How to accommodate work and private life?

[Marceline]

I should better see with her what she's ready to do.

She asked me to come at the end of the year

She’s already told you what she wants to do.

 

[ArizonaDream]

but you said...



im starting to doubt you even have a girlfriend.

"Came" and "was" = past. Now the situation is different.

When I said "a few tippers" i meant "some tippers.

Sorry for my English

 

[ArcticKitty]

Hmm...Let's see, an older man from another country is taken with me and wants to visit me. He seems nice.

Yeah, ok, I could give him a nice GFE for a few days and be wined and dined, show him some of the local sights maybe, do my Kegels while watching the ceiling or headboard back in the hotel room, etc,..

This is all hypothetical, of course.

 

[MarieElise]

Hmm...Let's see, an older man from another country is taken with me and wants to visit me. He seems nice.

Yeah, ok, I could give him a nice GFE for a few days and be wined and dined, show him some of the local sights maybe, do my Kegels while watching the ceiling or headboard, etc,..

This is all hypothetical, of course.

Often I wish you were a model too, to chat back in MO, you have such good takes on stuff!

 

[ArcticKitty]

Often I wish you were a model too, to chat back in MO, you have such good takes on stuff!

The thought has occurred to me, as I'm sure you've guessed.

 

[MarieElise]

The thought has occurred to me, as I'm sure you've guessed.

Oh cool. Haha no, I had not guessed. But if I were sharper, I definitely should have. It's definitely a big decision, to be taken seriously, and thought through thoroughly.
You do have great takes on stuff, and appear to have really great and realistic boundaries too.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Hmm...Let's see, an older man from another country is taken with me and wants to visit me. He seems nice.

Yeah, ok, I could give him a nice GFE for a few days and be wined and dined, show him some of the local sights maybe, do my Kegels while watching the ceiling or headboard back in the hotel room, etc,..

This is all hypothetical, of course.

Are you trying to say that her feelings are not genuine? I know what we have lived and she would have literally no interest to stay with me if she was playing a game

 

[ArcticKitty]

Oh cool. Haha no, I had not guessed. But if I were sharper, I definitely should have. It's definitely a big decision, to be taken seriously, and thought through thoroughly.
You do have great takes on stuff, and appear to have really great and realistic boundaries too.

Thank you so much, EliMarie! Coming from you, I'm warmed and flattered.

 

[AudriTwo]

"Came" and "was" = past. Now the situation is different.

When I said "a few tippers" i meant "some tippers.

Sorry for my English

but it was some and now more. the situation is different, but was relevant to mention? dude you cannot keep your story straight.

 

[ArizonaDream]

but it was some and now more. the situation is different, but was relevant to mention? dude you cannot keep your story straight.

Well, I think I should better find a forum using my language lol.

She barely got any tokens during the first days / weeks and now she has some tippers including a big one. They all came recently. I hope it's more clear.

 

[Danigirl]

Really doesn't matter how her business is if she said to wait til end of year. No matter what theories you can throw at how her cam biz is going on why she wants to wait, she told you to wait til end of year. Something else is more important now or she's blowing you off/putting you on back burner.

Something is more important than you at this time. Could be financial survival, could be she's not into you as much as you think. Take that however you want and it is what it is.

 

[Marceline]

Are you trying to say that her feelings are not genuine?

I know this wasn’t in response to me, but I went back and re-read everything you posted a month ago. And this jumped out at me:

The situation is even more uncomfortable for me knowing that we are in the process of living together but it will only be possible in a few weeks.

To sum up everything thus far (to make sure I got everything right and also for anyone who doesn’t want to read through all the previous posts):

You met your girlfriend on a camming site. She was a model and you were one of her regulars. The two of you started dating and for some reason unspecified here, she quit camming. A few months ago, she went back to camming. You initially posted here because you had an issue with her being tipped offline and getting “just because” tips, as well as talking to members while she wasn’t camming. During your initial posts, you said the two of you were going to move in with one another soon. You also made claims that most cam models try to get their members to fall in love with them. But, you believe that everything between the two of you is real.

Now, a month later, the two of you haven’t moved in with one another, but you were supposed to visit her soon after not seeing her for months, and she is saying she doesn’t want you to come until the end of the year, because she is now beginning to make more money camming.

I believe all that is correct, right?

If what you’re saying is true (because I’m also beginning to doubt this girlfriend exists), then it sounds like a love con or that she is looking for someone to marry to get out of whatever circumstances she is in. If you’ve been as overbearing in person as you have portrayed yourself in your posts here, and it is a love con, she could be keeping you around until/if she finds someone better. If it’s not a love con and she does exist, then she probably wants a break from how overbearing you seem to be.

And there’s always the possibility, if everything you have said is true, that she wants to just hustle and make her money and pay her bills without you interfering with that.

 

[Ozzie_]

So you too you think that she should still favor our relationship over her work even if she started recently and wants to grow her business? I'm willing to be understanding and give her time for her business, but not if it results in a loss.

