Dating a camgirl and I need some advice

[Deleted member 37064]

The type of intimacy offered to viewers is vastly different from that offered to a partner.

What?! No way!!
She's said she's totally into me...


Dammit, thanks for destroying my fantasy of having a top cam model as my IRL lover....

 

[SaffronBurke]

What?! No way!!
She's said she's totally into me...


Dammit, thanks for destroying my fantasy of having a top cam model as my IRL lover....

Curse me, I'm such a spoilsport.

 

[Nahumin]

Thank you @paige_orion for the effort of putting an elaborate comment like this. Happy birthday btw, if it's true!

However there's a couple of things that need to be addressed. You say 'job is just a job' isn't another misconception, because the intimacy is different and I agree, yeah, sure it's different but do you imagine yourself saying the same thing in regards to a contract killer? Would you still say - nevermind, it's just a job? My point is, whatever the job might be, it is just another thing that you willingly do as a human being and that has effect on your WHOLE life, it's not magically separated from all of the other things in your life. And if you are doing something on a regular basis for a couple of hours, it surely is going to affect your brain in certain ways, I feel like that's another point that you are missing here.

All in all, something being just a job shouldn't on itself be a good enough excuse for doing it, after all it's still part of reality so it has effects in all of the reality it is surrounded by, whether you like it or not.

And about intimacy, of course, I agree there is more to intimacy than just sex, I never said otherwise. The beautiful parts of it that you listed are there and a huge part of it, but sex for me is the cherry on the cake that completes it. It's just going to another level of intimacy, I wonder if you can relate to that. I felt that level personally, it was never everlasting, but when I had this intimate sexual connection, it made absolutely no sense to me to go sexual with somebody else at that time, because if the intimacy was there and I had sex - nothing could compare to that (and not having that would be settling for mediocrity).

So my question is, to the people who disagree - have you ever felt that level of intimacy I'm talking about?

 

[Deleted member 37064]

However there's a couple of things that need to be addressed. You say 'job is just a job' isn't another misconception, because the intimacy is different and I agree, yeah, sure it's different but do you imagine yourself saying the same thing in regards to a contract killer? Would you still say - nevermind, it's just a job? My point is, whatever the job might be, it is just another thing that you willingly do as a human being and that has effect on your WHOLE life, it's not magically separated from all of the other things in your life. And if you are doing something on a regular basis for a couple of hours, it surely is going to affect your brain in certain ways, I feel like that's another point that you are missing here.

All in all, something being just a job shouldn't on itself be a good enough excuse for doing it, after all it's still part of reality so it has effects in all of the reality it is surrounded by, whether you like it or not.

Yes, some things can affect mental health. But, it also takes the right person to do a particular job. But, there are some things which can be isolated somewhat. While it's true that everything we experience in life helps shape us. There are many jobs people do day in and day out that when they leave for the day, it stays there. All it is is a paycheck to them. Nothing more. Not all jobs are fashioned out of idealism.

And about intimacy, of course, I agree there is more to intimacy than just sex, I never said otherwise. The beautiful parts of it that you listed are there and a huge part of it, but sex for me is the cherry on the cake that completes it. It's just going to another level of intimacy, I wonder if you can relate to that. I felt that level personally, it was never everlasting, but when I had this intimate sexual connection, it made absolutely no sense to me to go sexual with somebody else at that time, because if the intimacy was there and I had sex - nothing could compare to that (and not having that would be settling for mediocrity).

While I can understand what you're attempting to describe, I still see a separation between what you are saying and the work a cam model, exotic dancer or even escort/protitute does. The difference is that what you are describing is based off of emotions, possibly thinking that it's a need and wanting that intimacy most likely because it's missing.
However, a person working in the adult industry usually doesn't do it based on a need for or lack of intimacy. They do it because of other reasons: exhibitionism, creativity, they enjoy turning people on or teasing, etc. If they can make money doing it, all the better. Some do it strictly for the money out of necessity. I'm sure there's a few whom may do it to fill a lacking in the relationship. But, as I understand it, it's very few do it for emotional reasons (I could easily be wrong). All of this is based off of conversations I've had with some models, as well as have personally know some people in various aspects of the industry.

