Does 50 Shades Of Grey misrepresent Bdsm?

[Guy]

Ive heard that 50 Shades of Grey is abusive. I heard that in the series that Christian at times does abusive stuff like ignoring Anastasia's safe words, coercing her into to doing things she does not want to do, and other stuff that the Bdsm community would not tolerate in real life. Is this true?

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

Absolutely. /Endthread

 

[SaffronBurke]

Christian is, sadly, representative of a lot of people who call themselves doms and use that position to do exactly what he does - prey on people who are new to or entirely unfamiliar with the lifestyle. They're disgusting people and the rest of us would rather they didn't exist.

 

[SexySteph]

Yup

 

[BiancaBaker]

If you need to even ask this question you know nothing about BDSM

 

[Guy]

If you need to even ask this question you know nothing about BDSM

Sorry

 

[Gen]

Don't be sorry @Guy - it seems like you asked because you didn't know (or wanted opinions) which is perfectly reasonable & asking questions is a good thing, in my opinion!

 

[Mox]

50 Shades of Grey has made me worry so much for the women that decided to get into BDSM after they read the book or watched the movie.
Christian is abusive, manipulative, a stalker... and so many women are eating it up as if there's nothing wrong with it.

In short, to answer your question, what you are hearing is true. It would not be tolerated at all.

 

[DelTee]

I managed to read about 118 pages of this "masterpiece" (I am very persistent) and was very happy it saved me from ever watching the movie.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I have only seen the movie but I have heard a lot of discussion on the books and read articles on both sides because I was really fascinated by how popular it was and how everyone seemed to be quite passionate about whether it was abuse or sexy.

This is what I came up with:
No it's not an accurate portrayal of BDSM. Anyone who had that as their introduction do BDSM would definitely be very confused and wouldn't get what they expected if they decided to take that next step into any kind of fetish community. Christian is abusive and BDSM does not equal abuse.
No it's not garbage that's going to convince women that that is a healthy scenario. I'm turned on by the whole thing. Someone who wants to stalk you, own you, use you, abuse you. I like that. I'm also an adult who is perfectly capable of understanding that while that may be a fantasy I enjoy masturbating to it doesn't mean that I would ever tolerate such behavior in my real life.

So while I don't think it's an accurate portrayal and I do understand the concerns that people have I don't really think it deserves all of the heat it is given. It's erotica, it's porn, it's a fantasy. Fantasies, even fantasies of abusive behavior, are okay

 

[VeronicaChaos]

I have only seen the movie but I have heard a lot of discussion on the books and read articles on both sides because I was really fascinated by how popular it was and how everyone seemed to be quite passionate about whether it was abuse or sexy.

This is what I came up with:
No it's not an accurate portrayal of BDSM. Anyone who had that as their introduction do BDSM would definitely be very confused and wouldn't get what they expected if they decided to take that next step into any kind of fetish community. Christian is abusive and BDSM does not equal abuse.
No it's not garbage that's going to convince women that that is a healthy scenario. I'm turned on by the whole thing. Someone who wants to stalk you, own you, use you, abuse you. I like that. I'm also an adult who is perfectly capable of understanding that while that may be a fantasy I enjoy masturbating to it doesn't mean that I would ever tolerate such behavior in my real life.

So while I don't think it's an accurate portrayal and I do understand the concerns that people have I don't really think it deserves all of the heat it is given. It's erotica, it's porn, it's a fantasy. Fantasies, even fantasies of abusive behavior, are okay

I have neither read nor watched it, but this is pretty much my opinion on any sort of fictional entertainment. I also feel like everyone forgets how downright abusive E. Edward Grey was in Secretary. She spent like...a big portion of that movie fucked up and crying because of him.

I think it's so silly that people get mad at things not intended to be educational for not being educational. Not to mention that if anyone has any interest in bdsm all the real information about it is literally a click away. I can't say I have much empathy for those not willing to educate themselves when it's all right there.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

Edit: Nevermind. Rating removed

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Personally, I'm kinda glad the question was asked (though it's been talked about in other areas of the internet obviously). BDSM is often portrayed in a negative manner due to people being worried about people possibly being mistreated. Most who are into BDSM will tell you that their principles are that it must be sane, safe and consensual...do we have a BDSM thread? I think it'd be great to have one in the member section to discuss the topic...without 50 Shades of Grey being in the title.

 

[Gen]

I agree with Aria & Veronica, also wanted to say I saw SO many articles and discussions about safe, consensual BDSM in the wake of these books. It was kind of cool to see mainstream media discussing it and I do think it helped get the idea out that BDSM should be conducted differently than it was portrayed. To me, that's the best of both worlds - author can write whatever she wants, people come back with discussion/criticism/engagement and it prompts a conversation that wasn't happening as publicly before.

 

[Violet Dawn]

I can see why it would upset the BDSM community, as it is sort of representing them to the general population... but other than that I don't understand how people can take it for more then a fantasy. Unless they're 14 and impressionable, of course. I also don't understand why, at the time, a lot of guys seemed to associate it with a sorta dating manual. How to get arrested 101.

 

[Miss_Lollipop]

So I am active in my BDSM community and at the time it came out, there was a lot o heated diiscussion about it. I read the first book BEFORE i was aware of the controversy. At the time, it was boring.. so i didnt keep reading. It stood out as.. not really very BDSM to me but the *abusive* nature of the relationship and the way the series glorified the abuse did not really..stand out to me. As I started into reading the discussions and sitting down talking about it with friends etc, I realized 80% of the people vehemently arguing against it *had not bothered to read it*

Even my daughter in law posted stuff on facebook about it and when I asked her if she'd read it she acted like ASKING HER TO READ the thing that she had very vehement opinions about was ridiculous. My Master read all three books and refused to watch the movie, or let me pay to see it so I pirated and did a girls night with another girl from my community.

When I watched the movie, the abusive interactions were *so* much clearer to me. Maybe my brain painted different tones, or body language into scenes when I read. Not only was the movie ..pretty awful, it really really glorified abuse.

Should it be banned etc etc... no. I don't believe fiction has a responsibility to teach us how to do BDSM right. What i do wish is that .. it was made clearer that the relationship it portrayed was not the typical BDSM relationship.

In the BDSM community here we call the newbies that come into the community because of the interest in the books "Shaders". Ive seen a LOT of hatred and eye rolling and frustration directed at these people who are excited about discovering a new passion and really excited to be apart of the community and learn. I was happy to see my local group put on some '101' classes marketed and aimed at 50-shades-of-grey newbs around the time the movie came out. It was about clearing up fact from fiction... and helping people make informed decisions.

I basically see these awful books and worse movie as opportunity for the BDSM community. Yeah they're a shitty portrayal, but we can't control that. We can control our response to the questions and discussions that are brought about through the public's interaction with it.

I really am so confused how people who have not engaged with the material at all can claim to have well informed opinions. When I was studying history, we so often had to go off secondary sources - riddled with personal opinion, bias, and simple mistakes. If you (i say this in a general sense of 'you') want to engage in the debates over 50 shades of grey
You have the source material. Use it..and make up your own mind.