If she started recently, then I imagine it is quite likely that a sudden 2 week absence may well adversely affect her number of followers and therefore her income.. you know... how she feeds herself and pays her rent etc.

Mate, it's a bummer that she needs to reschedule your visit, but if she needs to.. then she needs to.

And i am sure it's been said before, you should be discussing all this with her, not us

 

[Catwave]

Taking days off for a cam model is not as simple, being consistent is KEY for this job specially if she started again recently, and we often have to postpone family/friends until we can plan some days off, our partners should be the most expected to understand and support us on this one since the emotional weight can get too much. Planning days off it's something that has to be prepared carefully.

To me it seems absolutely reasonable that she wants to keep working consistently for the rest of the year, it's a great plan to build a loyal audience with good tippers.

EDIT: by "emotional weight" I mean our loved ones insisting on spending time with. It's unnecessary stress. Personally I get really anxious when I know I could be working or when there's someone waiting for me to log off. Let her plan things the way she feels comfortable.

 

[inertvolcano]

Taking everything at face value here, overall the vibe I'm getting is that you want to be more important than her work, and you're not. So your choices are to make peace with that or move on.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Are you trying to say that her feelings are not genuine? I know what we have lived and she would have literally no interest to stay with me if she was playing a game

I don't know what her feelings for you are, only she does. What I am saying right here and now is that I don't think that your relationship with her is going to end well. I'm just going from what you have said in this thread and what typically happens. I think that every woman reading this is thinking the same.

Is she playing you? I don't know. I certainly would suspect it. Even if she isn't playing you, her expectations are probably different from yours and there are things about her life that you don't know.

My post above about having a weekend or week long fling with someone is something that I might consider. If I lived in Medellin (or Bucharest or wherever) then I would very likely do it and give him a fantasy time and have a holiday of living well.

 

[ArcticKitty]

Well, I think I should better find a forum using my language lol.

That isn't the problem. You came asking for advice. But do you really want it or do you really want affirmation and reassurance?

 

[ArizonaDream]

I know this wasn’t in response to me, but I went back and re-read everything you posted a month ago. And this jumped out at me:



To sum up everything thus far (to make sure I got everything right and also for anyone who doesn’t want to read through all the previous posts):

You met your girlfriend on a camming site. She was a model and you were one of her regulars. The two of you started dating and for some reason unspecified here, she quit camming. A few months ago, she went back to camming. You initially posted here because you had an issue with her being tipped offline and getting “just because” tips, as well as talking to members while she wasn’t camming. During your initial posts, you said the two of you were going to move in with one another soon. You also made claims that most cam models try to get their members to fall in love with them. But, you believe that everything between the two of you is real.

Now, a month later, the two of you haven’t moved in with one another, but you were supposed to visit her soon after not seeing her for months, and she is saying she doesn’t want you to come until the end of the year, because she is now beginning to make more money camming.

I believe all that is correct, right?

If what you’re saying is true (because I’m also beginning to doubt this girlfriend exists), then it sounds like a love con or that she is looking for someone to marry to get out of whatever circumstances she is in. If you’ve been as overbearing in person as you have portrayed yourself in your posts here, and it is a love con, she could be keeping you around until/if she finds someone better. If it’s not a love con and she does exist, then she probably wants a break from how overbearing you seem to be.

And there’s always the possibility, if everything you have said is true, that she wants to just hustle and make her money and pay her bills without you interfering with that.

Yes you summarized it well. But I'm sure I have not been victim of a lovecon. I was the reason she quit camming cause she deeply fell in love for me and my financial situation has nothing to do with that. She didn't ask me for money even if she knew that I would help her if she needed it. We decided to meet because of the extraordinary feeling we had and nothing else.

However,

I have noticed a change in her attitude since she started working again and even more when this tipper who is constantly showing her how wealthy he is entered the room. She told me later that him and other guys as well tried to offer her money to make her theirs. And this happens daily with different guys each time.

It's really tiring for me who is at the other side of the world to hear that. She has never accepted any offer and told me that she never will cause she wants to make money on her own but who can guess how things will be after a few months talking with them? I don't know what kind of impact they will have on her.

I don't want to put any barrier on her job but I also want to protect us against those people whose behavior should not exist on this kind of website.

Now it's hard to tell if she postponed our meeting because she wants to grow her business which is very possible as many here have said here or if it is because she has bad intentions now.

 

[ArizonaDream]

If she started recently, then I imagine it is quite likely that a sudden 2 week absence may well adversely affect her number of followers and therefore her income.. you know... how she feeds herself and pays her rent etc.

Mate, it's a bummer that she needs to reschedule your visit, but if she needs to.. then she needs to.

And i am sure it's been said before, you should be discussing all this with her, not us

Yes you're right mate. We are discussing about it and I'm ready to wait if it's necessary.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

She quit FOR you?

Yikes.