So my question is, to the people who disagree - have you ever felt that level of intimacy I'm talking about?

I have. Even so, I would still not want to talk someone I loved out of doing a job they enjoyed and was doing well at. To me, I'd rather they be happy in all aspects of their life, personal and professional, than to begin to resent me for trying to get them out of their job. If I was in a committed relationship with a model, dancer, etc. I would support them and trust that they wouldn't do anything more than was agreed upon in their jobs. While the conversations are needed in this area so both people are comfortable with it, I'm also one that more or less will openly trust someone without the discussion.
If they have the love, support, respect of the person they love and they are not wanting in anything. Then, there really isn't a need to go looking beyond the relationship for an emotional connection.

Sadly, this is something that many people don't understand about particular lines of work. It takes a special person to understand some fields of work, and to love someone whom is working in them. By this, I'm not referring exclusively to adult industry workers...

 

[AudriTwo]

Thank you @paige_orion for the effort of putting an elaborate comment like this. Happy birthday btw, if it's true!

However there's a couple of things that need to be addressed. You say 'job is just a job' isn't another misconception, because the intimacy is different and I agree, yeah, sure it's different but do you imagine yourself saying the same thing in regards to a contract killer? Would you still say - nevermind, it's just a job? My point is, whatever the job might be, it is just another thing that you willingly do as a human being and that has effect on your WHOLE life, it's not magically separated from all of the other things in your life. And if you are doing something on a regular basis for a couple of hours, it surely is going to affect your brain in certain ways, I feel like that's another point that you are missing here.

All in all, something being just a job shouldn't on itself be a good enough excuse for doing it, after all it's still part of reality so it has effects in all of the reality it is surrounded by, whether you like it or not.

And about intimacy, of course, I agree there is more to intimacy than just sex, I never said otherwise. The beautiful parts of it that you listed are there and a huge part of it, but sex for me is the cherry on the cake that completes it. It's just going to another level of intimacy, I wonder if you can relate to that. I felt that level personally, it was never everlasting, but when I had this intimate sexual connection, it made absolutely no sense to me to go sexual with somebody else at that time, because if the intimacy was there and I had sex - nothing could compare to that (and not having that would be settling for mediocrity).

So my question is, to the people who disagree - have you ever felt that level of intimacy I'm talking about?

Okay so don't date cammodels. Everyone has different comfort levels. I'm still confused on what the point to all this is.

 

[RebelleHart]

However there's a couple of things that need to be addressed. You say 'job is just a job' isn't another misconception, because the intimacy is different and I agree, yeah, sure it's different but do you imagine yourself saying the same thing in regards to a contract killer? Would you still say - nevermind, it's just a job? My point is, whatever the job might be, it is just another thing that you willingly do as a human being and that has effect on your WHOLE life, it's not magically separated from all of the other things in your life. And if you are doing something on a regular basis for a couple of hours, it surely is going to affect your brain in certain ways, I feel like that's another point that you are missing here.

Comparing sex workers to contract killers gives me the impression that you are looking at this from a moralistic angle. I believe killing people is morally wrong. So if I was ever in the situation that I had to kill people for money (not that I can ever imagine being in this situation because I would refuse to do it), then yes, you are right, it would effect every aspect of my life especially my interpersonal relationships because I would be so consumed with guilt and self-loathing. However, I do not have any moral objections to the consensual sex work I'm doing and thus to me it is just a job.

It seems to me that it probably wouldn't be a good idea for you to date a camgirl if you hold these views. Just as I could never date someone who had to constantly be on call for their job (like an emergency room doctor) because I know frequently having plans with me canceled at the last minute for work (no matter how important the work is) would damage my self-esteem in the long run. Does this mean I think people who have on call jobs should not be in relationships? Nope, I'm sure lots of them have great and rewarding relationships! I just think they should not be in a relationship with me.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Okay so don't date cammodels. Everyone has different comfort levels. I'm still confused on what the point to all this is.

