What is an "Affair"?

[Bobbie Madison]

Judging from the movie "Bad Moms" (if you saw the scene, she left her husband who has been cheating on her with a cam girl via the internet), and from some of the very nice married people I have talked to on some sites...would you consider interacting with a cam girl actually having an affair?

Yes, you can say watching porn is "cheating" in a way. What I'm talking about is the affair where your mistress is actually your side "girl friend." How can it be considered an affair if you guys never even met up in person to have real sex?

Just curious about what others think

 

[Phoenix4987]

I think it would depend on the interaction. Like if he's asking a model to act out a fantasy or roleplay that something his wife wouldn't do, then it's just that. Fantasy. And it shouldn't be cause of concern for how much he loves his wife since it's just pure entertainment.

Same kinda stuff with strip clubs.

If he started to get feelings for the model etc. etc. then it seems like it could compromise a marriage.

 

[Luckyfoxxy]

No. A cam girl is nothing like a mistress. And I do not agree that watching porn is cheating or that thinking about other women beside your wife is cheating. I find this sort of extreme possesivness unsettling.

 

[Bobbie Madison]

I think it would depend on the interaction. Like if he's asking a model to act out a fantasy or roleplay that something his wife wouldn't do, then it's just that. Fantasy. And it shouldn't be cause of concern for how much he loves his wife since it's just pure entertainment.

Same kinda stuff with strip clubs.

If he started to get feelings for the model etc. etc. then it seems like it could compromise a marriage.

yeah, that's what I was thinking. It's "fantasy." The wife probably fantasizes about banging her boss every now and again. Is she having an affair as well? LOL

 

[Bobbie Madison]

Is married man who watches porn cheating?

It's a general question for other opinions.

But imo, cheating is actual intercourse. That's just me though.

 

[Ythee_Fox]

I think it depends on the model of relationship and its accordance. I, for example, have an open relationship and dont care if my SO date another girls and stuff, but it is this way bc we talked a lot and set our agreements. This is important to ANY relationship, beint it monogamous or not.

Now, going to the most common of monogamous relationship (that mostly just happens without anyone making any agreement, and this is why its so shady, confuse and stuff), if i was on a monogamous relationship, i would be mad if my SO treated another girls as girlfriend in any instance (sexual or not). But most men will say this is not cheating bc she is not phisicaly there and make the girl thinks she is somewhat exaggerating (sorry if this sounded rude but im kinda traumatized by monogamy)

 

[Bobbie Madison]

I think it depends on the model of relationship and its accordance. I, for example, have an open relationship and dont care if my SO date another girls and stuff, but it is this way bc we talked a lot and set our agreements. This is important to ANY relationship, beint it monogamous or not.

Now, going to the most common of monogamous relationship (that mostly just happens without anyone making any agreement, and this is why its so shady, confuse and stuff), if i was on a monogamous relationship, i would be mad if my SO treated another girls as girlfriend in any instance (sexual or not). But most men will say this is not cheating bc she is not phisicaly there and make the girl thinks she is somewhat exaggerating (sorry if this sounded rude but im kinda traumatized by monogamy)

No way you are not being rude at all.

And yes it's true. Some guys make us believe that we are exaggerating or just plain crazy when we point out the things that we've seen with our own eyes lol.

 

[AmberCutie]

We've got a previous 2 page thread on the subject if you'd like to read those replies too - Is going on camsites cheating?

 

[Bobbie Madison]

We've got a previous 2 page thread on the subject if you'd like to read those replies too - Is going on camsites cheating?

yeah I've seen those. I mean more of an "affair" like when you have a mistress and love her.
Cheating can be anything, a wam bam thank u sam, and many have done it LOL.

 

[AmberCutie]

yeah I've seen those. I mean more of an "affair" like when you have a mistress and love her.
Cheating can be anything, a wam bam thank u sam, and many have done it LOL.

Hmm, ok fair enough. I don't think most really put much distinction between "affair" and "cheating" but I can see what you mean.

 

[Cherry Bomb]

I did not vote. It depends on so many things that a simple yes/no is not going to cover it for my husband and I.

My husband and I talk about this and related things frequently, we have a very clear set of rules regarding our interactions. Openness, honesty, constant communication and very clear boundaries are super important. I will give you a couple of our rules.
- If you have to ask yourself if this might break a rule...it probably does so don't do it - no making rules up as you go along. Never having to ask for forgiveness is the goal, seek clarification before that kind of interaction.
- If either my husband or I are not absolutely 100% comfortable with the interaction, it does not happen. No questions, no explanations or discussion is required. If we need to clarify it later - then fine, but for now, it does not happen.

This is especially important considering we see more sexy stuff and have more opportunities in a day than most folk have in a month.

I hope this does not sound preachy or like some kind of magazine article, I just know what works for my husband and I.

 

[Bobbie Madison]

I did not vote. It depends on so many things that a simple yes/no is not going to cover it for my husband and I...I hope this does not sound preachy or like some kind of magazine article, I just know what works for my husband and I.

