if still trying to help her out? Seems like that would be a mere pittance to you - unless I misunderstood you about dollars versus tokens.

Or maybe the issue is more about trying to break out of the habit / addiction aspect, in which case I could understand how you are trying to drastically cut back but still want to help her.

This isn't mean to be critical, I was just trying to understand the dilemma.

pretty sure he meant tokens..

If he didn't..
... I would like to also give him my telegram lol