I think the underlying point is that he wouldn't be comfortable dating a cam girl and therefore neither should anyone else. Which I think is fair, ya know? So with that in mind, now seems like as good a time and place as any to put forward the completely reasonable edict that cam girls henceforth be forced to choose between their job or their partner. Can't have both sadly. Cam girls already married or in committed relationships are living in a house of lies and it's only a matter of time before said house crumbles under the weight of your selfish deceit.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Just as I could never date someone who had to constantly be on call for their job (like an emergency room doctor) because I know frequently having plans with me canceled at the last minute for work (no matter how important the work is) would damage my self-esteem in the long run. Does this mean I think people who have on call jobs should not be in relationships? Nope, I'm sure lots of them have great and rewarding relationships! I just think they should not be in a relationship with me.

Wow, this struck a little too close to home for me...

Being in a relationship with someone on call for their job requires discussion, and coordination. No different than pretty much any other relationship, even with a camgirl. Biggest thing is knowing the on-call schedule so that can work around it and maximize time spent with one another.
For example, when I'm on call, it's understood that I may have to stay home instead of going out to dinner or over to someone's house depending upon proximity, and availbility of someone I might be with to get home in the event I have to leave. Also, if company comes over, they know that I might have to leave at a moment's notice or spend hours in a room on a support call. During the week(s) I'm on call, I put extra focus on the person I'm in a relationship with knowing that I may have to leave at any time. We don't get involved in bigger projects, or things which prevent me from leaving quickly, or her stranded somewhere (can be hours I'm gone).
But, during the time I'm not on call, that's where can take time and go somewhere for dinner, to friends, an impromptu weekend away, vacation, etc. This is where bigger projects get done because don't have to worry about getting called away, and she knows that my time is hers.

Even with all of that, I find that most women don't understand the on-call situation unless they're in it themselves. This is usually why you see people dating in similar fields.

 

[Mikey_P]

I'm okay with dating a cam model for about 5 mins at a time, then I click over to another model and cheat a bit... Sometimes I go like 6 months without any cam model dating or cheating but then I comeback like this week and visit for like an hour everyday-- Obvious make up period.

 

[Gen]

Wow, this struck a little too close to home for me...

Being in a relationship with someone on call for their job requires discussion, and coordination. No different than pretty much any other relationship, even with a camgirl. Biggest thing is knowing the on-call schedule so that can work around it and maximize time spent with one another.
For example, when I'm on call, it's understood that I may have to stay home instead of going out to dinner or over to someone's house depending upon proximity, and availbility of someone I might be with to get home in the event I have to leave. Also, if company comes over, they know that I might have to leave at a moment's notice or spend hours in a room on a support call. During the week(s) I'm on call, I put extra focus on the person I'm in a relationship with knowing that I may have to leave at any time. We don't get involved in bigger projects, or things which prevent me from leaving quickly, or her stranded somewhere (can be hours I'm gone).
But, during the time I'm not on call, that's where can take time and go somewhere for dinner, to friends, an impromptu weekend away, vacation, etc. This is where bigger projects get done because don't have to worry about getting called away, and she knows that my time is hers.

Even with all of that, I find that most women don't understand the on-call situation unless they're in it themselves. This is usually why you see people dating in similar fields.

I used to work on-call and it's so tough! You tell friends that if you go to dinner, you might have to run out, they say it's fine and then get mad when you actually do leave. Or, for me, when I'd have a really long on-call shift and have to try to wash my hair...the worst!

 

[n_i_c_u]

However, I just love her so damn much.

Dude, I just saw this on youtube (just make a rap thing and then go to her country and drive her around and do carpool karaoke)--you will be awesome! (or maybe not...I don't know, just throwing out ideas--):

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I used to work on-call and it's so tough! You tell friends that if you go to dinner, you might have to run out, they say it's fine and then get mad when you actually do leave. Or, for me, when I'd have a really long on-call shift and have to try to wash my hair...the worst!

Yep, I have been in on-call work for almost twenty years. So, I've pretty much seen it all in terms of reactions from people, potential dates turning you down because they "don't date <job_field>" or the like because they are so needy in a relationship. Their own words...

Luckily, I don't have long hair. But, I can relate as sometimes just taking a shower or trying to cook a simple meal can be challenging

 

[SaffronBurke]

Thank you @paige_orion for the effort of putting an elaborate comment like this. Happy birthday btw, if it's true!