Honestly whether this was a love con or a situation where her feelings have changed you do not seem well matched. I think this is a bad idea. But i also think you will not listen too this advice till things have gotten much worse

 

[ArizonaDream]

I don't know what her feelings for you are, only she does. What I am saying right here and now is that I don't think that your relationship with her is going to end well. I'm just going from what you have said in this thread and what typically happens. I think that every woman reading this is thinking the same.

Is she playing you? I don't know. I certainly would suspect it. Even if she isn't playing you, her expectations are probably different from yours and there are things about her life that you don't know.

My post above about having a weekend or week long fling with someone is something that I might consider. If I lived in Medellin (or Bucharest or wherever) then I would very likely do it and give him a fantasy time and have a holiday of living well.

Yeah, you might be right or wrong, I don't know. Time will tell if she has been honest with me or no. It could also be possible that she didn't play with me until she started working again which was my fear and the reason why I said that this job could kill relationships.

 

[ArizonaDream]

She quit FOR you?

Yikes.

Honestly whether this was a love con or a situation where her feelings have changed you do not seem well matched. I think this is a bad idea. But i also think you will not listen too this advice till things have gotten much worse

That's what she said yeah. What makes you think that we don't seem to match well exactly? We have many things in common and a similar personality but I'm not going to enter into the details. However I'm ready to listen any advice.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

That's what she said yeah. What makes you think that we don't seem to match well exactly? We have many things in common and a similar personality but I'm not going to enter into the details. However I'm ready to listen any advice.

Because you're deeply uncomfortable with her choices. You're trying to manipulate and control how she works and having to come to a forum to ask how to manage your own issues with it but you have yet to meet in person. If she quit "for you" entirely of her own choice that's a red flag. If you pressured her to quit that's a red flag. She told you she quit for you then reversed that decision. Red flag. This is a relationship that at worst is a love con and at best is toxic and doomed.

Gl hf

 

[ArcticKitty]

Yeah, you might be right or wrong, I don't know. Time will tell if she has been honest with me or no. It could also be possible that she didn't play with me until she started working again which was my fear and the reason why I said that this job could kill relationships.

Here we go again..

 

[AudriTwo]

have you tried treating her work like any job yet?

 

[ArcticKitty]

have you tried treating her work like any job yet?

Oh Audri, don't you know that the job kills relationships, corrupts the innocent, makes you lose your way as a wife and mother, and turns you lesbian???

 

[inertvolcano]

Yeah, you might be right or wrong, I don't know. Time will tell if she has been honest with me or no. It could also be possible that she didn't play with me until she started working again which was my fear and the reason why I said that this job could kill relationships.

You are misdiagnosing the issue. The job doesn't kill relationships. People who are insecure and jealous who get involved with cam models kill relationships. People who date cam models and don't want them to be cam models kill relationships. A lot of people in this thread have tried explaining this to you. The biggest threat to the relationship is you.

 

[Ozzie_]

Yes you summarized it well. But I'm sure I have not been victim of a lovecon. I was the reason she quit camming cause she deeply fell in love for me and my financial situation has nothing to do with that. She didn't ask me for money even if she knew that I would help her if she needed it. We decided to meet because of the extraordinary feeling we had and nothing else.

She gave up camming for you? And then she started again? Obviously something has changed.

I have noticed a change in her attitude since she started working again and even more when this tipper who is constantly showing her how wealthy he is entered the room. She told me later that him and other guys as well tried to offer her money to make her theirs. And this happens daily with different guys each time.

Well, that goes with the territory for models, I think. If you are uncomfortable with it, I think your relationship will not be a happy one. Also, if she is not being honest with you, I think telling you such things might be a subtle way of telling you you need to tip her.

It's really tiring for me who is at the other side of the world to hear that. She has never accepted any offer and told me that she never will cause she wants to make money on her own but who can guess how things will be after a few months talking with them? I don't know what kind of impact they will have on her.

I'd be more curious as to why she feels a need t tell you about these guys. Or are you asking about such things? (In which case, stop asking, it is self-destructive)

You also said that she gave up camming for you? And then she started again? Obviously something has changed.

It really sounds like this relationship might not be what you think it is. And although I am a hopeless romantic, I cannot see it lasting. Any relationship (of any type) that makes you feel bad more often than it makes you feel good, is not a relationship to continue.

 

[Lilly_____]

Reminds me of a guy whom I went out with a couple times who was addicted to porn but was also utterly shocked by the fact that I was in porn.

Dude you're a user of the camsite yourself and still have all of that prejudice against her being a cam model?

I think that all of that drama can be solved with Audri's advice. Just treat it like any other job. Easier said than done? It's what we all do here.

 

[jillianna]

Because you're deeply uncomfortable with her choices. You're trying to manipulate and control how she works and having to come to a forum to ask how to manage your own issues with it but you have yet to meet in person. If she quit "for you" entirely of her own choice that's a red flag. If you pressured her to quit that's a red flag. She told you she quit for you then reversed that decision. Red flag. This is a relationship that at worst is a love con and at best is toxic and doomed.

Gl hf