Of course not! But that is so true because is you have to ask yourself if anything is wrong then it is. We don't wake up and say, "will it be wrong if I told my husband I loved him this morning? I don't wan to hurt his feelings." So I totally get it.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

The age old question....

I think if you're hiding it from your wife/partner and know they would not be ok with it then yes it is cheating. If you have an emotional attachment to this girl and masturbate to her then yes I think to a point you are having an affair (though it is not reciprocal nor is the camgirl your mistress/lover). There is also an element that if you are married and are spending your household income on something so completely selfish (without your wife/partner knowing) then that could also be deemed as cheating in its own way. Especially as you're spending it on another woman.
I don't believe watching porn is having an affair though, and if you watch random camgirls without an emotional attachment and the money is completely yours (i.e. your wife/partner is not sharing your income and have their own means which they live off) then I wouldn't call that cheating or an affair. Nor would I call it an affair if your partner is aware and completely happy with the situation, and even it's a part of your relationship that you enjoy together.

Affair would be the wrong word though as it implies a mutual relationship. Cheating is a better word. And while I think in certain circumstances I don't see anything wrong with it, for example if you have no issues financially and are completely in control of your spending and if it doesn't effect your marriage negatively. Maybe you've grown apart sexually and fancy a bit of a thrill, or even just enjoy the interaction with a younger woman who you might not normally get to talk to. Well, life is short and there are worse things you could do.
If it were me though I would be very upset if I found out my partner were seeing a camgirl. I would consider it a relationship and cheating. I am not against being open and would be happy for him to discuss if he'd like to sleep with someone, but I think because I've worked as a camgirl I know too much of the other side of it. I know how close you get with tippers, how addictive it is and how easy it is to spend. Unless I were rolling in it I would be pretty annoyed if I had been saving and didn't do things I enjoyed and found out my partner had been spending hundreds on camsites (or anything for that matter, but camsites is like a double kick in the teeth). But perhaps I've spent too much of my life poor. And I HATE being left out

 

[Violet Dawn]

To me, it isn't really a yes or no question. The answer is, it all depends on the person.

Life isn't black and white.

 

[SaffronBurke]

For the way that I have relationships, no. Some would consider it an "emotional affair", but as someone who prefers non-monogamy, as long as it's not detracting from the attention my s/o is giving me, I would see it as them having time to themselves. I'm a pretty independent person in relationships, I don't require much emotional attention as I prefer physical intimacy, and I hate mushy romantic stuff, so if someone I'm involved with wants to satisfy things I can't provide, they're free to seek them elsewhere. Hell, even with physical stuff. When I was involved with a man who really enjoyed blowjobs, I had no problem with him getting the occasional blowjob from someone else, because I have the most ridiculously sensitive gag reflex and I just can't do it. He was communicative about it, and would occasionally tell me "so-and-so wants to suck my dick" and I'd be like, cool, have fun! When he started watching models on MFC, he told me about it and showed me some of his favorites, which was the major stepping stone of me becoming a model myself.

 

[Ambers Troll]

My view, whether it is or isn't, if finding out would have your wife acting like it is an affair, it may as well be. Labeling it correctly won't save any of us from the consequences of whatever we wish to call it.

Deliberately hiding something from a partner is generally considered to be cheating the relationship, this includes money, sexual tastes, and friendships. Independence arrangements in each of these areas are usually explicit between partners. Get that agreement from a partner and it isn't an affair.
It may be something like this for an intense cam experience;

• Each of us are permitted to spend 20% of household income on porn, masturbate over someone you dream of replacing your partner with, and to share with this person all kinds of personal details about your partners failures.

A less involved agreement may look like this;

• Each of us is permitted to dream of any sexual encounter we please without sharing it. 5% of income is completely personal. We must share with each other any encounters/ friendships that may affect our relationship.

 

[Diana Blake]

An affair, like many social taboos is often best defined by the reactions of the parties involved. Meaning, those reacting to the action determine how acceptable or unacceptable it is. Some people might considering masturbating, without visual stimuli of any kind, to be cheating simply because it can be seen as a sexual act enacted separate from their partner. Others have much broader ideas of what constitutes an affair. An affair can be many different things to different people but one of the main factors seems to be secrecy.

If you're hiding it from your partner it's probably bad. No matter what your relationship is it should be based on mutual communication and respect. This means not only sharing your day to day but also everything else. The last thing you should find yourself in in a long term relationship is "comfortable small talk" where the only things you talk about are work, or friends, or the simple overly-familiar check ins like "Did you remember your meds?" that seem like communication but don't really say much of anything. It's comfortable interactions because if a conversation is in any way uncomfortable too many people mistake it for an argument. Once it's classified as an argument there has to be a party that's right and a party that's wrong and what's the old punchline? "And that's when the fight started..."

Due to this reluctance to have difficult or off putting conversations simply because they might feel like a fight is why, in my personal opinion, so many people seem to keep their "perving" habits a secret. In an ideal relationship there shouldn't be an issue talking about sexual subjects. Hopefully you've had quite a bit of sex and know what either are into and want each other to be happy so you're willing to talk about things. However, ideal relationships concerning sex aren't always the norm. The amount of times I've been asked by strangers on the internet "How do I tell my spouse/significant other that I'm into X, Y, Z?" more than proves it. We live in a world that doesn't encourage sexual communication as much as it should and that really sucks because it causes situations where you really do have to ask "what is cheating?" simply because it's one thing to one person and entirely another to someone else.