However there's a couple of things that need to be addressed. You say 'job is just a job' isn't another misconception, because the intimacy is different and I agree, yeah, sure it's different but do you imagine yourself saying the same thing in regards to a contract killer? Would you still say - nevermind, it's just a job? My point is, whatever the job might be, it is just another thing that you willingly do as a human being and that has effect on your WHOLE life, it's not magically separated from all of the other things in your life. And if you are doing something on a regular basis for a couple of hours, it surely is going to affect your brain in certain ways, I feel like that's another point that you are missing here.

All in all, something being just a job shouldn't on itself be a good enough excuse for doing it, after all it's still part of reality so it has effects in all of the reality it is surrounded by, whether you like it or not.

And about intimacy, of course, I agree there is more to intimacy than just sex, I never said otherwise. The beautiful parts of it that you listed are there and a huge part of it, but sex for me is the cherry on the cake that completes it. It's just going to another level of intimacy, I wonder if you can relate to that. I felt that level personally, it was never everlasting, but when I had this intimate sexual connection, it made absolutely no sense to me to go sexual with somebody else at that time, because if the intimacy was there and I had sex - nothing could compare to that (and not having that would be settling for mediocrity).

So my question is, to the people who disagree - have you ever felt that level of intimacy I'm talking about?

Every person has a different standard for what level of intimacy they prefer from a partner. That's fine. But to expect everyone else to adhere to that is a little less fine.


I see it as on par with being polyamorous. It's not for everyone. Some people are very happy with it. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it, but don't shame people who do.

 

[Nahumin]

I see it as on par with being polyamorous. It's not for everyone. Some people are very happy with it. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it, but don't shame people who do.

Doing none of that. I'm trying to grasp the point of view, I already mentioned that before.

Comparing sex workers to contract killers gives me the impression that you are looking at this from a moralistic angle. I believe killing people is morally wrong.

None of the moralistic angles really matter here. What matters is the impact of the job on reality, in this case it's impact on the intimacy you could have with your partner.

I have. Even so, I would still not want to talk someone I loved out of doing a job they enjoyed and was doing well at. To me, I'd rather they be happy in all aspects of their life, personal and professional, than to begin to resent me for trying to get them out of their job. If I was in a committed relationship with a model, dancer, etc. I would support them and trust that they wouldn't do anything more than was agreed upon in their jobs.

So you would be willing to sacrifice some intimacy for the sake of... of what exactly? Wouldn't it be better to just break up? Is a relationship worth committing to if it lacks the cherry on the cake of intimacy? if you genuinely care about the person, you can still support them from there.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

What matters is the impact of the job on reality, in this case it's impact on the intimacy you could have with your partner.

You are assuming that it will have the same impact on everyone though, and that any potential impacts are inherently bad. And that, I can't agree with.

 

[paige_orion]

Doing none of that. I'm trying to grasp the point of view, I already mentioned that before.

None of the moralistic angles really matter here. What matters is the impact of the job on reality, in this case it's impact on the intimacy you could have with your partner.

So you would be willing to sacrifice some intimacy for the sake of... of what exactly? Wouldn't it be better to just break up? Is a relationship worth committing to if it lacks the cherry on the cake of intimacy? if you genuinely care about the person, you can still support them from there.

The major flaw in your entire argument is assuming that everyone views intimacy the same way. Sex is the cherry on your intimacy cake, and you need it for you and only you. For others, that isn't even a sprinkle on their cake. I love sex, but I believe in a deeper intimacy, so it is hard for me to understand when people act like sex is the most intimate thing two people can share. That feels too shallow to me. There's a reason why relationships based on sex don't really last, but relationships based on appreciation and partnership last longer. At least, that is my view on the matter. You clearly view sex differently, which is okay. But I hope you will acknowledge that your view is not the view of many people, let alone those of us on the forums.

The job doesn't impact reality. Or even intimacy. The job would impact YOUR reality and YOUR intimacy, because of your own beliefs and opinions. But that isn't the world we all live in. Assuming that this job is the issue, and not a person's own viewpoints, invalidates all of the beautiful, strong and intimate relationships I have seen between fellow sex-workers and their partners. Many of those relationships are even stronger than the more "vanilla" relationships I have seen in the civilian world, filled with love and support and intimacy and joy in each other. So I don't really understand your argument that a relationship in which sex-work is not involved and sex is monogamous in every way (that's the implication, at least) - is the only "truly" deep & intimate relationship in the world. In my personal experience, that's terribly, terribly untrue.

I personally think that the moralistic angles really do matter here, because it truly seems like that is where you are coming from. Maybe you don't seem to realize it, but your words are definitely colored with a moralistic flavor, whether you see it or not, which is why I am not sure why this discussion is continuing. It feels rather pointless. Clearly, you could never be involved with a sex worker. You are arguing with a forum of sex-workers about why we are "sacrificing" our partners and our relationships, even though we are telling you that most of us are in deeply loving and intimate relationships, telling you that our jobs do not impact our bonds with our partners, yet you are continuing to argue that it is better to break up with your sex-worker partner because of sex? That's mind-boggling.

Don't date a sex-worker and we won't date you. Problem solved.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

So you would be willing to sacrifice some intimacy for the sake of... of what exactly? Wouldn't it be better to just break up? Is a relationship worth committing to if it lacks the cherry on the cake of intimacy? if you genuinely care about the person, you can still support them from there.

How am I sacrificing anything to be with someone I love? For you, sex seems to be nearly everything. For me, it's but a very small fragment of the larger picture. As you said, if I genuinely care, and love someone, then why would I break up with them just because they are a cam model? Seems rather contradictory, and petty if I did.


No one is pressuring you to date a cam model, and from the sounds of it, none would be willing to date you. Perhaps it's best if you just leave well enough alone.

 

[Violet Dawn]

Thank you @paige_orion for the effort of putting an elaborate comment like this. Happy birthday btw, if it's true!

However there's a couple of things that need to be addressed. You say 'job is just a job' isn't another misconception, because the intimacy is different and I agree, yeah, sure it's different but do you imagine yourself saying the same thing in regards to a contract killer? Would you still say - nevermind, it's just a job? My point is, whatever the job might be, it is just another thing that you willingly do as a human being and that has effect on your WHOLE life, it's not magically separated from all of the other things in your life. And if you are doing something on a regular basis for a couple of hours, it surely is going to affect your brain in certain ways, I feel like that's another point that you are missing here.

All in all, something being just a job shouldn't on itself be a good enough excuse for doing it, after all it's still part of reality so it has effects in all of the reality it is surrounded by, whether you like it or not.

And about intimacy, of course, I agree there is more to intimacy than just sex, I never said otherwise. The beautiful parts of it that you listed are there and a huge part of it, but sex for me is the cherry on the cake that completes it. It's just going to another level of intimacy, I wonder if you can relate to that. I felt that level personally, it was never everlasting, but when I had this intimate sexual connection, it made absolutely no sense to me to go sexual with somebody else at that time, because if the intimacy was there and I had sex - nothing could compare to that (and not having that would be settling for mediocrity).

So my question is, to the people who disagree - have you ever felt that level of intimacy I'm talking about?

You are being extremely condescending.

Just because other people here have a different opinion than you do doesn't mean their feelings and experiences are any less valid than yours. You seem to refuse to understand the there is a possibility that anyone other than yourself has ever had a close connection with someone just because of their job. By close connection, I mean to the extent of calling them a significant other or a spouse. Or even love. I don't know if you realize how condescending you are being, but it's probably making it hard for anyone here to want to look through your perspective. I mean, I can't imagine trying to reason with you if you were talking to ME this way.

 

[AudriTwo]

None of the moralistic angles really matter here. What matters is the impact of the job on reality, in this case it's impact on the intimacy you could have with your partner.

You are assuming that camming can negatively impact the intimacy between. Been happily married here for 5 years and camming for 4, it hasn't even impact our relationship the slightest.

 

[Violet Dawn]

you are assuming that camming can negatively impact the intimacy between. Happily married here for 5 years and camming for 4, it hasn't even impact our relationship the slightest.