Unfortunately, there's no definitive answer to the OP question. The only real option is: talk about it with who you're with and find boundaries that everyone involved is comfortable with.

And as a side note: (because I've personally dealt south this and I know many others have too) don't ask your favorite camgirl to justify your actions if you're keeping a secret from your SO. It sucks being in that position. We're the fantasy, not the moral compass.

 

[Ambers Troll]

We're the fantasy, not the moral compass.

Awesome!... Love it.

When it comes to fantasy the model is magnetic north though.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

An Affair...is Something To Remember.

 

[DonaDiabla]

Actually, it depends on the person's interaction with the cam model period. It also depends on what cheating means in that person's relationship. By the way, being a side chick is kind of different than being a mistress. Well at least in my culture, being a side chick is just being someone second girlfriend and is not seen as a big deal. In fact, most people in my family have 6 to 10 side people a piece. Being a side chick is not really seen as anything in particular. However, being a mistress involves a little more of financial, emotional, and sexual stake. For example, being married man's mistress involves him paying for your expenses, room plus board, kinky sex and getting gifts. Well, at least in my culture that is what married men do for their mistresses.However, you make an arrangement to stay available for him but it is different from being a sugar baby.
Being a mistress means that you have to be an emotional and sexual outlet for married man. You get roses and diamonds for your birthday but you get nothing else. He does not visit you during the holidays nor take you to family friendly places. He does not love you nor you him. However, you make this arrangement to have an affair and it is huge commitment. Sugaring has more freedom than being a man's or woman's mistress. Being a mistress is totally different than being seen as sexual entertainment. Cam models are sexual entertainment for the most part. So, we are not mistresses but mastbration aids and sexual entertainers only.

Judging from the movie "Bad Moms" (if you saw the scene, she left her husband who has been cheating on her with a cam girl via the internet), and from some of the very nice married people I have talked to on some sites...would you consider interacting with a cam girl actually having an affair?

Yes, you can say watching porn is "cheating" in a way. What I'm talking about is the affair where your mistress is actually your side "girl friend." How can it be considered an affair if you guys never even met up in person to have real sex?

Just curious about what others think

 

[Tristyn]

Like other people have said: if it involves lying or sneaking around your partner, I'd consider it a form of cheating. Maybe not an 'affair', but certainly deception. I'm in a completely polyamorous/open relationship, and I'd still tell my husband if I was engaging in just-for-fun online play.

 

[nunu]

i think having relaytionshipz that r secret frum ur other relaytionshipz iz = having an affair . liying = not luhv in a relaytionship ,, honestee iz essential for trust ,, trust = friend

 

[AmberCutie]

i think having relaytionshipz that r secret frum ur other relaytionshipz iz = having an affair . liying = not luhv in a relaytionship ,, honestee iz essential for trust ,, trust = friend

Seriously if you'd like to participate in conversations like this you MUST stop typing like that. I really just can't take you seriously at all and I'm positive I'm not alone on that.

 

[AmberCutie]

i think having relaytionshipz that r secret frum ur other relaytionshipz iz = having an affair . liying = not luhv in a relaytionship ,, honestee iz essential for trust ,, trust = friend

Let me show you how to type this properly:

I think having a relationship that's a secret from your other relationship is having an affair. Lying is not love in a relationship. Honesty is essential for trust and trust is your friend.

 

[JuliaStorm]

Judging from the movie "Bad Moms" (if you saw the scene, she left her husband who has been cheating on her with a cam girl via the internet), and from some of the very nice married people I have talked to on some sites...would you consider interacting with a cam girl actually having an affair?

Yes, you can say watching porn is "cheating" in a way. What I'm talking about is the affair where your mistress is actually your side "girl friend." How can it be considered an affair if you guys never even met up in person to have real sex?

Just curious about what others think

I believe that any kind of investment in a person of opposite sex(or same sex if you are bisexual or gay) that you hide from your partner is cheating.

If that partner knows about it and accepts it at some degree or entirely, I would say that is another thing.

I am personally for girl boy girl threesomes as long as it's discussed and established between all parties. No secrets, no games.

This is strictly my view and my way of doing things in a relationship, full disclosure, acceptance, compromises, sharing and I expect the same from my partner.

Hope it helped.

 

[Mikachu_MFC]

I didn't vote because I don't think it's that black and white, but I say Probably. Every relationship has different rules are there are some that are open, that some are don't ask don't tell about making out or flirting or sex, or some that wouldn't mind emotional infidelity as long as it wasn't physical.

My rule goes kind of like this: If you think you might be cheating, you probably are.

 

[itsDaphne]

What does and doesn't count as cheating will differ from relationship to relationship, as everyone has different boundaries. That said, if you're up to something that you think your partner may not approve of...you're probably cheating.