This. Like Im sitting here reading thinking "How exactly does this impact my intimacy?" I seriously don't know how it impacts it at all. Maybe they can explain what intimacy I'm missing that I must be obviously too ignorant to see myself. Lmfao

 

[AudriTwo]

This. Like Im sitting here reading thinking "How exactly does this impact my intimacy?" I seriously don't know how it impacts it at all. Maybe they can explain what intimacy I'm missing that I must be obviously too ignorant to see myself. Lmfao

I know! I asked my husband how camming negatively impacts him. Does it make it harder to be more intimate? All he said was he wishes I was a little quieter because I give him a lot of awkward boners. I guess it's hard to concentrate. lol.

 

[Dan Epstein]

The horror to a relationship of knowing that your girlfriend or wife have the means to freelance and create income for herself. I don't find it as a negative impact on anyone's life, unless you are an aging Polish grandma who can't stand the thought of someone having a creative and lucrative fun (while hardworking) anywhere at any given moment.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I know! I asked my husband how camming negatively impacts him. Does it make it harder to be more intimate? All he said was he wishes I was a little quieter because I give him a lot of awkward boners. I guess it's hard to concentrate. lol.

I could understand it from his perspective...

 

[Mikey_P]

As all things, it depends on the woman. Just like the never date a single mom rule has been broken for the right woman. Depends but not ideal at all for my lifestyle and what I ultimately want.

 

[Luckyfoxxy]

The horror to a relationship of knowing that your girlfriend or wife have the means to freelance and create income for herself. I don't find it as a negative impact on anyone's life, unless you are an aging Polish grandma who can't stand the thought of someone having a creative and lucrative fun (while hardworking) anywhere at any given moment.

My polish grandma is very offended by your words

 

[Emberblaze]

I vomit in my mouth a little every time I venture into this thread at the abundance of dudes jerking off to us with one hand and pointing at us to scold us with the other while telling us we are not relationship worthy.

Don't wanna date a cam girl? Go find yourself someone that isn't a cam girl. Leave us to the men/women that enjoy having a sexy, hardworking, independent woman. Or get over your ego trip that your womans sexuality should belong to you.

 

[Dan Epstein]

My ex girlfriend was looking for advice on dating a bartender, which may have harder effects on a relationship.
Think about it, I was working nights, loads of smoke and alcohol, and a mismatch of hours. There are way more Vanilla examples that can influence relationships than web cam modeling in my humble opinion.

 

[Mikey_P]

The only rule for cam wifey is to not enjoy the cam2cam penises that are much bigger than mine or the abs that look better than mine

Actually, enjoy the penises and abs camming and not in 'real' life.

Just like I enjoy looking and talking to cam models, occasionally looking at porn, talking to random women in stores--- ALL without trying to get into anything extracurricular...

Isolation breeds contempt.

I also think that in general women have fewer outlets besides cheating to relieve their fantasies and need for variety. Because of this, despite what the stats say, women cheat more and do so much better than men! So 'letting' (totally a bad word that will cast me as the big bad bad in these parts) or to be PC encouraging your woman to fully enjoy her sexuality is one way to have a stronger relationship and a happier woman.

Maybe camming on both ends is a way to get fantasy fulfillment without disrespecting your relationship? Women/cam models get to receive all the attention outside of their relationship that they might enjoy, they get to 'meet' from the safety of home, earn monies and they get to fine tune their seductive skills. Maybe.

Maybe cam wifey is a win?

Also, if she's any good she can make a decent income and not spend all of my money. She will be as free to travel as I am (a problem that I have with career women) I work from home and can travel whenever I want. Regular job women get mad when you go out of town without them or when they can't come because their overlords only give them like 14 days of vacation.

Oh because I hustle hard, I would use my skills to push her into the top 50 early on so that she has enough popularity equity to consistently rank well and make money. .

I entertain and try to finesse everything into a win-win...

 

[Dan Epstein]

My polish grandma is very offended by your words

Oy Vey, I'm sorry

 

[SaffronBurke]

I know! I asked my husband how camming negatively impacts him. Does it make it harder to be more intimate? All he said was he wishes I was a little quieter because I give him a lot of awkward boners. I guess it's hard to concentrate. lol.

Awkward boners are my favorite boners to cause.